May 7, 2015 - Thursday Cray Day & Mother's Day Tribute

  • 05/07/2015

Jacque Reid, Ricky Velez and The Lucas Bros. join Larry for a conversation about reparation rights, a battle over embryos, the Hamburglar and sex education.

LARRY!

LARRY!

LARRY!

>> Larry: OH, THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

WELCOME TO "THE NIGHTLY SHOW."

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

JOINING ME ON THE PANEL TONIGHTTWO VERY FUNNY COMEDIANS.

THE LUCAS BROS. ARE HERE.

LUCAS BROS.

WE'RE DOING SOMETHING A LITTLEDIFFERENT TONIGHT.

WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

I'VE BEEN NOTICING SO MANYINSANE STORIES IN THE NEWS

LATELY THAT WE JUST HAD TOCOVER AS MANY AS WE COULD

SO THAT'S WHY WE'RE CALLINGTONIGHT "THURSDAY CRAY DAY"

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND HELPING ME OUT

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND, THENIGHTLYTES.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.♪ THE SHOW'S HARD-HITTING

♪ THERE AIN'T NO FLUFF

♪ WE'RE READY TO SING ABOUTTOPICAL STUFF ♪♪

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,NIGHTLYTES.

LET'S JUMP INTO IT.

FIRST CRAY.

>> ABOUT ONE IN 15 STUDENTS ATCRANE HIGH SCHOOL IN WEST TEXAS

RECENTLY CONTRACTED CHLAMYDIA,20 CASES THAT POPPED UP IN THE

HIGH SCHOOL'S ROUGHLY 300STUDENT POPULATION.

( LAUGHTER )>> Larry: 20 CASE OF

CHLAMYDIA?

KIDS, THIS IS NOT WHAT YOURTEACHER MEANT WHEN SHE SAID TO

MAKE YOUR BEN FRANKLIN PROJECTHISTORICALLY ACCURATE.

( LAUGHTER )YOU GUYS ARE TOO LITERAL.

IT SOUNDS ODD BUT IT DOESN'TSOUND CRAY.

>> THE KIDS AT THE SCHOOLCURRENTLY LEARN ABSTINENCE

DURING A THREE-DAY SEX EDUCATIONCLASS DURING THE FALL SEMESTERS.

>> Larry: OH, MY BAD.

IT IS CRAY.

( LAUGHTER )ABSTINENCE-ONLY EDUCATION IS

EVEN LESS EFFECTIVE THANABSINTHE-ONLY EDUCATION.

( LAUGHTER )MAN, THIS SOUND LIKE A BAD THING

SUPERINTENDENT JIM RUMMAGE.

>> IT'S NOT A BAD THING BECAUSEIF KIDS ARE NOT HAVING ANY

SEXUAL ACTIVITY, THEY CAN'T GETTHIS DISEASE.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

THAT'S NOT A BAD PROGRAM.

>> Larry: THEN HOW ARE THEYGETTING THE DISEASE, IMMACULATE

CONTRACTION?

YOU KNOW, CLEARLY, THESE SCHOOLSARE NOT GIVING THEIR STUDENTS A

PROPER SEXUAL EDUCATION.

AND SINCE "GLEE" WENT OFF THEAIR, I GUESS IT'S UP TO ME.

IT'S TIME FOR MY NEW SEGMENTCALLED "LARRY TELLS KIDS TO

IGNORE THAT CRAY PROGRAM AND USEPROTECTION."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )OKAY, SO, KIDS, OH, I GUESS THIS

WAS ACTUALLY WHAT I WAS JUSTGOING TO SAY I GUESS IT'S

ALREADY SAID.

IGNORE THAT CRAY PROGRAM AND USEPROTECTION.

ALL RIGHT.

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

OKAY.

THIS HAS BEEN "LARRY TELLS KIDSTO IGNORE THAT CRAY PROGRAM AND

USE PROTECTION."

( LAUGHTER )COOL.

LET'S MOVE ON.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY, OH, MY FAVECRAY.

