Black Ice

  • 11/20/2013

Local news anchors warn viewers about the dangers of "black ice," Lando Calrissian deals with an admirer, and Metta World Peace gives tips to homemakers.

[dramatic music]

- GOOD EVENING, ST. PAUL.

IT'S YOUR CITY NEWS AT 5:00.I'M JAMIE THRONEBURG.

- AND I'M MARCY WHITCHURCH.

WINTER WEATHER ADVISORIESARE IN EFFECT

ACROSS CENTRAL MINNESOTATONIGHT.

WITH MORE ON THAT,WEATHERMAN ISAAC LABUDA.

ISAAC.

- THANKS, MARCY.

A MAJOR SYSTEMIS ZIPPING ACROSS THE REGION.

OUTSIDE TEMP RIGHT NOW,8 DEGREES,

BUT IT FEELS LIKE 20 BELOW.

JAMIE.

- WELL, STAY OFF THE ROADSIF YOU CAN, FOLKS.

LOTS OF REPORTSOF BLACK ICE.

- OOH, YOU GOT TO WATCH OUTFOR THAT DANGEROUS BLACK ICE.

IT'S TRANSPARENT AND SNEAKY.HARD TO SEE BLACK ICE.

- THAT'S RIGHT, MARCY.

KEEP YOUR LOVED ONES SAFEAND WARN THEM

TO STAY OFF THE STREETTONIGHT

BECAUSE OF MENACING,LIFE-ROBBING BLACK, BLACK ICE.

- ISAAC.

- WE HAVE CHANNEL 17'SFIELD REPORTER,

DARREN HEPNER, WITH MORE.

DARREN?

- YEAH...

I'M STANDING OUT HEREAT HISTORIC RAMSEY HILL,

WHERE THERE ARE CURRENTLYNO CARS ON THE STREET

DUE TO, UH...

HAZARDOUSDRIVING CONDITIONS.

- DARREN, ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT BLACK ICE?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- OOH, JEEZ,IT'S FRIGHTENING

JUST TO EVEN SAY"BLACK ICE."

- IT'S SCARY, TRICKY,RUTHLESS STUFF, THAT BLACK ICE.

A PERFECTLY SAFE NEIGHBORHOODCAN BE SUDDENLY TERRORIZED

BY THE APPEARANCEOF BLACK ICE.

- WELL, ONE MUSTKEEP IN MIND THAT,

JUST BECAUSE BLACK ICELOOKS DIFFERENT THAN WHITE ICE,

IT DOESN'T MAKE ITANY MORE DANGEROUS.

ALSO, ONE MUST REMEMBER

HOW HARD IT ISFOR BLACK ICE TO SURVIVE,

WHAT WITH THE AUTHORITIESTRYING TO DESTROY IT

WITH THE SNOW PLOWSAND SALT TRUCKS,

BUT BLACK ICE PERSEVERES.

- UH-HUH, THAT'S RIGHT.THAT'S RIGHT.

AND AS YOU CAN SEERIGHT NOW,

THE CITYIS BEING CONTROLLED

BY LOTSOF OPPRESSIVE WHITE SNOW,

MAKING IT HARDFOR ALL PEOPLE TO ADVANCE.

AND WE DON'T HEARMUCH "NEWS" ABOUT THAT,

NOW, DO WE?

- NO, WE DO NOT!

- WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,BROTHER DARREN.

- BUT LET'S BE HONEST--BLACK ICE IS THE REAL MENACE.

LAST NIGHT I WAS INA PERFECTLY SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD,

WALKING AWAYFROM AN A.T.M. MACHINE,

WHEN BLACK ICEJUST SNUCK UP ON ME

AND PRACTICALLY ROBBED MEOF MY BALANCE.

- OUCH. THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKESOMETHING BLACK ICE WOULD DO.

- WELL, I JUST HOPE THAT FOLKSWATCH OUT SO THE WHITE SNOW

DOESN'T BLIND THEMAND KEEP THEM FROM SEEING

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.

- ALL I'M SAYINGIS I CAN'T THINK

OF A SINGLE CHRISTMAS SONGABOUT BLACK ICE.

LOTS OF CHEERFUL, UPLIFTINGSONGS ABOUT SNOW, SO...

- [laughs]WELL...

FOR THE RECORD, BLACK ICENEVER ASKED TO BE OUT HERE.

- NO, IT DID NOT!

- IT'S A PRODUCTOF THE ENVIRONMENT.

- OOH, HALLELUJAH!

- IN FACT, BLACK ICEDIDN'T LAND ON THE ROAD.

THE ROADLANDED ON BLACK ICE!

- WHOO! AMEN!

- OKAY.

NEXT UP, WHY IS AMERICABEING RUINED BY BLACK PEOPLE?

