The Branding

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 02/21/2012

Luther, President Obama's anger translator, reminds everyone who killed Osama bin Laden.

AHH!

- AHH!

OMEGA PI OMEGA!

- OMEGA PI OMEGA!

- [barking]OMEGA PI OMEGA!

- OMEGA PI OMEGA!- YEAH!

- YO, BRAND ME, SON.- YEAH.

- BRAND ME,DO IT ON MY CHEST.

- YEAH.- STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, SON.

- YEAH, YEAH,YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

- AHH!

- YEAH, SON!

- OH, YEAH--YO...YO, YO, HOLD UP, MAN.

COME ON, WAIT.

WAIT, WAIT, THAT'S...

THAT [bleep]IS UPSIDE-DOWN, SON.

IT--IT'S TO THE SIDEA LITTLE BIT TOO.

- OH, [bleep], WELL, OKAY,MY--MY BAD, DOG.

MY BAD, DOG. YOU WANNAKEEP DOING THIS [bleep]?

LET'S GO!- YEAH, MAN.

I'M JUST--I'M SAYING,YO, BE CAREFUL.

- I GOT YOU, DOG,I GOT YOU...YEAH!

- AHH!

- WHAT'S UP?THAT'S WHAT'S UP!

- YEAH.- STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, SON!

- YOU CAN'T GO BACKMIDDLE NOW, SON.

- WHAT?- WE ALREADY COMMITTED

TO THE UPSIDE-DOWNAND TO THE SIDE.

- I GOT YOU, DOG, YEAH!- AHH!

WHAT ARE YOUDOING, MAN?

- YOU SAID UPSIDE-DOWNAND TO THE SIDE.

- THAT'S THREE OMEGAS!

- OH, MAN,I FORGOT THE PI.

YEAH!- AHH!

OH...

- OH, MAN,I MEAN, YOU KNOW...

THAT--THAT, MAN...THAT--THAT...

THAT COULD BEA ROCKET SHIP,

OR--ORA LIGHTHOUSE.

NAW, MAN, YOU STRAIGHT UPGOT A [bleep] ON YOUR CHEST.

- AHH!

- WHAT DO WE DO?

THEY TOLD US AT THE STATIONTO COME DOWN HERE AND FILL TIME,

BUT, UH, THERE'SNO STORY HERE.

- IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,THERE'S ALWAYS A STORY.

HERE, GIMME THE NAMEOF A MYTHICAL CREATURE.

- MYTHICAL CREATURE?I DON'T--

- TRUST ME.- UH, I DON'T--A PEGASUS.

- PEGASUS, PERFECT.

JUST ROLL,WATCH, AND LEARN.

- THEY CAN STAY IN MY HOUSEIF THEY WANT TO--

- HI, THERE. RICK NICHOLSBY,CHANNEL SIX NEWS.

WE'VE HAD REPORTSOF A PEGASUS IN THE AREA.

HAS ANYBODY SEENANYTHING LIKE THAT?

- AW, YEAH, MAN,I SEEN A PEGASUS.

I SEEN IT, YEAH, EVERY DAY.- I SEES IT TOO, MAN.

WE BOTH SEETHAT PEGASUS, DOG.

- YEAH, I SAW ITWITH MY OWN TWO EYES, MAN.

THAT HORSE HADA BIG OLD SNAKE HEAD--

- NAW, MAN, IT AIN'TGOT NO SNAKE HEAD, FOOL.

Y'ALL, THAT--THAT HORSEHAD SOME BIG WINGS, MAN.

- YEAH, YEAH.- THAT'S SOME FLYING [bleep].

- YEAH, THAT HORSEHAD BIG OLD WINGS.

MAN, LIKE TWOSETS OF WINGS, YEAH.

Y'ALL SEE THE PEGASUS?all: YEAH.

- EVERYBODY UP IN HERESEEN THE PEGASUS, MAN.

- CURIOSITY HASBROUGHT OUT LARGE CROWDS

TO SEE THE ALLEGED PEGASUS INTHIS SOUTH LENNOX NEIGHBORHOOD.

- LOOK, THERE IT IS.

- I'M GONNA FIND IT,BREAK IT,

AND THEN RIDE ITTO THE PEGASUS TREASURE.

- RESIDENTS SAY THE CREATURERESEMBLES THIS AMATEUR SKETCH.

- KICKED THE [bleep]OUT OF MY CAR.

CITY'S GOTTA PAYFOR THAT [bleep] TOO.

I AIN'T GOT NO COVERAGEFOR NO PEGASUS, BITCH.

- HE LAND ON MY ROOF, MAN.LOOK AT MY ROOF, MAN.

