January 5, 2016 - Sexist Donald Trump & Bernie Sanders Chat

  • 01/05/2016

Donald Trump blasts Hillary Clinton for using the bathroom, and Bernie Sanders discusses his presidential candidacy with Larry, Grace Parra and Jordan Carlos.

-Yes!-(audience chanting "Larry!")

Welcome to The Nightly Show. Thank you very much.

Oh, man.

So... Oh. Oh. Oh.

-(cheering and applause)-Thank you so much.

It means...it really means a lot.

You guys are too nice.I am Larry Wilmore.

Now, guys, calm down,

'cause I have just a wordof caution tonight.

Um, if you start to notice,like, a burning sensation or...

No, no, really. If you startto feel the Bern,

as they say,

it's 'cause Bernie Sandersis on the show tonight!

-(cheering and applause)-Yeah!

He's here, man. Bam!

On the show. I'm excited.

Fun, too. Uh...(chuckles)

Now, uh, if that burning laststhroughout the week,

you should probably seea doctor.

I'm talking about tonight.

I can't believe it.We're, like, a month away

from the Iowa caucus,which means

it's time to find outwhat is the latest

in the questto de-Negrofy the White House.

What's happeningwith the Unblackening?

(dramatic music playing)

All right, so far,Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton

are still the lead unblackeners.

(chuckles)

We had a chance with Ben Carsonto reblacken,

but it just... doesn't seemlike it's gonna work out.

With our black Droopy the Dog,as, uh, someone pointed out.

Uh, now, while the GOP debateshave garnered

a lot of attention,the Democrats are taking

a different approachwith their debates.

They're actively trying todiscourage people from watching.

This is true, you guys.

The-the Democratsactually held a debate

on the Saturday nightbefore Christmas.

The only way they could'veensured fewer people watching

is if they got M. Night"Shamalan" to direct it.

I still said his name wrong.Right?

It's Shyamalan? Shamalamalan?

What the hell's his name?Shamalamalan? Shamalan?

Whatever it is. See, look,this... Let me put it like this,

this guy made a moviein which Marky Mark gets chased

by the wind for two hours,all right?

Just unacceptable.I can't accept that.

Anyway,figuring no one was watching,

Hillary excused herself

and went to the bathroomduring the debate.

Well, apparently one personwas watching.

I'm watching the debate,and she disappeared!

I know where she went.

It's disgusting.I don't want to talk about it.

No, it's too disgusting.

Don't say it. It's disgusting.

Yes, she wentto the ladies' room.

Or as Donald Trump would callit, the shame chamber.

(cheering and applause)

I mean, seriously,

what's up with Trumpand women's bodily functions?

He once calledpublic breastfeeding disgusting.

It's like he's fine with women

until he finds outthey're human.

Right? Um...

By the way, that's why he soldthe Miss Universe Pageant.

He found out those woman pooped.

I'm not making this up.It's true.

"You're telling me nowherein the universe

"there isn't a womanwho doesn't poop?

That's what you're telling me?You checked all the planets?"

It's true. Not making it up.

Clinton wasrepeatedly confronted by a woman

later identified as aRepublican state legislature...

legislator, rather,about rape allegations

against President Clinton.

You are very rude, and I'mnot gonna ever call on you.

Ooh.

Hear that, kids? If you don'twant the teacher to call on you,

just stand up in class andrepeatedly bring up allegations

about her husband beinga rapist. Mmm.

This has beenLarry Wilmore's Classroom Tips.

Thank you very much. Okay.

But...

even if Hillary won't hear anytalk about the 42nd president,

she doesn't mind hearingtalk from the 42nd president.

REPORTER: Former president Bill Clinton gets set

to hit the trail solo to campaign for his wife.

Wait, Bill Clinton ishitting the campaign trail solo?

You're telling me that Hillaryis letting him travel alone,

stay in a private hotel room,and talk for hours every day?

Bill Clinton is in heaven!

My God, this isexactly what he wanted.

He was so excited, guys, whenHillary asked him to do this,

there's currentlya Bill Clinton-shaped hole

in their house.

Sure. Which is weird,

because he really couldn't just use the door.

Mm-mm.

But can Bill really staydisciplined and convince voters

that Hillaryis the best candidate?

For more, let's check inwith our good friend

and Clinton aide,Carlos Jordanson,

-live in New Hampshire. Carlos.-How you doing, Larry?

-Good to be here. Yes.-Okay.

-Yes.-Great.

Now, Carlos,you've been assigned

to travel with President Clinton

as an emissaryfor his wife's campaign.

Now, how is that going?

Larry, New Hampshire is great.

President Clinton, yes,he brings so much energy

and excitement to the campaign.

Uh, Carlos,where-where are you right now?

New Hampshire!Just like I said!

No, no, no, I mean,there's some kind of

velvet curtainor something behind you.

Where specifically are you?

Oh, uh, President Clinton hastaken me to a small business

so... yeah.

-(laughter)-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

Yeah, small businessso that we can meet some voters.

-(music playing)-WILMORE: Oh.

(laughter)

Uh, wait.What... what is that music?

Oh, it's probably just a...you know, a car radio

or something like that,you know, uh... -Ah.

We're hereat an American business

that's focusedon hiring women, uh,

because Secretary Clinton standsfor equal pay and rights and...

MAN: Coming up on the main stage-- our sweetest girl

Splenda!

-(laughter)-Jesus!

Carlos, are you at a strip club?

Okay, uh, I think

the establishment's nameis Stiletto's, um, but

maybe it's a shoe store.Who am I to judge?

WILMORE: I don't thinkit's a shoe store.

Look, look, everyonehere is a potential voter.

-In fact, many of themjust turned 18. -WILMORE: Okay.

-Hold on a second.-(laughter and applause)

-Carlos?-Yeah. This is good.

This is crazy.

How would you...?

How would Hillary feelabout where you are right now?

She would be thrilled, uh,

to know that her husband ismeeting so many voters close up.

Um, sometimes three at a time.

(phone plays tune)

-Okay. -WILMORE:What is...? Is that your phone?

Oh, God.

