Sexy Vampires

  • Season 3, Ep 7
  • 10/30/2013

A hotel guest is blown away by the Continental breakfast, and a psycho's victims stay positive.

- ROOMMATE MEETING.

ROOMMATE MEETING!

- GOGO, WHAT THE HELL?I'VE GOT A HANGOVER!

- I DON'T GIVE A [bleep]

ABOUT YOUR HANGOVER,OKAY, BRENDAN?

I WANT A ROOMMATE MEETING,AND I WANT IT NOW!

OKAY.

NOW, SOMEBODY'SBEEN TAKING [bleep]

OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR

AND THROWING ITON THE GROUND,

AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF.

IS THIS ANOTHER ONEOF YOUR STUPID PRANKS, JONALD?

- NO.AND YOUR PRANKS ARE STUPID.

- IS IT YOU, MONDAY?- WHAT?

[eerie music]- I SAID,

SOMEBODY'S BEEN TAKING [bleep]OUT OF THE FRIDGE

AND THROWING ITON THE [bleep] GROUND.

AND I WANT TO KNOWWHO IT IS,

BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY!

- WELL, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS,

WHO KEEPS PULLING THE SHEETSOFF MY BED

AND HANGING THEMFROM THE CEILING FAN AT NIGHT?

- WAS THAT YOU, MONDAY?- WHAT?

- HAVE YOU BEEN TAKINGEVERYBODY'S SHEETS OFF THEM

IN THE NIGHT AND HANGING THEMFROM THE CEILING FANS?

- WHAT? NO.

- WELL, CLEARLY,SOMEONE'S BEEN DOING THAT!

[glass shatters]- WHOA!

WHO DID THAT?

- YEAH! WHO THE [bleep]JUST DID THAT?

- WHICH ONE OF YOUJUST THREW THAT BOTTLE?

- WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKINGABOUT RIGHT NOW?

- DID YOU [bleep]ING THROWTHAT BOTTLE, JONALD?

- NO, GOGO!

[bleep] YOU!I DIDN'T THROW IT!

- WELL, DID YOU [bleep]ING THROWTHAT BOTTLE, BRENDON?

- YEAH!YOU WOULD DO THAT, BRENDON.

- DUDE, NO!I DIDN'T THROW THE BOTTLE!

- WELL, SOMEBODY THREWTHAT [bleep]ING BOTTLE,

AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DREWDICKS ON EVERYONE'S FOREHEAD!

- YEAH, YOU DID DO THAT!

- BUT DICKS ARE HILARIOUS,THOUGH!

THIS IS JUST DESTRUCTIVE!

WHAT ABOUT YOU, MONDAY?

DID YOU THROW THAT BOTTLE?

[low growl]- WHAT BOTTLE?

- THE [bleep]ING BOTTLE, DUDE!

IT JUST SMASHEDAGAINST THE WALL,

AND YOU EVEN SAIDSOME [bleep] ABOUT IT!

- WELL, I DIDN'T THROWA BOTTLE.

- WELL, OBVIOUSLY,IT WASN'T PING.

HE'S GOT THE BEST GRADESIN THE HOUSE.

- [hisses]

- GOOD POINT, PING.

COME ON, GUYS, LET'S COOL ITWITH THE PROFANITY.

YOU KNOW PING'S VERY RELIGIOUS.

- [growls]

[guys groaning]

- AW, PING!- UGH!

- COME ON!

BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

- [gasps]

- AH, TONIGHT,

THE NEWEST MEMBEROF OUR FAMILY

WILL FEASTFOR THE FIRST TIME.

all: [hissing]

- OPHELIA...

BRING THE NEW BLOOD.

AHH.

BROTHER TYRELL.

WELCOME TO THE FIRST NIGHTOF YOUR NEW AND--

WHAT ARE WE WEARING HERE?

- W--

UH, I-I'M JUST WEARINGWHAT I GOT BIT IN.

- MM-HMM.

OKAY.DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING BLACK?

OR, LIKE, PANTS WITH LACESUP THE SIDE OF THE LEG...

- [hisses]- WOULD BE GOOD,

JUST SO YOU CAN STILL SEETHE SKIN.

all: [gasping and hissing]

- UH, NO.

THAT'S NOT MY STYLE,

SO I AIN'T GOT NONE OF THATIN MY CLOSET

OR NOTHIN' LIKE THAT.

- OKAY.

