Bobby McFerrin vs. Michael Winslow

  • 03/13/2012

Jordan and Keegan debate who is blacker, and Bobby McFerrin duels Michael Winslow.

- ALL RIGHT, SO ONE OF THE WORSTPLACES TO BE A BLACK MAN...

- YES?

- IS AT A PARTY WHERE THERE'SONLY WHITE PEOPLE THERE.

- OH, YEAH.

IT'S JUST WAY TO MUCH PRESSURETO PROVIDE ALL OF THE FUN.

- YES!

OH, YOU CAN'T--- WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

- YOU CANNOT CROSSTHE DANCE FLOOR AT ALL.

IF I NEED A DRINKAT ONE OF THESE PARTIES,

I WILL GO AROUND THE PERIMETEROF THE PARTY.

'CAUSE YOU KNOWIF YOU GO THROUGH THIS,

YOU WILL HAVE A GROUPOF WHITE PEOPLE AROUND YOU

TALKING ABOUT, "GO, JORDAN!GO, JORDAN! GO, JORDAN!"

- THAT'S TRUE.

AND THAT USED TO HAPPEN TO ME

ALL THE TIMEWHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL.

I NEVER EVEN NOTICED UNTIL ONEOF MY FRIENDS--A WHITE FRIEND--

I WAS, LIKE, 40 MINUTES LATEFOR A PARTY ONE TIME.

AND I SHOW UP,I COME IN THE FRONT DOOR,

MY FRIEND'S LIKE,"OH, MY GOD,

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE."

THERE WAS, LIKE, A GROUPOF WHITE PEOPLE SITTING AROUND

FOR 40 MINUTES WAITINGFOR THE BLACK GUY TO SHOW UP.

- WHEN SHE DOES TALK,LIKE, YOU'RE LISTENING.

, OH, MY GOD.LAST TIME, I WAS LIKE,

"WHO ARE YOU?YOU'RE BRILLIANT."

- I KNOW.- [gasps] OH, MY GOD!

- [gasps]OH, MY GOD.

both: OH, MY GOD!- AMY, LOOK AT THAT ONE!

- OH, MEGAN!- HE IS SO CUTE.

- THAT ISTHE CUTEST F-ING PUPPY

I'VE EVER SEENIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

- OH, MY GOD,I'M JUST GONNA TAKE HIM,

AND I JUST WANNA BITEHIS LITTLE EARS OFF.

- I JUST WANNA TAKEHIS LITTLE LEGS,

AND I COULD SNACK ON 'EMLIKE CHICKEN DRUMETTES.

- YEAH, I JUST WANNA TAKEHIS FUZZY LITTLE PERFECT HEAD.

I WANNA PUT IT IN MY MOUTHAND SQUEEZE DOWN ON IT HARD

UNTIL I HAVE A PUPPY FACEDIAMOND IN MY MOUTH.

- MM, I FEEL LIKE I HAVETO WRAP HIS FACE IN A TOWEL

AND THEN BEAT ITWITH A TIRE IRON.

- I'M GOING TO BUY THAT DOG,I'M GOING DRIVE HIM TO THE VET,

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE HIMPUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.

- [gasps]OH, MY GOD.

YOU WHAT I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO?- WHAT?

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKETHAT SCRUFFY LITTLE NOSE...

- YES.- AND JUST KICK IT.

I JUST HAVE TO--- YES.

- I WOULD KICK ITUNTIL IT COMES UP ON MY SHOES

LIKE LITTLE PUPPYSNOUT SLIPPERS.

AND THEN I'M GONNA GOTO A PARTY AND EVERYONE'S LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD, WHERE'D YOUGET THOSE SLIPPERS?"

I'LL BE LIKE, "THESE AREMY FACE SLIPPERS

FROM MY ADORABLE,DUMB LITTLE PUPPY."

- THAT'S EXACTLY WHATI WAS GOING TO SAY!

- ESP!

- OH, MY GOD, I JUST WANNATAKE HIS HEAD.

I WANNA PEEL THE SKINOFF OF HIS SKULL.

- I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

- I WANNA JUST START THROWING ITUP LIKE PIZZA DOUGH.

UNTIL IT'S LONG, FLAT,AND ROUND.

I WANNA TAKE IT TO A PICNIC ANDTOSS IT AROUND LIKE A FRISBEE

AT A PUPPY-FACE-FRISBEEPICNIC!

- LET'S GET HIM!- YEAH!

- SO CUTE.- SO CUTE.

OH, MY GOD,IS IT ME,

OR IS IT LIKE TOTALLYMOSQUITO-Y OUT HERE?

- OH, MY GOD,REMEMBER THIS ONE?

HE WAS SO CUTE.- SO CUTE.

[scatting]

[scattered applause]

- AND NOW,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE MAN YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR,MR. MICHAEL WINSLOW!

- GO GET 'EM, WINSLOW.[cheers and applause]

BRING THE NOISE!BRING THE NOISE.

ANOTHER SOLD-OUT NIGHTWITH THE KINGS OF MOUTH NOISE.

I TELL YOU THOUGH,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS AUDIENCEWITHOUT WINSLOW.

LUCKY FOR YOU, HUH?

THOSE POLICE ACADEMY FANS.

LOOK AT ALL THE T-SHIRTS.

SIX SEQUELS.CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

EVERY SOUND EFFECTTHIS GUY MAKES

IS LIKE A LITTLE, TINY MONA LISA POPPING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIM DO

THE WALKINGTHROUGH THE LEAVES

IN THE FALLWHILE EATING AN APPLE--

[applause]

- [takes a deep breath]

[grunts]

[imitates squishing]

[imitates wiping]

[imitates squishing]

[imitates wiping]

[imitates squishing, wiping]

[imitates drinking]

[gulp]

- [scatting]

- [imitates wiping]

- [imitates whirring]

- [imitates whip]

- [squeals]

[scatting]

WHEW!

[vocalizing dramatic music]

WHEW!

- SHING.

TING, TING, TING.- [continues vocalizing]

- TING, TING, TING.

- [vocalizing]

- SHING!- [vocalizing]

- SHING!

[clicking]- WHAP!

- [imitates wobbling]

PA-CHHH!

- [vocalizing]- CHH!

- [vocalizing]

[imitates swiping, gibbering]

- [imitates swiping]- [gibbering]

- [imitates swiping]

- [imitates gun clicking,gunshot]

[blows]

- [panting]

- [imitates heartbeat]

[imitating beeping]

- [scatting]

- [imitating beeping]

[imitates flat line]

[imitating sirens]

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