Workaholics
Season 3

In Line

  • Season 3, Ep 19
  • 03/13/2013

The guys all need a copy of a new video game for very different reasons.

I'M FEELING SICK,

SO I NEED YOU TO WORK MY DESKFOR THE REST OF THE DAY.

- UGH.YOU LOOK HORRIBLE.

- WELL--- YEAH.

ABOUT THAT, I CAN'T,NOT TODAY.

CODE OF RONINCOMES OUT TONIGHT,

AND I GOTTA SAVE A SPOT IN LINEAT THE VIDEO GAME STORE.

ACTUALLY, I WASJUST ABOUT TO LEAVE.

CHECK IT OUT.

- THAT'S GOOD FORM.- NICE.

- HUH? I'M GONNAPUT 'EM IN THE BATHROOM STALL,

TELL EVERYBODY I'M CRAPPINGTHE REST OF THE DAY.

- OKAY, WELL,I CAN'T LIE TO YOU GUYS.

I'M NOT REALLY SICK.I JUST--

I TOLD ALICE THAT,SO I COULD LEAVE EARLY

TO GO SEE WALKING WITH DINOSAURS: ARENA SPECTACULAR.

- UH, MAYBE ONE OF THESE GUYSCOULD COVER FOR YOU.

- I REALLY SHOULDN'T.

IT WOULD SET A PRECEDENCEIN THIS OFFICE

THAT WE DON'T NEED.- NO, FOR ALICE?

WE'D PROBABLY END UPFUGGIN' ALL DAY,

GET NO WORK DONE.

- PLEASE, BLAKE.I MEAN, MY LIFELONG DREAM

IS TO LIVEIN JURASSIC PARK TIMES.

- 1993?

- PLEASE, I REALLY NEED THIS!

I NEED IT!

OKAY?[quivering]

PLEASE, BLAKE!

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

- OH, OKAY, GREAT.- YEAH, YEAH.

- THAT'SALICE'S APPOINTMENT BOOK.

- OKAY, SURE,APPOINTMENT BOOK.

- [screeches]- [growls]

- HAVE A LOT OF FUN.- GET OUT OF HERE.

- JILLIAN, FEEL BETTER.- OH, NO.

I'M NOT ACTUALLY SICK.

SO WHAT YOU SAIDABOUT MY FACE EARLIER WAS--

IT WAS RUDE.- NO GAME.

- HELLO, JENNY.YOU LOOK RAVISHING.

- WHEN ARE YOUR FRIENDSGONNA BE BACK WITH THE GAME?

- NOT FOR A GOOD WHILE,SO...

THAT MEANS IT'S JUST ME AND YOUFOR A LITTLE BIT.

I HOPEYOU'RE A PANINI GIRL.

I'VE GOT SOME PANINISFOR YOU, MADAME.

[blows raspberry]I'M JUST KIDDING.

- WHERE'S THE WEED?

- THE WEED IS RIGHT HERE.

LET'S GET SILLY.

- YEAH, IT'D BE BETTERIF YOU ROLLED THEM TOO

BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY GETREALLY SOGGY WHEN I DO IT.

I GOT, LIKE, EXTRAKISSING JUICES OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW.[sniffs]

[knock at door]

YEAH?- HEY, WHAT'S UP, BEST FRIEND?

MAN, HOW'S IT GOING?- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- DUDE,I'M ON THE BANG PATROL, BABY.

DID YOU BANG HER YET?- NOT YET. NO, I HAVEN'T.

BUT THANKS FOR PATROLLING,I APPRECIATE IT.

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.- WHAT, NO--

NO, I BROUGHT MY GUITARJUST IN CASE

YOU WANTED METO "SERE-NAH-DAY" YOU.

♪ I WANNA SLEEPINSIDE OF Y-- ♪

- I DON'T NEEDYOUR SONGS, MAN.

I GOT DERS-PATENTEDLOVE MOVES, OKAY?

I'LL BE BANGING HERIN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

THANK YOU.- DUDE, THAT'S WHAT'S UP, MAN.

THAT'S MY GUY.YOU'RE GONNA [bleep] THIS CHICK.