ANYWAY, WE WILL TONIGHT

ALL FEAST!

all: [hissing]- [chortles]

- COME ON, MAN.

- EXCUSE ME?

- I'M JUST SAYING,

Y'ALL OVER HERE LICKINGAND--

AND HISSING AND WHATNOT.

IF WE GONNA EAT,THEN LET'S EAT. DAMN!

- Y-YES.

OF COURSE,WE WILL ALL FEED.

all: [hissing]

- OKAY, YEAH, THAT'S ENOUGH.

- SPREAD THE MEAT.

crunch!

- COOL. OKAY.

DID ANY OF THATACTUALLY GET IN YOUR MOUTH?

'CAUSE, I MEAN, NOW--SHOOT.

NO WONDER Y'ALL'S HUNGRYALL THE TIME.

all: [hissing]

- SEE--UH-UH, UH-UH.NO, NO, NO, NO.

SEE, LOOK,WHY Y'ALL GOTTA HISS

WHEN YOU FLASHIN' YOUR FANGS?

YOU KNOW YOU CAN MAKEYOUR TEETH COME OUT

WITHOUT DOINGALL THAT NONSENSE.

SEE?

[silence]

AND CAN YOU TWO GET A ROOM?

SERIOUSLY, Y'ALL LIVEIN A DAMN MANSION.

THERE GOTTA BE SOME OTHER PLACEYOU COULD DO THAT [bleep].

I MEAN, ARE YOU TWOEVEN LESBIANS?

LOOK, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTANDWHY EVERYTHING

GOTTA BE ALL SEXUALAND LICKY.

GIRL, SERIOUSLY, MAN.

YOU GOTTA GET YOUR HANDSUP OFF ME

'FORE I [bleep] YOU UP.

[bleep] IS NASTY.CREEPY AS [bleep].

BEEN TOUCHING MY NIPPLEFOR 15 MINUTES.

ALL THIS [bleep] Y'ALLIS DOING UP IN HERE?

THIS IS JUST, LIKE,STRAIGHT-UP GRATUITOUS.

I GOT BIT ON PURPOSESO I COULD LIVE FOREVER

AND SEE FUTURE CARS.

- YEAH, CYRUS,THESE PANTS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE.

- AND I ACTUALLYHAVE A BOYFRIEND.

- AND THIS SONG HAS BEEN PLAYINGFOR, LIKE, TWO YEARS,

AND IT SUCKS.

- WOW.- [sighs]

THIS JUST SEEMS...

DESPERATE.

- OKAY, DESPERATE?REALLY, TRISTAN?

- IT'S CHRISTIAN.

- REALLY?- HIS NAME AIN'T EVEN TRISTAN.

- SO DO YOU ALLFEEL THIS WAY?

- YEAH.- YEAH.

- KINDA.- YEAH.

- YEAH.

- [snorts]

WOW.

IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN GETGOOD FRIENDS--

NO, YOU'RE NOT EVEN--

OKAY, AND YOU'RE LEAVING NOW.THAT'S--

- I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT,DOG, SERIOUSLY,

LIKE, YOU COULD FIXTHIS PLACE UP.

IT'D BE DOPE, THOUGH.FOR REAL.

ARE CARS GONNA BE ABLETO FLY,

OR IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BEON A MAGNETIC TRACK?

I MEAN, THAT'S WHATI WANT TO KNOW.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

- THIS O-NEGATIVETASTES LIKE PENNIES.

- OH, I'M SORRY ABOUT--HEY, HEY.

NO, NO, NO, NIPPLE PLAYIS FOR PRIVATE TIME.

- WHAT IF ALL OF THIS LIFEWE THINK WE'RE LIVING

IS JUST A DREAM?

AND WHEN WE WAKE UP...[voice fades out]

- THIS IS SUCH BULL[bleep],YOU GUYS.

- HEY, MAN,THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?

- OH, MAN.

I BEEN DOING ZOMBIE EXTRA WORKON THIS SHOW SINCE...

[chuckles]DAY ONE, FIRST SEASON, MAN.

- MY FIRST TIME.

- OH, IT'S YOUR FIRST TIMEON THIS SHOW?

- MY FIRST TIMEBEING EXTRA AT ALL.

- EVER?- I'M KIND OF NERVOUS.

- OH, WOW. OKAY, MAN.HEY, MAN, IT'S...

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.BUT YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT, MAN.

IT'S OKAY, MAN.IT'S NOT THAT HARD, MAN.

YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.I'M--

ME PERSONALLY, DUDE,I'M LOOKING

FOR THAT LUNGE BUMP, THOUGH.[chuckles]

- WHAT'S--WHAT'S A LUNGE BUMP?

- OH, THAT'S, UH,LIKE IF YOU, UM,

YOU GET FEATUREDIF YOU LUNGE AT SOMEBODY,

AND THEN YOU GETA BUMP IN YOUR PAY.

AND IF YOU REALLY LUCKY, MAN,

THEY BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF.

THAT'S STRAIGHT BANKRIGHT THERE.

- ALL RIGHT, EXTRAS.

I'M THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR.GATHER ROUND.

- JERRY, HEY, JERRY,I HAD A THOUGHT, MAN,

ABOUT THE FIRST SCENETHAT Y'ALL'S DOING--

- NOT NOW, STAN.- STEVE, IT'S STEVE.

- OKAY.- OKAY.

- I NEED SOMEBODY TO LUNGEAT THE FENCE.

- [growling]- YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT?

- HIM?- UH, YEAH.

- IT'S HIS FIRST DAY, THOUGH.HE KINDA NERVOUS, MAN.

HE KINDA NERVOUS.IT'S HIS FIRST DAY.

- OKAY, SO THE DIRECTOR'SGONNA YELL "ACTION,"

MACK'S GONNA COME BY,

AND THEN YOU'RE JUST GONNA LUNGEINTO THE FENCE, LIKE,

GRAAAH!

- Y-YOU WANT ME TO SAY"GRAAAH"?

- OH, THIS IS--- SAY WHATEVER.

- THIS IS CRAZY.OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

COOL, MAN--HEY, YOU KNOW--HEY.

THAT'S COOL.HEY.

HEY, YOU KNOW I GOTA LOT MORE EXPERIENCE, MAN.

YOU CAN JUST USE ME.I BEEN HERE...DAY ONE.

FIRST SEASON,SO IT--OKAY.

COOL, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FINE.YOU GONNA GO WITH HIM.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD FOR YOU, MAN.GOOD FOR YOU.

- GRAAAH? GRAAAH?- NAH, DUDE, DO--

YOU DON'T HAVETO SAY "GRAAAH".

DO WHATEVER THE HELLYOU WANT TO DO, MAN.

- THAT'S THE LUNGE BUMP?

- THAT IS THE LUNGE BUMP, MAN.

YOU GOT IT.YOU GOT IT.

ON YOUR FIRST DAY.

EVER BEING A EXTRA.

EVER.

YOU GOT IT, MAN.GOOD FOR YOU.

- AND ACTION.

[eerie music]

- [high-pitched voice]AAH!

WHAT'S UP, OBAMA, MY BABY?

- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?CUT.

- OH, MAN, I WOULD BEMORE THAN HAPPY

TO FILL IN, MAN.

I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPYTO STEP IN.

- MACK, JUST REMEMBER

WHEN YOU'RE COMINGTHROUGH THE FACTORY THAT,

LIKE, YOUR MIND IS STILLON THE CAR OUTSIDE, ALL RIGHT?

- HEY, I MEAN,Y'ALL GOTTA PICK PEOPLE

BASED ON QUALIFICATIONS, MAN.

- OKAY.- HE DON'T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE.

- IT WAS A GOOD NOTE,GOOD NOTE.

BUT MAYBE WHAT I WAS DOINGSORT OF SUPERSEDED THAT.

- AGREED.YEAH, WE WERE JUST...

- YEP.- DISCUSSING THAT.

ABSOLUTELY, IT SUPERSEDES IT,YEAH.

BUT LET'S DO ONETHAT JUST CEDES IT, OKAY?

JUST SAME LEVEL.

WE'RE GOING AGAINSTRAIGHT AWAY, OKAY?

- WOW, OKAY.- RIGHT AWAY, RESET.

- HE'S NOT DOINGA GOOD JOB AT IT.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT,THOUGH, MAN.

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS, YOU GOTTAANSWER THE DOOR, MAN.

- AND ACTION.- WAIT TILL I TELL YOU.

[growling]

[eerie music]

- [high-pitched voice]ME-ME-ME-ME, ME-ME,

ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME!

- CUT.

- I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPYTO STEP IN

AT ANY TIMEYOU WANT ME TO.

I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPYTO DO IT.

