Any Given Workday

  • Season 2, Ep 211
  • 03/21/2012

Randall's new arm lands him on the DOI's intramural football team, and Callie pimps out Leonard.

TOUCHDOWN!

THREE POINTS!PUT IT ON THE THING!

ALL RIGHT, I EXPECT TO SEEEVERYONE AT PRACTICE

THIS AFTERNOON.

BUT FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BETALKING ABOUT DREAMS.

- ONE TIME I HAD A DREAMWHERE I HAD AN EGG SAC.

THEN I FERTILIZED MY OWN EGGS.IT WAS KIND OF HOT.

- I'M TALKING ABOUTOUR ASPIRATIONS.

I WANT EACH OF YOU TO WRITE DOWNYOUR DREAM.

NO JUDGMENT.

OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.

MARTIN WANTS TO BEAN EROTIC DANCER.

- WE'RE VERY FLEXIBLE.

- ERIK WANTS TO PAINT.

- ART IS THE GATEWAYTO THE SOUL.

- CROATIAN MAN: DOCTOR.WE'VE BEEN OVER THAT.

IT'S RIDICULOUS.AND DOUG WANTS TO FLY.

GREAT.

THESE ARE ALLVERY ACHIEVABLE DREAMS,

EXCEPT GOREN'S,

BUT THEY ALSO TAKE YEARS OFCAREFUL PLANNING AND PRACTICE.

YOU CAN'T JUST RUSH INTO THEM.

SO AIM HIGH BUT TAKE YOUR TIME.

CAN EVERYONE SAY THAT WITH ME?

all:AIM HIGH BUT TAKE YOUR TIME.

- TAKE MY DREAM, FOR INSTANCE.

RIGHT NOW I'M JUSTA SOCIAL SERVICES COORDINATOR.

BUT JUST ACROSS THE HALLWAYAWAITS THE OFFICE

OF THE SENIORSOCIAL SERVICES COORDINATOR.

IT'S ONLY A FIVE-FOOT WALKTO THAT OFFICE,

BUT FOR ME,IT'S A FIVE-YEAR PLAN.

[horn blows][all groan]

OKAY, GUYS, SEE YOUAT PRACTICE THIS AFTERNOON.

all: OH, MAN...[groaning]

- COME ON, GANG, BIG GAME'SJUST AROUND THE CORNER.

IT'S GREAT EXERCISE,

TEACHES TEAM BUILDING,CONFIDENCE,

AND IT IS MANDATORY.

- I GOT TO SAY, TWAYNE,IF I GAVE SOCIAL SERVICES

1,000-TO-1 ODDS,IT'D BE GENEROUS.

- I'LL PUT $1 MILLIONON SOCIAL SERVICES.

- TWAYNE, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU HEARD ME RIGHT.

- WITH THOSE ODDS,A SOCIAL SERVICES WIN NETS ME

A BILLION DOLLARS.

IT'S A NO-BRAINER.

- AS A BOOKIE,I'M COMPELLED TO TAKE YOUR BET.

- IS THERE IS A SECOND HALFTO THAT SENTENCE?

- NO, THAT'S IT.

- CROATIAN MAN,

RED, 45, HUT HUT HIKE![whistle blows]

[strains]

- DAH!

I THINK I HAVE A CONCUSSION.

- [blows whistle]GREAT JOB, GUYS.

REMEMBER,EVERYBODY TOUCHES THE BALL,

OR NOBODY TOUCHES THE BALL,GOT IT?

- 1,000-TO-1 WAS GENEROUS.

I'M GONNA LOSEA MILLION DOLLARS.

- [whimpering]

[ball squeals]

- PYAH!

- WHOA.- WOW.

COULD'VE BEEN A LUCKY THROW.

- [whimpers]

- RANDALL, THIS ISA CLOSED PRACTICE.

YOU ARE GONNA HURT SOMEONEWITH YOUR POWER

AND PIN-POINT ACCURACY.

- HEY, RANDALL!DO IT AGAIN!

- [grunting]

[all chanting]RANDALL, RANDALL, RANDALL.

- LOOKS LIKEWE GOT OURSELVES A GAME.

- MY NAME IS MR. SKEFFINGTON,AND I'M SUPER EXCITED

TO BE YOUR TEACHER'SNEW SUPERIOR.

QUESTIONS?UH, YES, MARK, IS IT?

- YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO IT IS.

LOOK, I UNDERSTANDTHE WHOLE "RINGER ANGLE,"

BUT HOW DID YOU GETMY DREAM JOB?

- TWAYNE JUST GAVE IT TO ME.

HE DOESN'T CAREWHO SITS IN HERE.

- WHO'S THE BIRD?SHE'S MY TYPE.

- OH, THAT'S JUSTMY ASSISTANT, HEATHER.

SHE COMES WITH THE OFFICE.- [giggling]

- AND I DO MEAN COMES WITH.

