Wedding in Paradise

  • Season 3, Ep 1
  • 03/04/2016

Adam hosts stand-up from Chris Garcia, Jacob Williams and Megan Gailey and gets himself into a predicament when he lies to a hotel manager.

- And action, Adam.

- Aloha.

It's the original beach boyhimself,

me, Adam DeVine.

Last year, I took my house partyto New Orleans,

where I took over a bar,

but this year--no, no, no, no, no.

I'm taking over a resortin freaking Hawaii.

- Um, excuse me?[snaps fingers]

What's going on here?

- I'm introducing my show,"House Party," right now.

- No.

- We are currently doing the--

- I am here to tell you

that you are currentlynot doing that.

- We are, though.

- No, you are not,because guess what?

You're not supposedto start filming your show

until tomorrow.

Okay?This space is reserved

for a wedding today,so you will have to wait.

I'm so sorry.

- I'm getting marriedduring the show.

It's a comedy show/my wedding.

- So--so you're the groomin the Kahananui wedding?

- Yep.So, this is my wedding.

Okay?Anyways.

Like I was saying, last year I--

[sound cuts out]

- She unplugged the sound, dude.

- Hey, Adam.

I'll be watching you,

and I can unplug your show

at any time.

- Jesus Christ.

Can you--plug it back in.Just...

- "House Party" Hawaii, baby!

[theme music plays]

I have a boyfriend, so...

[cheering]

I know.

I know--well...

I--it took me a while.

This is my first one ever,and...

the first one is so exciting,

'cause, like, if I go missing,

there's finally a suspect,you know?

Like...she was loved.

I like him a lot.

Well, we broke up.

But...

it's tricky,'cause we live together.

So when we broke up,

I was like, "Do youhave enough money to move out?"

And he was like, "No.

Do you have enough moneyto move out?"

And I was like, "No," so.

We're back together!

[laughter and applause]

Yay.

You're so in love.

I kind of tricked himinto getting back together,

besides the financial handcuffswe were in.

I took him on a romantic getawayto Sleepy Hollow, New York.

I wanted it to be, like,a romantic trip,

so I brought all this lingerie,

but then I kept getting too fullat every meal.

I would just hold the lingeriein front of my body

while I wore my regular pajamas.

Like...

[laughter]

There's so much dairyin New York.

It's just...it's like,

if you think I'm gonna eatfour kinds of brie

and then fuck you,you're crazy.

Like...

I'ma watch Datelineand fall asleep.

So I sort of--I--I felt bad,

'cause the trip did not goas planned,

so I was like, you know what,on the last day,

I'll give him a blow job.

For me, the only placeI'll give a blow job

is in the shower.

I feel very safe there,'cause it's like--it is--

it's not--it's the best place.

It's a--you're already wet,

you can clean it upa little bit,

tears are welcome,whatever.

IT MEANS SO MUCH

THAT YOU WOULD COME ALL THIS WAYTO MARRY ME.

- OH, YEAH. I MEAN, I--I--IWOULDN'T MISS IT.

I MEAN,MY LITTLE BABY BOY'S GROWING UP.

- THANK YOU.- YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY WOMAN.

OKAY, AND I GUESS IF ANYONEHERE, UH, YOU KNOW,

HAS ANY REASONWHY THESE TWO LOVEBIRDS

SHOULDN'T GET MARRIED,

SPEAK NOWOR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.

OKAY?- DON'T DO IT.

- I OBJECT.

- WAIT--- NO, I WISH YOU WOULDN'T.

- I OBJECT.- GOD DAMN IT.

- I OBJECT.

LOOK, I KNOW WE'RE BOTHHETEROSEXUAL GUYS...

- WELL, MM-HMM.- BUT I NEED MONEY.

- I DON'T THINK SO.

I'D RATHER--I THINKMEGAN WANTS TO MARRY--

- NO, NO, NO, I THINKYOU GUYS--

YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MARRY HIM.

ABSOLUTELY.- I DON'T THINK SO, MEGAN.

I DON'T...

- I THINK IT'S FREAKING SICK,DUDE...

- JESUS.- 'CAUSE LOVE RULES.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN

AND THEN, ALSO, ANOTHER MAN.

THEY'RE MEN.MEN TOGETHER.

- MEN.- FOREVER.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CONGRATS.

WELL DONE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I did real esate for a while,

I just wantedsomething more stable,

so I started doingstand-up comedy, and...

[laughter and cheering]

But I would always getthese lectures from my boss,

and he would say things like,"You know, it seems like

you only come into workwhen you feel like it."

I was like,"Actually, that's not true,

"because I never feel like...

[laughter]

"Coming into work,so technically,

I come in slightly more timesthan that."

But the last timeI talked to him, he was like,

"You got to make some changes."

I'm like,"What's he gonna do, fire me?"

It turns outyeah, that's exactly...

what he did.

My goal at that jobwas to work the least amount

where I wouldn't get fired,

which--I don't knowwhat that amount is,

but now I know what the amountright below that is.

[laughter]

I got a letterthrough Certified Mail recently,

and I went to the post officewith the Certified Mail slip.

I was like, "Hey, I'd liketo pick up the letter

that goes withthe Certified Mail slip."

They were like, "Well, we needa piece of mail

with your current addresson it."

I was like, "Oh, actually,the Certified Mail slip

"is a piece of mail...

"with my current address on it.

"That's why I have it.

"I think you guys were the onesthat sent it to me,

"and it said to come here.

"I didn't sneakinto someone's house.

Like, oh, man, I reallywant to steal an errand."

[laughter]

They were like,"Well, we still just need

one more piece of mail withyour current address."

I'm like, "There is one more,but it's in the back

"of your post office...

"right now.

"That's why I'm here,again, so.

"If you can go and get thatand bring it out here,

"that's gonna solve bothof our problems,

"and I'm not gonna back downon this.

It's either my wayor the highway."

[laughter]

Anyway, so I'm on the highwayafter that...

I was stuck in traffic.I was so mad.

I was like, "Oh, man, I wisheveryone in front of me

would just die," and thenI was like, "I actually--

"I don't mean that at all."

That would be--at that point,

traffic would be a lot worse,I guess, but...

[laughter]

But I remember later that day,I got pulled over.

It was during the winter.

There was a lot of snow and salton my license plate,

and the cop was like,"Hey did you know

I can't readyour license plate?"

I was like,"No, I didn't know that.

Probably wouldn't havepulled over if I knew that."

[laughter]

"That would have beengreat to know, like,

a couple of minutes ago," but...

He was like,"I have to give you a citation."

I'm like, "That's fine ifyou want to give me a citation.

"I thought you weregonna give me a ticket, but...

"if just want to use mein your essay,

"that's okay with me,I guess.

"Verify my new address.

I've got two letters now."

[laughter]

I love soccer.

I think it's so exciting,

but I got to watch iton the Spanish channel

instead ofwith these British guys.

They just don't havethe passion, you know?

They're just like,

"And there's the equalizer.

[laughter]

"After 89 minutes of play...

[sighs]

"We have a tie.

[laughter]

World's championship match."

[snoring]

You watch that shiton Telemundo...

[laughter]

And those fools are like,

"Y el portero cumplió 33 años

hace dos días!"

[cheers and applause]

You're like,"Holy shit, what'd he say?"

Oh, he just said the goalieturned 33 two days ago.

[laughter]

He didn't say anything.He's just excited.

[laughter]

[screams]

What the fuck was that?

Oh, he's just yawning.

[laughter]

So my parents are from Cuba.I'm really proud of that.