- JUST A CERTAIN SENSEOF URGENCY

IS ALL WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

CLOCK'S TICKING, YOU GOTSURVIVORS TO FIND, RIGHT?

- CAN I TELL Y'ALL SOMETHINGFOR A SECOND?

THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE IS NOTDOING WHAT A ZOMBIE DOES.

THIS DUDE WAS LITERALLYON OUR LAST TAKE

WAVING HIS HAND UP IN THE AIRLIKE THIS, JERRY,

MAKING BEEKER SOUNDS.

HE SOUNDED LIKE BEEKERFROM THE MUPPETS, Y'ALL.

- THANK YOU, THAT'S GREAT.

JUST A TICKING CLOCK ON THISIS ALL WE'RE LOOKING FOR,

BECAUSE THERE ARE SURVIVORS,IS WHAT WE'RE AFTER.

- OKAY.- OH, JEEZ.

- BUT I FELT AMBIVALENCEIN THERE.

- THE AMBIVALENCE IS ART.IT'S GORGEOUS, AND WE LOVE IT.

BUT THERE ARE ZOMBIES, SO IF WECOULD JUST PICK UP THE PACE,

JUST A HAIR, THAT'D BE GREAT.STRAIGHT AWAY, PLEASE.

RIGHT AWAY.- ALL RIGHT, GOING AGAIN.

- JERRY, BUT JERRY,WE'RE NOT DOING

"NIGHT OF THE LIVING MUPPETS,"ARE WE?

- WE ARE NOT.- 'CAUSE THE BEEKER

IS NOT A ZOMBIE.- DO YOU HAVE ANY NOTES?

- YEAH, DON'T BEA [bleep]ING BEEKER.

- QUIET, PLEASE.- ACTION.

[eerie music]

- [high-pitched voice]I'M GONNA EAT YOUR BRAIN!

ZOMBIE.

- CUT.

- NO!

HE ACTUALLY JUST SAIDTHE WORD "ZOMBIE"!

COME ON, MAN!

Y'ALL EVER HEAR OF A ZOMBIESAYING THE WORD "ZOMBIE" BEFORE?

NO, YOU HAVEN'T.I DON'T THINK SO.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?GET RID OF THIS GUY.

- THANK YOU!THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

DUDE, I'M SORRY, DOG,BUT YOU TERRIBLE AT THIS, MAN.

- HIM.- HEY, MAN, NO.

HE TALKING ABOUT HIM.HE'S TALKING ABOUT HIM,

'CAUSE HE SAID "ZOMBIE".

- THANK YOU, STEVE.- BECAUSE--NO.

NO, YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?

HEY, MAN, I BEEN UP HERESTAGGERING AROUND HERE

FOR 3 1/2 YEARS,

AND I BEEN STARTLING EXTRASLEFT AND RIGHT.

WHEN DO I GETTO STARTLE THE LEAD, HUH?

- ONE MORE FOR SAFETY.STRAIGHT AWAY, HERE WE GO.

- STILL ROLLING.- ACTION.

[eerie music]

- HEY, WHAT DO WE DO

IF WE HAVE TO GOTO THE BATHROOM?

- WE LIKE IT?

- I LOVE IT. GENIUS. MOVING ON.- I GOT IT.

AND YOU HAVEFREE WI-FI THERE.

ALSO, FROM 6:00 A.M.TO 10:00 A.M. EVERY MORNING,

THERE'S A FREECONTINENTAL BREAKFAST.

- HMM.

CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST.

- YES, FROM 6:00 A.M.TO 10:00 A.M.

[phone rings]

- SO IT'S CONTINENTAL, THEN.

- MM-HMM, YEP.

[Muzak in background]

- VERY GOOD.

[gasps]

EH, GARCON.

[chuckles]

ONE ADMISSIONFOR THE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST.

- YOU CAN JUSTHELP YOURSELF, SIR.

- HMM, INTERESTING.

EUROPEAN STYLE.

[light classical music]

[chuckling]

MM.

AHH.

WHEN IN ROME...

HMM, THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT.

[chortles]

WELL, AREN'T YOUA TINY PLUM.

WELL, LA...DEE...

DA.

PAPER AND EVERYTHING.

AND WHO ARE YOU,

MY LITTLE FRIEND?

NOT A SPOON...

NOT A FORK...

BUT SOMETHING IN BETWEEN.

A "FPOON".

[chuckles]

WHAT WILL YOU THINK OF NEXT,GERMANY?

