Best Buds

  • Season 4, Ep 9
  • 03/19/2014

Using Karl's new legal weed connection, the guys set up their own weed and burrito restaurant, but tensions arise when Karl and Ders prove to be terrible bosses.

- FINALLY!- KARL, WHERE'S THE WEED?

- BAD NEWS, GUYS--SHE'S DEAD.

- WHAT?- SHE'S DEAD.

- WHO?- MY LIFE AS A WEED DEALER.

ALL THESE PHARMACIESHAVE BEEN POPPING UP,

RAPING AND MURDERING MELEFT AND RIGHT.

FREAKIN' PROP 8.- YEAH. WHERE'S THE WEED?

- THE WEED...

IS AT MY NEW WEED PHARMACY!

- [laughs]- WHAT?

- I'M OFF THE STREETS,

AND I'M OPERATINGOUT OF A BURRITO STAND.

- BURRITOS AND WEED?

THAT'D BE, LIKE,THE MOST AMAZING JOB EVER.

- AND THE HUMAN GENIUSIS BACK IN THE BUILDING.

- WAIT A SECOND.AND IT'S ALL LEGAL?

- YEAH, I MEAN,AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT

HOW TO FILL OUTTHESE EIGHT FORMS.

- JEEZ, LOUISE.

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WANTEDTO OWN MY OWN BUSINESS,

JUST NEVER HAD THE NUTSTO TAKE THE RISK.

- I ALSO TOOK THE LIBERTY OFHAVING A DOCTOR FRIEND OF MINE

WRITE YOU GUYSWEED PRESCRIPTIONS,

SO NOW YOU'RE LEGAL.- COOL!

- SO, BLAKE, YOU'VE GOTTROUBLE SLEEPING, MY MAN.

- UH--- WUH-OH.

- THAT'S NOT TRUE.- IT IS NOW.

AND, DERS...

YOU GOT MIGRAINES.- HEY, IF YOU SAY SO.

- AND, ADAM, YOU'VE GOT AIDS.

- I GOT AIDS![laughter]

DEADLIEST ONE!I'M GIVING YOU AIDS!

AID TICKLES.AID TICKLES.

- OH, MAN. I DON'T HAVE AIDS,THOUGH, RIGHT?

- NO.

- LEGAL WEED'SGONNA BE PRETTY COOL.

- HO!OOH, MAMA.

LEGAL WEED IS AWESOME.MM.

- HAVE YOU THREELOST YOUR MINDS?

- BUH-BAM![laughs]

- WHOA.

- IT'S OUR LEGAL RIGHTTO SMOKE WEED ON THE JOB,

'CAUSE, UH, I GET MIGRAINES.

- I HAVE--WHAT DO I--I HAVE TROUBLE SWEE--

I HAVE TROUBLE SWEEPING.

- AND I HAVE AIDS.HEARD OF IT?

- OKAY, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEA DOCTOR'S PERMISSION

TO SMOKE MARIJUANA

DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN DO ITON THE JOB.

PUT THOSE OUT NOW!

- THIS JOB IS DUMB.THIS IS STUPID.

YOU CAN SMOKE AT, LIKE, A TONOF OTHER JOBS IN CALIFORNIA.

- NO, YOU CAN'T.- YEAH, YOU CAN.

OUR GARBAGE MAN SMOKES WEED.

- YEP.- THAT'S TRUE.

- AT KARL'S JOB,YOU CAN SMOKE WEED.

- WE SHOULD JUST QUIT THIS DUMBJOB AND WORK FOR KARL, MAN.

- YEAH, THAT'S, LIKE,A GREAT IDEA.

WE COULD, LIKE, EAT BURRITOSALL DAY, SMOKE WEED ALL DAY.

THAT'S, LIKE, MY TWO FAVORITETHINGS--THAT AND MASTURBATING.

IF I COULD DO THAT AT A JOB,WE COULD ALSO MAYBE GET A JOB

AT A SPERM BANK.

- YOU DO MASTURBATE HERE.

I KNOW.WE BOTH DO.

- I'VE NEVER JACKED OFF HERE.

- OH, MY GOD,WHAT IS HAPPENING?

- ALICE, BABY,HERE'S THE DEAL.

I GUESS WHAT WE'RE SAYING IS YOUEITHER LET US SMOKE WEED,

WHICH IT'S OUR RIGHT TO DO...

