Tuesday, October 22, 2013

  • 10/22/2013

The guest comedians hear the similarities between tweets about Ke$ha and rest stop bathroom reviews.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: WE'RE GOING START WITH

RAPID REFRESH.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS AQUESTION WITH THREE POSSIBLE

ANSWERS.

THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ INWITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

AT TODAY'S PRESS CONFERENCE,WHAT DID APPLE EXECUTIVE PHIL

SCHILLER MISTAKENLY REFER TO BATMAN AS.

WAS IT A -- BRYCE WAYNE, B--DARK MAN OR C -- THE BLAH BLACK

NIGHT.

>> HOW ABOUT C, THE BLACK NIGHT.

>> Chris: YES, IT WAS THE BLACKNIGHT.

(APPLAUSE)>> THE IF YOU'RE A FAN OF THE

BLACK NIGHT AS I AM YOU CANWATCH THE ENTIRE TRILOGY.

>> Chris: HUGE FAN OF THE BLACKKNIGHT.

I'VE SEEN ALL OF HIS MOVIES.

THE BLACK KNIGHT RAISING WAS MYFAVORITE.

I REALLY LIKED TERRIFICMAN.

BUT SPEAKING OF BLACK KNIGHTS.

KIM AND CAN YA WILL BE SPENDMANAGER TOGETHER --

(AUDIENCE REACTS)BECAUSE THEY GOT ENGAGED TODAY.

AND ONLY -- AM I ALLOWED TO SAYTHAT.

ONLY A WEEK THAT IT WAS RUMOREDTHAT KIM'S "E" SHOW MIGHT GET

CAN SAID.

EVERYONE'S CAUGHT UP WITH THEKARDASHIANS.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS A REALTWEET FROM ONE OF KANYE AND

KIM'S FANS?

A)GOOD ON KANYE FOR LOCKING THAT

(BLEEP) DOWN.

ABOUT TO START MY SECOND SHIFTAT ARBY'S.

(LAUGHTER)I CAN'T TELL IF HE'S BEING ANGRY

OR HE'S LIKE "AND I ALSO --"THERE'S THIS BIT OF INFORMATION.

B)KIM K GOT THE 15 CARAT RING.

YOU KNOW SHE'S SUCKING THE(BLEEP) OUT OF KANYE'S (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)THAT'S WHERE HE (BLEEP)S FROM?

ALLEGEDLY.

I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS INTERNET SO IT COULD BESOMEWHERE.

C)CONGRATS TO KIM.

SHE'S SUCH A TALENT.

J/K SHE GOT THAT BADUNKADUNKNASTY ASS.

YES, KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> I KNOW BECAUSE IT WAS ME,"B."

>> Chris: CORRECT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "B."

(APPLAUSE)>> I DON'T MIND SAYING IT ONCE

BUT I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN.

>> Chris: NOBODY CAN WORK TWOSHIFTS AT ARBY'S IN A ROW.

NO WAY.

(LAUGHTER)FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS ONE

DIRECTION FANS HAVE BEEN BLOWINGUP ON TWITTER --

(LAUGHTER)WITH THE HASHTAG #THANK YOU ONE

DIRECTION FOR...WHICH OF THEFOLLOWING DID A FAN REALLY THANK

THEM FOR.

A)MAKING MY VAGINA TINGLE ON THE

DAILY.

(LAUGHTER)HEY, LEARN HOW THE SPELL THE

THING YOU HAVE.

(LAUGHTER)B)

TEACHING ME THINGS THAT MY P.E.

TEACHERS FAILED TO TEACH FORHEALTH CLASS.

OR C)MAKING MY HEART FALL OUT OF MY

BUTT.

(LAUGHTER)YES, BRENDAN WALL SNSH

>> I'M GOING GO WITH "A" THESWRA V.A. JOIN THAT TINGLEY.

>> Chris: ACTUALLY THEY'RE ALLCORRECT.