Uh, it's the secretary.

She found my iPhone.I got to get off the grid!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait. But that wasSecretary Clinton?

Oh, yes! Oh, God, Larry,you got to help me.

I can't control Bill.

I have $10,000 worthof nanny cams in my trunk.

-WILMORE: Uh-huh. -But the mandoesn't stay in one place

long enough for meto set them up. Oh!

-WILMORE: What? Car...? Wait.Carlos, what-what's that? -Aah!

Oh, my God,was that a Ping-Pong ball?

With the presidential seal, yes.

(laughter)

This is out of control.

Yes. Look, Larry,I'm a married man.

Do you know how hard it is

to get glitterout of a $300 silk tie?

Yes, it's the worst...

I mean, no, I have no ideaabout it.

-Larry.-It's terrible.

I-I got to split.President Clinton is heading

to Denny's to, quote,"Look at some new talent." Okay?

Uh, Mr. President, I believeDenny's requires a shirt.

WILMORE:Okay, well,

-good luck with that!-Help me!

-Carlos Jordanson, everyone.We'll be right back. -Help me!

-Carlos, I don't mean...-Whoa! Whoa!

-Whoa! What is that?-(shrieking)

-(applause and cheering)-Welcome back.

Now, earlier, we mentionedsome of the heckling

and trollingthat's been going on

between the candidateson the campaign trail.

But I wantedto point out one example

that literally soared higherthan the rest.

Interesting momentin California today.

This involves a messagein the sky

above the Rose Paradein Pasadena.

The sky writing there,it reads, quote,

"America is great,Trump is disgusting.

Anybody but Trump."

No word yet on who's behind it.

(applause and cheering)

No word yet on who's behind it,but I have a theory.

I was actually at the RoseParade when this happened,

and I shot some footagemyself with my phone.

Now check out what was happeningat the same time this was going.

PEOPLE:We love Bernie! We love Bernie!

(applause and cheering)

Yeah. It was a Bernie Sandersrally, you guys.

That puppet looks guilty.

(laughter)

You're welcome, CNN.Mystery solved. Bernie did it.

-(applause and cheering)-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

WILMORE:Oh, my God.

-Look everybody.-It's not true.

-It's not true.-WILMORE: No, no, no.

It's Vermont Senator...

AUDIENCE (chanting):Bernie! Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!

-Thank you.-(chanting continues) -Yes.

-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.-WILMORE: It's Bernie Sanders.

I thought you were... I thoughtyou were getting here later.

-(cheering)-I thought...

No, I was outdoing some leafleting,

but, look, here's the story.

I don't have to spend moneyto make Donald Trump look dumb.

-He does it all by himself.-That's true.

-(applause and cheering) -Well,come and sit down, Bernie.

-Oh, thank you.-Come on in and sit down.

-I agree with that.-Thank you.

Okay, you have a lot of peoplethat love you.

I'm telling you,love you out there.

-(applause and cheering)-Thank you.

Yeah, uh...and I have to say...

No, it's-it's palpable lovefor you.

And I have to tell you, Bernie.

It seems to methat you've been winning

all the top secret Democraticdebates so far, all right?

-(laughter) -I mean, seriously,that last one was, like,

at 3:00 a.m.,like, Christmas Eve

on, like, C-SPAN 4.

You know?

Who do you thinkis more against you--

the Republican Partyor the Democratic Party?

(applause and cheering)

-Well, we are taking on theestablishment. -WILMORE: Yes.

(applause and cheering)

And I think it is fair to say

that I'm not the candidateof the establishment.

-WILMORE: Yeah. -I'll let youdraw the conclusions.

-Yeah. -You're a smart guy.You can figure it out.

I am. It feels likethere's a conspiracy out there.

I think, uh...I mean, I don't think

they counted on your popularityscrewing up their plans.

(laughter)

(whooping, applause)

Uh... are there, uh,

are there any issues out there--Black Lives Matter--

-(laughter)-that you think may be, uh...

might being overlooked rightnow-- Black Lives Matter--

that you as a candidate mightbe able to shine some light

-on Black Lives Matter?-You know, I think...

-But don't let me influence you.-You know, Larry,

off the top of my head,

-Yeah. -I think Black LivesMatter is an important issue.

-Oh. Interesting.-(whooping, applause)

-Okay...-You should-- no, no, no.

I know you're black, but youshould not be embarrassed

-about raising the issue.-No, no, no, I'm not.

It's importantthat we raise the issue.

How can the president leadon that issue

and, uh, and...and have the Americans

feel includedas Americans in this?

Because people always feel likeit's a divisive issue.

-I don't think it's divisive.-No, I don't think so.

Look, I don't think...you know, I think white people

are as appalledas African-Americans or Latinos

-Right. -in seeing whatwe're seeing on television.

And that isunarmed people being killed...

-(cheering, applause)-Yes.

...while in police custody.

So I think there are a numberof things that we have to do.

The firstand maybe most important

is to make sure that ifa police officer breaks the law,

that officer,like any other public official,

-must be held accountable.-Absolutely.

(cheering, applause)

I mean, we...

we are more likelyto impeach a president

than convict a police officer.

I mean, that is... breathtaking.

That has got to change.

Now, I saw something that, uh--I have to tell you this--

that Donald Trump saida few days ago

about Hillary Clinton, and, um,

I'm really gonna need your helpin interpreting it.

So can we just show thatright now?

She was gonna beat Obama.

I don't know who'd be worse.

I don't know.How does it get worse?

But she was gonna beat...she was favored to win,

and she got schlonged, she lost.I mean, she lost.

Okay, um...

I'm a little rustyon my Yiddish.

-(laughter)-Uh... I don't know.

I took that Rosetta Stone thing.

That thing does not work,you guys.

-(laughter, whooping)-Uh...

I was under the impressionthat that was a noun and...

and not a verb.

So what does...how do you "schlong" someone?

What does that mean?

How does someone get schlonged?This is what I want to know.

I think you'll haveto ask Donald Trump

for an explanation of that.

-I don't know the answer tothat. -You have no explanation?

All right.One more question, then.