- LEGALLY.- OR IT'S BYE-BYE, TELAMERICORP.

WE'RE OUT THE DOOR.

- GOOD-BYE. BYE-BYE.- OKAY?

- WORK HERE OR DON'T, 'CAUSEIT'S NO SWEAT OFF MY BALLS.

- [laughs]OKAY. OKAY.

YOU DON'T THINK WE'LL QUIT?

SAY WE WON'T.- YOU WON'T.

- WEED...- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- IS COMING UP FRONT WITH US.

- THAT'S RIGHT.- NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- GIVE ME THAT JOINT.YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.

- HEY!EXCUSE ME.

HEY! EXCUSE ME!- THAT IS UNCALLED FOR.

- WE PAY YOU TO COOK FOOD, OKAY?

NOT BAKE YOUR BRAINS.

- WE HAVE A FOOD CRITICCOMING TOMORROW.

- YES.- OKAY?

AND WE NEED YOU GUYSTO BE 'RITO PROS,

SO PLEASE GET TO THE ORDERS.

CHOP-CHOP!- CHOP-CHOP.

- NO ONE TELLS METO CHOP-CHOP.

- THANK YOU.- YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.

YOU'RE GOOD AT YOUR JOBS.

- OKAY, THAT'S IT.WHAT DO WE HAVE TO MAKE--

LIKE, SIX BURRWEEDOSOR SOMETHING?

- SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT.

- HOW DO YOU EVENMAKE THESE THINGS? STUPID.

- DERS AND KARL--THEY THINK THEYJUST KNOW EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

WELL, THEY DON'T.THEY DON'T KNOW KARATE.

THAT'S ONE THING,AND THAT'S JUST ONE THING

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.- YEAH.

- I'M A MAN OF THE PEOPLE.

I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT.

I KNOW WHAT CHICKS WANT--

A TONGUE,A LOT OF TONGUE ACTION.

[gasps]OH, MY GOD.

I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT.

- HOW DO YOU EVENFOLD THESE THINGS, MAN?

- BLAKE, I HAVE AN IDEA.- I SWEAR TO GOD, DUDE.

THOSE CHICKS AT CHIPOTLE--THEY'RE, LIKE, WARLOCKS

WALKING AMONGST US.

- BLAKE.- HUH?

- I HAVE AN IDEA.- WHAT?

- WELL, I FORGET NOW,BECAUSE YOU TOOK TOO LONG

TO ASK ME WHAT MY IDEA WAS.

- IT'S THE WEED, MAN.- IT WAS THE WEED.

- THEY SAY THAT--- IT AFFECTED--

[both laugh]CHEESE.

- WHAT?- THAT WAS IT.

GET ALL THE CHEESE.

- OOH, ALL THE CHEESE?- ALL THE CHEESE.

- I ALREADY LIKETHIS IDEA, DUDE.

- BOOP!- BAP!

- THE NUMBER TWO'S MORE--

WELL, NUMBER ONE COMESWITH ONE CHIP,

SO IT IS DIFFERENT, ACTUALLY.

- YO, SO I DON'T MEANTO BE A DICK, BRO,

BUT, DANG, WHAT'S UPWITH THAT WEEDO, MAN?

- YES, SORRY. UM, I'LL BERIGHT BACK WITH YOUR FOOD.

OKAY?SORRY.

- YEAH, WE'LL HANDLE THIS.

- COME ON, BOY, YOU GOT THIS!

GET 'EM!GET 'EM!

- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

- OH, CHECK IT OUT, MAN.

IT'S SHAQUILLE BURRIT-O'NEAL!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- IT'S THE WORLD'SLARGEST BURRITO.

WE WERE GONNA SAVE ITFOR THE CUSTOMER,

BUT THEN WERE LIKE,"THAT'S CRAZY.

WHY DON'T WE JUST--"

- SET TWO WORLD RECORDS.- YEP.

- MAKING AND EATINGTHE WORLD'S LARGEST BURRWEEDO.

THE AMERICAN DREAM JUST KEEPSGETTING MORE, LIKE, AMERICAN-ER!

- HEY!SHAQUILLE BURRIT-O'NEAL

SOUNDSREALLY FREAKIN' COOL, OKAY?

BUT WE GOT TEN HUNGRY PEOPLEOUT THERE

WAITING FOR THEIR BURRWEEDOS,

AND THAT'S REALLYNOT FREAKIN' COOL.

