The One with the Clearance Issues

  • Season 2, Ep 6
  • 08/04/2015

Hosts Jonah Ray and Kumail Nanjiani welcome Aparna Nancherla, Ron Funches, Al Madrigal and Chelsea Peretti to a night of stand-up in the back of a comic book store.

Well, first of all, I just--I just want to thank Meltdownfor giving me a shot.

Um-- I'm sorry,what are you doing?

[INMAN YOUNG]You can't wear that.

[CHELSEA PERETTI]I can't wear this, why?

Because it's not cleared.

That's honestly so dumb,just because I have one logoon my head...

and then one across my torso,one on my pants, I no longer canspeak words in this room?

That means I can't do stand-up.

Like the one place whereI feel free and where no oneever judges me.

God, I'm sorry, like I just--I'm sorry to um...

I'm sorry to Jimmy Fallon,The Tonight Show.

I'm sorry, Brooklyn Nine-Nine.I'm sorry, Buzzfeed.

This is like all--

This is like-- ugh-- I can'teven make heads or tails of whatI'm supposed to feel right now.

Like most of all, I'm sorryfor you guys, the fans.

Because you really did deserveto see me tonight.

I really am one of the bestcomedians in the countryright now, and--

No, I'm not gonna laugh,I'm fucking pissed!

And you know what?

I'm not gonna take it,and guess what, Comedy Central,CCTM, right?

If you blur this,and if you blur this...

and most definitely if youblur-- if you blur thisBuzzfeed zag...

then fuck Meltdown!

Fuck Meltdown!

Fuck Meltdown!Fuck Meltdown!

Fuck Meltdown!Fuck Meltdown!

Fuck Meltdown!Fuck Meltdown!

Fuck Meltdown!

You guys are so fun!

But um, tonight you losta real one. Thank you.

Fuck this whole fucking place!

God!

That's-- that's mine!

Who chanted with her?Raise your hands, who chanted?

Agh, we're not gonnado anything.

Yeah.Who chanted? Hah-hah.

Yeah, that'd be weird, it'd belike, "Oh, yeah, it was fine."This is like fun--

Fun crowd-work thing.Who chanted?

Just raise your hand.Okay, the bit's done.

Okay, who really did it, though?'Cause we're-- we're having fun.

One thing I wasn't readyfor when I moved there...

was New York is the fashioncapital of the country...

so there's all these modelswalking around, which waskind of a bummer.

Just like feral modelswandering the streets...

that no one warns you about...

and they're always steppingout of buildings when youleast expect it.

Just like ruining your day.Just like-- agh!

And you're like, "No!I'm down here!" You know?

I don't have much.I don't know.

Models to me, feel likeself-esteem pickpockets.

Like they're fineat a distance...

but then you directly walk byone, and you're just like, "No!

"I have nothing.

"Even my personalityis the wrong shape."

People talk about New Yorkmoments...

I think it should bea separate category calledNew York Breaking Points.

Uh, I had mine a couple monthsago. I was walking in Manhattan.

I just saw a loose muffin thathad fallen on the sidewalk...

and I just kicked itreally hard!

I was like, "I didn't know thatabout myself.

"I didn't know I was a muffinkicker."

Like the top shot offin one direction...

the body kept rolling, I waslike, "Sick! Children lookaway!"

It's like, if you see something,say something.

What if it's you?

What if you're the something?