THIS ONE TOOK PLACE AT THEVATICAN TUESDAY.

THE POPE WAS BALLIN' WITH THEHARLEM GLOBETROTTERS.

I REPEAT, YOU GUYS-- THE POPEWAS BALLIN' WITH THE HARLEM

GLOBETROTTERS.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I NEVER BEGRUDGE A PONTIFF ALITTLE R & R.

BUT WITH POPE FRANCIS, IT SEEMSTO BE BECOMING A HABIT.

♪ NUN PUN ♪>> Larry: NOT REALLY NUN PUN,

IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL.

♪ UNINTENTIONAL NUN PUN ♪>> Larry: BUT THE POPE HAS

BEEN HANGING OUT WITH ANGELINAJOLIE, BEING NAMED "ESQUIRE'S"

BEST-DRESSED MAN OF THE YEAR.

GETTING TWEETS FROM SNOOKI?

AND MAKING PIZZA RUNS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )SERIOUSLY.

NOW, LOOK, EVEN THOUGH THAT WASAWESOME-- AND IT'S FUN TO SEE

YOU DOING ALL THESE THINGS-- INEED TO ASK YOU A VERY IMPORTANT

QUESTION-- DUDE, SHOULDN'T YOUBE POPIN'?

♪ DUDE, SHOULDN'T YOU BE POPIN'♪♪

>> Larry: DO WHAT YOU WANT BUTI'M CONCERNED NEXT WE MAY SEE

YOU HOSTING NICKELODEON'S "KIDS'CHOICE AWARDS."

AND THAT SLIME IS THE DEVIL'SJUICE, POPE, JUST SAYIN'.

A HELPFUL HINT.

GET BACK TO POPIN'.

NIGHTLYTES.

♪ DUDE, SHOULDN'T YOU BE POPIN'♪♪

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Larry: I TOLD YOU IT WASCRAY.

OH, NEXT UP, CRAY OF THE DAY.

WHAT'S THE-- WHAT'S THE CRAY DAYSPONSOR.

♪ TACOS ♪>> Larry: OKAY, SEEMS A BIG

VAGUE, BUT--( LAUGHTER )

DRIVING A CRAY DAY, HAVEYOURSELF A TACO.

♪ TACOS!">> A REPUBLICAN STATE LAWMAKER

PROPOSE AID BILL THAT WOULDREQUIRE A WOMAN TO GET

PERMISSION FROM A BABY'S FATHERBEFORE BEING ALLOWED TO GET AN

ABORTION.

STATE REPRESENTATIVE RICKBRATTIN SPONSORED THE

LEGISLATION SAYING THE MOTHERMUST HAVE NOTARIZED CONSENT.

>> Larry: NOTARIZED CONSENT.

THEY HAVE TO GET WRITTENPERMISSION.

THIS IS ABOUT WOMEN'S BODIES NOTA FIELD TRIP TO SIX FLAGS.

THIS IS SO CRAY-CRAY IT'S ALMOSTDANGE.

( LAUGHTER )I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYBODY WHO

WOULD AGREE WITH THIS,ESPECIALLY A MAN.

>> OH, I'VE BEEN OUTSPOKEN ONTHIS.

I THINK MEN SHOULD BE ABLE TOVETO WOMEN'S ABORTIONS IF

THEY'RE WILLING TO CARE FOR THECHILD AFTER IT'S BORN.

>> Larry: OH, FOX, WHAT ISCRAY DAY WITHOUT YOU?

( LAUGHTER )IT'S SO CRAY, IT DOESN'T EVEN

DESERVE A RESPONSE.

LET'S JUST LET THAT SIT IN ITSOWN CRAY JUICES FOR A SECOND.

( HUMMING )( LAUGHTER )

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, OUR LAST STORY, ALITTLE OF WHAT I LIKE TO CALL

REVERSE CRAY.