- HOW ABOUT YOU CHILLWITH THE TONE, LOC?

- OKAY, YOU GUYSARE OFF KITCHEN DUTY.

THAT'S A FACT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I GOTFOR YOU, BOYS? CHECK IT OUT.

FOUND IT IN THE KARL SPACETHIS MORNING.

- YEAH.- YEAH.

STREET DUTY.

- OH, YOU THINK I'M AFRAIDOF A LITTLE MASCOT ACTION?

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

- THIS IS BULLCRAP, MAN.- HOW OLD IS HE?

- I DON'T KNOW.- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WE'RE NOT WEARINGTHIS THING, MAN.

ARE YOU FRICKIN' CRAZY?

IT'S, LIKE, 100 DEGREESOUT THERE.

THIS THING'S LIKE A HOT BOX.

- BEES, PLEASE.

KEEP IT 'DRATED.

YOU'LL BE FINE.- MM-HMM.

- WE'RE OUT OF HERE, MAN.BACK TO WORK!

- YOU'RE WELCOMEFOR THE WATERS.

- THERE YOU GO!

- COME GET A BURRITO!- YEAH.

GOOD.GOOD MASCOT VOICE.

- IT'S SO FRICKIN' HOTIN HERE, DUDE.

THE WALLS--THEY'RE CLOSING INON ME, MAN.

- I'LL GET YOU.HERE, YOU GOTTA REACH--

- GET ME OUT!- I'M TRYING TO--THERE WE GO.

- [breathes heavily]- THERE YOU GO.

[coughs]- WHAT THE HELL, DEMAMP?

WHY'D YOU CAVE?- OH, I DON'T CAVE.

I BLAZE.

- WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT, MAN?

- IT'S WEED. IT'S BLAZE.I BLAZE WEED.

- NO, I KNOW WHAT IT IS, MAN...

- THERE YOU GO.- BUT WE CAN'T SMOKE THESE.

THEY'LL SEE US.

- NO, I GOT THE IDEAFROM YOU, DUDE.

EARLIER WHEN YOU SAID"HOT BOX THE SUIT,"

I WAS LIKE, "LET'S SMOKE WEEDIN THE SUITS!"

- OH.- RIGHT?

IF YOU SMOKE WEEDIN THE BURRITO,

THEY'LL NEVER KNOW.- [laughs]

- DID I LOOK COOLWHEN I JUST SAID THAT?

- NO, MAN.WE LOOK REALLY STUPID.

[beatboxing]- ♪ WE'RE LIKE

- ♪ FRESH FRESH FRESH

- BEST BUD BURRWEEDO!- [coughs]

- WHOO!- THESE MEATS ARE TASTY TREATS.

- DUDE, THIS IS RAD![laughs]

- [laughs]IT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

- BEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD, MAN.

I DON'T EVEN FEEL HOT ANYMORE.

- RIGHT?IT'S LIKE A SAUNA.

LIKE, I FEEL LIKEI SHOULD BE BUTT NAKED

WITH A TON OF MY DUDE FRIENDS

JUST RELAXING AND LOSING WEIGHT.- [coughs]

AND IT'S KIND OF HARDTO SEE IN HERE, THOUGH, HUH?

OH, WHOA.SORRY, DUDE.

AH! AH!I DROPPED THE ROACH!

AH!I'M ON FIRE!

- HEY--- [screams]

- YOU'RE GOING IN THE STREET!- HELP! [screams]

- OH, GOD.YOU ALMOST DIED.

- [screams]- BLAKE!

- ADAM!- BLAKE!

- I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, MAN!

I GOT YOU! I GOT YOU!- OH, THANK GOD.

- IT'S JUST ME. IT'S JUST ME.IT'S JUST ME.

HERE, LET'S GO THIS WAY.[horn honks, both scream]

NOT THAT WAY.THE OTHER WAY.

- AH!I'M TRAPPED IN HERE!

- OH, MY GOD.- I'M TRAPPED IN HERE!

both: AAH![horn blares]

- OH, THANK YOU, DUDE!

I COULD HAVE BEENA CORPSE BURRITO, MAN!

OH--- [screams]

- OW!- OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

LET'S GET YOUOUT OF THIS THING.

- [groans]

WHY, HELLO, THERE,MISS THANG. WOW.

- OH, DAMN.ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MISS?

- I DON'T THINK SO.MY MOUTH!