[humming softly]

AHH.

[chuckles delightedly]

ALL THE "EURO-PINE" COUNTRIESLAY BEFORE ME.

WHERE SHOULD I FLY TO FIRST?

AHH.

THE PIT OF THE DOUGHNUT.

MM, THANK YOU, TURKEY.

MM, BUCKLE UP.

LET'S SEEWHERE WE SHALL GO NEXT.

AH, THE DANISH!

CLEARLY FROM BRUSSELS.

MM.

MM, MM!

MM!

HELLO, GREECE,

WHERE THE YOGURT FLOWSLIKE WATER.

MM, YES,

LIKE GO-GURT,BUT TO STAY.

[chuckles]

MM.

MM, SO GOOD!

MM, PULLING INTO SPAIN.

MM!

BAKED TO PERFECTION.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

IT ALL COMESWITH THE ROOM!

[laughing]

MM!

MM, MM!

YES!

MM!

I LOVE BEING INCONTINENT!

I LOVE BEING INCONTINENT!

A DELIGHT TO THE SENSES,

ISN'T IT, MY FRIEND?

ISN'T IT? YES!

I'LL HAVEWHAT I'M HAVING!

[music crescendos]I'LL HAVE...

WHAT I'M HAVING!

[woman singing angelically]

[sobbing]

SO GOOD.

IT'S SO GOOD.

- THANKS.

OH, GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

- WELL, DAVIS,

I WILL BE STAYINGINDEFINITELY.

- BUT, SIR, DON'T YOU KNOWTHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN HERE?

[romantic big band music]

- REALLY?- MM-HMM.

- CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST?

- RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

[eerie music]

- COULD BE WORSE.

- NOT THAT BAD.

- FOR ME,IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.

- IT'S WHAT YOU MAKEOF IT.

- LOOK, CAN I TELL YOUSOMETHING?

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED,

I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF COMFORTABLERIGHT NOW.

THANK GOD FOR SHOCK.

- I CAN BE THE KIND OF PRISONERI WANT TO BE.

- WE'RE STILL ALIVE.

- THANK YOU. RIGHT?

- MM-HMM.- JUST TWO...

INJURED BUDDIES.

- YES, YEAH, MM-HMM.

- HAVING A FRIENDLY CONVOWHILE WE'RE WAITING

TO GET TORTURED AGAIN.

- AND, YOU KNOW,THERE'S A KIND OF A POSITIVE

IN HAVING NO OPTIONS.

- YES.- BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

WE'RE NOT EVEN GONNA TRYTO ESCAPE

'CAUSE WE KNOW WE'D FAIL.- YES.

TELL YOU ANOTHER THING.DON'T MISS THE ARM.

- REALLY?- FIRST OF ALL, LEFTY.

OKAY? SO THIS THINGPRETTY MUCH GOT IN THE WAY.

- HA.- KEEP IT, BUDDY!

[metal screeches]

- YOU FOOLS,BLATHERING AWAY!

[chuckles]

YOUR SUFFERINGHAS ONLY JUST BEGUN.

- WOW.

THAT ISA PERFECT SUMMATION

OF THE HUMAN CONDITION.

AND ONCEYOU'VE EMBRACED THAT,

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

- BINGO.- [screams]

NO ONE HAS EVER SUFFERED

AS YOU WILL!

HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

- YOU LOVE YOUR WORK,

AND THAT KINDOF A POSITIVE ATTITUDE,

QUITE FRANKLY,IT'S CONTAGIOUS.

- IT IS.

- WELL, WE'LL SEEHOW POSITIVE YOU'RE FEELING

AFTER I COVER YOUR BODYIN GASOLINE

AND SET YOU ON FIRE!

- YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S AMAZINGTHAT YOU WOULD SAY THAT,

'CAUSE I WAS JUST THINKING

IT'S GETTING A LITTLE CHILLYIN HERE.

- MM-HMM.- THANKS SO MUCH, MAN.

- DAMN IT!

[screams]

- WHAT A DRAMATICAND FASCINATING MAN.

- I THINK WE OWE HIMBIG TIME.

- AS DO I.- REALLY.

I MEAN, ALL THIS TIMEAWAY FROM MY COMPUTER,

MY PHONE, MY WORK,IT'S JUST--

I FEEL UNPLUGGED.

- YES, YES. OH.

- OH.[rat squeaking]

both: AWW.