- YEAH.- YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

- YEAH, I KNOW IT.- BANG HER.

THEN ARE YOUARE GONNA NEED THIS.

- WHAT FOR?

- SO YOU CAN TAPE YOURSELFWHILE YOU'RE BANGING HER, MAN.

ALL RIGHT, THERE'S NOTHINGMORE EMPOWERING

THAN JERKING ITTO YOUR OWN BUTT AND BALLS.

TRUST.

- IT WOULD BE KINDA COOLTO SEE MY MOVES.

THE VENT

THAT'S BROKENIN MY BEDROOM

IS JUST DOWN THAT HALLAND TO THE LEFT.

- OH, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY,SIR, YES.

YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER,AND I AM THE REPAIRMAN.

- YEP.- MY GOD.

YOU ARE GORGEOUS,AND YOU ARE SO LUCKY

TO HAVE SUCHA WONDERFUL MAN HERE.

I MEAN,I MEET A LOT OF GUYS

IN MY LINE OF BUSINESS,WHICH CLEARLY IS VENTS.

- YEAH.- AND, UH, HE'S THE BEST

I'VE EVER MET.- OH, YEAH.

HE'S THE BEST, ALL RIGHT.- YES.

- HE'S GREAT,PROBABLY GREAT IN THE SACK.

- OKAY, THANK YOU.

GOOD LUCK IN THERE,REPAIRING VENTS.

THE VENTS HAVE BEENDRIVING ME NUTS.

I'VE GOT THIS PHLEGM-Y THINGI CAN'T GET RID OF, BUT--

- OH, NO.- BUT I'M BETTER NOW.

I'M RARING TO GO.

OW! JESUS!

- [exhales]WHOO!

OOH! THIS STUFFMAKES ME FEEL STRONG, DUDE.

I FEEL LIKE I COULD PUNCHTHROUGH A WALL RIGHT NOW.

WHAT KIND OF WEED IS THIS?

- IT'S PCP.

- PCP.[exhales]

WOW, VERY COOL.CHECK THAT OFF THE LIST.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUSTGIVE US ALL THE MONEY?

WE'LL MAKE THIS EASY.- UH--[exhales]

YEP. I'LL THROW YOU GUYSSOME CASH.

- NO, NO, NO, NO.- CAN YOU BREAK A 20?

- NO, ALL OF ITAND THE WALLET TOO.

- NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I--

THAT'S NOTWHAT WE HAD AGREED TO.

I THOUGHT WE WERE JUSTBUDDIES SMOKING SOME WEED,

NOT PCP.[laughs]

- GIVE ME THE MONEY NOW!- AAH!

[screaming][both growling]

[screaming]

[dubstep music]

[all growling]

- [screaming]

OW!

I MEAN--SORRY, EXCUSE ME.

I-I HAD A FRIENDWHO WAS SAVING A SPOT FOR ME,

BUT I GUESSHE GOT LOST.

- HEY, NO PROBLEM, MAN.YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

WE SHOULD GET TOGETHERAND PLAY SOME MAGIC.

- OH, DUDE, I BROUGHTMY SWARM DECK.

- YO, YOU CAN'T CUTIN LINE, BITCH!

- OH. OH, NO, HE--HE WAS JUST IN THE BATHROOM.

- NO, HE WASN'T, DUDE.

I WAS WATCHINGTHE WHOLE TIME.

YOU JUST FORFEITEDYOUR LINE PRIVILEGES, BRO!

- OKAY, THANK--- EXCUSE ME, CHAD.

ALL RIGHT, AND I'M JUSTASSUMING THAT'S YOUR NAME

BY THE WAY YOU'RE DRESSED,BUT DON'T YELL AT HIM.

I'M THE ONEWHO CUT IN LINE.

- FIRST OF ALL, BRO,MY NAME'S DEVIN.

SECOND OF ALL,THAT STORY SUCKS.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GOTO THE BACK OF THE LINE NOW?

- OKAY, SORRY, SIR. WE'LL GETTO THE BACK OF THE LINE.

- NO, NO, NO, NO.WAIT A SECOND.

THIS IS YOUR SPOT.STAND YOUR GROUND.

