Tuesday, October 22, 2013

  • 10/22/2013

The guest comedians hear the similarities between tweets about Ke$ha and rest stop bathroom reviews.

INFORMATION.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: WE'RE GOING START WITH

RAPID REFRESH.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS A

QUESTION WITH THREE POSSIBLE

ANSWERS.

THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ IN

WITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

AT TODAY'S PRESS CONFERENCE,

WHAT DID APPLE EXECUTIVE PHIL

SCHILLER MISTAKENLY REFER TO BAT

MAN AS.

WAS IT A -- BRYCE WAYNE, B--

DARK MAN OR C -- THE BLAH BLACK

NIGHT.

>> HOW ABOUT C, THE BLACK NIGHT.

>> Chris: YES, IT WAS THE BLACK

NIGHT.

(APPLAUSE)

>> THE IF YOU'RE A FAN OF THE

BLACK NIGHT AS I AM YOU CAN

WATCH THE ENTIRE TRILOGY.

>> Chris: HUGE FAN OF THE BLACK

KNIGHT.

I'VE SEEN ALL OF HIS MOVIES.

THE BLACK KNIGHT RAISING WAS MY

FAVORITE.

I REALLY LIKED TERRIFICMAN.

BUT SPEAKING OF BLACK KNIGHTS.

KIM AND CAN YA WILL BE SPEND

MANAGER TOGETHER --

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

BECAUSE THEY GOT ENGAGED TODAY.

AND ONLY -- AM I ALLOWED TO SAY

THAT.

ONLY A WEEK THAT IT WAS RUMORED

THAT KIM'S "E" SHOW MIGHT GET

CAN SAID.

EVERYONE'S CAUGHT UP WITH THE

KARDASHIANS.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS A REAL

TWEET FROM ONE OF KANYE AND

KIM'S FANS?

A)

GOOD ON KANYE FOR LOCKING THAT

(BLEEP) DOWN.

ABOUT TO START MY SECOND SHIFT

AT ARBY'S.

(LAUGHTER)

I CAN'T TELL IF HE'S BEING ANGRY

OR HE'S LIKE "AND I ALSO --"

THERE'S THIS BIT OF INFORMATION.

B)

KIM K GOT THE 15 CARAT RING.

YOU KNOW SHE'S SUCKING THE

(BLEEP) OUT OF KANYE'S (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S WHERE HE (BLEEP)S FROM?

ALLEGEDLY.

I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS INTERNET SO IT COULD BE

SOMEWHERE.

C)

CONGRATS TO KIM.

SHE'S SUCH A TALENT.

J/K SHE GOT THAT BADUNKADUNK

NASTY ASS.

YES, KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> I KNOW BECAUSE IT WAS ME,

"B."

>> Chris: CORRECT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "B."

(APPLAUSE)

>> I DON'T MIND SAYING IT ONCE

BUT I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN.

>> Chris: NOBODY CAN WORK TWO

SHIFTS AT ARBY'S IN A ROW.

NO WAY.

(LAUGHTER)

FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS ONE

DIRECTION FANS HAVE BEEN BLOWING

UP ON TWITTER --

(LAUGHTER)

WITH THE HASHTAG #THANK YOU ONE

DIRECTION FOR...WHICH OF THE

FOLLOWING DID A FAN REALLY THANK

THEM FOR.

A)

MAKING MY VAGINA TINGLE ON THE

DAILY.

(LAUGHTER)

HEY, LEARN HOW THE SPELL THE

THING YOU HAVE.

(LAUGHTER)

B)

TEACHING ME THINGS THAT MY P.E.

TEACHERS FAILED TO TEACH FOR

HEALTH CLASS.

OR C)

MAKING MY HEART FALL OUT OF MY

BUTT.

(LAUGHTER)

YES, BRENDAN WALL SNSH

>> I'M GOING GO WITH "A" THE

SWRA V.A. JOIN THAT TINGLEY.