- CIRCLE OF LIFE.

- NANTS INGONYAMA.

- AND I CAN'T REALLY FEELANYTHING ANYWAY,

SO YOU HELP YOURSELF, BUDDY.

[saw whirring]

- OH, WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE?

- DO YOU SEE THIS?

THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING TO USETO CUT OFF YOUR LEGS!

- FINALLY!

- THAT'S A GREAT SAW.

I'M A HOME IMPROVEMENT GUY,AND I KNOW MY SAWS,

AND I GOTTA TELL YOU,IF YOU'RE CUTTING OFF LEGS,

THAT IS THE WAY TO GO.

- THAT'S THE ONE?- THAT IS DEFINITELY THE ONE.

GOOD ON YA.- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY!

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

SOMEBODY NEEDS A DAY OFF.

- WE, OF ALL PEOPLE,SHOULD KNOW HOW HARD HE WORKS.

- MM-HMM, MM-HMM.

- [giggling, sobbing]

MAKE THEM STOP!

THIS IS TORTURE!

NOOOO!

- "The Van and Mike Show," weback for another episode, man.

Trying to dosome thought-provoking stuff,

trying to get it allon another level and whatnot.

We'll be readingsome more comments

in the near future and whatnot.

Please, keep 'em coming in,keep 'em coming in,

keep 'em coming in,keep 'em coming in.

- Keep 'em cerebral.- What's that?

- Keep 'em cerebral.

- I mean, use your thoughtand your mind

and your whatnotwhen you're making them.

Like, you know,carefully craft them and stuff.

Don't just be--just typing them up

and not thinking about it, man.

Like, think aboutwhat you doing.

You know what I'm saying?

Read some comments.

- We got over2 million views, man.

This from Tex Thomas2020.

"Is Vev--"[clicks tongue]

They fucked upyour name, dawg.

"Vevendaum."

- Vevendaum?

Do I live in Westeros?

- They got mine right.

Mike.

- Well, it ain'ta hard name, Mike.

- "Is Vevendaum and Mikethe stunt doubles

for Key and Peele?"

- Stunt doubles?

They don't even do no stuntsin their shows.

- Rainbow Blue says,

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha--"

Nope, take awayone of them "ha"s.

"I spit coffee all overmy screen from this shit.

"Hats off to you.

That was fuckin' hilarious."

Intelligence.

- The only problem I havewith that entire comment

is that a rainbow, by nature,is not just blue.

It's ROYGBIV.

- I got a comment.- What's your comment?

[laughter]

- Ugh!- Guh!

- Weeba, weeba, weeba...

- Squirt.

[laughter]

- Don't let anyof this joviality

make you think we don't--stupid comments were stupid.

We still believe thatto be true.

- Stupid people saywise things sometimes.

Like Forrest Gump.

- One more thing

before I go crazyand lose my damn mind.

Y'all stop talkingabout Key and Peele,

stunt doubles,we look like them.

We don't look like them.

We ain't talking like them.

We don't knowthose motherfuckers.

They didn't hire us.

I don't want to hear nothingelse about Key and Peele.

- Look at this nigga.

- We saw this oneon the "Key & Peele."

Not that we're watchingthe show every week.

Happened to want to givea little critique

on one of the sceneswhere two dudes

was chained upbeing tortured and whatnot.

- Do you see this?

This is what I'm gonna use to cut off your legs.

[giggling]

- Finally.

- That's a great saw.

I'm a home improvement guy.

- That scene, the clown wasthe protagonist in that scene,

and they was the antagonists.

- That clownwas scary as hell.

But I'll tell you whatthat clown should have done.

[imitating saw]

- Cut the dick off.

Cut both they dicks off.

- Sitting down,he's like...

[laughs maniacally]

"Open your mouth.

I'm gonna put this dick in."

[gagging]

- That would shut them--

That would shut them upfor real.

- They wouldn't have been ableto say shit.

That was our jamright there, dawg.

The only problemwith that scene:

should have beenchopping off dicks.

Both those dudesshould have been there like,

"I wasn't planningon using it anyway.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la."

"Even if I get it down there,

I'll never be able to suck itbecause it's not there anymore."

[laughter]

Eight dicks!

This whole episodewas falling apart.

I thought for sureI was about to say--

hey, this episode,worst episode,

and now I thinkit's the best episode.

I was like this before,and now I'm like, "Spoops."

That's Internets right there.