No, I... I have yet to recoverfrom Trump's shock

that women go to the bathroom.

-Yes, exactly. -So I'mstill recovering from that.

So "schlong"I haven't figured out yet.

-Okay. All right.-(laughter)

Okay. All right.With that in mind,

let me just give you oneKeep It 100 question, Bernie.

Okay? Got to Keep It 100% real.

Okay? If you winthe nomination--

which a lot of people hopethat you do, right?--

(loud cheering)

...in...

in the general election,

even thoughyou don't understand this,

would you promiseto schlong Donald Trump?

Just say...

-(whooping, applause)-Just say yes. Just say yes.

Just say yes!

(cheering, whooping)

Let me saywe will beat him badly.

-How's that?-(cheering, applause)

That sounds... that soundslike a schlonging to me.

We'll be right back with moreBernie Sanders, everybody.

Keep It 100, man!

Okay, welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Jordan Carlos.

-Hello.-(cheering)

And Nightly Show contributorGrace Parra.

-Hi.-(cheering)

And once again, please welcome

presidential candidateBernie Sanders.

(cheering)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on twitter @nightlyshowusing the hashtag #tonightly.

Okay, now, tonight, we're gonnado things a little differently.

Instead of throwing out a newsstory for all of us to discuss,

our topic tonight is you,Bernie.

-Very simple, right? -Well,I know something about that.

WILMORE:A little bit, just a little bit.

Okay, uh, now, Bernie,you've actually been, uh...

I don't know-- "criticized"is maybe too harsh of a word

for actually being too niceto Hillary during the debates.

Like... No, true,people have said

you've beentoo much of a gentleman.

Do you think you have to bean asshole to be president?

(laughter)

I certainly hope not.

(whooping)

That's, like, the energy that'sout there, this rude energy.

Why do you thinkpeople are responding

to that type of energyin such big numbers right now.

Because people are angry,you know?

They're hurting,they're confused,

and you have somebodylike Trump come along,

and he says, "Well,you know who your enemy is,

"you know who the causeof all your problems is?

-It's the Latinos."-PARRA: Mm-hmm.

-Or, "It's the Muslims."-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

"And we're gonna dealwith those issues

and your life will be better."

Well, that'sold-fashioned demagoguery.

That is scapegoating-- it'sgone on for hundreds of years,

and we got to do everythingthat we can to oppose that.

(loud cheering,whistling, applause)

WILMORE:I mean...

maybe the Muslims,but not the Latinos.

Not us. No, no. Although,I will say one thing as a woman

that is angeringand disheartening,

I'm sure to many of us here,to hear that we earn

78 cents to the dollar as men.

And not only that, but whenyou start to break it down

by minorities, African-Americanwomen earn 64 cents,

and Latinas like myselfcan expect to earn

54 cents to the dollar--and I'm not trying to earn

half of what y'allare making tonight.

So... so my question is:what hope is there,

not just for women,but specifically minority women,

so we can afforda damn blow-out.

-(whooping, applause)-WILMORE: Yeah.

-It's the blow-out vote, right?-You knew this was coming.

It was all building upto the blow-out...

The first thing...the first thing--

not a total solution--

but people who work40 hours a week in this country

should not live in poverty.

We're gonna raise the minimumwage to 15 bucks an hour

over the next several years.

Second of all, Grace,to answer your question,

there is no rationaleconomic reason why women

should be making 78 centson the dollar compared to men.

-It's just sexism.-PARRA: Yes.

And we will pass...

And we will pass legislationrequiring pay equity

for women, period,end of discussion.

-I love that answer. -And youknow what that does, Larry,

that's a big deal, becauseif you raise the minimum wage

and you have pay equityfor women,

-there are millions of singlemoms... -PARRA: Yes.

...who will benefitvery significantly

and be able to raise their kidswith dignity and with security

in a way they can't do it today.It's a big deal.

PARRA:Thank you for saying that.

That's-that's awesome to hear.

Um, I have a two-partquestion here.

Um, Ben Carson came outand said he stabbed someone.

Have you ever stabbed anyone?

-Not lately, no.-Okay.

I probably should have gottenthat out of the way.

My bad, I apologize for that,I should have started with that.

-But, uh...-Late in the game.

-Late in the game.-It was easy to stab.

What would you do, uh,President Sanders,

in your firsthundred days in office?

What-what's on your agendain your first 100 days?

What's the most important thing?

What's on my agenda

is to put forth legislation

which has the wealthiest peopleand the largest corporations

in this country starting to paytheir fair share of taxes.

So that...

so that we can createmillions of decent

paying jobs rebuildingour crumbling infrastructure.

So we can create the kindof child care system

that working parents needso that we can move

toward making public collegesand universities tuition-free.

So that we can expand socialsecurity rather than cut it.

A lot of elderly peoplecan't make it.

In other words,

we have to transformthis country and understand

there has been a massivetransfer of wealth in the last

30 years from working families

to the top one-tenthof one percent.

We've got to transfer that moneyback to working families.

WILMORE:Awesome.

I guess I... I mean, I guessa lot of people are wondering,

like, uh, who you're running...potential running mate would be.

Uh, would it be, uh...

You looking for a job,is that it?

I, uh...

-Well, uh...-He's just wrestling.

Please get down on one knee.Um... No.

I-I was just, uh, is it gonnabe, like, Ben or Jerry or, um...

Um... I was gonna say...

Are you leaning moretowards one or the other?

Well, you heard the expressionof a chicken in every pot?

-Yes. -Well, a Ben and Jerry barin every household.

-How's that, is thata winning... -Are you serious?

I'm lactose intolerantand I love it.

I was on the fence.

You think that's a pathto victory, there--

-Ben and Jerry's ice cream.-I mean, I'm just saying...

I'm just saying,like, a lot of people

would like you to probably,uh, join up

with some-somebodywhose name rhymes with

Lizabeth Shmarrenor something like that.

I'm just... I'm putting that...I'm putting that out there.

-Have you thought about...-Have you talked?

Have you put some thoughtinto a running mate?

