6 Hours till Hedonism II

  • 11/22/2011

The guys have six hours to get Blake a passport, or they'll miss their Thanksgiving trip to Hedonism II.

REMEMBER, THIS IS THEIR SUMMER.

- NO WAY, DUDE.

I'M TRYING TO GETBEYONCE DARK!

- SUN IS STRAIGHT DANGER!

- DON'T WORRY, DUDE.I GOT THE SELF TANNER.

IT'S GOOD TOO.LINDA HOGAN ENDORSES IT.

- HEY, HAS ANYBODYSEEN MY TEVAS?

I REALLY NEED MY TEVAS.

- HEY, FELLAS,PLEASE REMEMBER.

I GOT US DINNER RESERVATIONS.

THANKSGIVING DINNERAT PASTAFARI,

SO PACK A FANCY OUTFIT.

I'VE GOT A BLAZER,NO SHIRT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING.

BUD, DERS, YOU'RE KINDA GQ.

SHOULD THE TIEMATCH MY NIPPLES?

- HA HA!

GUYS, I FOUND MY TEVAS.

- JUST SO YOU KNOW,

I'M REALLY EXCITED TO ENDMY 11-MONTH DRY SPELL,

BUT WE'RE DEFINITELY GOING TO BESEEING EACH OTHER BUTT NAKED

HUMPING STUFF.

I JUST HOPEWE'RE READY FOR THAT.

- OH, YEAH. BUDDY'S A GO.

- BLAKESTER IS READYTO GET HIS KNOB GOBBLED.

- ALL RIGHT!

LET'S GET WEIRD!LET'S GET WEIRD!

- OKAY, EVERYONE HASTHEIR PLANE TICKET, RIGHT?

- YEAH, I THOUGHT WE WERECHANTING "LET'S GET WEIRD."

- GOOD TO GO!

- OKAY, BATHING SUITS?

- CHECK!

- I WILL NOT BE WEARINGA BATHING SUIT.

SO, NO.

- AND, UH, PASSPORTS.

- OH, YEAH!

- HUH?

SHE'S GONNA WISH SHE HADCRAISINS AND I'M DROPPING IT.

- WAIT, THERE HE IS.

DAMIEN!

- YEAH?

- HEY, PAL, WE'RE THE, UH,

GUYS WHO ARE GONNATAKE YOU HOME, SO COME ON.

- YEAH, MY MOM TEXTED ME,BUT I'M NOT GOING.

- WHAT?WE GOT SNARKS, DUDE.

THEY WERE OUT OF GUSHERS,BUT I GOT SOME LICORICE.

[high squeaky voice]COME ON! COME ON!

COME ON! GO GET IT!

GO, GUY!

I DON'T GET THAT.

THAT WORKED ON ME AS A KID.

- THAT IS WEIRD, HUH?- THAT'S A GOOD TRICK.

- GUYS, LET ME HAVE A SHOT.HEY, DAMIEN...

GET IN THAT CAR RIGHT NOW!

- HEY, CALM YOUR OLD ASS DOWN.

TELL MY MOM I'LL BE HOME LATER.

MAYBE.

- LATER MAYBE--- DERS, DERS!

HEY, LITTLE DUDE, YOU NEEDTO SHOW YOUR ELDER DUDES

A BIT OF RESPECT, OKAY?

NOW COME WITH US

'CAUSE YOUR MOM'SMAKING US FAKE PASSPORTS.

- GET THE [bleep] AWAY FROM ME,YOU LONGHAIRED JIZZ EXPERT!

- OKAY, NO ONE TALKS TO MYLONGHAIRED JIZZ EXPERT

LIKE THAT, OKAY?

YOU'RE COMIN' WITH ME!

OW! OW! OW!

THAT'S A TRICK MOVE!

OW! OW!

- YOU'RE COMIN' WITH ME!

[all arguing]

- YOU'RE VERY STRONG!

- NO! NO!- SOLID CORE!

- HELP!

HELP! HELP!STRANGER DANGER!

STRANGER DANGER!- GO!

- RAPE! RAPE!

- ALL RIGHT,AND A THANKSGIVING UPDATE.

WE GOT A LITTLE DERAILED,BUT WE'RE BACK ON TRACK.

PICKED UP A REAL NICE LAD.

- I'M GONNA--- AAAH!

- DAMIEN!- HELP!

- NO HORSE PLAY BACK THERE!NOT IN MY CAR!

- KEEP YOUR HANDS OFFMY BEST FRIEND!

SORRY, DERS.- WHAT?

- 'CAUSE HE'S MY BEST FRIEND,AND YOU'RE--

OH, HEY, NOT COOL!WHOA! NOT COOL!

