Extended - Thursday, September 22, 2016 - Uncensored

  • 09/22/2016

Donald Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) joins Mae Whitman, Derek Waters and Rich Fulcher to invent new reaction emojis and study #DrunkerHistory in this extended, uncensored episode.

Monday marks the first

presidential debate between

"Golden Girls" Voltron Hillary

Clinton and fancy Magmar Donald

Trump.

(laughter)

And... for the first time ever,

Facebook will be live-streaming

the debates.

That means while you're

watching, you'll be to see the

flood of people responding with

Facebook's new reactions, such

as "angry" or "wow."

(laughter)

Which, appropriately enough,

look exactly like both

candidates. Uh...

(laughter)

(applause and cheering)

>> That's amazing.

>> They do.

>> HARDWICK: That is the face

both of them will be making when

Trump finally blurts out the "C"

word. Uh...

(laughter)

So, comedians, what are some

other reactions Facebook should

ad for the presidential debate?

Derek Waters.

>> You know, just a face, and

then it says "U.S.A.," question

mark.

It's real.

>> HARDWICK: Yeah, okay. Points.

Rich Fulcher.

>> Jeb Bush eating a ladle full

of sleeping pills.

(laughter)

>> HARDWICK (laughing): Points.

Mae.

>> A face of me watching "Kevin

Can Wait" instead of this bull

shit.

>> HARDWICK: Okay, all right.

>> Yeah!

>> HARDWICK: "Kevin Can Wait."

"Kevin Can Wait."

(applause and cheering)

>> Hey, that's a good show.

That's a good show.

>> Hey.

>> HARDWICK: "Kevin Can Wait."

These days, America faces

ongoing threats, both foreign

and domestic.

ISIS, North Korea, a resurgent

Klan.

>> I love it.

>> HARDWICK: O.J. Simpson.

"Suicide Squad."

Wario.

Comedians, what questions do you

have for Mr. Trump on the topic

of securing America?

Rich Fulcher.

>> Uh, your first official

presidential sit-down with

Vladimir Putin...

Tongue?

(laughter)

>> Rim job.

>> HARDWICK: All right. Points.

>> Whoa! Whoa!

(applause)

>> HARDWICK: Derek Waters.

>> As an American, at 37 years

old...

>> Show me your papers.

>> I don't...

I don't have them.

(laughter and applause)

I don't have them.

>> I don't believe you.

>> Well, let's just say I was an

American and I've been here for

37 years.

How can you secure me that

people are gonna watch Drunk

History September 27 on Comedy

Central, and on the app, now

streaming on Hulu?

>> I love this guy.

I love this guy, 'cause he's

funny, he's funny.

(cheering and applause)

>> HARDWICK: Uh, I guess I'll

give Derek points for plugging

his own show. Mae?

>> Thank you, Chris.

>> Uh, I've got one.

So how can you secure America

when you can't even secure a

toupee to your damn head?

>> HARDWICK: That's a fair

question.

>> This is real.

>> HARDWICK: That's a fair

question.

Can I pull it?

>> Listen.

>> I just got to know.

>> I'm going to use my lifeline.

I'm gonna use my lifeline.

>> HARDWICK: There's no lifeline

on this show.

>> Yes. I get three lifelines.

Poll the audience, phone a

friend, and insult the

moderator.

>> HARDWICK: I don't... I don't

know why you think you can just

come on to my show and insult

me left and right.

>> Excuse me.

Cram it, you un-bullied dork.

You Swiffer with stubble.

You gay kindergartner who wished

he was big.

You doily that plays video

games.

You illuminati by marriage.

You're like a manicure...

(laughter)

You're like a manicure that

became a real boy.

You dick-joke Teddy Ruxpin in

skinny jeans.

Get bent.

>> Wow.

>> HARDWICK: All right.

(applause)

All right.

A lot of that's really hard to

argue.

And now it's time for tonight's

#HashtagWars.

>> Holy shit.

(cheering)

>> HARDWICK: Well, since we're

here tonight with the brilliant

folks from Drunk History, who

get drunk and teach history, we

felt that we should take a

moment to remember the towering

figures who got drunk and made

history.

For example, we all know that

Winston Churchill beat the shit

out of the Nazis, but did you

know it was because the Nazis

bumped into him at a bar and

said his cigar made him look

gay?

Look at that. There he is.

There's even a, there's even a

meme of this, uh, adorable drunk

little baby.

So, comedians, in honor of the

contribution of drunks in our

past, tonight's hashtag is

#DrunkerHistory.

Examples might be: Long Island

Iced Tea Party.

Or Madam Hangover Curie.

I'm gonna put 60 seconds on the

clock.

And begin.

Mae!

>> Tweet a picture of your

D-Day!

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points!

Rich Fulcher.

>> Abraham Drinkin.

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points.

Mae Whitman.

>> Uh, Last Call of the

Mohicans.

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points.

Derek Waters.

>> Wine-11. Always forget.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

(laughter)

Derek.

>> Taking Jell-O shots off her

grassy knoll.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Mae.

>> Uh, my personal hero, Boozin'

B. Anthony.

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points.

Rich Fulcher.

>> Judge Mojito in the O.J.

trial.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Judge Mojita. Very good.

Derek Waters.

>> Harriet Sleeping in my

Tub-man.

>> HARDWICK: Yeah, points.