And would you ever s...

would you ever hintabout something like that

to maybe, like, get people...

Now, the last timeI was on your show

you got me to say that I wasthinking about running,

-now you want to...-WILMORE: That's right, I did!

Something else is coming out.Yeah, come on, Bernie.

PARRA:Yeah, let's hear it!

Eliz... Let me just say this.

Elizabeth Warrenis a very good friend of mine,

I've known Elizabethfor a very long time,

before she was in the senate.

She is a greatUnited States senator

She had stood up to Wall Street,

stood up to the big moneyinterests.

So she is a... you know,she and I will work together,

-most likely, yeah. -CARLOS:Totally -PARRA: I love that.

Now this is a man that hasthe courage of his convictions.

If you want convictions,if you want courage,

-feel the Bern, everybody!-PARRA: Yeah!

We'll be right back.

Thanks, Bernie.

(applause, cheering)

-♪ -(cheering)

Okay, welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Jordan Carlos.

-Hello.-(cheering)

And Nightly Show contributorGrace Parra.

-Hi.-(cheering)

And once again, please welcome

presidential candidateBernie Sanders.

(cheering)

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on twitter @nightlyshowusing the hashtag #tonightly.

Okay, now, tonight, we're gonnado things a little differently.

Instead of throwing out a newsstory for all of us to discuss,

our topic tonight is you,Bernie.

-Very simple, right? -Well,I know something about that.

WILMORE:A little bit, just a little bit.

Okay, uh, now, Bernie,you've actually been, uh...

I don't know-- "criticized"is maybe too harsh of a word

for actually being too niceto Hillary during the debates.

Like... No, true,people have said

you've beentoo much of a gentleman.

Do you think you have to bean asshole to be president?

(laughter)

I certainly hope not.

(laughter, whooping)

That's, like, the energy that'sout there, this rude energy.

Why do you thinkpeople are responding

to that type of energyin such big numbers right now?

Because people are angry,you know?

They're hurting,they're confused,

and you have somebodylike Trump come along,

and he says, "Well,you know who your enemy is,

"you know who the causeof all your problems is?

-It's the Latinos."-PARRA: Mm-hmm.

-Or, "It's the Muslims."-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

"And we're gonna dealwith those issues

and your life will be better."

Well, that'sold-fashioned demagoguery.

That is scapegoating-- it'sgone on for hundreds of years,

and we got to do everythingthat we can to oppose that.

(loud cheering,whistling, applause)

WILMORE:I mean...

maybe the Muslims,but not the Latinos.

Not us. No, no. Although,I will say one thing as a woman

that is angeringand disheartening,

I'm sure to many of us here,to hear that we earn

78 cents to the dollar as men.

And not only that, but whenyou start to break it down

by minorities, African-Americanwomen earn 64 cents,

and Latinas like myselfcan expect to earn

54 cents to the dollar--and I'm not trying to earn

half of what y'allare making tonight.

So... so my question is:what hope is there,

not just for women,but specifically minority women,

so we can afforda damn blow-out?

-(whooping, applause)-WILMORE: Yeah.

-It's the blow-out vote, right?-You knew this was coming.

It was all building upto the blow-out...

The first thing...the first thing--

not a total solution--

but people who work40 hours a week in this country

should not live in poverty.

We're gonna raise the minimumwage to 15 bucks an hour

over the next several years.

(cheering, applause)

Second one, Grace,to answer your question,

there is no rationaleconomic reason why women

should be making 78 centson the dollar compared to men.

-It's just sexism.-PARRA: Yes.

-And we will pass...-(whooping)

and we will pass legislationrequiring pay equity

for women, period,end of discussion.

-I love that answer. -And youknow what that does, Larry,

that's a big deal, becauseif you raise the minimum wage

and you have pay equityfor women,

-there are millions of singlemoms... -PARRA: Yes.

who will benefitvery significantly

and be able to raise their kidswith dignity and with security

in a way they can't do it today.It's a big deal.

PARRA: Thank you for sayingthat, that's awesome to hear.

Well, I guess I...

I mean, I guess a lot of peopleare wondering,

like, uh, who you're running...potential running mate would be.

Uh, would it be, uh...

You looking for a job,is that it?

I, uh...

-Well, uh...-He's just wrestling.

If you're... Please get downon one knee. Um... No.

I-I was just, uh,is it gonna be, like,

Ben or Jerry or, um...

Or is that... Are you leaningmore towards one or the other?

Well, you heard the expressionof a chicken in every pot?

-Yes. -Well, a Ben and Jerry barin every household.

-How's that, is thata winning... -Are you serious?

I'm lactose intolerantand I love it.

I was on the fence.

You think that's a pathto victory, there--

-Ben and Jerry's ice cream.-I mean, I'm just saying...

I'm just saying,like, a lot of people

would like you to probably,uh, join up

with some-somebodywhose name rhymes with

Lizabeth Shmarrenor something like that.

I'm just... I'm putting that...I'm putting that out there.

-Have you thought about...-Have you talked?

Have you put some thoughtinto a running mate?

And would you ever s...

would you ever hintabout something like that

to maybe, like, get people...

Now, the last timeI was on your show

you got me to say that I wasthinking about running,

-now you want to...-WILMORE: That's right, I did!

Something else is coming out.Yeah, come on, Bernie.

PARRA:Yeah, let's hear it!

Eliz... Let me just say this.

Elizabeth Warrenis a very good friend of mine,

I've known Elizabethfor a very long time,

before she was in the senate.

She is a greatUnited States senator.

She has stood up to Wall Street,

stood up to the big moneyinterests.

So she is a... you know,she and I will work together,

-most likely, yeah. -CARLOS:Totally -PARRA: I love that.

I have a question about-about

the election,actually, in general.

Um, I-I would love to talk aboutthe notion of Hispandering.

I don't know if you guys haveheard this-- Hispanic pandering.

Every presidential candidatewants the Latino vote.

Um, well, you guyshave heard this.

-Um, which is...-WILMORE: Hispandering? Is...

-Hispandering. Pandering toHispanics. -WILMORE: Fantastic.

