August 5, 2015 - GOP Candidates & AP American History Debate

  • 08/05/2015

Donald Trump's craziness reigns supreme in the GOP, and Larry discusses a battle over American history curriculum with Jerrod Carmichael, Craig Robinson and Ricky Velez.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

LET ME TELL YOU GUYS, THERE ISNOTHING LIKE GETTING A ONE

PERSON STANDING OVATION.

THANK YOU, SIR.

(BLEEP)ING AWESOME, MAN.

ONE GUY IS GOING, LARRY.

I AM LARRY WILMORE.

OH, TONIGHT COMEDIANS CRAIGROBINSON AND JERROD CARMICHAEL

WILL JOIN US ON THE PANELTONIGHT.

VERY EXCITING.

VERY EXCITING.

HILARIOUS.

BUT FIRST I'D REALLY LIKE TOTAKE A MOMENT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE

MAN WHO MADE THIS SHOW HAPPEN,JON STEWART.

>> TOMORROW JON WILL HOST HISFINAL DAILY SHOW AND I WANT TO

SALUTE HIM FOR A TRULYREMARKABLE RUN.

I MEAN HE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHINGLINED UP AT THE MOMENT BUT JON'S

BROTHER-IN-LAW MANAGES ABENNIGAN'S BACK IN JERSEY, I AM

JUST SAYING.

HE SAYS THEY MAY HAVE SOMEOPENINGS AT THE END OF AUGUST

WHEN KIDS GO BACK TO COLLEGE SOMAYBE THAT WILL TURN INTO

SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT AS A VIEWER, I AM GRATEFULFOR ALL THE LAUGHS AND SANITY HE

HAS PROVIDED OVER THE YEARS.

AND AS A PERFORMER I AM GRATEFULTHAT HE HAD THE CONFIDENCE TO

ENTRUST ME WITH THIS SHOW.

AND AS A CITIZEN, I AM REALLYGRATEFUL FOR ALL HE'S DONE

HELPING GET HEALTHCARE TO OURVETERANS AND 9/11 FIRST

RESPONDERS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANKYOU, JON.

WE ARE GOING TO MISS YOU, BUDDY

WE REALLY ARE GOING TO MISS YOU,AND JON, IF YOU EVER WANT TO

COME TO A TAPING, YOU KNOW, ANDHANG OUT, RIGHT? JUST VISIT THE

NIGHTLYSHOW.COM/TICKETS.

AND I GUARANTEE THEY WILL HOOKYOU UP, JON.

THEY WILL HOOK YOU UP!

>> ALL RIGHT.

OH.

I AM SO EXCITED YOU GUYS, TIMETO GET INTO TONIGHT'S ELECTION

COVERAGE.

WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THEUNBLACKENING? I KNOW, I AM

ACTUALLY GIDDY TODAY.

AS THE SPECIAL DAY.

IT IS CRAZY WHAT THE (BLEEP) ISDONALD TRUMP GOING TO DO DEBATE

DAY EVE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: THAT'S RIGHT.

MAN, THE FIRST REPUBLICAN DEBATEIS TOMORROW NIGHT.

MAN, I AM SO EXCITED, LITERALLYI CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT,

I FEEL LIKE THE LEATHER PANTS ATA LENNY KRAVITZ CONCERTS.

OKAY.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

A COUPLE OF THINGS.

NUMBER ONE, THAT ACTUALLY DIDHAPPEN.

WE DIDN'T MAKE THAT UP.

NUMBER TWO, I CANNOT NOW UNSEEIT.

WHY DID HE HAVE TO SHOW IT AGAINAND AGAIN? WHY DID HE DO THAT?

BY THE WAY THAT HAPPENS WHEREVERLENNY KRAVITZ GOES.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS -- HEWAS AT AN OLIVE GARDEN, ALL HELL

BROKE LOOSE.

DON'T TOUCH IT, IT IS NOT ABREAD STICK, KIDS.

I AM JUST HERE TO REPORT THEINFORMATION.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT ANYHOW, SPEAKING OF DICKSTRYING TO GET AIRTIME, --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: OH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHO MADE THE FINAL COUNT FOR THEDEBATE? THE HOTTEST TICKET IN

THE COUNTRY IS NO LONGERAVAILABLE.

