Man Up

  • Season 2, Ep 9
  • 11/15/2011

In an attempt to reclaim their machismo, the guys go on a Man Trip.

- ♪ SHE'LL BE...

♪ COMIN' AROUNDTHAT MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUNDTHAT MOUNTAIN ♪

♪ TALKIN' 'BOUTMOUNTAINS, Y'ALL ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE COMIN' SO HARD

♪ AROUND THAT MOUNTAIN

♪ WHEN SHE...

WHAT DO YOUTHINK SHE DOES?

COMES.

- OOH.- [chuckles]

- THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO [bleep] MUCH.

I PUT MY NAME INFOR SEVEN SONGS,

SO I'LL BEBACK UP HERE AGAIN.

- UH, YES.- WOW.

- INSTANT CLASSIC.- WOW.

- THAT WAS REALLY SCARY.- YEAH, YEAH.

- I WAS VERY SCARED THEREFOR A MINUTE.

- HONESTLY,YOU'RE LIKE A CRAZY PERSON.

- OKAY, I'M NOT CRAZY.

IT'S JUST BEENA CRAZY WEEK, ANDERS.

OKAY?

- OKAY.

- BRENT HOFFMAN DIED.

- WHO'S BRENT HOFFMAN?

- HE WAS MY FAVORITE CAT.

- YOU--YOU HAD TOPUT HIM DOWN, HUH?

- UH, NO, NO.

HE WAS EATENBY TWO OF MY OTHER CATS.

REALLY HARD TO WATCH.

- NOT HAPPENING,CHICKEN BANGER.

- OKAY, I'M JUSTGOING FOR THE BOOK, SO.

- YEAH, AROUND HERE,AFTER 7:30,

IT'S ALICE IN CHAINSOR NOTHIN'.

- OH, NOW, NOW.WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BUD?

HEY, I'M BLAKE.

I'M A HARD ROCKER TOO,SO I GET IT.

- AND I'M MARRIED,BUTT PIRATE.

- HEY.HANG ON, BUDDY.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS, HERE.NO NEED FOR THE NAME CALLING.

- [bleep] OFF, EDDIE BAUER!- YOU KNOW WHAT?

- WHOA.- I'VE GOT THIS.

YOU CAN'T TALKTO MY FRIENDS THAT WAY.

- IS THAT A FACT?- YEAH.

- I BET I CAN POURTHIS BEER ON YOUR HEAD...

LIKE THAT.

- OH!

- HEY, COME ON, THAT'S A--THAT'S A PERFECTLY GOOD MOLSON.

- HEY, [bleep]-HEAD!

TRY THAT AGAIN, AND THIS ISGONNA HAPPEN TO YOUR DICK.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S YOUR DING-DONGIN TWO PIECES!

OH, I WANT YOU TO HIT MESO BAD RIGHT NOW!

JUST [bleep] HIT ME!

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PUSSY!- YES, MA'AM. HERE.

- YES, "YES, MA'AM."

NOW, GET OUT OF HERE...PUSSY.

HERE YOU GO.

YOU WANT TOSING SOMETHING, ADAM?

- [sobs] NO.- NO.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.- IT'S OKAY.

- ADAM, COME ON.- I FEEL STUPID.

- NO, WE'RE GONNA GET--WE'LL DRY YOU OFF.

- I KNOW, HE'S VERY DUMB.- I FEEL STUPID!

THAT DOESN'T SEEM REAL.

- WE HAVE THE RIGHTTO BEAR GUNS.

I KNOW THAT'S A FACT.THAT'S ONE OF THE COMMANDMENTS.

- DUDE, IT'S THE LAW.

- IF A MANDISRESPECTS YOU IN A BAR

AND POURS A BEERON YOUR HEAD,

YOU HAVE THE RIGHTTO SHOOT THAT MAN.

- SHUT UP.

- GOD, GIMME A GUN!JUST GIMME A GUN, MAN!

- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.SO, WE CAN'T HAVE GUNS.

WE JUST NEED WEAPONSTHAT CAN KILL THINGS,

AND MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

I'VE GOT A CREDIT CARD,SO LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN.

DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE?- MM-HMM.

- IT'S PRETTY INTEN--YOU SHOULD GET ONE.

29.99 APR.NOT BAD.

PLUS, I GET DANNON POINTS.

- OOH.- I'LL BE STACKIN' DAIRY, HOMIE.

- OH, MAMA!

- DUDE, LOOK ATTHE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF THIS BOW.