>> BETWEEN 1982 AND 1993,CHICAGO POLICE COMMANDER JOHN

BURGE ALLEGEDLY TORTURED MORETHAN 100 SUSPECTS, NEARLY ALL OF

THEM AFRICAN AMERICAN.

THE CHICAGO CITY COUNCIL PASSEDA $5.5 MILLION REPARATIONS

PACKAGE FOR DOZENS OF TORTUREVICTIMS.

>> Larry: HOLD ON.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

I BELIEVE THE WORD

"REPARATIONS--" EXCUSE ME,CHICAGO, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

REALIZE YOU PUT THE WORD"REPARATIONS" IN A SETTLEMENT TO

AFRICAN AMERICANS?

SO BLACK PEOPLE ARE GETTINGREPARATIONS.

THAT'S A THING NOW.

OKAY.

SO HERE'S SOMETHING YOU'RE NOTGOING TO HEAR ANYMORE, HEY MAN,

YOU THINK WE SHOULD GETREPARATIONS?

ALREADY HAPPENING.

YOU GUYS JUST OUT-CRAYEDYOURSELF CHICAGO.

>> LARRY, DID YOU JUST SAY WE'REGETTING REPARATIONS?

>> Larry: NO, I WAS MAKING ABROADER POINT.

>> NO, LARRY, I BELIEVE THAT'SEXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID.

>> Larry: NO, NO, GUYS IDIDN'T.

♪ HEY, ALL YOU NATIONS, WE'REGETTING REPARATIONS ♪♪

>> Larry: NO, GUYS, GUYS,GUYS!

NO, NO, NO.

WE'RE NOT GETTING REPARATIONS.

EVIDENCE JUST SAYING IT WAS CRAYTHAT THEY WOULD PUT THE WORD

"REPARATIONS" IN THE SETTLEMENT.

AND, YOU KNOW, IT COULD LEAD TOREPARATIONS.

♪ WE GOT REPARATIONS!

WE GOT REPARATIONS.

>> Larry: YOU ARE NOT EVENGETTING PAID FOR THIS SEGMENT.

>> THAT'S ALL RIGHT, WE'LL USEOUR REPARATIONS CHECK.

♪ WE GOT REPARATIONS, WE GOT, WEGOT, WE GOT ♪♪

>> Larry: DON'T LISTEN TOTHE NIGHTLYTES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. IT'S CRAYDAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Larry: OKAY.

WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

NOW AS EVERYONE KNOWS OR SHOULDKNOW, THIS SUNDAY IS MOTHER'S

DAY, RIGHT?

WITHOUT A DOUBT, WITHOUT ADOUBT, THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF

THE YEAR.

MY MOM WATCHES.

NO, IT IS IMPORTANT.

HERE'S WHAT WE DID.

WE SENT OUT OUR "NIGHTLY SHOW"SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR LAVELL

CRAWFORD TO SEE HOW PEOPLE ONTHE STREETS OF NEW YORK WERE

PREPPING FOR THE BIG DAY.

>> HI, THIS IS LAVELL CRAWFORDFOR "THE NIGHTLY SHOW," AND

MOTHER'S DAY IS AM CATEGORY UP.

I'M A MOMMA'S BOY, AND I'MTRYING TO SEE WHO ELSE

LOVES THEIR MOMMA.

SO I'M IN NEW YORK RIGHT NOW TOFIND OUT, "DO YOU LOVE YOUR

MOMMA?"WHAT ARE YOU GETTING YOUR MOTHER

FOR MOTHER'S DAY?

>> FLOWERS, CHOCOLATES.

>> FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES?

YOU AND YOUR MOMMA DON'T HAVE AGOOD RELATIONSHIP.

>> I DO EVERYTHING FOR MYMOTHER?

>> OH, YEAH TAKE A BULLET.

MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER,I LOVE MOTHERS.

YOU KNOW, I THINK THEY'RE THEGREATEST.

THEY'RE THE FRUIT OF THE TREE.

THEY'RE THE FRUIT OF LIFE.

>> THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD ME, BUTI DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE IT.