But I-I think a lotof presidential candidates

have been committingserious faux pas,

even Hillary Clinton, actually,this past weekend.

She put an articleon her Web site called

"Seven Ways In WhichHillary Is Like My Abuela."

First of all, my abuela's dead,

so you don'twant to be like her.

But-but my question isis, um, Senator,

how do you get the Latino votewithout Hispandering?

I think you bring fortha serious agenda

that will benefitthe Latino community.

And I think it's two things.

Number one, economics.As you well know,

a lot of Latinos arestruggling, economically.

So when we talk aboutraising the minimum wage,

you talk aboutpay equity for women,

we talk about makingpublic colleges and universities

tuition-free.

When we talk abouta trade policy

which creates jobsin this country,

not low-income countriesaround the world.

Uh, when you talk aboutall of those things,

dealing with youth unemployment,

which is a very big issuewithin the Latino community.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-That's one thing.

And the second thingis, obviously,

immigration reform.

Uh, we have 11 millionundocumented people

in this country,and I've talked to a...

Grace, I've talkedto lot of young people,

tears running down their cheeks,

worried that their parentsmight be deported.

So we need to move towarda comprehensive

immigration reform policy

which moves people toward a pathtowards citizenship.

And to the degree...

(cheering and applause)

And I'll tell youwhat else we have to do.

So you don't think...you don't think building a wall

-is the way to do it.-No, I don't.

No. And I'm just gonna getto that. You know...

And I think we have gotto use... As president,

I would use all of the authoritythat I have

-through executive orders to do-Right.

what the Congress choosesnot to do.

But the third thingwe have to do--

and this isreally, really important--

we have got to stand upto the bigotry

and the racismthat we're hearing lately.

-Mm-hmm. -To suggest...-(cheering and applause)

Yeah.

You know, to suggest...

Trump has suggestedthat the Mexican government

is sending peopleinto this country

-who are rapists and criminalsand drug dealers. -Ugh.

-This is disgusting. Itis absolutely disgusting. -Yeah.

And then to start scapegoatingMuslims as well.

What we have got to dois bring people together

to create the country we want,not divide ourselves.

Okay. Um, I havea two-part question here.

Um, Ben Carson came outand said he stabbed someone.

Have you ever stabbed anyone?

-Not lately, no.-Okay. Having said that...

I probably should have gottenthat out of the way earlier.

My bad. I know. I apologizefor that. I should have started

-with that. But, uh...-Late in the game.

-Late in the game.-You lead with the stab.

What would you do, uh,President Sanders,

in your first 100 daysin office?

What-What's on your agendain your first 100 days?

What's the most important thing?

What's on my agenda

is to put forth legislation

which has the wealthiest people

and the largest corporationsin this country

starting to paytheir fair share of taxes.

(cheering and applause)

So that... so that we can create

millions of decent paying jobs,

-rebuilding our crumblinginfrastructure, -Mm-hmm. -Right.

so we can createthe kind of childcare system

that working parents need,so that we can move

toward making public collegesand universities tuition-free,

so that we can expand SocialSecurity, rather than cut it.

A lot of elderly peoplecan't make it.

-Mm-hmm. -In other words, wehave to transform this country.

And understand, there has beena massive transfer of wealth

in the last 30 yearsfrom working families

to the top one-tenthof one percent.

We've got to transfer that moneyback to working families.

-But-but I would s...I would just say, -Go ahead.

in those 100 days, in...Yeah, right on, man.

But in those 100 days,you're-you're a man of Vermont,

um, you know,by way of Brooklyn,

but I was just gonna say,like, how much of Vermont

are you gonna bringto the White House?

Like, are we gonna allhave to drive Subarus?

Or, like, uh, Subaru Foresters?You know what I'm saying?

-Um... -Well, not that,but you will have to eat

a lot of maple syrup.

-(laughter)-PARRA: Oh, I love maple syrup.

CARLOS: You're going to haveto join co-ops...

All right,just checking, just checking.

Uh, Bernie, we hada lot of young people

in our audience today.

-And...-(cheering)

A lot of college people,

and, um,you are really resonating

with the youth movementout there.

There's a movementthat's happening.

It's more than justfeel the Bern.

You're connecting with somethingthat's going on out there.

Why do you think that is?

Well, I've been thinkingabout that, Larry.

I honestly, you know,I don't really know,

but I'll guess two reasons.

-(laughter)-No, I really don't.

No, no, no.

PARRA: I mean, it's youand Beyoncé, basically.

(laughter)

-This is why. -WILMORE: Hey,you and bae. That's not bad.

PARRA (laughing):It could be worse.

-Uh... -Running mate.Potential running mate.

(laughter)

WILMORE:I like that idea.

I think, number one,a lot of young people

are asking themselveshow it happens

that in America today,

where we have all this newtechnology and productivity,

how does it happenthat everything being equal,

if we don't turn it around,they're going to have a...

they're going to havea lower standard of living

-than their parents.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

(applause)

Why are they leaving school,

why are they leaving collegedeeply in debt?

Why can't they find jobscommensurate

-with their education?-Huh.

So I think that isone of the reasons.

A simple economic reason.

They don't understand whythe middle class is shrinking

and they're being hitespecially hard.

Second answer, I think,

is young people,by definition, are idealistic.

-WILMORE: Yes. -They want usto lead the world...

-PARRA: Yeah.-They want us to lead the world

-in combating climate change.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

-All right.-CARLOS: Yeah.

(applause, cheering)

You know, they... I've beenreally deeply moved by this.

They are disgusted by racismand they want to end

-institutional racism in thiscountry. -WILMORE: Yeah.

And I think, you know,those are some of the issues

that we've been talking about.

WILMORE:Yeah, I honestly feel that

a lot of young people,they don't...

they don't buyall the (bleep) and the games

that goes into the...I'll call it the sub-language

that is under a lot of that(bleep), especially...

-(woman shouts indistinctly)-especially...

yeah, especially in, uh,

in all the political speak,you know.

But this is a man that hasthe courage of his convictions.

-If you want convictions,-PARRA: Yes.

if you want courage,feel the Bern, everybody!