[tense music]

- LANDO! WHAT?OH, SNAP!

YO, LANDO!

YO, LANDO CALRISSIAN!

- OH, HI.YEAH, THAT'S ME.

- OH...DUDE!LANDO!

YO! YO, YOU STRAIGHT UP RUNNINGCLOUD CITY RIGHT NOW, DOG!

- [chuckles]- THAT'S YOU, MAN!

YOU OUT THERE JUST--

[imitates ship engine whirring,laser blasts]

SWOOSH!

- WELL, YOU KNOW,I-I DO MY BEST.

- ZEEF, MAN. ZEEF HOWDO.BIG FAN, BIG FAN.

- WELL, ZEEF, IT'S REAL NICETO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

- STRAIGHT UP, THOUGH--STRAIGHT UP, MAN.

YOU AN INSPIRATIONTO ALL OF US, MAN.

YOU INSP--YOU'RE THE REASONI'M OUT HERE IN CLOUD CITY, DOG.

MAN, I AIN'T EVEN JOKING, MAN.- THAT'S NICE.

- BUT, YO, IDEALLY, THOUGH?- YEAH?

- IDEALLY--ON AN IDEAL SITUATION,

I WOULD BE DOINGLIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I'D BE UP THERE, LIKE,IN THE HIGH CHAMBERS

OF CLOUD CITY, DOG.

- WELL, ZEEF,IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

- YO, RIGHT ON, MAN,

'CAUSE THEY GOT MEIN THE CARBONITE ROOM

RIGHT NOW, SON.

THAT'S BULL[bleep], RIGHT?

THEY GOT ME WORKINGWITH SOME PIG DUDES AND WHATNOT.

YO, I AIN'T NO PIG,YOU KNOW?

AND YOU EVER NOTICE, MAN,

THERE AIN'T A LOT OF BROTHERSOUT HERE, MAN, IN SPACE.

RIGHT? IT'S LIKE THEY'RETRYING TO KEEP US DOWN, MAN.

- YOU KNOW, I-I DON'T THINKTHAT IT'S THE POLICY.

I JUST THINK IT'SREALLY, REALLY DIFFICULT

TO GET TO THIS LEVEL.

YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTANDTHE POLITICS OF THE EMPIRE

AND, AT THE SAME TIME,

ALL THE MOTIVATIONSOF THE REBEL ALLIANCE.

- ALL THAT, MAN, ALL THAT.- YOU'VE GOT--

- ALL THAT, ALL THAT,ALL THAT, ALL THAT, ALL THAT.

BUT IDEALLY, THOUGH, MAN?

IDEALLY, WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT IS, LIKE, ME AND YOU--

WE SHOULD, LIKE, DO SOMETHINGTOGETHER, THOUGH, MAN,

'CAUSE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,YO, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MAN,

I USED TO FLY THOSE LANDSPEEDERSALL THE TIME.

MY FRIENDS WAS LIKE,"MAN, YOU SHOULD BE PILOTING

ONE OF THE X-WINGS,"RIGHT?

AND SO THAT'S,LIKE, DISAPPOINTING, MAN,

'CAUSE I GOT HERE,AND THEY JUST HAD ME, LIKE,

CLEANING UP THE R2 UNITSAFTER THE X-WINGS COME IN.

- ZEEF, I GOT TO GO.

YOU SHOULD PROB--OH, NO.

- MAN, I'M SAYING, MAN,HOW DO WE CONTACT ONE ANOTHER?

'CAUSE THAT'STHE MOST IMPORTANT THING--

THAT WE CONTACT ONE ANOTHER,

'CAUSE, YO, LOOK, MAN,IDEALLY, THOUGH?

IDEALLY THOUGH?

I WOULD GET TO FLY, SOMEHOW,LIKE, THE MILLENNIUM FALCON.

LIKE, THAT WOULD BE COOL.[device beeps]

AND, YO, LET ME GET YOU MY--LIKE, MY CONT--

I GOT MY CARDIN HERE SOMEWHERE.

[beeping]MAN, I'M JUST TRYING

TO FIND THIS, LIKE,POCKET RIGHT HERE,

'CAUSE THESE--SOMETIMES, THESE SUITS,

THEY DON'T GOT NO POCKETS.- YOU KNOW WHAT, ZEEF?

JUST GIVE YOUR INFORMATIONTO LOBOT HERE,

AND WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.

- LOBOT?

MAN, I SEE HOW IT IS.

I GOT TO TALK TO YOUR MANDROIDRIGHT NOW?

MAN, [bleep] YOU, [bleep]!

LITTLE WHITE-ASS HAIR!

WHY YOU WEARING A CAPE,THOUGH, HUH?

WHERE YOU GOING,THE ICE PLANET HOTH?

- [chuckles]OUTRAGEOUS.

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