Point Broken

  • Season 3, Ep 9
  • 04/28/2016

Adam tries to surf a dangerous wave in order to impress a woman and welcomes stand-up from Matt Ingebretson, Jen D'Angelo and Amir K.

[relaxed surf music]

- Hut.Hit it, hit it.

Give me the ball now.Hike it, yes.

- All right,come on.

- I'm open.

- Oh, shit.Oh.

- Don't you think thatwas a little out of line?

- Cool it, roach.Don't you know who this is?

It's Adam DeVinefrom "Workaholics."

You know, Boy "Broad City."

- That's right.

- I don't care.

- Game's over, kids.

Can't take up this muchbeach real estate.

Hey!Hey, hey!

Shaka, bros.

- Okay, how comewe're here out here

trying to play real sports

and you let surfers walk--do whatever they want?

- Half my businessis surfers, okay?

And these dudes just flewin because there is

a massive tropicalstorm headed this way.

- God, surfers are so sexy.

- Tell us moreabout this tropical storm.

- It's calledthe 100 year wave.

[dramatic music]

- Why do they call it that?

- 'Cause it comesevery 100 years.

- Oh, yeah,that makes sense. Yeah.

- Oh, yeah, I heard thaton Surfline.

That's crazy.

- [surfer accent] Yeah,and actually I heard that too,

on my landline.

Someone called meand told me about

what was happeningon Surfline,

so I alsoknow what's up.

- Adam, do you even surf?

- Obviously I surf.

You can tell by the voice.

Do I even surf?

- Hey, I need youto get back to work. Please?

- Bye, surfer boy.

- Looks like Daddy'sgot to learn how to surf.

I'm calling myself "Daddy" nowand I don't want that

to be weird for you guys.

[surf rock music]

- Those waves lookpretty big, Adam.

I think we should probablytake surfing lessons first.

- Matt...

we learn from our mistakes.

Remember that.

Whoo!

[grunts]

[groans]

[exhales]

[high-pitched]Lesson learned.

[theme music plays]

I have a girlfriend now.

I have a girlfriend nowand we're getting--

we're pretty farinto the relationship,

so we're doing, like, very cute,couple-y things all the time.

We went to a concertthe other night,

and they had a photo booth,

and so you got four photosin the photo booth.

So we did smiling photo,

and then we didgoofy-face photo,

and then we didkissing photo,

and then, uh,

doggy-style,and then, um...

I lost my virginityin college

on Halloween nightwhile watching a movie.

And I've learned since thenthat there's no good movie

to have onin the background of sex.

Um, I lost my virginityon a Halloween night

while watching the movie"Hocus Pocus."

Um, "Hocus Pocus" is a movieabout three witches

starring Bette Midler,Sarah Jessica Parker,

and, uh, Kathy Najimyin the role of a lifetime.

Um...

And a lot of guys cumtoo quickly

the first time they have sex,

I lasted 45 minutes outof pure stress and anxiety.

I ended up cummingwhen Bette Midler was singing

a Broadway version of"I Put a Spell On You."

Really weird--really weird night.

I did, uh--I just watchedthat movie again recently.

No joke, two weeks ago,

for the first timesince that night.

And two things happened:one, I realized, great movie.

Still totally holds up.

Very funny, very self-aware.

And two is thatI immediately got rock hard

and camewhen it started--um...

[mutters]

I've been justtrying to pronounce--

"hell-a-weh-alayo."

How fucked up are the spellingbees out here for the kids?

Just the kids, like, dude,

did you know that Indian kidscome here to train?

That's whythey're smoking everybody else.

You've seen it, and the dadis always right here,

the Indian dadwith the moustache.

Right, that fucking--

Staring at the kid, like,

"You want to go backto Calcutta, motherfucker?"

Do you know--and they're always right here--

I feel so badfor that little kid.

He's eight.

Sometimes it's sohigh-pressure,

the poor dude faints.

You've got to have seenthis video--

dude, you got to googleit when you get home, dude.

This little kid,he's in the finals, like,

"B...E...Ohh."

But he gets up and winsthe whole shit!

He wins the wholefucking thing!

If you haven't seen that,

I feel like some of you guyshaven't seen it,

so I'll do itfor you guys right now.

I'll do a little reenactment,if you will.

[laughter]

"Can I have the word, please?

"Tri-mefa-coffa-lofatees."

Shit.

I don't want to goto Calcutta.

Can--can you please...

Would you please...

take me away from my family?

I don't wantto do this shit!

Yo, I'm Amir K, man.

I'm such an idiot.

Is anyone else here

like a straight-up idiot?

Just like a classic bozoor a straight-up buffoon?

[scattered cheers]Yeah!

Oh, it's the best.

I recently gotin a car accident

'cause I got distractedby an ice cream billboard.

I was literallysitting in traffic

and there there was,like, a billboard

on the sideof the road

for, like,fudge ice cream,

and I reacted to itjust like

a hunk checking outa beach babe

in, like, an '80s comedy.

I was just like...

and then slammedinto the car in front of me.

I'm allowed to own a gun,you guys!

That's not howit should work.

That's crazy.

Help mefigure something out.

How do sharks fuck?

Like, I don't mean,like, anatomically.

Like, I get that, like,

something goes in something,gets all swishy,

quick kiss on the cheekand then bye-bye!

But, like, what I don'tunderstand is, like,

if you're a shark,

you don't know that you looklike a shark, right?

There's no mirrorsin the ocean.

So if you don't knowthat you look like a shark,

how are you gonna let somethingthat looks like a shark

put its dick in you?

That would be like ifPaul Giamatti was, like,

constantly tryingto have sex with me,

and I was like,"No, Paul Giamatti.

Get away, Paul Giamatti."

And then one day I walkedby the mirror

for the first timein my life,

and I'm Paul Giamatti.