-PARRA: Yeah!-(cheering)

We'll be right back.

-(cheering, applause)-Thank you, Bernie.

(cheering continues)

(whistling)

AUDIENCE (chanting):Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!

-(applause and cheering)-Welcome back.

Now, earlier, we mentionedsome of the heckling

and trollingthat's been going on

between the candidateson the campaign trail.

But I wantedto point out one example

that literally soared higherthan the rest.

Interesting momentin California today.

This involves a messagein the sky

above the Rose Paradein Pasadena.

The skywriting there,it reads, quote,

"America is great,Trump is disgusting.

Anybody but Trump."

No word yet on who's behind it.

(applause and cheering)

No word yet on who's behind it,but I have a theory.

I was actually at the RoseParade when this happened,

and I shot some footage myselfwith my phone.

Now check out what was happeningat the same time this was going.

PEOPLE (chanting):We love Bernie! We love Bernie!

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah.

It was a Bernie Sanders rally,you guys.

So is that justa coincidence? What?!

That there wasa "Feel the Bern" rally"

when the anti-Trump skywritingwas going on? I don't think so.

You know, let me see thatBernie puppet one more time.

PEOPLE (chanting):We love Bernie! We love Bernie!

WILMORE: Look...

look at that expression on his face, you guys.

That puppet looks guilty.

(laughter)

You're welcome, CNN.Mystery solved. Bernie did it.

Bernie did it.

-(applause and cheering)-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

WILMORE:Oh, my God!

-Look, everybody.-It's not true. It's not true.

WILMORE:No, no, no.

-(cheering continues)-It's Vermont Senator...

AUDIENCE (chanting):Bernie! Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!

-Thank you.-(chanting continues) -Yes.

-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.-WILMORE: It's Bernie Sanders.

I thought you were... I thoughtyou were getting here later.

-(cheering)-I thought...

No, I was out doingsome leafleting, but, look...

here's the story.

I don't have to spend moneyto make Donald Trump look dumb.

-He does it all by himself.-That's true.

-(applause and cheering) -Well,come and sit down, Bernie.

Come on in and sit down.I agree with that.

Thank you.

Okay, well, welcome to the show.

So you had nothingto do with that, right?

-Absolutely not.-Okay, all right.

Just think...Okay, let me ask you this.

Um, how do you explainthe skywriting

that happened outsideof our building? Take a look.

There's our building.

-(laughter) -Hmm?

-Hmm? -Nah, we love you.We wouldn't do that.

-Oh, thank you, Bernie.Bernie... -(whooping)

these... you have a lotof people that love you,

I'm telling you,love you out there.

-(applause and cheering)-Thank you.

-(cheering, whistling)-And I have to say...

No, it's-it'spalpable love for you.

And I have to tell you, Bernie,it seems to me

that you've been winningall the top secret

Democratic debates so far.

-(laughter)-All right? I mean, seriously.

That last one was, like,at 3:00 a.m....

like, Christmas Eve...

on, like, C-Span 4.

-You know?-(laughter)

Who do you thinkis more against you,

the Republican Partyor the Democratic Party?

(whooping, applause)

Well, we are taking onthe Establishment.

-Yes.-(whooping, applause)

And I think it is fair to say

that I'm not the candidateof the Establishment.

-Yeah. -I'll let you drawthe conclusions.

-Yeah.-You're a smart guy,

-I am.-you can figure it out.

It feels like there'sa conspiracy out there.

I think, uh...I mean, I don't think

they counted on your popularityscrewing up their plans.

(laughter, cheering)

That's what it feels like.

Now, you primarily havebeen, uh, very passionate

about domestic issues.Uh...

The, uh, income inequality,uh, criminal justice reform.

But it seems like there'sa lot of international issues

going right now-- terrorism,ISIS, and everything.

Um, why are you the person

to lead us right nowon that global stage?

Well, I think,if you look at my record,

uh, way back when,

when the debate took placeover the war in Iraq,

um, I listenedto what Bush had to say,

what Cheney had to say,what Rumsfeld had to say.

I didn't believe themand I voted against the war.

(audience cheers, applauds)

And... and my opponent,

uh, Secretary Clinton,voted for the war.

And I think it is fair to saythat it turns out

that the war in Iraq was perhapsthe worst foreign policy blunder

in the modern historyof this country.

Destabilized the entire region,

Led to the rise of ISIS,et cetera.

I mean, the Middle Eastis messed up enough already.

-Oh, believe me. -To planta little time-release bomb there

is not the smartest thing to do.

Right, exactly, exactly.

And I thinkwhere we are right now

is that we have got to learnthe lessons

from Iraq,and that lesson is we cannot

and should not do it alone.

We need a coalition

of major powers workingwith the Muslim nations,

with the Muslim troopson the ground to destroy ISIS.

United States shouldnot go in unilaterally.

We should not get involved

in perpetual warfarein the Middle East.

-Well, that's great. I agree.-(applause)

It's got to be... it's got to beharder than ever now,

especially what happened,uh, recently with Saudi Arabia

-and the, uh, executionof the cleric. -Yeah.

Uh, how... Is it possibleto bring... to have any peace

there, like, until the nextthousand years? I mean...

I mean, it is a quagmire

within a quagmirewithin a quagmire.

But I thinkwe do the best that we can.

There is some good news,and that is that the Iraqi army,

which has not beenan effective fighting force,

as you know, with the supportof American air strikes,

has recently retaken Ramadi.That's a big deal.

Yes, that is huge. Yeah.

Because they were runningaway in the beginning.

Right. So, with a little...You know, hopefully,

you know, they willcontinue their progress.

Isis has lost 40%of the territory

that it had in Iraqin the last year.

So hopefully we're seeingsome good progress.

I love how... You havethe courage of your convictions

on climate change, too.And you're not afraid

to make the comparisonor at least say,

"Hey, climate changeis as important as ISIS."

We should be as concerned.Do you stand by that?

-Absolutely. Look...-(applause)

You know, Larry, Larry,it's not just me saying it,

it's what the scientificcommunity is saying.