YES, IT'S A SOLDOUT SHOW INCLEVELAND, THIS IS THE LINEUP,

TRUMP, BUSH, WALKER, HUCKABEE,CARSON, CRUZ, RUBIO, PAUL,

CHRISTIE AND KASICH.

WHEW, I AM OUT OF BREATH.

>> Larry: OH, CAROL COSTELLO,YOU ARE OUT OF BREATH? WELL,

YOU COULD HAVE SAVED YOUR BREATHAND STOPPED AFTER TRUMP.

BECAUSE THAT'S ALL THAT I CAREABOUT.

AND WHILE DONALD TRUMP MAY HAVEA MONOPOLY MY ON AMERICA'S

INTEREST AND THE RICHES OF THEACTUAL MONOPOLY MAN HE DOES NOT

HAVE A MONOPOLY ON CRAZY, INFACT HIS CRAY-CRAY SEEMS TO BE

AFFECTING ALL THE OTHERCANDIDATES, HAVE YOU NOTICED

THAT? THEY SEEM TO BE UPPINGTHEIR CRAY-CRAY JUST TO GET SOME

ATTENTION.

SHOW US WHAT I MEAN, FORMERLYTHOUGHT TO HAVE BEEN THE

CRAZIEST CANDIDATE TED CRUZ.

♪>> MMMM, MACHINE GUN BACON.

>> Larry: OH, TED CRUZ.

THAT SEEMS SO REASONABLE TO MENOW.

I MEAN THE BARREL DOES GET KINDOF HOT.

RIGHT? I MEAN WHY WOULDN'T YOUPUT SOME BACON ON IT, RIGHT? I

WISH YOU WERE THE CRAZIEST ONE,BUT YOU ARE NOT.

SO STOP IT.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT TRUMPSAID? HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO

GET THE BLACK VOTE.

OH, MY GOD! OH, AH, HA, HA, HA.

OH (BLEEP)! THAT IS SO(BLEEP)ING CRAZY.

HE JUST TRUMPED YOU! I AM, IMEAN THE MACHINE GUN BACON DID

LOOK A LITTLE TASTY. THAT'S THEMOST SURPRISING MEAT I'VE

EVER SEEN ON VIDEO, BY THE WAY.

>> BESIDES THAT, BESIDES THAT,OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

IT IS THE SECOND MOSTSURPRISING.

OH WHAT OTHER CANDIDATE ISUPPING THE CRAY-CRAY.

>> YOU SAID I LIKE TO PUNCH THEMIN THE FACE.

AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL WHODESERVES A PUNCH IN THE FACE.

>> OH, THE NATIONAL TEACHERSUNION.

>> I HAVE USED BIRTH CONTROL ANDNOT JUST THE RHYTHM METHOD,

OKAY? SO, YOU KNOW, MY CHURCH,MY CHURCH HAS A TEACHING AGAINST

BIRTH CONTROL DOES THAT MAKE MEAN AWFUL CATHOLIC?

>> Larry: NO.

IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU AN AWFULCATHOLIC.

IT MAKES YOU AN AWFULTOASTMASTER.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE EATING.

AND IT IS NOT JUST ME WHO FEELSTHIS WAY ABOUT CHRIS CHRISTIE,

HIS OWN SUPPORTERS HAVE HARDENEDAGAINST HIM.

>> THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.

THANK YOU, JEB, THANK YOU.

>> SO THEY TURNED AGAINST HIMNOT FOR IMAGINING HIM HAVING SEX

BUT FOR ACTUALLY SEEING HIMDISPLAY AFFECTION.

>> I CAN'T GET THE PICTURE OUTOF MY MIND AFTER SUPER STORM

SANDY WHEN OBAMA LANDED IN NEWJERSEY AND HE JUST CUDDLED UP

RIGHT, RIGHT UP TO HIM.

>> I NEVER FORGIVE HIM FORHUGGING OBAMA.

>> IT WAS A SHAKE DOWN TO GETMORE MONEY.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO EMBRACEHIM.

SHAKE HIS HAND.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

THESE PEOPLE DON'T FORGIVE CHRISCHRISTIE FOR HUGGING THE

PRESIDENT.