WELL DONE, ONE DIRECTION FANS.

IT'S A GREAT WAY TO GETCOMPLETELY INCORRECT INFORMATION

FOR PEOPLE WHO TWR V NOTHINGBETTER TO DO THAN ANSWER

QUESTIONS ON YAHOO! AND AREN'TINVOLVED AT ALL WITH THE TOPIC

YOU'RE ASKING.

I'M GOING TO READ A REALQUESTION POSTED TO YAHOO!

ANSWERS AND IF YOUR ANSWER ISBETTER THAN OUR FAVORITE YAHOO!

ANSWER, YOU'LL GET 250 POINTS.

ALL RIGHT?

FIRST YAHOO! ANSWER.

"ARE YOU A COLLECTOR OFANYTHING?"

KRT?

>> BUTT HOLE TATTOOS.

>> Chris: YOU MADE IT PERSONAL.

I LIKE THAT.

THE REAL ANSWER WAS "I LIKE TOCOLLECT BULL BALLS.

I WAIT UNTIL THEY DIE AND ICOLLECT THEIR BALLS."

(LAUGHTER)IT'S GREAT THAT THE HE WAITS

UNTIL THEY DIE.

THAT'S A COURTESY.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU POINTS FORTHAT KURT.

250 POINTS.

NUMBER TWO, SECOND YAHOO! ANSWERQUESTION.

"WHY DO I ALWAYS SEEM TO GETPINK EYE?"

KURT?

>> BUTT HOLE TATTOOS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: ALL RIGHT!

THE REAL YAHOO! ANSWER WAS"SCOTT BAIO GAVE ME PINK EYE."

250 POINTS TO KURT.

WELL DONE, YOU ARE BEATING THEINTERNET KURT.

THAT YAHOO! ANSWER MADE NEWS.

KURT'S MIGHT, TOO.

>> I HAVE A BUTT HOLE TATTOO OFSCOTT BAIO.

>> Chris: REALLY.

HOW MANY FINGER CANS YOU IN THETHAT BUTT HOLE TATTOO OF SCOTT

BAIO?

>> INCLUDING THUMB?

>> Chris: YES.

>> A HANDFUL.

>> Chris: LAST ONE, VERYIMPORTANT.

"DO ASIAN PEOPLE LAY EGGS?"REAL QUESTION.

ANDY DALY?

>> NOT YET BUT THEY'RE WORKINGON IT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: REALLY.

REALLY, SIR?

REALLY, SIR?

HERE'S THE TOP YAHOO! ANSWER:"YES, THEY DO."

I'M STILL GOING TO GIVE YOU 250POINTS ANDY DALY.

WELL DONE.

THIS IS VERY POPULAR ON THEINTERNET, PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE

THIS GAME.

IT'S "WORSE THAN HITLER."

WORSE THAN HITLER.

FOLKS ON THE TUBE LOVE TOCOMPARE THINGS TO HITLER.

I'M GOING READ YOU A TWEET ANDFOR 250 POINTS TELL ME IT WAS

TWEETED AS "WORSE THAN HITLER"OR NOT.

NUMBER ONE "SOMEONE WHO RETWEETSSETH MacFAR LANE."

BRENDAN WALL SNSH>> THAT'S NOT WORSE THAN HITLER.

>> ACCORD TO THIS GUY IT'S WORSETHAN HITLER!

WORSE THAN STOMPING ALL OVEREUROPE.

MAYBE THIS GUY'S PROPORTIONS ANDHIS COMPASS IS OUT OF WHACK, I

DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

>> I THINK IF HITLER HAD AHANDLE BAR MUSTACHE HE WOULDN'T

BE SO VILIFIED.

HE WAS ACTUALLY RUNNING ANARTISANAL CHEESE COMPANY.

(LAUGHTER)"WE ONLY HAVE THE WHITEST

CHEESES IN EUROPE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: NOT LIKING AGE SEX.

BRENDAN WALL SNSH>> NO, THAT IS WORSE THAN

HITLER.