They're saying if we don'tget our act together,

by the end of this century,this planet

is gonna be five to ten degreesFahrenheit warmer,

more drought, more floods, moreextreme weather disturbances,

acidification of the ocean,rising sea levels.

It's gonna causemass dislocation

for tens and tensof millions of people.

It is a huge issue.

-We must take on the fossil fuelindustry. -Right.

We must transformour energy system

away from coal and oil.

How can you...

how can you get peopleto hear that message

when we do have these crisesgoing on, when...

I mean, just the other day,there was a video,

I think, it was...was it of Brits?

-Of people getting, uh...-Beheaded.

Yeah, beheaded.I mean, you have this...

We're inundatedwith these images all the time.

-We have got... And I think...-We know how short

-our attention spans...-Tha... Well, I think

the media plays not a great rolein this, Larry.

-And I think the American peopleare smart enough -Mm-hmm.

to know, yes, we haveto crush ISIS.

But you know what?We also have to rebuild

a disappearing middle class.

We also have to deal withincome and wealth inequality.

We have to deal with acorrupt campaign finance system

-which allows billionairesto buy elections. -Right.

All right? You know,we are not a stupid people.

-We can chew bubble...-Well, I don't know about that.

Well... You know,

-we can chew bubble gum andwalk at the same time. -Sure.

And there are just a lotof issues out there.

I mean, the reasonthat I'm running for president

is that I honestly believein my heart of hearts

that it's just too latefor establishment politics

and establishment economics.

We need to bringour people together to fight

-for real changein this country. -Yes. I agree.

-(cheering and applause)-That's, uh...

I want to... I really wanted

to get our audienceat home involved.

So we have a questionfrom, uh, Twitter, uh, someone,

uh, wanted to ask you.I think it's, uh, @bendykoval.

I'm not sure who that is.Uh, who says,

"Only three to five percentof American gun crimes

"are by the mentally ill.

Why do you use themas a gun control talking point?"

I think, uh, President Obamaspoke about, uh...

-He d... he had his executiveaction today on guns. -Right.

-Um, where are you on guns,Bernie? -Right.

Well, I support absolutely whatthe president, uh, is doing.

-Mm-hmm.-We can't get cooperation.

We're not gettingany cooperation

from the Republicans,

no matter how manyhorrific mass shootings we see.

Uh, I think the most importantthing that we have to do now

is to expand and improvethe instant background check.

What the president is doing nowis trying to deal

with the so-calledgun show loophole.

And deal with the crazy peoplewho think he wants to take

-their guns. -Right. Right.Right. You know, I come from...

-But I'll tell you something,Larry. -You come from Vermont.

That's a very gun...a gunny state, let's say, right?

-I would...-Very gunny.

No, it is a rural state where...

-Rural's very gunny, Bernie.-Well...

It's where people huntand they do outdoors things.

-And-and, you know,that's what we do. -Yeah.

But the vast majorityof the people understand,

-in my state and I thinkaround this country, -Mm-hmm.

that it's imperative we doeverything we can to keep guns

out of the hands of peoplewho should not have them.

Criminals.People who are mentally unstable

-and should not own a gun. So,you know, that's my view. -Yeah.

And I think there isa broad consensus around that.

And I think what the presidentis trying to do is just

to simply help us keep gunsout of the hands

-of people who should not havethem. -And at least get people

-to take it seriously. Right.Um... -Right.

Now, I know income inequality,

uh, I knowyou're very passionate about.

You've been talking about thisfor years and years and years.

What is the best solutionfor that?

Is it, uh, raising wages?

And if it is,would you start with, like,

helping to raise the wageof late night minority hosts?

Uh... So you come up...

That was the first plankthat we had!

Absolutely!

-What... I mean... -See, it'sa trickle-down theory, Larry.

You raise your salary,it trickles down to everybody.

-It lifts all the boats!-All right, you agree!

-Yes. Exactly. What is...-All right. That's it.

-No, but-but if I may...-It is very systemic.

This... And it's not an issuethat's ever gonna go away.

-There's always gonna be...-Right. There's gonna be rich,

-there's gonna be poor. Butthere should not be -Correct.

a situation wherethe top one-tenth of one percent

in this country ownsalmost as much wealth

-as the bottom 90%.-Yes. -(cheering and applause)

-Right.-And when...

How did we get so out ofcontrol? How did that happen?

Well, I think you have, um,people on the top,

economically and politically,

who are working day and nightto make the rich richer

and could care lessabout the middle class

and working familiesof this country.

So you pass a numberof policies.

-You get tax breaksto billionaires. -WILMORE: Yeah.

But you don't raisethe minimum wage.

You enable corporations notto pay a nickel,

in some cases,of federal income tax.

But at the same time,you don't provide the child care

that working families needfor their kids.

-On and on it goes.-WILMORE: Yeah. Yes.

Rich get richer,everybody else gets poorer.

We have a campaignfinance system

that represents the wealthy.

We need fundamental changesin this country

-economically and politically.-(applause and cheering)

Yeah, and how do you...?

There's a really good chance...there's a really good chance

there'll be aRepublican-controlled Senate

and Republican-controlled House.

How would you, Bernie...?

And I know that you caucuswith the Democrats,

but will you try to bring moreof an independent spirit

as president to try to getsome of these passed,

or do you just do like Obama

and say, "I don't thinkthese (bleep) gonna...

I'm gonna executive actionmy way to..."

Well, you know,the president understands...

And I apologizefor my language, Senator.

Oh, you're forgiven.

I don't know if they'll forgiveyou, but I forgive you.

-Hey, they knowI have a potty mouth. -Okay.

Look, I think what the presidentnow understands...

And by the way, Larry, he didn'talways understand it, I think.

WILMORE: I agree with you.I think he was very naive

-about how things were not goingto get done. -Right, look...

But they were very clearabout it.

Mitch McConnell saidfrom the beginning,

-our job is to make sure he doesnot do... -You got it.

That's why I call thisthe unblackening.

You know?

No, I think what you saidis exactly right.

But the president is a decentguy, and he came forward.