DURING A NATIONAL CRISIS.

IT'S A HUG, PEOPLE.

I MEAN, ARE THEY WORRIED THATCHRIS CHRISTIE IS GOING TO CATCH

BLACK IF HE GETS TOO CLOSE? RIGHT? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE

SENSE.

GUYS, GUYS, LOOK, I HAVE SAID ITBEFORE, AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN,

BLACK IS 100 PERCENTNONCOMMUNICABLE.

YOU CAN'T CATCH IT FROM HUGGINGOR KISSING OR SITTING ON A

TOILET SEAT.

PLEASE READ MY PAMPHLET.

MYTHS ABOUT CATCHING BLACK, APREVENTION GUIDE FOR TEENS AND

GOP CANDIDATES.

PLEASE.

OKAY.

SO HERE'S THE PROBLEM.

CANDIDATES NOT ONLY CAN'T OUTCRAY TRUMP, THEY CAN'T EVEN OUT

CRAY THE AUDIENCE WHO'S VOTINGFOR TRUMP.

AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY TOTRUMP'S AUDIENCE THEY WILL NOT

LISTEN TO YOU.

>> HE CHANGED HIS VIEWS LIKE HECHANGES HIS UNDERWEAR.

SIX OUT OF TEN PEOPLE, SIX OUTOF TEN INDEPENDENTS ALREADY SAID

THEY WILL NOT VOTE FOR DONALDTRUMP.

>> I DON'T CARE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

>> HE DONATED TO HILLARY.

>> I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE.

>> HE DONATED TO SCHUMER.

>> I DON'T CARE.

HE DONATED TO ALL OF THESEDEMOCRATS.

>> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILLSOMEONE LET HODOR SPEAK, PLEASE?

I AM JUST SAYING.

IT IS VERY UNFAIR.

I WANT TO FIND OUT HOW HE FEELSTRUMP DOES ON GIANT ISSUES.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WAITING PERIODSFOR THOSE SPIKY BALLS THAT YOU

SWING AROUND ON A CHAIN.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW.

SORRY, HODOR, YOU WILL HAVE TOWAIT.

ALL RIGHT, TRUMP SUPPORTER ISFINISHED BEING MAD ABOUT, WHAT

IS SHE MAD ABOUT AGAIN?.

>> THE OTHER REPUBLICANS BETTERSTOP MAKING FUN OF HIM BECAUSE

THEY MADE FUN OF RONALD REAGANAND I BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP COULD

POSSIBLY BECOME THE NEXTPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

OF AMERICA.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS THEPART THAT ACTUALLY SCARES ME.

OKAY? IT WOULD BE EASY FOR METO STEREOTYPE TRUMP'S SUPPORTERS

AS DUMB STUPID VOTERS WHO AREN'TPAYING ATTENTION TO ISSUES AND

ARE JUST REACTING EMOTIONALLY.

BUT IT IS POSSIBLE THEY COULDJUST BE LIKE THE JOKER AND JUST

WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.

I DON'T KNOW:I DON'T KNOW.

>> BUT THAT'S WHY THE REPUBLICANDEBATE IS SO IMPORTANT.

IF THE JOKER WINS TOMORROW ANDBECOMES MORE POPULAR AND

CONTINUES TO RISE IN THE POLLS,THE JOKE JUST MIGHT BE ON US.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I AM HERE WITH MY PANEL.

NIGHTLY SHOW CONTRIBUTOR, RICKYVELEZ.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: HIS NEW SHOW, THE

CARMICHAEL SHOW PREMIERS ON NBCON AUGUST 26TH, COMEDIAN AND

ARGUMENT JERROD CARMICHAEL.

AND THE STAR OF THE NEW SHOWMR. ROBINSON, WHICH CAN BE SEEN

WEDNESDAYS ON NBC, COMEDIAN ANDARGUMENT, VERY FUNNY MAN, CRAIG

ROBINSON.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: SO THERE ARE SOME

CHANGES GOING ON IN HIGH SCHOOLADVANCED PLACEMENT COURSES.