[screaming]- WHAT ARE YOU--

WHOA! WHOA!

-KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!

- GUYS, NO, NO, NO. LOOK!

- [bleep]

WHAT THE [bleep]!

THAT IS OUR CAR!

[bleep] SHIT!- SHIT!

- [bleep][bleep]- WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

- HIDE THE CAR!- WHAT?

- HIDE THE CAR!- THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

YOU CAN'T HIDE THE CAR!

- YOU CAN HIDE THE CAR!- YOU CAN'T!

- OR...CAN WE!

COME ON, DUDES, WE GOT TO COVERTHIS WHOLE THING.

- PAINTING'S FUN!

- HEY, IT'S HOT OUT HERE.

DOES ANYONE WANTANY GRAPES OR ANYTHING?

- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

- HEY, FELLAS,IT'S, UH, FIVE BUCKS.

- ALL RIGHT.

- SO YOU GUYS ARE, UH,FIRST TIMERS, HUH?

- YEAH.

- TER...RIFIC.

WELCOME TO THE INLAND EMPIRE'SOLDEST OPERATING...

EROTIC THEATER.

NOW, SINCE THESE DOORSWERE OPENED IN 1963,

WE'VE HAD BUT ONE MOTTO.

- OKAY, I'M SORRY,COULD WE JUST GET THE TICKETS

AND GO INTO THE SHOW, PLEASE?

- WE'VE HAD BUT ONE MOTTO.

BE COURTEOUS, HAVE FUN,

AND COME AGAIN.

AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND--HA HA HA HA!

I THINK IT'S FUNNY.HERE YA GO.

YOU'RE GONNA REALLY ENJOY THIS.IT'S CALLED ENDLESS HUMMER.

- THANKS.

- AND I THINK THE PREVIEWSARE JUST ABOUT ENDING.

- HEY, DUDES.

LET'S BE RESPECTFUL.

LIBERRY VOICES.

- [deep breath]I CAN ALREADY SMELL THE WEIRD.

[indistinct movie dialog]

- YOU KNOW, LIKE I SAID,WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

- DUDE, BUDDY,YOU MADE THE BIG SCREEN.

THAT LOOKS...JUST LIKE YOU.

- WHOA, YOU DO.YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM.

- I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT GUY.

- YES, YOU DO.

- YEAH, YOU LOOKEXACTLY LIKE THAT GUY.

- DAMIEN...DAMIEN.

DAMIEN?

- SHH.

- SORRY.

- OUR BAD.

- I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

[woman moaning in movie]

- SORRY.- SORRY.

- HEY, WHY DON'T I USETHE NIGHT VISION ON MY CAMERA?

[all whispering]

- BLAIR WITCH THIS BITCH.

- I CAN'T BELIEVEIT WASN'T REAL.

- OH...- WHAT THE--

- COME ON, BUDDY.- UGH.

- COME ON.- UGH, COME ON, GUYS.

- WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

- OH, JEEZ.- OH!

- OH.- GOOD GOD!

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.TURN IT OFF.

TURN IT OFF--- DON'T--

- TURN IT OFF!- WHO IS IT?

[yelling]- LET'S JUST GO!

- I DROPPED MY KEYS.- SORRY, SORRY.

I MESSED EVERYTHING UP.

YOU GUYS SHOULD JUSTGO WITHOUT ME.

TELL PASTAFARII SAID I'M HUNGRY.

AND IF YOU REMEMBER,

BRING ME HOME SOMEJAMAICAN JERK LASAGNA.

- NO.- NO, NO.

I'M NOT GONNA BRING YOUANYTHING, DUDE.

'CAUSE I'M NOT GONNAGO ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOU!

BESIDES THE FACT THAT THISIS GONNA TAKE OUR FRIENDSHIP

TO THE NEXT LEVELAS SEXUAL CONQUISTADORS--

AT LEAST WE LEARNED THAT WORD--

IT'S THANKSGIVING, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND, AH, THIS LITTLE INDIANISN'T GOING TO GO ANYWHERE

WITHOUT HIS PILGRIMS.

YOU GUYS ARE THE PILGRIMS.

AND THE MORE THATI THINK ABOUT IT,

WE SHOULD ACT OUT, LIKE,A POCAHONTAS SITUATION

WITH SOME LEATHERYHEDO BABES.

LIKE, THAT WOULD BEAWESOME, RIGHT--

AM I RAMBLING A LITTLE BIT?I'M EXCITED.

- NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT RAMBLING.WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE.

POCAHONTAS SOUNDS GREAT BUT...- THANK YOU.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.

I SAY WE CALL IT.

- YEAH.

- WE DID SPEND$400 NONREFUNDABLE.

