Bad Decisions

  • Season 1, Ep 1
  • 04/30/2013

Amy regrets having a one-night stand, getting on a plane and auditioning for "2 Girls 1 Cup."

for coming in here today forthis little interview

slash auditionslash you're hired.

Flavia, we ofcourse know

each other from ourlast project,

thank you so much for flyingyourself in from Brazil.

And Amy, welcome.

Thank you.

How'd you find out aboutthis little project ?

I saw it in a--an adin a magazine.

It just said,"Actress slash models

for marketing viralvideo" ?

Yeah, yeah, that's our ad in"Stage Couch," fantastic.

Well, Flavia, I mean,this is gonna

be a littleold hat for you,

but let me give Amy herea quick rundown.

In a nutshell, it'sa marketing video.

We're calling it"Two Girls, One Cup."

And we're hoping itgoes viral.

It opens on youand Flavia naked,

kissing each other oversome soft piano music.

Nothing too intense,just some light kissing.

Then Amy, you'regonna stand up and spread

your cheeks and shitinto a cup.

Then both of you willlick the shit out of the cup,

spread it all over yourfaces and then kiss

each other some morewith shit on your face.

Next, Flavia, you're gonna blowsome bubbles with the shit

and then Amy, you're gonnasit on a dildo while Flavia

vomits the shit intoyour mouth,

then you vomit the shitback into Flavia's mouth,

then Flavia re-vomitsthat shit one more time

back into your mouth.

Yeah, that's it,the end.

Just one quickquestion.

Will we be usingsome sort

of a CGI effect or,like, stage chocolate.

No, you'll be eatinga full cup of real shit.

No fancy specialeffects here.

We're indie, you know,so it's super low budge.

Size-wise, are wetalking a teacup ?

16-ounce glass.

Is this, like,gonna be an art film ?

Like it might windup in the MoMA ?

No.

But it's like commentary,it's kind of meta, you know,

like that scene in "AmericanBeauty" with the plastic bag.

No, I haven't seenthat movie.

Well, the image, it'sa plastic bag whirling around

in the wind, it waskind of like--

Is it a bag of shit ?

No.Then no.

Is it art ?It's scat porn.

It's basicallythe opposite of art.

You won't seeour faces.

Oh, we will definitelysee both your faces.

But they'll be, um,blurred, you know ?

The blur effect, or like a blackbar when it's like, over our--

I mean, they'll havedark shit on them.

There's gonna beshit on our eyes ?

Will we be tested fordiseases beforehand ?

No, we use thehonor system here.

Flavia knows the drill.

( speaking foreign language )

Yeah, see.

You guys are gonna beviral video stars, huh ?

Who's ready ?

Yay !

What do you say ?

Yeah.

I'll do it,I'll do it.

I definitely need moreon-camera experience, so.

You're gonna getit right now.

There's onelittle hitch.

We need you to definitelylose some weight.

And I'm thinking,ballpark, three, five pounds.

That's a lot of weight.

Mainly in the face.

Maybe I'll just lose itthe day of into the cup.

That's gross, Amy.

She's eating.

All right, well.

Bye.

Bye.

Whew.

Here's the craziestthing about last night.

Like his body just--

It felt like home.

Dude, does this tasteskunked to you ?

No.

What does he do ?

Okay, we didnot get to that,

but according to Google,like finance, maybe.

What'd you get intolast night ?

Nothing.

Actually, I got kindof hammered.

God, I like,miss him.

I'm gonna text him.

Oh,you should wait.

No, the amazing thingis that we're not playing games.

Oh my God.( phone alert )

No idea whothat is.

How hard is it to opena joint checking account ?

And this is for youand your husband ?

Husband ?

I--I guess, I guess.

I have a feeling.

Mm-hmm.

This is it.

This is mywedding cake.

This placeis perfect.

Unless he's Jewish.

Whatever, it's my day,right ?

You know what ?

There's one more thingI'd like to take a look at.

You know what ?

I just--I feel it.

I feel like Matt and I willjust be at peace here.

Yeah.

God.

You know what ?

I'm gonna call my boo-boo,see what he's up to.

( phone ringing )

Hello ?

Hey.

Just at the cemetery,thinking boutcha.

What are you thinkingfor tonight ?

I'm literallydown for whatever.

Who is this ?

Uh, it's Amy.

We--we hung out last night,I came back to your place.

Right, yeah.

Sorry, I thinkI'm gonna take a pass

on us seeing eachother again.

Did I wear a bag ?

What a dick !

Ma'am, shouldI stop digging ?

Yeah.

Wait.

What's your name ?

My name's Charles.

Amy Charles.

Keep digging.

Okay, I'm Bengi.

If you need anyother sizes,

you please let meknow, all right ?

Okay.

There you go.

Thank you.

What's your name ?

Taffeta.

Okay.

Oh, this is a yes.

Yes.

Yeah.Thanks for coming.

Hi, how are you ?

Did someone helpyou today ?

Yeah, um...

Hmm.

Who was it ?

You know, Idon't--I don't see him.

Do you know whathe looks like ?

Yeah, he is wearinglike a-- like a vest,

or like a plaid shirt,I feel like--

I don't know what everyonewho works here wore today.

Um, he had short hair,so that'll probably do it.

Just that.

He's...

Black eye--black eyes ?

He has black eyes ?

Yeah, he had black eyes.

So he has black pupils ?

Yeah.Are there any otherdistinguishing features ?

I would guess he probablyvoted for Obama.

I know I did.

What ?

Oh my God, that's him,that's definitely him.

He doesn't work here.

Okay.

You know whatI just remembered ?

Nobody helped me.

So forget it.

Okay, we work on commissionhere, so if someone

did help you,you should probably tell me.

Can I just, like,give you,

like $10 and youjust leave me alone ?

Darren, Bengi, Debri,Kaching, get in here, please.

Kaching ?

Thank you.

That's him.

You really can'ttell us apart ?

Whatever, Taffeta.

Your name says Amyon your card.

Yeah.

It would, I wasin the witness--

I witnessed, uh...

You were in thewitness ?

Protection program ?Protection--

Program.

And you just toldme that ?

Hey.Hi.

Did someone helpyou today ?

Yeah, the Asianover there.

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