>> IN THREE WORDS NAME-- GIVEME-- GIVE ME YOUR BEST

DESCRIPTION OF YOUR MOTHER.

>> SHE'S STRONG.

SHE'S INDEPENDENT.

AND SHE'S ARTISTIC.

>> YOU WANT TO KNOW MY THREEWORDS ABOUT MY MOMMA?

BETTER THAN YOURS.

MY MOMMA CAN KICK YOUR MOMMA'SASS ANY DAY.

OH, IS SHE HERE?

HI!

I DIDN'T KNOW IF SHE WAS HERE.

I APOLOGIZE.

SHE WAS TALKING-- YOU DIDN'THEAR WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT MY

MOMMA.

FOR REAL.

WHAT DID YOUR DAUGHTER GET YOU?

WHAT WAS THE NICEST GIFTSHE EVER GOT YOU?

>> THIS TIFFANY'S BRACELET.

>> I LOVE IT!

WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOUR MOTHERFOR MOTHER'S DAY?

>> IT'S NOT THE MATERIAL THINGS,I THINK THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN

GET-->> YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP.

>> MY DAUGHTER WAS SUPPOSED TOMEET ME TODAY BECAUSE I'M GOING

TO MY DENTIST.

SHE IS GOING TO A GALA DINNER.

>> WHAT IS HER NAME?

>> VICKI.

>> VICKI, WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU, VICKI?

YOUR MOMMA IS TALKING TO ASTRANGE BLACK MAN BECAUSE SHE

DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO BECAUSEYOU DIDN'T WANT TO COME AND TAKE

HER TO THE DENTIST.

DESCRIBE YOUR MOMMA IN THREEWORDS.

>> BEAUTIFUL, STRONG,RESPONSIBLE.

>> LET ME JUST DESCRIBE MY MOMMATO YOU.

>> WHAT.

>> BETTER THAN YOURS.

>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

>> MY MOMMA KICK YOUR MOMMA'SASS

>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.>> YOUR MOMMA HERE?

>> RIGHT OVER THERE.>> IS THIS GRANDMA?

( APPLAUSE )LOOK IN THE CAMERA AND TELL YOUR

MOMMA HOW SPECIAL SHE IS TO YOU.

>> HI, MOM.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, AND THANKSFOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE

DONE FOR ME, AND I'M A MOMMA'SBOY.

>> THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL!

I'M GOING TO HUG YOU, BOY.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, SWEETHEART.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I LOVE YOU, MOM.

>> HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> VERY MUCH.

>> Larry: LAVELL CRAWFORD,EVERYONE.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM, WE'LLBE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WELCOME BACK.

MY PANEL IS "NIGHTLY SHOW"CONTRIBUTOR RICKY VELEZ

THE COHOST OF "NEW YORK LIVE,"JACQUE REID.

AND THEIR SHOW "FRIENDS OF THEPEOPLE" WILL BE BACK ON TRUTV

THIS SUMMER, THE LUCAS BROS.

SO TONIGHT, WE'RE DOINGSOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL "BAG O'

GRAB."

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

WE HAVE A BAG OF-- I GOT TO BECAREFUL.

WE HAVE-- A BAG OF RANDOMCATEGORIES-- I-- THERE'S

SOMETHING IN THERE I DON'T WANTTO BREAK.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.

SO WHATEVER YOU PULL OUT, THATWILL TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT THE

TOPIC THAT WE'RE GOING TO COVER.

JACQUE.

DO YOU WANT TO GO.

>> LADIES FIRST.

>> Larry: SURE, WHY NOT.

>> I'M GOING FOR THE BOTTLE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: THAT'S VERY GOOD.

I BELIEVE THIS WOULD BE 40OUNCES AND A MULE.

I THINK WE'RE TALKING ABOUTREPARATIONS.

BREAK THAT OPEN.

ALL RIGHT.

A LITTLE FOR THE HOMEYS.

WELL DONE.

THIS IS REPARATIONS, OF COURSE.

