Gang Bang

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 05/28/2013

Tig's cancer gives Amy an excuse to cancel plans, and a gang bang is planned for feminist reasons.

that I'm a feminist.

That's why today,I'm hosting my very own

gangbang, to prove thatwomen are not objects.

Look, men, you are notpenetrating our vaginas.

We are engulfingyour penises.

Think about it.

I want to thank the goodpeople at Sea Spray

for providing allthe cranberry juice

I'll be drinking throughoutthe day.

I'm just reallyproud to be here today,

like so many women whohave come before me.

Sandra Day...

Sotomayor, you know, tons,too many to list.

Am I a hero?

Yeah, yeah,I'm probably a hero.

Do I think today willbe a ton of fun?

I'm counting on it.

All right.

All right.

Let's justget this started.

This is a couchfrom home.

They're very cool about bringingyour own stuff into this space.

I can do this by myself,

I don't need a man to helpme with this.

You think famouswomen from history,

you think Amelia Earhart,says, oh hold on,

I parked the plane,now I need help getting

this couch out.

Usually my roommate helps mewhen I pull this out, but--

She had a test.

And she wasn't totallyinto me doing this.

Okay, history in the making.

This is good,this is comfortable,

this is gonna be fine.

Okay.

All right, gentlemen,come on in.

( bell ringing )

Let's see who respondedto the Craigslist ad.

Okay, okay.

Not what I was picturing,but okay.

There's moreof you, just like--

More keeps coming in.

You know what?

You know what?

This is--

You look tired,you look tired.

I'm tired.

It's too hot in here,you know?

I'm feeling like maybeI could just--

You know,I mean, I still hate--

I hate that women areobjectified, I hate that,

but I'm feeling like I coulddo a little less--

a little less toprove that point.

I think-- You guys get thatwomen are equal to men, right?

You get that, right?

I don't know,I guess.

Okay, then whatare we doing here?

The gangbang isofficially canceled.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

So there's nogangbang today?

No, no.

I'm so sorry,I'm sorry.

No, it's--

It's fine,it's cool.

Wait, okay, excuse me,I'm sorry.

What do you mean,"It's cool"?

Well, I mean, I can't speakfor everybody,

but I mean,as far as body types go,

I'm more into that girlWhitney from that show

"Whitney,"you know, no offense.

No, no offense.

Thanks for being honest.

You're cute,but you're not Whitney.

So you're saying thatif--if I had stayed there,

you wouldn't have wantedto do it?

No, I mean, I would havedone it, but, like,

my heart wouldn'thave been that into it.

Have a good afternoon,ma'am.

"Ma'am"?

Wait, hold on, holdon a second.

Everybodyjust chill out, okay?

That was a test.

Gangbang is rescheduledto right now.

We are still doing it.

It's back on.

Gangbang on.

Everybody,come fuck me.

Fuck me, fuck me,fuck me,

fuck me, fuck me.

Uh, slow down.

We're not pieces of meat.

Don't you find it tobe a little un-feminist

that you only want tohave sex with me

because I'mnot that into it?

Sounds like you want to beobjectified, don't you think?

♪♪

You're getting married.

It's such a huge deal.

I can't believeit's happening to me.

Neither can we.

Psych, you're the best.

You guys aremy best friends.

Okay, open yourpresents, bitch.

( Amy )Yes, yes, yes.

Phil!

I use the samekind myself.

Let's just say itreally knows what it's doing.

Okay.

Me next,me next, me next.

This is called the Herminatorand it's the same one I use.

It has an alarm clockand voice control.

It is the best.

No offense.

None taken.

Actually, speakingof the best, open mine.

Oh, boom!

Yeah, it's the Good VibrationsSweet Sensations,

and this thingmakes my eyes pop out

of my head and becomemy vagina.

Um, I just foundthe battery life on those

things to be dog shit.

Um, actually, it's alsoa Boingo hotspot

and I know you travel a lot,so I'm just really considerate.

We haven't openedmy gift yet.

It has GPS, you candownload 5,000 songs on it.

Did I mention that you can linkmine up to your Facebook page?

You know what, mine alsofunctions as a mezuzah,

for when youand Adam get a place.

Holy cow!

Oh, a mezuzah's justwhat Jewish people hang

outside their doorto feel safe.

I know.

You guys areamazing friends.

Yeah, but like,I'm your best friend

and I just want youto know that I care

about your vagina morethan I care about my own

and that's like the mostpossible you can care,

if that makes sense.

It does make sense.

But I also care aboutyour vagina a ton.

You know, sometimestoo much, I wonder.

I do wonder that.

You know, I just--for me, I just really

want your vagina tobe on the brink

of exhaustionat all times.

Carly, I haven'topened yours yet.

All the other gifts were soamazing, it's embarrassing.

Let's keep it light,Carly.

Come on!

Okay.

Now you know I don'tmake a lot of money

working at theContainer Store.

We do know, Carly.

We know, because you'vesaid it a number of times.

There's nothing we can do abouthow much you get paid there.

So I kind of madeyou something.

What is it?

It's also a vibrator.

That's us sophomore yearat the Grand Canyon.

Oh Carly,this is the best one.

Really?

This is my favorite one.

You guys,isn't this the best one?

It is nice,colorful.

Here, pass it around.

It took about ninehours from sketching

it out to its fullrealization.

Oh no.

Oh.

Oh, I guessthe glue's not dry.

I'm sure you juststick it back on.

Some of the shellsare still sandy.

Just be careful,I guess.