>> Chris: THAT IS WORSE THANLITTLER!

>> I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITHYOU EVER!

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE,DRINKING BUBBLE TEA IN THE CAR.

WREN DON WALSH?

>> THAT IS NOT WORSE THANHITLER.

>> NO, IT'S NOT.

THE PERSON THOUGHT IT WAS WORSETHAN FARTS.

THEY THOUGHT IT WAS WORSE THANFOUGHTS.

HOME BOY DRINKING BUBBLE TEA INA CAR, I FEEL LIKE I'M SITTING

INSIDE A JIFFY LUBE, #WORSE THANFARTS.

THAT'S HOW THEY MAKE THE BUBBLESIN BUBBLE TEA.

PEOPLE WAITING IN A JIFFY LUBE.

>> THAT'S OBVIOUSLY SPONSOREDCONTENT FROM JIFFY LUBE.

>> Chris: I'M NOT SURE.

>> I CAN SPOT THOSE TWEETS.

TIME FOR CATCH UP OR KE$HA ORREST STOP BATHROOM.

KE$HA IS AMERICA'S MOST ADOREBLYTRASHY POP STAR.

BATHROOMS ARE WHERE TRUCKERSHAVE DIARRHEA.

BOTH ARE SIMILARLY DESCRIBED ONTHE INTERNET.

I'LL READ YOU A PHRASE AND YOUCAN TELL ME IF IT'S A TWEET

ABOUT KESH HAVE SHAH OR A YELPREVIEW OF A REST STOP BATHROOM.

CORRECT ANSWERS ARE WORTH 250POINTS.

THE FIRST ONE "NEEDS A BAR OFSOAP AND A GOOD SCRUB."

KURLT?

>> THAT WOULD BE KE$HA.

>> YES, THAT WOULD BE KE$HA.

THAT'S KE$HA FOR 250 POINTS.

THAT'S KE$HA.

ALL RIGHT, NUMBER 2.

"GREAT PLACE TO PEE."

(LAUGHTER)IT COULD GO EITHER WAY.

BRENDAN?

>> BOY, IS IT -- I'M GOING SAYKE$HA!

>> Chris: NO!

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S THE BUTT WINGER RESTAREA.

IF YOU'RE WATCHING, YOU CAN GETBANGED BY ME, NO PROBLEM, KE$HA.

WE'LL EDIT THAT OUT.

SGLRT KEEP THAT IN!

IT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM.

>> Chris: THERE MIGHT BE PROBLEMI CAN FORESEE PROBLEMS.

NEXT UP, TIME FOR HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU GUYS A

HASHTAG AND BUZZ IN WITH AS MEDWETS AS YOU CAN.

TODAY'S HASHTAG IS #SLUTTYMUSICALS.

EXAMPLES OF THIS WOULD BE"SCATS."

OR "ALL THAT JIZZ" OR "DIDDLERON THE ROOF."

SO GOING FROM THERE I'M GOINGPUT 60 SECOND ON THE CLOCK.

GO.

>> "JEKYLL AND HYDE MY DICK INYOUR TITS."

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: SDMURT

>> "JIZZ ZI BOYS."

>> Chris:>> JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR

(BLEEP) SUCKER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES.

BREB DON?

>> THE STOMP ON MY IT THES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KURT?

>> AVENUE QUIFF.

>> Chris: ANDY?

>> PUBIC HAIR SPRAY.

>> Chris: POINT!

KURT?

>> KISS ME (BLEEP) KATE.

>> Chris: NICE LITTLE IRISH TURNON THAT ONE.

ANDY DALY?

>> ANYTHING GOES IN MY ASS.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: CROWD FAVORITE.

250 POINTS.

YES, KURT?

>> URINETOWN.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: THAT'S ALREADY THERE

BRENDAN?

>> GREASE!

>> Chris: YES, WE ALSO WOULDHAVE EXCEPTED

PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS

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