HE BUSTED IT UP.

HE BUSTEDTHE WHOLE THING UP, MAN.

YEAH, HE BEEN--HE BEEN--HE BEENSITTING UP THERE EVERY DAY.

- WHILE MANY REVELIN THE POSSIBILITY

OF SEEINGTHE WINGED HORSE,

OTHERS ARE NOTSO WELCOMING.

- I JUST KNOW THIS NEIGHBORHOODWOULD BE BETTER

IF THAT PEGASUSIS PUT DOWN.

- I TELL YOU THIS: GOD AIN'TPUTTING NO WINGS ON NO HORSE.

- NOW, SEE, IF THIS WASA WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD,

ANIMAL CONTROLWOULD BE UP IN HERE

WITH A PEGASUS TRAP.- THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY CAN'T TAKE OUR PEGASUS.THIS IS OUR PEGASUS.

- PEGASUS UP INTHIS MOTHER[bleep]!

- HEY, MAN, WHY YOUINTERRUPTING ME?

I'M TRYING TO TALKABOUT THE PEGASUS.

- [bleep] YOU!- HEY!

DON'T BE DISRESPECTING PEGASUS!- I LOVE PEGASUS!

- YES, WE'RE HERE LIVEON THE SCENE IN SOUTH LENNOX,

WHERE RIOTS HAVE BROKEN OUTOVER THE ALLEGED APPEARANCE

OF A FLYING HORSE.

DID YOU SEE THAT [bleep]?

THAT [bleep] LOOKED LIKE BUSTA RHYMES AND MAYA ANGELOU HAD A BABY.

all: [laughing]- YEAH, YEAH.

- THAT WAS ONEJACKED-UP LOOKING [bleep].

[nervously laughing]

- UH-OH. YOU JUSTDROPPED THE N-WORD,

BUT YOU'RENOT AN N.

LUCKY FOR YOU, THERE'S A WAYTO AVOID THESE SITUATIONS.

INTRODUCING THE NEWSMARTPHONE APPLICATION:

THE NEGRAPH.

FINALLY, A TECHNOLOGYSPECIFICALLY DESIGNED

TO HELP YOU DETERMINE WHETHEROR NOT YOU CAN DROP THE N-BOMB.

- I CAN SAY IT!

all: WE CANALL SAY IT!

- NOT INTHIS LIFETIME.

- TO SEE YOUR NEGRAPH,JUST ENTER YOUR NAME,

AGE, AND COLOROF YOUR SKIN,

OR JUST THE COLOROF YOUR SKIN.

- I'VE GOT THE NEGRAPHON MY PHONE AND MY iPAD.

MY PHONE SAYSI CAN'T EVER SAY IT.

MY iPAD SAYSI CAN'T EVER SAY IT...

BUT BIGGER!

- THE NEGRAPH--CAN YOU SAY THE N-WORD?

- I CAN SAY [bleep]ALL DAY LONG.

all: [bleep]!

- NO.

I'D LIKE TO, BUT...SAYS IT RIGHT HERE.

- THE NEGRAPH.

AND ALSO AVAILABLE ATTHE APP STORE, THE FAGCHART.

[Hail to the Chief playing]

GOOD EVENING,MY FELLOW AMERICANS.

NOW BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D LIKETO ONCE AGAIN INTRODUCE YOU

TO MY ANGER TRANSLATOR LUTHER.- HI.

- NOW THIS NOVEMBER,I WANT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

TO ASK YOURSELVES, "WHAT HASCHANGED IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS?"

- WHO KILLEDOSAMA BIN LADEN?

- WHAT HAS MYADMINISTRATION ACCOMPLISHED?

- DID WE ACCOMPLISH KILLINGAMERICA'S BIGGEST ENEMY?

UH, CHECK,DID THAT, BOOM!

- IN 2011 ALONE, WE CREATED MOREJOBS THAN GEORGE W. BUSH DID

IN ALL EIGHT YEARSOF HIS OFFICE.

- EXCEPT FOR"OSAMA BIN LADEN HUNTER,"

BECAUSE THAT JOBDON'T EXIST ANYMORE,

'CAUSE I WENT OVER THERE,AND I KILLED HIM IN HIS FACE.

- WE HELPEDMAKE HEALTH CARE

ACCESSIBLE TO MOREAMERICANS THAN EVER BEFORE.

- I'M SORRY, WHAT'D YOU SAY?YOUR WORLD TRADE CENTER HURTS?

THEN WHY DON'T YOU TAKETWO DEAD BIN LADENS

AND CALL MEIN THE MORNING, BI-I-ITCH?

- THIS ELECTION,MAKE THE DECISION

THAT YOU THINK BEST SERVESTHE FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY.

