Jesse Joyce and Brendon Walsh investigate the campaign of alleged time traveling, dinosaur-fighting presidential candidate Andrew Basiago in this extended, uncensored episode.
- [Voiceover] Tonight, Trump, Clinton.
It all comes down to them, or does it?
At Midnight investigates the one man running for president
you haven't heard of.
Andrew Basiago, former classmate of Barack Obama.
- [Voiceover] Today I am leading the truth campaign.
- [Voiceover] Activist, lawyer, and time traveler?
- What would you want from a time traveling president?
- Well of course, like most people,
I'd like him to go backin time and prevent
the worst day in American history from happening.
The day Pee-wee Herman got caught jerking off
in a movie theater.
- [Voiceover] Jessie?
- He's not a god damn time traveler (bleep)
- [Voiceover] All that plus big foot,
machine guns, and teleportationon Investigation Midnight.
The once and future president.
>> HARDWICK: If you're justjoining us, Andrew Basiago is a
54-year-old Cambridge-educatedlawyer who says he was part of a
CIA program that fools kids withthick glasses into thinking
they're not being drugged andhooked up to scrotal electrodes,
and now he's running forpresident.
One of his major campaignpromises is to get us completely
off fossil fuels and stop globalwarming, but how?
>> Uh, he's gonna add a newscene in The Fast and the
Furious where Vin Diesel fucks aTesla.
(laughter)>> This is no time for amazing
(laughter)>> The government has
teleportation technology thatthey've been hiding from us for
President Basiago knows aboutthis because he used to teleport
to Mars himself with PresidentObama.
>> Yeah, don't forget that, uh,Bigfoot's lawyers said that they
teleported in the elevator of anoffice building, because, of
course, you go to Mars in thesame contraption you'd use to
get to the lobby of a Radisson.
>> HARDWICK: Brendon, yourrebuttal.
>> The CIA sent them as collegeundergrads, to prep them for the
stress of eventually beingpresident, because what could be
more stressful than traveling tofucking Mars, you guys?
This. This is more stressful.
>> HARDWICK: Now, it does begthe question:
What top-secret programs couldother presidents have been
>> Uh, the CIA covered up thetime that Bill Clinton fucked an
entire Hooters in FortLauderdale.
>> HARDWICK: Brendon?
>> President Garfield tried tooutlaw Mondays and weaponize
>> HARDWICK: Um...
(laughter)Uh, it should be noted that you
just drew the Babadook.
>> Chris, I'd like to ask you atthis point, what do you think
about all this?
>> HARDWICK: Well, as ajournalist, which I'm not, I
have to be completely objective,I suppose.
I'm 50% fine with it and 50%want him to take a nap in the
garage with his time machinerunning.
But if you're right andBasiago's lying, I could not in
good conscience vote for him.
>> Well, then how do you explainyour connection to his campaign?
>> HARDWICK: I don't have to,because I'm not connected.
>> Chris, what do you know abouthis finances?
>> HARDWICK: Well, we know he'staken in about $39 million less
than Trump and $233 million lessthan Clinton.
>> But where is that moneycoming from?
I sent him an envelope with 48bucks and a coupon for Just For
Men pube dye.
>> HARDWICK: They have that?
>> HARDWICK: Oh.
>> Like you and all the otheranti-vaxxers and Elvis hunters
and flat-Earthers, probably sentin half your ramen noodle budget
and methamphetamine money tothis address.
>> HARDWICK: Well, that's justan address.
What's strange about that?
>> Yeah, well, I did a littleresearch, Chris, and it turns
out that it's located in thisstrip mall.
And do you know what else islocated in that strip mall?
>> HARDWICK: A Michaels hobbyshop?
>> Your mom?
>> HARDWICK: Brendon's Vicodindealer?
>> It's not any of those things.
>> Well, what is it then,hotshot?
>> I'm about to explain it toyou-- it's Summit Comedy.
Summit Comedy is in that samestrip mall, a well-known
stand-up comedy booker thatyou're connected to, is in the
same fucking strip mall asMartian Andy's campaign
>> HARDWICK: I am definitely notconnected to Summit Comedy.
I've never even heard of SummitComedy.
>> Well, then how do you explainthis?
>> HARDWICK: Well, that's...
>> How do you explain why yourpicture is on Summit Comedy's
Web site, which happens to sharea address in the vicinity of the
same strip mall as Basiago's...
>> HARDWICK: I don't... can'tex... I don't know.
I can't explain that.
I don't have to do anything, atall.