- EH, WHAT CAN YOU DO?IT HAPPENS.

- IT DOES HAPPEN,AND IT'S HAPPENING, DUDE.

BACK OF THE LINE!YOU TOO!

LET'S GO, GANDALF.- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

- YEAH, FOLLOW THE FINGER.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GETWHEN YOU MESS

WITH TONY DANZA'S COUSIN!

- DEVIN DANZA?

- GOD, YOU DO HAVESOME KINKS

AND SOME MEATY TRAPS.

[guitar note]

- I'M DONE.

MAINTENANCE IS ALL GOOD.

AND AS WE SAYIN THE VENTILATION BUSINESS,

CAMERAS ARE ROLLING, MAN.

- ALL RIGHT. THANK YOUFOR YOUR HELP, MR. VENT MAN.

- NO PROBLEM.

- WHERE DO YOU THINKYOU'RE GOING?

- WELL, HIS JOB'S DONE,SO HE'S LEAVING.

- YEAH.- NOT YET HE'S NOT.

LET'S TAKE THIS PARTYTO THE BEDROOM.

- YEAH, NO,I KNOW, I KNOW.

I JUST IT WAS GONNA BEUS TWO TONIGHT.

- BUT THAT'S NOTA PARTY.

THIS IS A PARTY.

- OOH.

- AND I LIKE PARTIES.

- I CALL FIRST BANG.

- I WANT YOU BOTHTO TAKE YOUR SHIRTS OFF.

- YEAH.- UM, BOTH OF US HAVE TO?

- BOTH OF YOU.

- [deep breath]

- OH, GOD.OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE IT'SCOLD IN HERE IS ALL, SO--

- NOW I WANT YOU TWOTO SHOW ME

WHAT YOU WOULD DO TO MEON EACH OTHER.

- OKAY, WELL, I WOULDGRAB YOUR TITTY--

- STOP IT!- CHILL OUT, MAN.

IT'S JUST A TITTY, DUDE.

MALE, FEMALE, IT'S ALL THE SAME,BABY, IT'S SKIN.

- NO. I AM NOT COMFORTABLEWITH THIS.

- WELL, YOU BETTERGET COMFORTABLE

BECAUSE LATER I'M GONNAMAKE YOU REALLY COMFORTABLE...

IN MY [bleep].

- OKAY, JUST START HERE.- YEP, RIGHT HERE.

SO I'MA DO THIS FIRST.

I'M GONNA RUB ITAND TANTALIZE IT A LITTLE BIT.

THEN I'M GONNA GRABTHE OTHER ONE.

- OKAY. [chuckles]- YEAH.

YOU GOT SOME--YOU GOT SOME AWESOME TITS.

- YEAH.[stammers]

- THIS IS SOME B.S.

I AM SICK OF GUYS LIKE THATWALKING ALL OVER US.

SOME PEOPLEARE LORDS OF THE PIT.

OTHERS, LIKE YOU AND ME,

THRULLS,BORN TO BE SACRIFICED.

- I'M A FORCE OF NATURE,MAN.

I'M AN AVATAR OF MIGHT.- WELL--

- I'MA TRAMPLE THIS GUY.

COME ON.

- DUDE, HOW HAVE YOUNOT SEEN

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCELIVE, DUDE?

- EXCUSE ME.

THE WAY YOU WERE ACTINGEARLIER WAS UNACCEPTABLE.

SO UNLESS YOU WANNA SEEHOW REALLY SUPER TOUGH I AM,

I SUGGEST YOU LET USBACK IN LINE.

- [spits]

- EWW.

- OR WHAT?

[both screaming]

- YEAH!- AAH!

- AHH![exhales]

- FINE, MAN, TAKE THE SPOT,WHATEVER.

- YEAH![laughs]

- THAT WAS AWESOME.

- THANKS.YEAH, I'M A HERO, MAN.

FEELS GOOD. IT FEELS GOOD.IT FEELS HOOD.

- [screams]THERE'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

- AAH, ZOMBIES!- WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

- ZOMBIES!

- OH, YEAH.- IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

- [moans]- LIKE THAT?

- MM, DERS.- OW!

TOO ROUGH, OKAY.