100 POINTS TO ANDY DALY AS WE

LEAP FORWARD TO YAHOO! ANSWERS.

IT'S A GREAT WAY TO GET

COMPLETELY INCORRECT INFORMATION

FOR PEOPLE WHO TWR V NOTHING

BETTER TO DO THAN ANSWER

QUESTIONS ON YAHOO! AND AREN'T

INVOLVED AT ALL WITH THE TOPIC

YOU'RE ASKING.

I'M GOING TO READ A REAL

QUESTION POSTED TO YAHOO!

ANSWERS AND IF YOUR ANSWER IS

BETTER THAN OUR FAVORITE YAHOO!

ANSWER, YOU'LL GET 250 POINTS.

ALL RIGHT?

FIRST YAHOO! ANSWER.

"ARE YOU A COLLECTOR OF

ANYTHING?"

KRT?

>> BUTT HOLE TATTOOS.

>> Chris: YOU MADE IT PERSONAL.

I LIKE THAT.

THE REAL ANSWER WAS "I LIKE TO

COLLECT BULL BALLS.

I WAIT UNTIL THEY DIE AND I

COLLECT THEIR BALLS."

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S GREAT THAT THE HE WAITS

UNTIL THEY DIE.

THAT'S A COURTESY.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU POINTS FOR

THAT KURT.

250 POINTS.

NUMBER TWO, SECOND YAHOO! ANSWER

QUESTION.

"WHY DO I ALWAYS SEEM TO GET

PINK EYE?"

KURT?

>> BUTT HOLE TATTOOS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT!

THE REAL YAHOO! ANSWER WAS

"SCOTT BAIO GAVE ME PINK EYE."

250 POINTS TO KURT.

WELL DONE, YOU ARE BEATING THE

INTERNET KURT.

THAT YAHOO! ANSWER MADE NEWS.

KURT'S MIGHT, TOO.

>> I HAVE A BUTT HOLE TATTOO OF

SCOTT BAIO.

>> Chris: REALLY.

HOW MANY FINGER CANS YOU IN THE

THAT BUTT HOLE TATTOO OF SCOTT

BAIO?

>> INCLUDING THUMB?

>> Chris: YES.

>> A HANDFUL.

>> Chris: LAST ONE, VERY

IMPORTANT.

"DO ASIAN PEOPLE LAY EGGS?"

REAL QUESTION.

ANDY DALY?

>> NOT YET BUT THEY'RE WORKING

ON IT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: REALLY.

REALLY, SIR?

REALLY, SIR?

HERE'S THE TOP YAHOO! ANSWER:

"YES, THEY DO."

POINTS ANDY DALY.

WELL DONE.

LET'S MOVE ON TO OUR NEXT GAME.

THIS IS VERY POPULAR ON THE

INTERNET, PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE

THIS GAME.

IT'S "WORSE THAN HITLER."

WORSE THAN HITLER.

FOLKS ON THE TUBE LOVE TO

COMPARE THINGS TO HITLER.

I'M GOING READ YOU A TWEET AND

FOR 250 POINTS TELL ME IT WAS

TWEETED AS "WORSE THAN HITLER"

OR NOT.

NUMBER ONE "SOMEONE WHO RETWEETS

SETH MacFAR LANE."

BRENDAN WALL SNSH

>> THAT'S NOT WORSE THAN HITLER.

>> ACCORD TO THIS GUY IT'S WORSE

THAN HITLER!

WORSE THAN STOMPING ALL OVER

EUROPE.

MAYBE THIS GUY'S PROPORTIONS AND

HIS COMPASS IS OUT OF WHACK, I

DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

>> I THINK IF HITLER HAD A

HANDLE BAR MUSTACHE HE WOULDN'T

BE SO VILIFIED.

HE WAS ACTUALLY RUNNING AN

ARTISANAL CHEESE COMPANY.

(LAUGHTER)

"WE ONLY HAVE THE WHITEST

CHEESES IN EUROPE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: NOT LIKING AGE SEX.