- UH, YEAH. WHAT?- IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT BAD.

- GOD. HEY.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?- NO!

- WHOA, JESUS.- WHY'S IT SMELL LIKE WEED?

- I THINK IT'S PROBABLYTHE SKUNK.

- YEAH, MAN,THERE'S A SKUNK RIGHT THERE.

- I AM SO SORRYTHAT THIS HAPPENED.

- STAY THE [bleep] AWAYFROM ME!

both: OOH.- YOU GOT A DIRTY MOUTH.

- WEE-WOO, WEE-WOO.- I LIKE THAT.

- LANGUAGE ALARM.

- I THINK WE OUGHTTO FIRE YOU GUYS

IS WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN.- YEAH.

- HEY, YOU CAN'T FIRE US, BUD!

WE ALMOST JUST DIEDIN THESE DEATH TRAPS.

- HEY, DON'T YOU SASS HIM!

- WE'LL SASS WHO WE WANT TO SASSWHEN WE WANT TO SASS 'EM.

- OH, SASSHOW IT'S GONNA BE, HUH?

- THAT'S FOR YOU, BABY!- LIKE WILL SASSO!

- LET ME SHOW YOUSOMETHING, HUH?

- THEY DON'T RESPECTWHAT WE'VE BUILT, KARL.

- MAYBE WE SHOULDSTOP SELLING WEED.

PEOPLE LIKE THE BURRITOSJUST FINE WITHOUT IT.

- STOP SELLING WEED?

YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BARF

AND THEN SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUTLIKE A CAT THAT'S BARFING!

- WE GOT A FOOD CRITICCOMING TOMORROW!

- I DON'T CARE ABOUT FOOD!

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.HE'S RIGHT. HE'S RIGHT.

- GET UP.- [grunts]

- STUPID FRICKIN'--- NO, NO, NO.

DUDE, DUDE, THEY'RE RIGHT.

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THE FOODCRITIC IS TO OUR DREAM.

- COOL.

- YOU ONCE WAS LOST,BUT NOW YOU FOUND.

- YES, SIR.

- NOW, PICK UP THE ROADKILLLIKE WE ASKED THIS MORNING.

- OH, WE'RE PICKING UPTHE ROADKILL. TRUST ME.

- WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU.WE'RE BEING COOL. WE'RE ASKING.

- I KNOW.YOU'RE SUCH COOL BOSSES.

THIS IS SUCH A BETTER JOBTHAN TELEMARKETING, GUYS.

- HEY, WHAT'S UP?WERE YOU FATALITIED BY SUB-ZERO?

'CAUSE NOWYOU DON'T HAVE A SPINE.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.UH, GET THA--GET THE SKUNK.

- I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'.- YOU DO?

EW, NO, NO, NO, NO--- OH, IT'S ALL "COAGLUGLATED."

- EW.- IT'S "COAGULEGULATED."

RINGING THE DINNER BELL.- HERE WE GO.

- RINGING THE DINNER BELL.

I'M JUST RINGINGTHE DINNER BELL.

- I WAS SAYINGWE GOTTA GET A BELL.

- DINNER IS...- YEAH. WE GOT TO GET ONE.

- SERVED.- IT IS OUR PLEASURE

TO SERVE TO YOUWHAT I WOULD ARGUE

MAY BE THE FINEST BURRITO

THIS LITTLE, PLUCKY SHOPHAS EVER WHIPPED UP.

- MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM.BON APPE-TEACH.

- OKAY.THANKS, GUYS.

- YOU GOT IT.- THEY'RE GOOD BOYS.

- SO IT'S GONNA BEABOUT 1.2 POUNDS...

- MM-HMM.- SEVEN CHIPS.

IT'S A CLASSIC COMBO.

- IT'S A GOOD WEIGHT.

UH, WAIT.HANG ON A SECOND.

UM, YEAH.THIS THING'S COLD.

THIS THING'S ICE COLD, GUYS.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT ITPIPING HOT.

THEY'RE REALLY GOODWHEN THEY'RE HOT--

- PFFT.I'LL TAKE IT, MAN.

- WAIT. IT'S--- I'LL TAKE IT.

- IT'S COLD, THOUGH.- WHAT IS THIS--

BEEF OR ASADA?- I DON'T KNOW.

- WE JUST ADDED BEEFTO OUR MENU.

AH, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

OH, THAT'S BEEF.- OH, YEAH?