THE GUY BEHINDTHE COUNTER,

HE SAID THAT THIS ISTHE SAME ONE

THEY USED TO LIGHT THE TORCHAT THE LILLEHAMMER OLYMPICS.

- OOH, NICE.

- I THINK THAT WAS MUHAMMAD ALI.- MY DAD'S GONNA FLIP.

- BUT I'M NOT SWEATING IT.

'CAUSE THIS CROSSBOW'SGONNA SHOOT A BOW SO HARD

IT'S GONNA EXPLODEA DEER'S HEAD.

- GIT 'ER DONE.

- YEAH, GIT 'ER "DUNE."

THANK YOU FOR THE VEST,BY THE WAY.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN SWAT.

COLIN FARRELL--"GET AT ME! GET AT ME!"

L.L. COOL J--"GET AT ME!"

- AND DERS, THANK YOUFOR CHARGING THIS TO THE GAME.

OH, WHAT? WHALE WARS?

JUST FRIGGIN' HARPOON GUNS?

I DON'T KNOWHOW IT WORKS YET, BUT--

- YEAH. THAT'S NOT HOW.- YEAH.

OH!- OKAY.

- WE CAN DO IT!PUT SOME GLUTE INTO IT!

- YEAH.- HERE WE GO.

- OH, THIS IS COOL!

I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T CALL AAA

AND TOOK FATEINTO OUR OWN HANDS LIKE CONAN.

OW, OW. I GOT IT.ANCHOR.

- HOLY MOLY,LOOK AT THIS CLASSIC.

- YEAH, SHE'S PRETTY,GOT NICE LINES,

BUT NOTHING ON THE SWEDISHMEATBALL HERE.

- YEAH.

- THAT IS AMERICAN MUSCLE.THAT CAR FOUGHT IN VIETNAM.

- ALL RIGHT, MEN.

HERE'S MY CREDIT CARD.GO GET SOME MAN SNACKS.

both: YEAH.- PAY FOR THE BATTERY.

I'M GONNA GO, UH,RAP WITH THE ENGINEER HERE.

SEE WHAT HE CAN TELL ME.- YOU GOT IT.

- OH, GET SOME,UH, BEEF JERKY.

BUT NOT THE PEPPERED.I'VE GOT ACID REFLUX.

- WASH YOUR WINDOWFOR $1.57.

- ARE YOU GONNABUY BEER WITH IT?

- NO.

- OH, WELL, THEN, I'M SORRY.OUR MONEY'S ACTUALLY FOR BEER.

- I'M GONNA GET SCHNAPPS.

- YEAH, SCHNAPPS. COOL, COOL.- YEAH. AWESOME.

- WE LOVE BOOZE TOO.- A DOLLAR.

- OH, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.- NO CASH.

- DO YOU HAVE A CARD SWIPER?'CAUSE I'LL GIVE YOU--

I'LL GIVE YOU,LIKE, $1,000.

- NO.

- WE'LL LOOKFOR A HAT FOR YOU.

- YEAH.- WE'LL GET YOU A HAT.

- THAT'S WHY HOMELESS PEOPLESHOULD HAVE CARD SWIPERS.

- THEY SHOULD.

- I'D MAKE A GREATHOMELESS PERSON.

I'D JUST CARRYA CARD SWIPER.

- THANKS A LOT, MIKE.

I'D TIP YOU, BUT MY BUDDY'SGOT MY CREDIT CARD, SO.

- HEY-OH! AND THE SNACKSTERSARE BACK-DERS!

- WHOA.

- HOW WAS THE BATTERY SWAPEDUCATIONAL?

- UH, HE DIDN'TLET ME WATCH,

BUT HE'S GOTA SUPER-COOL IGUANA INSIDE.

- WHAT?- REALLY?

- YEAH, YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.- COOL.

- WHAT'D THE BATTERY RUN ME?

- MMM...I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS, LIKE, TWO,OR THREE, OR--200 BU--

I THINK IT WAS,LIKE, 100 BUCKS.

I DON'T KNOW, MONEY'SNOT A THING TO ME ANYMORE.

'CAUSE I JUSTCHARGED TO THE GAME.

- YEAH, NOW WITHTHAT CREDIT CARD,

YOU CAN GET WHATEVER YOU WANT,WHENEVER YOU WANT,

AND IT'S ALL, LIKE,FREE, BASICALLY.

- YEAH, IT'S AWESOME.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,ABOUT THE CREDIT CARD--

JUST A GUIDELINE--

- RIDE TO THE NORTH!- YEAH!

- OKAY, GOING NORTH.

- IF YOU'RE A VIKING, AND YOUSCREAM THAT WITH A BEARD,

THAT'S MANLY.- WHOO!