He said, "Look, I can't get itall, you can't get it all.

-Let's compromise."-WILMORE: Sure.

They had no intentionof compromising.

But here's what I think.

I've worked with Republicansmy whole political career.

I worked with John McCainto get a major healthcare

veteran's billthrough the Congress.

One of the largest veteranshealthcare bills ever passed.

(applause and cheering)

But at the end of the day,at the end of the day,

if we want Congressto do the bidding

of the needs ofthe American people,

the middle classworking families,

millions of people are goingto have to stand up

and get involvedin the political process.

-WILMORE: Right.-(applause and cheering)

And be accountable.

That's right,and give Congress, you know,

make Congress an offerthey can't refuse.

And that is, if they don't dothe right thing,

they're out of office.

I love that. I would love thatif... I would love that.

(applause and cheering)

If that was partof your inaugural address,

"I'm gonna make Congressan offer they can't refuse,"

-that would be fantastic.-Look, and what does that mean?

The American people wantto raise the minimum wage.

All right? American peoplewant public colleges

and universitiesto be tuition free.

-(applause and cheering)-WILMORE: Yeah. And...

Or how about at leastaffordable, for goodness sake?

Even if we can't get there,how about affordable?

It's a crime. I have two kidsin school right now.

It's a crime, Bernie,how much we pay for education.

That's whywe're gonna raise your salary.

-Whoa. Right here.-(applause and cheering)

-Right here. -SANDERS:First order of business, Larry.

I... I agree.

To heck with climate change.Raise this man's salary.

-WILMORE: Exactly.-No, but here's the story.

We got... we have hundreds...

WILMORE:I do not disagree with you.

We have hundreds of thousandsof bright young people...

WILMORE:Yes.

...who have the qualificationsto get into college.

They can't do it because theirfamilies don't have the money.

We got millions of people comingout of school deeply in debt.

WILMORE: Yes, we're promisingthem debt, not a...

-That's right.That's crazy stuff. -Right.

And we have legislationthat says we're gonna make

public collegesand universities tuition free.

We're gonna lower student debt,and we're gonna pay for that

through a taxon Wall Street speculation.

(applause and cheering)

I got a... Is there a...?

Right?

We have a lotof students here tonight,

so you're gettingan extra cheer for that.

Uh, are there, uh...are there any issues out there--

Black Lives Matter--that you think may be, uh,

might being overlookedright now-- Black Lives Matter--

that you as a candidatemight be able

to shine some lighton Black Lives Matter?

-You know, I think this...-But don't let me influence you.

-You know, Larry,at the top of my head... -Yeah.

I think Black Lives Matteris an important issue.

-WILMORE: Oh, interesting.-(applause and cheering)

-Okay, how...? How come the...?-You should not...

No, no, no, I know you're black,

but you should not beembarrassed

-about raising the issue.-No, no, no, I'm not. I...

It's important that we raisethe issue. No, here's the issue.

How can the president leadon that issue

and, uh... and havethe Americans feel included

-as... as Americans in this?-Well...

Because people always feellike it's a divisive issue.

-I don't think it's divisive.-No, I don't think so.

Look, I don't think...

You know, I thinkwhite people are as appalled

-as African-Americansor Latinos... -WILMORE: Right.

...in seeing what we're seeingon television.

-And that is unarmed peoplebeing killed. -WILMORE: Yes.

While in police custody.

So I think there a numberof things that we have to do.

The first and maybemost important is to make sure

that if a police officerbreaks the law,

that officer,like any other public official,

-must be held accountable.-WILMORE: Absolutely.

(crowd cheering)

I mean, we...we are more likely

to impeach a presidentthan convict a police officer.

-Yeah. -I mean,that is breathtaking.

That has got to change.

The other thingsthat we have to do

is demilitarize manyof our local police departments.

-WILMORE: Right.-(applause and cheering)

We've got to... we've gotto make police departments

look like the communities theyserve in terms of diversity.

-WILMORE: Sure.-(applause)

But I'll tell you what elsewe have to do, Larry.

What appalls me isthat we have more people

in jail in America todaythan any other country on Earth.

-WILMORE: Right. Yeah.-More than China.

2.2 million people.

And that's why we need realcriminal justice reform.

We've got to make sure thatkids have jobs and education

rather than hanging outon street corners unemployed.

WILMORE:Yeah.

(applause and cheering)

-WILMORE: Great.-Yeah.

WILMORE:Now, uh, I saw something,

that, uh-- I haveto tell you this--

that Donald Trump said a fewdays ago about Hillary Clinton.

And, um, I'm really gonna needyour help in interpreting it.

So, can we just show thatright now?

She was gonna beat Obama.

I don't know who would be worse.

I don't know.How does it get worse?

But she was going to beat...

She was favored to win,and she got schlonged.

She lost. I mean, she lost.

Okay, um... I'm a little rustyon my Yiddish.

Uh, I don't know.

I took that Rosetta Stone thing.

That thing does not work,you guys.

Uh, butI was under the impression

that that was a nounand not a verb.

So what does...?How do you schlong someone?

What does that mean?

-(laughter)-How does someone get schlonged?

This is what I want to know.

I think you'll haveto ask Donald Trump

for an explanation of that.

I don't knowthe answer to that.

-You have no explanation.-No.

All right, well,one more question. Okay.

No, I have yet to recoverfrom Trump's shock

that women go to the bathroom.

-Yes, exactly. -So I'm stillrecovering from that.

So, Schlong,I haven't figured out yet.

WILMORE:Okay, all right.

Okay, all right, with thatin mind, let me just give you

one keep-it-100 question,Bernie, okay?

Got to keep it 100% real, okay?

If you win the nomination,

which a lot of people hopethat you do, all right?

(crowd cheering)

In... in the general election,

even thoughyou don't understand this,

would you promiseto schlong Donald Trump?

Just say yes. Just say yes.

Just say yes!Just say yes!

Let me saywe will beat him badly.

-How's that?-WILMORE: That sounds...

That soundslike a schlonging to me.

We'll be right back with moreBernie Sanders, everybody.

Keep it 100, Bernie.