BRENDAN WALL SNSH

>> NO, THAT IS WORSE THAN

HITLER.

>> Chris: THAT IS WORSE THAN

LITTLER!

>> I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH

YOU EVER!

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE,

DRINKING BUBBLE TEA IN THE CAR.

WREN DON WALSH?

>> THAT IS NOT WORSE THAN

HITLER.

>> NO, IT'S NOT.

THE PERSON THOUGHT IT WAS WORSE

THAN FARTS.

THEY THOUGHT IT WAS WORSE THAN

FOUGHTS.

HOME BOY DRINKING BUBBLE TEA IN

A CAR, I FEEL LIKE I'M SITTING

INSIDE A JIFFY LUBE, #WORSE THAN

FARTS.

THAT'S HOW THEY MAKE THE BUBBLES

IN BUBBLE TEA.

PEOPLE WAITING IN A JIFFY LUBE.

>> THAT'S OBVIOUSLY SPONSORED

CONTENT FROM JIFFY LUBE.

KURT BRAWN HOLER.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL EQUAL.

TIME FOR CATCH UP OR KE$HA OR

REST STOP BATHROOM.

KE$HA IS AMERICA'S MOST ADOREBLY

TRASHY POP STAR.

BATHROOMS ARE WHERE TRUCKERS

HAVE DIARRHEA.

BOTH ARE SIMILARLY DESCRIBED ON

THE INTERNET.

I'LL READ YOU A PHRASE AND YOU

CAN TELL ME IF IT'S A TWEET

ABOUT KESH HAVE SHAH OR A YELP

REVIEW OF A REST STOP BATHROOM.

CORRECT ANSWERS ARE WORTH 250

POINTS.

THE FIRST ONE "NEEDS A BAR OF

SOAP AND A GOOD SCRUB."

KURLT?

>> THAT WOULD BE KE$HA.

>> YES, THAT WOULD BE KE$HA.

THAT'S KE$HA FOR 250 POINTS.

THAT'S KE$HA.

ALL RIGHT, NUMBER 2.

"GREAT PLACE TO PEE."

(LAUGHTER)

IT COULD GO EITHER WAY.

BRENDAN?

>> BOY, IS IT -- I'M GOING SAY

KE$HA!

>> Chris: NO!

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S THE BUTT WINGER REST

AREA.

IF YOU'RE WATCHING, YOU CAN GET

BANGED BY ME, NO PROBLEM, KE$HA.

WE'LL EDIT THAT OUT.

SGLRT KEEP THAT IN!

IT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM.

>> Chris: THERE MIGHT BE PROBLEM

I CAN FORESEE PROBLEMS.

NEXT UP, TIME FOR HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS A

HASHTAG AND BUZZ IN WITH AS ME

DWETS AS YOU CAN.

TODAY'S HASHTAG IS #SLUTTY

MUSICALS.

EXAMPLES OF THIS WOULD BE

"SCATS."

OR "ALL THAT JIZZ" OR "DIDDLER

ON THE ROOF."

SO GOING FROM THERE I'M GOING

PUT 60 SECOND ON THE CLOCK.

GO.

>> "JEKYLL AND HYDE MY DICK IN

YOUR TITS."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: SDMURT

>> "JIZZ ZI BOYS."

>> Chris:

>> JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR

(BLEEP) SUCKER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES.

BREB DON?

>> THE STOMP ON MY IT THES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KURT?

>> AVENUE QUIFF.

>> Chris: ANDY?

>> PUBIC HAIR SPRAY.

>> Chris: POINT!

KURT?

>> KISS ME (BLEEP) KATE.

>> Chris: NICE LITTLE IRISH TURN

ON THAT ONE.

ANDY DALY?

>> ANYTHING GOES IN MY ASS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: CROWD FAVORITE.

250 POINTS.

YES, KURT?

>> URINETOWN.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: THAT'S ALREADY THERE

BRENDAN?

>> GREASE!

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