- THAT WAS BEEF.YEAH. I LOVE THE BEEF ONE.

OH, EXCUSE ME.[chuckles]

- [laughs]- DRIPPING A LITTLE BIT.

- HEY, GUYS,IF WE COULD JUST GET

ONE MORE CLASSIC BURRITOOUT HERE FOR MR. DARNELL,

THAT'D BE GREAT.

- COMING RIGHT UP, BOSS!

- YEAH, GET--HOLD THAT UP.HOLD THAT UP.

SCRAPE THE MAGGOTS.- OH, YEAH.

- YOU'RE GONNA DIG--THISIS SOLID STUFF RIGHT HERE.

- [spits]- HERE, LET ME GET--

LET ME GET SOME B-HOLE HAIRS.

- [laughs]NICE. OOH, OOH.

GOOD CALL.- OOH! OOH! OH!

- OOH.- OH, HOLY MOLY.

- EW.- ALL RIGHT.

- [laughs]- SPRINKLE, SPRINKLE.

- WHAT'S THE RED SAUCE?- MMM.

- I CANNOT WAITFOR YOU TO TRY THIS.

- AND THE JUICE IS LOOSE!

ONE JUICY 'RITO.- VERY HOT--

VERY PIPING HOT.YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY.

- ALL RIGHT, AND IT'S CLASSIC?- IT'S SO CLASSIC, ANDERS.

- OH, YEAH, I'D CALL IT

AN INSTANT CLASSIC, FOR SURE.- MM-HMM.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNAFORGET THIS ONE.

- MM-HMM.- MMM.

- YEAH.[both purr]

- [laughs]- YUM.

- OH!- SO CLASSIC.

- THERE IT IS.- OH, OKAY!

OKAY, I THINKWE ALL SAW THE STEAM

SHOOT OUT OF THAT ONE--TOO HOT.

- I REALLY DON'T MIND.- NO, LET THE MAN EAT.

- LET'S JUST GET HIMANOTHER ONE.

- WHY AREN'T YOU EATING IT?DO YOU NOT LIKE THE FOOD HERE?

- I LOVE THE FOOD HERE.IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I JUST--I DON'T NEED TO EAT IT.

WHY DON'T YOU EAT IT?- I DON'T LIKE THE FOOD HERE.

- HE DOES NOT MEAN THAT.- THE FOOD HERE IS--IT'S GOOD.

IT--IT'S GOOD.SEE?

- MM.IT'S PINK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT PARTTHAT WAS, BUT...

- OOH.- MMM.

- THAT'S NOT GUACAMOLE.

both: MMM.- MM-HMM.

- MAGGOTS, ANDERS.

YOU'RE EATING MAGGOTS.

- THIS IS SO GOOD.

- WHY DON'T WE GETONE MORE BURRITO

FOR DREW DARNELL, THE MAN THATCOULD PUT BEST BUDS ON THE MAP?

- YOU'RE RIGHT.

- THAT WOULD BE AWESOME,

'CAUSE THIS ONEIS FREAKIN' BOMB.

- THE THING ABOUT THESE BURRITOSTHAT I LOVE

IS THAT YOU NEED ONE BITE,AND YOU'RE FULL.

- BOOM SHAKALAKA!

- MMM.DIG IN.

- YEAH, THE WHOLE TABLE

CAN ENJOY THAT ONE.- MM-HMM.

- SO WE'RE DONE HERE, RIGHT?

- YEAH.- SURE YOU DON'T WANT A BITE?

- SURE.- AH!

WHAT THE HELL?

- WAIT. IS THERE SKUNKIN THIS BURRITO?

- YES!- IS THERE SKUNK

IN THIS BURRITO?

- YEAH, KARL, THERE IS SKUNKIN THE BURRITO,

BECAUSE YOU TWO WERE ACTINGLIKE ASS[bleep], ALL RIGHT?

THIS WAS SUPPOSEDTO BE OUR DREAM, MAN.

WE QUIT OUR JOBS FOR THIS.NOW LOOK AT IT.

THIS PLACE SUCKS.

I HATE WORKING HERE.- YEAH.

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BEALL ABOUT WEED, BURRITOS...

THAT WAS IT.JUST TWO DREAMS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?YOU DUDES ARE RIGHT.

I WAS REALLY ACTINGLIKE THIS NUT SACK TOO MUCH.

- THANK GOD YOU REALIZE THAT.

Loading...