LAST YEAR THE REPUBLICANNATIONAL COMMITTEE SLAMMED THE

COLLEGE BOARD FOR PUSHING WHATTHEY CALLED CONSITENTLY NEGATIVE

FOCUS ON AMERICAN HISTORY.

THE CULTURAL CONSERVATIVESPUSHED FOR AP U.S. HISTORY TO BE

MORE PATRIOTIC AND EMPHASIZE,THEY WANT TO FOCUS ON AMERICAN

EXCEPTIONALISM RATHER THANAMERICA'S FAULTS.

OKAY? AND REPUBLICAN CANDIDATEIN FACT, BEN CARSON HAD THIS TO

SAY ABOUT SOME OF THE CHANGES.

>> I MEAN I THINK MOST PEOPLEWHEN THEY FINISH THAT COURSE

THEY WOULD BE READY TO GO SIGNUP FOR ISIS.

>> OKAY.

SO IS FOCUSING ON JUST THE GOODPARTS OF OUR HISTORY, IS THAT

GOOD FOR KIDS? OR IS THAT LIKE,YOU KNOW, LIKING KRIS BROWN BUT

FOR GETTING ABOUT HIS PAST? IMEAN --

>> WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

WE CAN'T REMEMBER AMERICA THEWAY WE REMEMBER OUR

GRANDFATHERS.

THIS IS HOW GRANDFATHERS WANT TOBE REMEMBERED, BECAUSE EVERY

GRANDFATHER IS HORRIBLE.

LIKE EVERY GRANDFATHER ISHORRIBLE.

>> EVERY GRANDFATHER ISHORRIBLE.

>> EVEN ALL OF THEM -- THEY ALLLIKE CHEATED ON YOUR GRANDMA.

IT WAS COOL.

THEY ALL CHEATED ON GRANDMOTHER.

EVEN THE GRANDMOTHERS CHEATED.

>> YOU WANT HISTORY TO BE LIKEGRANDFATHER.

>> THEY WANT HISTORY TO BE LIKEGRANDFATHER.

>> HE WAS GREAT.>> YEAH, OH, AMERICA IS HANDING

>> OUT WERTHER'S ORIGINALS NOW>> Larry: NOW YOU WERE A

TEACHER.

YOU REALLY TAUGHT THIS INSCHOOL.

>> YES.

>> Larry: WHAT -->> YOU KNOW.

>> Larry: DO YOU THINK IT ISDANGEROUS.

>> I THINK IT IS DANGEROUS,THOSE WHO DON'T LEARN HISTORY

ARE CONDEMNED TO REPEAT IT SO,YOU KNOW.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: SO ARE YOU SAYING WE

ARE GOING TO HAVE SLAVERY AGAIN.

>> THAT MIGHT BE THE GOAL.

>> Larry: YOU THINK PEOPLE AREJUST UNCOMFORTABLE LEARNING OF

THE DARK PARTS OF OURHISTORY, RICKY.

>> I DON'T THINK PEOPLE -- ITHINK CONSERVATIVES ARE.

LIKE WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO READA BOOK ABOUT YOUR GREAT, GREAT

GRANDPARENTS BEING (BLEEP).

THAT'S WHAT A TEXTBOOK IS.

I MEAN, THAT GREATEST GENERATIONWAS ALSO THE RACIST GENERATION.

I AM SORRY, I AM SORRY, BUT ITWAS.

>> LIKE YOUR GRANDPA.

JUST LIKE YOUR GRANDPA.

>> I AM SORRY ABOUT MYGRANDFATHER! I WANT TO LIKE MY

GRANDFATHER.

>> HE IS A RACIST (BLEEP).

>> ALL OF THEM.

>> Larry: OKAY.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS THEYARE CHANGING.

SOME OF IT IS JUST LANGUAGE TOO.

SO THE NEW VERSION THE TERMWHITE SUPERIORITY IS DELETED AND

THAT LINE IS CHANGED TO SAY THATEXTENDED CONTACT WITH NATIVE

AMERICANS AND AFRICANS PRODUCEDEVOLVING RELIGIOUS CULTURAL AND

I WILL RELIGIOUS JUSTIFICATIONFOR THEIR SUBJUGATION.

SLAVE SHIPS WAS A CRUISELINE.