- OR YOU CAN EATA DUM-DUM SANDWICH,

AND JUST VOTE FOR THE PERSONWHO DIDN'T KILL OSAMA BIN LADEN.

BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO IT?WHY WOULD YOU DO IT?

I MEAN, GOD DAMN.

- I PLAN TO RUNA CLEAN CAMPAIGN,

ONE BASED ON THE ISSUESAND THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS

OF MY ADMINISTRATION.- MM-HMM.

BUT I'M GONNATELL YOU RIGHT NOW,

IF THE REPUBLICANS--IF THEYHAD CAUGHT OSAMA BIN LADEN,

THERE WOULDN'T EVEN BEAN ELECTION, MAN.

THEY'D JUST PUTA CROWN ON HIS HEAD,

AND GIVE HIM A CASTLE,AND JUST CALL HIM

THE KING OF AMERICA,AND THAT'D BE IT.

I SAID,THAT'D BE IT!

- ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

JUST, YOU KNOW, BRING IT DOWNA NOTCH, THERE, LUTHER.

- OKAY, COME ON,LUTHER, MAN,

YOU'RE STRAIGHT UPOUT OF CONTROL, BROTHER.

- WELL, I-I--IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

- OKAY, DON'T BEATYOURSELF UP, IT'S OKAY.

- [coughing]'SCUSE ME.

- CAN A [bleep]GET A LOZENGE?

- NOW, LUTHER, YOU--YOU--YOU CAN'T SAY THAT WORD.

- OH...

ACTUALLY IT SAYS RIGHT HERE,I CAN SAY IT WHENEVER I WANT.

- I GUESS I CANSAY IT TOO.

GOODNIGHT, MY [bleep].

[Hail to the Chief playing]

ALL Y'ALL RAPPERS OUT THERETHINK Y'ALL HARD

'CAUSE WHAT Y'ALLBEEN THROUGH?

CHECK IT OUT.

♪ IT WAS FRIDAYNIGHT CHILLIN' ♪

♪ ON MY FRONT LAWN

♪ ME AND MY CREW,I HAD MY BATHROBE ON ♪

♪ EVERYBODY HIGH

♪ JUST WATCHED X-MEN ♪

♪ GOT PLENTYCHICKEN HEADS ♪

♪ READY FOR SEX, MEN

♪ BUSTERS ROLL UP

♪ THEY TRYIN'TO TALK SMACK ♪

♪ DON'T THESE[bleep] KNOW ♪

♪ THEY [bleep]IN'WITH THE MACK? ♪

♪ DUDE PULLEDHIS NINE ♪

♪ I KNEW HOMIES'SEEN US ♪

♪ HE PULLEDTWO SHOTS ♪

♪ SOMEHOW MY PENISGOT BETWEEN US ♪

♪ I GOT SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

♪ SHOT, SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

♪ I GOT SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

- ♪ BUT HIS [bleep]STILL STANDING ♪

- ♪ SHOT IN THE [bleep]

♪ SHOT, SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

♪ I GOT SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

- ♪ BUT HIS [bleep]STILL STANDING ♪

[gunshots]

- ♪ WENT BACKTO MY PALACE FAST ♪

♪ NOW I'M THE DUDE WALKING'ROUND WITH A PHALLUS CAST ♪

♪ LIKE WOLVERINE,I'M TRYING TO BE A LONER ♪

♪ BUT THEY THINK A [bleep]GOT AN ADAMANTIUM BONER ♪

♪ WHAT CAN I SAY?

♪ THEY STILL UPON MY TOTEM POLE ♪

♪ BITCH, GET YOUR TONGUE RINGAWAY FROM THE SCROTUM HOLE ♪

♪ DON'T KNOW WHYTHEY LOVE IT ♪

♪ BUT IT KEEPSTHE LADIES MOISTENING ♪

♪ GAVE HALF THE HONEYSIN THE 'HOOD LEAD POISONING ♪

- ♪ SHOT IN THE [bleep]

♪ SHOT, SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

♪ I GOT SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

- ♪ BUT HIS [bleep]STILL STANDING ♪

- ♪ SHOT IN THE [bleep]

♪ SHOT, SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

♪ I GOT SHOTIN THE [bleep] ♪

- ♪ BUT HIS [bleep]STILL STANDING ♪

- YO, THEY SHOTTHAT FOOL IN THE [bleep]!

- AHH! SEE--[bleep], MAN!

DAMN, THAT HURTS.- WHAT?

- DAMN--NO, VIDEO OVER, MAN.VIDEO'S OVER.

- NO!- I'M SERIOUS, MAN.

DAMN...