- OKAY, SO WE DEFINITELYHAVE TO GO ON THIS TRIP!

WE JUST GOTTA FIND THAT KID!

- YES.

- WELL, MAYBE IF WE--- HEY, GUYS.

THING'S NOT GONNASUCK ITSELF.

- OOH!

HOLY MEAT ROD!

THAT IS A REAL BAT.

REAL MEAT STICK.

- HEY, GERALD!IS THAT YOU?

- HEY, DAN,THE MAN WITH THE MOUTH.

I CAN'T GIVETHIS THING AWAY TODAY.

- HEY, DO YOU KNOWWHERE JIMMY IS?

IS HE AROUND?- OH, I WISH.

NO. ANDY'S GOOD, THOUGH.

- WHAT, ANDY THE GOLF PRO?

- NO, BLACK ANDY. THAT GUY.

- OH, SWEET CHOCOLATE.

HA HA--OH, SORRY.

REACH AROUND? REACH AROUND?

ANYBODY?

YOU GUYS?- I'M GOOD.

- HEY.FULL HOUSE TONIGHT, HUH?

- NOW AS I SAYING

BEFORE WE WERE SO RUDELYINTERRUPTED,

WE'RE GONNA SMOKE DAMIEN OUT.

WELL, KIND OF.

WE'RE GONNA PULL THIS ALARM,

AND THEN WHEN EVERYBODY COMESRUSHING OUT OF THE THEATER,

WE'LL GRAB HIM.- MM-HMM.

- OKAY, BLAKE,THAT'S--THAT'S ACTUALLY GENIUS.

IT'S ALSO ILLEGAL.

I THINK WE'RE STACKING CRIMESPRETTY HIGH TODAY.

- DERS, DESPERATE TIMESCALLS FOR DESPERATE MEASURING.

- AND IT'S NOT ILLEGAL.

I'VE DONE IT PERSONALLY,LIKE--LIKE 14 TIMES.

MIDDLE SCHOOL WAS WILD.

- BLAKE, IT'S ILLEGAL.

- BUG THAT.I AIN'T NEVER SCARED.

- DON'T MOVE!ON THE FLOOR!

- I DIDN'T TOUCH IT,I SWEAR!

- I SAID DOWN.- OH, DO WE HAVE TO?

- IT'S LIKE REALLY GROSS.OKAY, OKAY, SURE, YEP.

IT'S REALLY STICKY,ACTUALLY.

- ARE YOU THE OWNERSOF THE VOLVO PARKED OUT FRONT

WITH THE CRAPPY PAINT JOB?

- WHY? DID SOMEONEDING MY CAR?

- WHERE'S THE KID?

- WHAT IN THE HELLIS GOING ON HERE?

- JUST STAND ASIDEAND RELAX, SIR.

- NO, I WILL NOT.THIS IS MY PLACE OF BUSINESS.

I'VE GOT PERMITS.

- SIR, THESE MEN ARE INVOLVED

IN THE KIDNAPPINGOF A MINOR.

- NO, NO, NO!WE DIDN'T KIDNAP ANYBODY--

NO, NO!THERE HE IS, ASK HIM!

- WHOA, HOLD ON.THAT'S MY SON.

NOW, DAMIEN,YOU GET OUT HERE.

DID THESE GUYS TRY TOKIDNAP YOU OR SOMETHING?

- NO, LISTEN, PLEASE.

WE WERE SENT TO PICK HIM UPBY HIS MOM

WHILE SHE WAS GONNA MAKE--

LOOK, WE'RE FRIENDSWITH BETSY.

WE KNOW BETSY.

- YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDSWITH BETSY.

- YEAH, WE KNOW BETSY.

- YEAH, I MEAN,WE FORCED HIM IN THE CAR,

BUT THAT'S JUST 'CAUSE HE'S,LIKE, REALLY, REALLY STRONG.

- HE SHOULD BEIN AMERICAN GLADIATOR.

- IS ANYTHING THAT THEY'RESAYING TRUE?

- YEAH. I JUST DIDN'TWANT TO GO HOME TO MOM

BECAUSE I WANTED TO HANG OUTWITH YOU,

AND--AND MAYBESEE IF WE COULD

ALL EAT THANKSGIVINGTOGETHER TOMORROW.

LIKE WE USED TO.

- OH, THAT'S SWEET.- THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

- THIS CARPET SMELLSLIKE SEMEN.

YEP, I FOUND A SEMEN.THAT IS SEMEN RIGHT THERE.

- WE'RE JUST GONNA GET UP.- NO, BACK DOWN.

GOING BACK DOWN.OH, WE'LL GO BACK DOWN.

- DON'T POINT THAT.- [whimpering]

- IT'S JUST SEMEN.STOP WHINING.

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