Rogell, Ramey, Drysdal, Davey

  • Season 3, Ep 0307
  • 01/04/2000

Gregg Rogell gives props to Bill Clinton, Eric Drysdale sings about his Rubik’s Cube, and Louis Ramey describes his encounters with uptight cops.

THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT.

THIS INDIAN GUY WENT

( east Indian accent ):YOU BETTER NOT GO NOWHERE.

I SPEND LONG TIME COMING HERE,OKAY?

IF Y'ALL THINKY'ALL SAW SOME MUSIC VIDEOS

SEE SOME EAST INDIANMUSIC VIDEOS.

Y'ALL AIN'T SEEN NOTHINGTILL Y'ALL SEEN 5,000 PEOPLE...

( rap beat popping )

( singing east Indian melody )

THAT'S WHERE JANET JACKSON GOTALL HER ( bleep ).

NICE TO BE HERE.

I JUST GOT THIS SUIT YESTERDAY.

DO YOU LIKE THIS SUIT?

DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT IN IT?

YEAH.

I DON'T REALLY LIKE ITTHAT MUCH.

I WISH I HAD AN ASS, YOU KNOW?

ISN'T THAT AMAZING?

I'M BUILT LIKEA 14-YEAR-OLD ASIAN GIRL.

IT'S REALLY KIND OF SAD.

( groaning and laughing )

SOMETIMES, I WEAR TWO WALLETSSO IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE AN ASS.

I WORRY ABOUT MY HEALTH.

QUIT DRINKING SIX MONTHS AGO.

WELL, YOU KNOW...

I THOUGHT I WAS HAVINGBLADDER PROBLEMS

'CAUSE I'D GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT

AND I'D WAKE UP, LIKE,FIVE OR SIX TIMES

TO USE THE BATHROOM.

SO, I WENT TO THE DOCTOR.

HE TOLD ME TO STOP SLEEPINGTILL 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.

WELL, I'M LAZY, YOU KNOW?

I AM TRYING TO EXERCISE, THOUGH.

TAKING A COURSE HERE IN NEW YORKIN ITALIAN MARTIAL ARTS.

LOT OF FUN, YEAH.

ITALIAN MARTIAL ARTS--IT'S A LOT LIKE KARATE...

LOT OF KICKS AND STUFF

EXCEPT THERE ARE TWO GUYSHOLDING YOUR OPPONENT DOWN

WHILE YOU'REACTUALLY KICKING HIM.

WE DON'T GET BLACK BELTS.

WE GET TANK TOPS.

WE'RE TOUGH HERE IN NEW YORK.

WE'RE THE TOUGHEST PEOPLEIN THE WORLD.

WE BUY HOT DOGS OFF THE STREETIN NEW YORK.

THAT'S HOW TOUGH WE ARE.

HOW RISKY IS THAT--

BUYING MEATFROM SHADY-LOOKING FOREIGNERS

ON A STREET CORNER?

( indistinct foreign accent ):WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A HOT DOG?

I KEEP THEM IN MY CLOSET,YOU KNOW.

ARE THEY KOSHER?

YES.

( laughs )

OH, THEY KNOW THEY'RE SELLINGYOU CRAP.

THEY SELL IT TO YOU.

THEN, THEY WATCH YOU EAT IT.

OH, THERE YOU GO.

( imitating foreign language )

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL LANGUAGE,ISN'T IT?

( imitating foreign language )

THAT'S ALSO THE SOUND YOU MAKE

WHEN YOU FALLDOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

( laughing )

I'M KIDDING.

I'M TEASINGMY ISLAMIC BROTHERS.

EXCEPT FOR BEING AMISH.

THAT'S GOT TO SUCK, YEAH

'CAUSE NOT ONLY ARE THEYA RELIGIOUS GROUP

BUT THEY'RE ALSOA MAJOR TOURIST ATTRACTION.

HOW ANNOYING MUST THAT BE?

I'M A JEW FROM NEW YORK.

I TRIED TO HAVE A BUSLOADFROM NEBRASKA PULL UP

IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.

LOOK, THERE ARE THE JEWSRIGHT THERE...

JUST LIKE IT SAIDIN THE BROCHURE.

LOOK AT ALL OF THEMIN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.

NO, DON'T FEED THEM.

THEY'LL JUST COMPLAINAND SEND IT BACK.

OH, THANK YOU.

IT'S HARD TO BE RELIGIOUSNOWADAYS, THOUGH

ESPECIALLY FOR THE KIDS

'CAUSE THE KIDS DON'T HAVEANY ROLE MODELS ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW WHO'SA GOOD ROLE MODEL?

JOHN GLENN-- 77 YEARS OLD,FLEW AROUND IN A SPACE SHUTTLE--

THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY FLYTHE SPACE SHUTTLE, THOUGH.

HE'S 77 YEARS OLD.

THEY JUST PUT HIM IN IT.

THAT WOULD'VE BEEN A DISASTER.

DISCOVERY THIS IS NASA.

CAN YOU TURN YOUR BLINKER OFF,PLEASE?

YOU'VE BEEN MAKING A LEFTFOR 280,000 MILES, JOHN.

NO ROLE MODELS FOR THE KIDS.

BILL CLINTON--THERE'S A ROLE MODEL

FOR THE KIDS, RIGHT THERE.

I KNOW YOU GROAN,BUT I LIKE BILL CLINTON.

PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BILL

'CAUSE HESEXUALLY HARASSES WOMEN

AND ACCEPTS FUNNY MONEYFROM FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS

AND LIES UNDER OATHAND SMOKES POT.

THAT'S WHY I VOTED FOR HIMIN THE FIRST PLACE.

YEAH.

LET HIM SEXUALLY HARASS WOMEN.

LET HIM PLAY WITH HIMSELFIN THE OVAL OFFICE.

I DON'T CARE.

PROBABLY DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVEI'M STILL PRESIDENT.