SO STRAIGHT UP-- SHOULD BLACKPEOPLE GET REPARATIONS FOR

SLAVERY, YES OR NO?

>> I HEARD THEY GOT THEMALREADY.

OPRAH TOOK THEM ALL.

>> ABSOLUTELY, NOT ONLY -->> NO, ABSOLUTELY?

>> ABSOLUTELY YES.

ABSOLUTELY YES.

NOT ONLY SLAVERY, JIM CROWE,DISCRIMINATION WITH HOUSING,

OTHER SOCIAL PROGRAMS.

>> Larry: REPARATIONS FOREVERYTHING.

>> IT JUST CONTINUES.

WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN A BREAK.

JEWISH AMERICANS GOT REPARATIONSFOR THE HOLOCAUST.

THEY DID.

THEY GOT A LOT OF MONEY.

BUT WHY NOT AFRICAN AMERICANS?

>> Larry: CAN THEY GETREPARATIONS FROM FRANCE, THEN?

>> WE NEED IT FROM THE U.S.

>> Larry: UH-HUH.

>> WE DON'T NEED TO GET MONEY?

WE CAN GET REPARATIONS OF SOMEOTHER SORT, LIKE TOILET PAPER.

>> WHAT.

>> AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF TOILETPAPER.

>> WOULDN'T THAT BE GOOD.>> Larry: YOU SEE TOILET PAPER

AS HEALING THE RIFT BETWEENBLACK PEOPLE AND THE U.S.?

>> HOW COULD TOILET PAPER HEALTHE RIFT?

>> OH, MAN, IN SO MANY WAYS.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, YOU GO TOTHE BATHROOM A LOT, RIGHT?

SO YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TOILETPAPER.

IT'S PRACTICAL.

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

>> Larry: THAT'S ALL YOU GOT.

>> THAT'S ALL I GOT.

>> PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIMEGIVING UP MONEY.

IT WOULD BE MUCH EASIER TO GIVEUP TOILET PAPER.

I THINK WHITE PEOPLE ARE MOREINCLINED TO GIVE UP TOILET

PAPER.

>> Larry: WE'RE TALKING ABOUTTHE GOVERNMENT.

IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GOING TOEVERY WHITE PERSON AND GO, YO,

MAN.

YOU HAVE TO PAY IT, SORRY.

>> TOILET PAPER IS PRETTYSIMPLE.

>> WHITE PEOPLE LOVE COSTCO.

THEY COULD HOOK YOU UP EASY.

>> Larry: I WOULD PREFERCASINOS.

JUST OPEN UP CASINOS ALL OVERAMERICA, DONE.

WE'RE GOOD, AMERICA.

RICKY, YOU WANT TO PULL OUT THENEXT ONE?

>> YEAH, LET'S GO.

50 SHADES OF GREY.

>> WHO'S BEEN READING THIS -->> SORRY, GUYS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT GOT INTHERE.

( LAUGHTER )SORRY.

CATCHING UP ON MY READING.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

OH, VERY-- OH, THAT IS A VERYCOLD EGG.

>> AN EGG?

>> AN EGG?

>> THIS IS THE FROZEN EMBRYOSTORY.

>> OH!

>> Larry: SO YOU HEARD.

THIS.

SOFIA VERGARA, SHE AND HER EX,NICK LOBE-- THAT HIS NAME?

>> HE'S TAKEN LEGAL ACTION TOGAIN CONTROL OVER TWO EMBRYOS

THEY CREATED IN 2013 THROUGH INVITRO.

STRAIGHT UP, JACQUE, I HAVE TOHEAR FROM YOU FIRST.

DOES HE HAVE A RIGHT TO DO THIS?

>> NO, HE DOES NOT.

HE SIGNED A CONTRACT WHEN THEYWENT TO THE CLINIC TO GET THIS

DONE SAYING THE ONLY WAY THESEEMBRYOS COULD BE FURTHERED IN

LIFE IS IF BOTH OF THEM ARETOGETHER.