AND THE CRUISE LINES HAVEBROUGHT THE NEGROES OVER.

>> FOR JOB SECURITY.

>> I AM SORRY -->> SLAVERY, JOB SECURITY.

>> SLAVERY, ZERO UNEMPLOYMENTRATE.

>> I MEAN, WE ARE MAKING A JOKEBUT THEY REALLY DID THIS.

>> BUT I MEAN, THEY ARE GOING TOLEARN ABOUT IT ANYWAY WITH THE

INTERNET AND THEN --.

>> SOMEBODY IS GOING TO START AWEBSITE LIKE (BLEEP) --

>> LEARNING HISTORY -->> WELL, YOU CAN TRY, BUT IT IS

ALREADY -- YOU CAN'T UNRECORD.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THERE ARE SO MANYTHINGS YOU CAN'T REDACT.

LIKE EVERYONE HAS ACCESS TO THATINFORMATION AND LIKE YOU CAN

FIGHT IT.

I MEAN, THAT IS WHY THEPRESIDENTS SEEM TO GET WORSE

BECAUSE WE KNOW MORE.

LIKE YOUR GRANDPA.

>> I I AM SO VERY SAD ABOUTTHAT.

>> OH, MY GOD.>> BUT IT IS LIKE WHEN YOU GO

TO A FUNERAL FOR A (BLEEP)PERSON AND THE

EULOGY, AND THE EULOGY IS NICEAND THE WHOLE TIME YOU ARE

THINKING, THOSE MOTHER (BLEEP)EROWES ME $20.

YOU CAN'T LIKE IT.

>> Larry: DOES AMERICANEXCEPTIONALISM MEAN ANYTHING TO

YOU GUYS? SHOULD WE BETEACHING, LET ME PUT IT LIKE

THIS.

SHOULD WE BE GIVING AN OPINIONABOUT OUR HISTORY AN OR JUST

GIVE OUR HISTORY.

>> TRUTHFULLY I THINK OUR DARKPARTS OF HISTORY CONTRIBUTE TO

AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM, IT ISNOT JUST SLAVERY, IT IS THE FACT

THAT FROM THAT CAME MICHAELJORDAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> IT WASN'T JUST SLAVERY, ITWAS THE BEST SLAVERY

>> , WE ARE TALKING AMERICANFRIED SLAVERY.

NO.

>> Larry: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARESAYING.

>> IT LED TO THESE SUCCESSSTORIES LATER

LIKE THAT IS AMERICANEXCEPTIONALISM.

LIKE THROUGH THE ADVERSITY -->> PLUS WE GOT MONSTER TRUCKS.

>> Larry: EVEN MONSTER TRUCKS--

>> I MEAN, OKAY.

THERE WAS A STUDY, UNIVERSITY OFVIRGINIA DID, THIS IS LIKE A TEN

YEAR STUDY OF COOL KIDS.

OKAY? AND I GUESS STARTING INMIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL IT

SHOWS THAT COOL KIDS PEAKED TOOSOON, AT ALL NERDS ARE GOING TO

LOVE THIS STORY, RIGHT? ANDTHEY ENGAGE IN RISKY BEHAVIOR

LATER THAT LEADS TO THEIRDOWNFALL AND IN OTHER WORDS --

NERDS END UP ON TOP.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> LET'S JUST SHOW SOME OF OUR

PICTURES WHEN WE WERE LIKE HIGHSCHOOL AGE, MIDDLE SCHOOL AGE.

WHO DO WE HAVE? LET'S JUST --OH THAT IS ME, OH, GREAT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> THERE IS CRAIG.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> WHAT ABOUT JERROD.

>> THAT'S ME FROM LIKE 2009.

>> Larry: NOW, RICKY.

WAS RICKY IN THERE? LET'S SEE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> THAT IS GRADUATION.

I WAS KILLING THE GAME.

>> WOW.

>> OKAY.

AND NOW A STRIPPER.

>> WHO WAS THE COOLEST? RICKY.

>> RICKY.

>> WHO WAS THE NERDEST.

>> WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK!

>> Larry: OKAY.