- WAIT.

- OH, GRAB YOUR GUNS!

GRAB YOUR GUNS!

- OH, IS THIS--IS THISTHE LITTLE GUY WE'RE GONNA GET?

- YEAH, WE'RE GONNAKILL THIS DUDE.

- JUST GET YOUR... THING.

- HOLY MOLY,SHE'S A THICK BITCH.

- SHE IS.- A WORTHY ADVERSARY.

THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA STRING UPAND GO FOR HER FIRST.

- YEAH, RIGHT, DERS.FIRST COME, FIRST KILL, BUD.

- I DON'T KNOW, GUYS.

IT'S JUST A DUDEDIVING IN A DUMPSTER.

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

- BLAKE, IT'S CUTE.IT'S A CUTE RACCOON.

DOESN'T MEANIT DOESN'T DESERVE TO DIE,

BECAUSE I'M A MAN.

- STOP SHAKINGAND TAKE THE SHOT.

- I'M NOTNERVOUS RIGHT NOW.

- I DIDN'T SAYYOU WERE NERVOUS.

- WELL, I'M NOT, THEN.

SHH, QUIET.THERE'S ANIMALS.

[tribal drums and chanting]

- OH, HEY! HEY!

[tribal chanting]

[all screaming]

- OH, MY GOD!- THAT WAS AWESOME!

- YOU SAVED MY GIRL CATCHER.- WHAT?

- THAT'S WHAT I'M CALLING MYFACE NOW--"THE GIRL CATCHER."

- HEY, CASSIE,I GOT YOU SOME CORN NUTS.

- I FEEL BADASS!

- YEAH, 'CAUSE WE AREBADASS RIGHT NOW!

THIS IS SO BADASS!

- BUT I'VE NEVER DRIVEN BEFORE.I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT.

- DERS' LIFEIS IN OUR HANDS, OKAY?

YOU GOT TO STEP UPTO THE STREETS, MAN.

LET'S JUSTCATCH UP TO 'EM.

DADDY DEMAMPWILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST.

- ALL RIGHT.

BUCKLE UP.

WE'RE ABOUT TO GET NUTS.

I GOT DRY-ROASTED, BUT THEYONLY HAD CASHEW HAL--HALVES!

YEAH! HA-HA! HA-HA!I'M DOING IT!

I'M DOING IT!- YEAH!

- HEY, YOU EVER SEETHAT JAMIE FOXX SPECIAL, UH,

I MIGHT NEED SECURITY?

YOU EVER SEE THAT?

- WHAT DO YOU THINK, DOUG?

- BO-WOW-WOW!

- [laughs]- BO-WOW-WOW!

- "I GOT THE FLAG,PLAYER, I GOT THE FLAG."

- THERE SHE BLOWS.

- AYE AYE.

[tires screech]

- YO!

THAT'S MY BUDDIES.- HEY!

- WHERE DID YOUGET THAT CAR?

CHECK IT OUT!

NO, DON'T!

- DERS SAYS THAT DUDEIS TRYING TO KILL HIM!

I'M GLAD WE MADE IT HEREBEFORE HE GOT BLUDGEONED!

- YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,

WHEN YOU GOT UNCLE BLAZERBEHIND THE WHEEL,

THINGS TEND TO GOUN-BLUDGEONED!

- HEY, WHAT'S HE DOING?- I DON'T KNOW!

I'M JAMIE FOXXAND HE'S TOM CRUISE!

- YEAH!

- GET UP CLOSE!

I'M GONNA SHOOT OUTTHE TIRE!

- YES.YOU'RE OKAY TO FIRE!

- I'M--YEAH, I'M GOING TO, OKAY?

IT'S VERY WINDY UP HERE!

- YES, I KNOW!WE'LL GET SNACKS LATER!

- I GOT--I'M NOT NERVOUS!

DAMN IT!

KEEP IT STEADYIN HERE, DUDE!

- COME ON, MAN,I'M A FIRST-TIME DRIVER.

I'M LIKE A STUDENT DRIVER,BASICALLY.

- YOU'RE DOINGA GREAT JOB, OKAY?

- YEAH, THANKS, MAN.

YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO!HERE, TAKE THIS!

- OOH, I LIKE THAT.

- ADAM, DERS NEEDS YOU.HE SAVED YOUR GIRL CATCHER.

- THANKS FOR CALLING IT THAT,MAN.

[somber music]

[slowed down]KILL SHOT!

- OKAY, DOWNSHIFT.

- NO!

[both screaming]

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