- WELL, DUDE, I'M SORRY.BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU COULD BEA LITTLE ROUGHER.

- FINE, TELL MEHOW YOU LIKE THIS.

- THAT'S IT.- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

DOES THAT HURT?- THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

- OKAY, NOW I WANT YOU BOTHTO TAKE OFF

THE REST OF YOUR CLOTHESSO THAT

I COULD GET INVOLVED.

- YEAH.YEAH, YEAH, TOTALLY.

- I HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE.THIS IS--DON'T.

HEY.- NOPE, THIS IS HAPPENING.

THIS IS HAPPENING, BUD.WE'RE DOING THIS.

- I CAN'T DO THIS.- OKAY.

HERE, WHY DON'T YOUPUT MY TEENY-TINY PANTIES

IN YOUR MOUTH?- OKAY, THIS I LIKE.

YOU ARE CREATIVE.MOVE OVER, KARL.

- COME ON IN. COME ON IN.- OKAY.

- [chuckles]OOH.

- BUT FIRST...

OH, YEAH,NO VISION ALLOWED.

- OH, BLINDFOLDING ME,OKAY.

- COOL.I WANT NO SIGHT.

- YEAH,HIDING THE SENSES. OW.

- THIS IS FREAKIN'KINK CENTRAL RIGHT HERE.

- FEED ME, BABY.- I LOVE IT.

- MY PANTIESIN YOUR MOUTH.

- YEAH, FEED ME, BABY.

- OPEN WIDE.- MM-HMM.

[both moan]

- YUM.- [muffled] BABY.

- OH, WHAT DO THEYTASTE LIKE?

- BUTTERSCOTCH, BABY.

- LET ME TASTE A LITTLE BIT.- MM-MM, NO, YOU WAIT.

- COME ON, LET ME TASTE.- STOP IT.

- COME ON, MAN.- OH, HERE WE GO.

- WHERE'S SHE AT?I FOUND HER.

- HERE I AM, GUYS.

- SHE'S RIGHT HERE.- MARCO POLO.

[laughter]

- OH, MY GOD.

- [muffled]MARCO BONER.

[cell phone chimes]- OH, I'M IN.

- SHE'S GETTING A LITTLE HOT,HUH?

- I THINK I FOUND A BUTT.- OH, YEAH?

IS HE TOUCHING YOUR BUTT?

'CAUSE THAT'S COOL,AND I LIKE IT.

[both moaning]- SHE'S GREAT.

- OH, YEAH, YOU GUYS,I'M SO CLOSE.

- YOU LIKE THAT?- OH, SHE'S GONNA GO.

SHE'S GONNA BLAST.- MAGIC FINGERS.

- [moans]

- IF YOU WERE HOPINGTO GET A COPY

OF THE POPULAR VIDEO GAME CODE OF RONIN,

YOU'RE IN FOR A DISAPPOINTMENT.

THE GAME'S RELEASEWILL BE DELAYED

DUE TO A VIOLENT BRAWL,WHICH RESULTED

IN ONE MAN ACCIDENTALLYSTABBED HIMSELF

WITH A SAMURAI SWORD.

- WHAT THE HELL?

- OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE MUNCHINGON MY UNDIES, DUDE.

- [screams, spitting]

- WHOA.- NO, NO, NO, NO!

- JESUS. I WOULDN'T HAVEPUT THOSE IN MY MOUTH.

- GET AWAY FROM ME.[spitting]

- ALL RIGHT, LOSERS,I'M OUT OF HERE.

- WHAT?YOU KNEW THE ENTIRE TIME?

- YEAH, DUH, I KNEW.

- I PEGGED YOU AS SMART.

- AND IF YOU EVERCALL ME AGAIN,

I WILL UPLOAD THISTO BURNING CAMEL.

- NO!- SO WHAT?

IT WOULDN'T BEMY FIRST VIDEO.

- BYE.

- [groans]OH!

- OH, MY GOD.THEY'RE SOGGY, DUDE.

JEEZ, YOU WERE WORKINGWITH SOME KISSING JUICES, MAN.

- I KNOW.- THAT'S REAL.

- [sighs]OH, MY GOD.

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