WELCOME BACK.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE SEGMENT WELIKE TO CALL KEEP IT 100.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: ONCE AGAIN FOR ALL

YOU PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW THATEXPRESSION, IT MEANS TO KEEP IT

100 PERCENT REAL.

RIGHT? SO I WILL ASK YOU AQUESTION.

IF YOU KEEP IT 100 PERCENT REALYOU WILL GET A STICKER.

IF NOT YOU GET WEAK TEA.EVERYONE IS OKAY OUT THERE?

>> SOMEBODY NEEDS SOME WEAK TEAOUT THERE.

WE WILL START WITH YOU.

OKAY.

YOU HAVE ACCESS TO AN ACTUALREAL LIFE HOT TUB TIME MACHINE.

OKAY? YOU CAN GO BACK IN TIMEAND PREVENT SLAVERY.

YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS.

BUT HERE IS THE GLITCH.

THERE IS A 90 PERCENT CHANCE YOUCAN GO BACK TO 1518 WHICH ALLOWS

YOU TO PREVENT SLAVERY AND ATEN PERCENT CHANCE THAT THE

MACHINE TAKES YOU BACK TO 1815AND YOU WILL BE CAPTURED AS A

SLAVE.

OKAY? WHOA.

DO YOU GO BACK.

>> YES.

TEN PERCENT CHANCE YOU MIGHT BECAPTURED.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> YOU KNOW WE MAY JUST BE

READING IN OUR HISTORY BOOKS,1815 AND WHAT IS THIS TIME

MACHINE. OK, RICKY,

>> YOU ALSO HAVE A TIME MACHINEAND FIX ALL THE ISSUES THAT GIVE

YOU ANXIETY TODAY.

RICKY SUFFERS FROM ANXIETY, HETALKED ABOUT IT VERY HONESTLY,

NOW, UNFORTUNATELY ANXIETY, WEFOUND OUT THAT ANXIETY MAKES YOU

FUNNY SO IF YOU GET RID OF ITYOU WILL NO LONGER BE A COMEDIAN

OR YOU CAN GO BACK AND GIVEYOURSELF WAY MORE ANXIETY AND BE

THE BEST COMEDIAN OF ALL-TIME.

>> IT HAS TO BE ONE OF THE TWO.BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR

HOUSE AND SMOKE WEED AND DO APODCAST.

>>DO YOU GET RID OF IT? >> NO!

>> IT'S WHY PEOPLE WILL LET MESMOKE ALL THE POT WHENEVER I

WANT. I AM KEEPING IT.

NO.

YOU ARE NOT JUST KEEPING IT.

YOU ARE MAXING IT OUT. YOU'REDOUBLING THE ANXIETY

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

MORE OF A REASON TO SMOKE.

I AM IN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Larry: OKAY.

JERROD, YOU ARE ONSTAGE DOING STAND-UP, FOR SOME

REASON YOU JUST LOST IT, MAN,YOU CAN'T GET LAUGHS ANYMORE.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

>> I HAVE BEEN THERE.

>> Larry: NO.

BUT THIS IS THE REAL DEAL.

>>>> Larry: THIS IS THE REAL

DEAL.

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU PULL ALENNY KRAVITZ AND YOUR JUNK

FALLS OUT ON STAGE.

THE AUDIENCE LOVES IT.

OKAY? MAGIC HAPPENS.

AND EVERYTHING IS GREAT BUT WHENYOU PUT YOUR JUNK AWAY.

NO LAUGHS.

JUNK AWAY NO LAUGHS.

DO YOU CONTINUE YOUR CAREERKNOWING YOU ARE NOW THE

JUNK COMEDIAN.

>> LIKE LARRY THE CABLE GUY.

>> Larry: OR JUST QUIT COMEDY.

>> ANY TIME YOU DO COMEDY, THEJUNK IS GOING TO BE OUT.

I MEAN, I GUESS THE BIGGESTQUESTION IS, WILL IT FIT ON A

T-SHIRT, BECAUSE I AM SELLINGMERCHANDISE AFTER EACH SHOW.

I AM THE JUNK GUY.

>> Larry: YOU WOULD HAVE YOURJUNK OUT.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> Larry: YOU ARE NOT GOING TODO IT.

HAVE YOUR JUNK OUT? LOOK AT HISFACE.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK!