The One Where Hannibal Looks Like "Miami Vice"

  • Season 2, Ep 7
  • 08/11/2015

Hannibal Buress, Kate Berlant and Paul Scheer perform, and Jonah Ray and Kumail Nanjiani reminisce about their many failed romances.

This guy is a massive Vine star.

Yeah.Please welcome to the stage...

vine celebrity,the Bling Ringa Xisle.

The Bling Ringa Xisle, everyone.

What up? Yeah!

Hey, guys, hey, guys,what's up? What's up?

How's it going?

I'm so excited. This is thefirst time I have performedoff of vine.

For the first time ever, I amperforming here live onstage...

and I'm gonna revolutionizecomedy with my very own6-second sets!

Wow! Wow!

Yeah.I'm excited to see that.

Yeah, so if you're a fanof my vine videos...

you're gonna love my stand-up,'cause it's just my vines,but live!

Okay, so like musicians willdo their songs live...

you're doing your vines live.

Exactly, but here's the thing.

Because we're not videotaping itwith a camera that runs outof time in six seconds...

I need you guys to bemy time keepers, okay?

Okay.All right, I could do that.

So you gotta like give me sixseconds, and at six seconds,we cut it off!

Okay, let's just get started,and you can look into thesecameras...

and let me know when to startthe time and I'll let youknow when it's over.

Okay, perfect.You can start... now.

How you know you're datinga dumb girl?

What animal does hummuscome from?

Bah!Time.

That was perfectly timed.

That was six seconds on the dot.

That's how I go!

Okay.Let me know when you're ready.

This one's calledBusiness Meeting.

Hello? Hold on, please.

What? Sell my stock in bananas.

Who? Now!

Stop.Wow!

You know--

And that's not the onlybanana vine that I do.

I'm known for allmy banana vines.

Check this one out.

Okay, let me knowwhen you're ready.

I think I have a weirdmoustache.

Aye! Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-bah!

Hello?That's time.

Do you guys steal?

Who steals? So one personsaid no, so there's a cowardright here.

Somewhere--

No one steals, just a roomfull of nerds.

I steal in a very specific way.

Um, I believe 100 percentthat women have the rightto steal cosmetics.

Um, completely, thank you.Absolutely.

The situation is womensometimes-- sometimesupon birth...

are forced into an economy...

you have to pay for your ownsubjectivity constantly, right?

So if you don't have certaincreams, powders, lotions...

um, the state won'trecognize you, um...

You can't get a job, right?

It's really-- it's very violent,kind of, the system.

So I've taken to, over theyears, just graduallystealing from--

And by the way, I'm not talkingabout small Ma and Pa shops.

Who here is a small businessowner?

Just so I know, that's whatI thought. So relax, but--

I'm talking about Sephora,right?

See me at really big chains,right? Those kind of arean anchor for me.

Uh, for example, the redlipstick I'm wearing tonight...

Hey. Um, it's calledScarlett Empress.

And it costs $30...

if you pay for it.

And I won't.

It's-- thank you so much, yes.Absolutely.

It's confusing, it's sort ofhow, you know, as a woman you--

You're just kind of-- you wantyour father to sexualize you,right?

Because-- just because you wanthim to see you as worthy, right?

And that's kind of the onlycurrency available.

So you want that,but at the same time...

that's very repugnant.

You know, so, again you're sortof caught in the dancing...

and again, for this,no training, okay?

Just want to say that just'cause I felt some people go...

"Oh, another one." You know,but this is completely-- no--

No lessons, so--