- I DON'T GET IT.

- MARK, YOU REALLY NEED TO TEACHTHAT LECTURE ON WINKING.

- [growls]

PUT ME IN COACH, I'M READY TOPLAY.

- LILLY.

JUST IN TIMEFOR MORNING ROLL CALL.

PLANT YOUR ASS.

- GRIMES, I KNOWI'M THE NEW GUY, SO TO SPEAK,

BUT SHOULDN'T WE BE PRACTICINGFOR THE GAME?

- THERE'S POLICE WORKTO BE DONE FIRST.

MEET YOUR NEW PARTNER.RODRIGUEZ, GET OVER HERE.

- I'M TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT.

JUST STAY OUT OF MY WAY,

AND MAYBE YOU WON'T GETYOURSELF DEAD.

- NOW GIVE HIM [bleep] BECAUSEHE DOESN'T HAVE A MUSTACHE.

- HIS UPPER LIP IS AS SMOOTH ASMY NEW BABY'S BOTTOM.

[laughter]

- BUT SERIOUSLY,YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE

ONE OF THESE THINGS, RIGHT?

IT'S CRAZILY DANGEROUSOUT THERE.

- OKAY, PIPIN' HOT CHOCOLATE POUR DEUX.

IT'S A FUN LOW-CAFFEINEALTERNATIVE TO COFFEE.

- THANKS, ROOK.

SORRY ABOUT THE FACIAL HAIRCRACK EARLIER.

IT WAS WAY HARSH, BRO.

YOU'LL MAKE A GREAT ENFORCER.

- THANKS.

AND...WHOOPSIE.

[gunshot]- AH!

- OH, MY GOD!

[sirens wailing]

- WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, ROOKIE.

WITH RODRIGUEZ DEAD,

YOU'RE OUR NEWMIDDLE LINEBACKER.

- THANKS?

- NOW, LISTEN, INTERNAL AFFAIRSIS GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

SO REPEAT AFTER ME:RODRIGUEZ WENT NUTS,

PULLED A GUN,ATTACKED YOU,

FORCING YOU TO ACTIN SELF-DEFENSE.

GOT IT? GOOD.SEE YOU AT PRACTICE.

[ahem]LILLY!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?- SWITCHING TEAMS.

I KNOW IT'S NOT REALLYIN THE RULE BOOK,

BUT IT SEEMS TO BE ALLOWEDIN SPORTS MOVIES.

I'M NO GOON, GRIMES.

I'M A SOCIAL WORKER.

- AND I'VE STILL GOTYOUR PLAYBOOK.

MURDER FORMATION, BOYS.

- YOU'RE IN AT Q.B.GIVE 'EM HELL.

- OKAY, GUYS.LILLY EXPRESS. HUT, HUT!

- [growls]- OW!

- OH, MY GOD.I CAN TOTALLY SEE BONE.

OH, MY GOD, THERE IS NO WAYTHAT'LL HEAL PROPERLY.

HUH!HEY, BUDDY, YOU'RE FINE.

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.IT'S JUST A SCRATCH.

TEAM DOCTOR!

- TEACHER, I HELP.

- OH...- MM-HMM.

- GO AHEAD, I GUESS.

- HUH.IT CALM MY NERVE.

- OH, NO!OH, MY GOD!

IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHTIT WOULD BE!

GOD, THE CONDIMENTS!OH, MY...

[groans]

- ALL BETTER.16 AMERICAN DOLLAR, PLEASE.

- NOW GET OUT THERE AND WIN.

[intense music]

[whistle blows]

- OKAY, GUYS...- IT'S TIME.

both: THE LEVIATHAN.

[crowd cheers]

[heart pumping]

- [indecipherable deep growling]

- WHEE!

[wet squelching]

- OH!

- WE SAWED YOUR GLIDER IN HALF,YOU HAIRY MIDGET.

- [whimpers]

[all shouting]

[whimpering]

[gears clicking]

- AIM FOR THE BALL.

[gunfire]

- [whimpering]

- TOUCHDOWN![cheers and applause]

[whistle blows]

[all cheer]

- HOW MANY EXTRA POINTSCAN THEY GET?

- YOU KNOW, YOU BET A LOTON A SPORT

WHOSE RULESYOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- THAT'S THE FIRST TOUCHDOWNANYONE'S EVER SCORED ON US.

YOU'RE A PANTLOADAS A COP,

BUT YOU'RE A HELLOF A COACH, LILLY.

- WANT TO GO TOWEL-SNAPSOME I.T. NERDS, SIR?

- YES, I DO.

IT'S WHAT RODRIGUEZWOULD'VE WANTED.

[sobbing gruffly]

- YOU'RE A QUACK, YOU KNOW THAT?A REAL QUACK.

THAT ARM WAS A PIECE OF CRAP.

GET YOUR LEG LOOKED ATBEFORE IT FALLS OFF, MARK.

QUACK!

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