IF THEY WERE SINGLE A SEPARATEPERSON COULD NOT GET THE EMBRYO.

HE SIGNED THAT CONTRACT.

LOOK -->> Larry: WHO GETS THE EGGS?

WHO GETS THOSE?

>> THEY'RE GOING TO BE DEDICATEDTO SCIENCE.

>> Larry: TO SCIENCE?

>> YES, THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TOHAPPEN.

>> Larry: A LITTLE ORPHAN EGG?

( LAUGHTER ).

>> IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

WHEN COUPLE GOES TO TRY TO--WITH INFERTILITY ISSUES GO AND

TRY TO HAVE BABIES, THEY CAN'TUSE ALL THE EMBRYOS THEY CREATE.

SO THERE'S A BIG CONTROVERSIALTHING, AND THE ONES THAT ARE

LEFT OVER END UP GOING TOSCIENCE.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO FORCE SOMEONETO BE A PARENT?

>> HE'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF MAN.

HE'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF MAN.

I'VE NEVER HEARD.

A MAN THAT WANTED TO KEEP ANEMBRYO ALIVE.

THOSE AREN'T MY FRIENDS.

NOT MY FRIEND.

>> Larry: OOOH.

>> NOT MY FRIENDS.

>> COME ON, THIS IS ALL KINDS OFSORRY.

>> Larry: IT'S TWO OF THEM,RIGHT?

>> YES.

>> WHY DON'T THEY SPLIT IT?

>> YEAH.

>> BECAUSE "O" -->> IT'S COMING FROM TWINS.

I LIKE THAT.

MAYBE THEY CAN MIX THEM UP, ONEFOR YOU, ONE FOR YOU.

>> NO, THIS IS JUST ALL KINDS OFSORRY.

>> Larry: THEY AGREED TO THISWHILE THEY WERE DATING.

>> YEAH, AND THEY WERE ENGANGED.

>> Larry: WHAT'S THE MOST YOUSHOULD EVER AGREE TO WHILE

YOU'RE DATING?

>> NOTHING.

>> Larry: YOU SHOULDN'T EVENBE MAKING VACATION PLANS THREE

MONTHS FROM NOW WITH YOU'REDATING.

>> YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BUY ATELEVISION TOGETHER WITHOUT

SOMETHING WRITTEN SAYING WHOGETS THE TV AFTER IT'S OVER OR

WE'RE GOING TO SPLIT THE MONEY.

I'LL PAY YOU FOR THE TV.

GET IT IN WRITING.

I'M SORRY.

>> Larry: WHAT'S THE MOST YOUSHOULD EVER AGREE TO WHILE

YOU'RE DATING?

>> Larry: YOU AGREE NOT TO DOIT?

>> DON'T TOUCH IT.

>> Larry: RICKY, I'M SOCONFUSED.

>> IT'S THE 40.

>> Larry: I THINK IT IS.

>> NO MORE, NO MORE.

>> Larry: WHAT IS IS THE MOSTYOU SHOULD EVER AGREE TO WHILE

YOU'RE DATING?

>> MAN THAT'S CORRECT A GOODQUESTION.

>> NEVER SLEEP WITH MY BROTHERWOULD BE MY THING.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Larry: GO FOR IT?

>> CAN WE GET TWO?

>> SURE.

>> Larry: PICK ONE.

THAT'S THE HAMBURGLAR.

SO McDONALD'S HAS A NEW SYMBOLFOR-- FOR-- FOR THEIR ADS.

CAN WE SEE THAT?

THERE IT IS.

THAT'S THE NEW HAMBURGLAR.

I GUESS THEY FEEL-- McDONALD'SSALES ARE KIND OF-- FIRST OF

ALL, HERE'S WHAT I WANT TO SAY.

I'M JUST VERY HAPPY THE NEWHAMBURGLAR ISN'T BLACK.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

>> THAT IS A BIG THING.

>> Larry: BECAUSE TOO MANYMORE PROBLEMS THAT WE CAN SOLVE.

WHAT WOULD BE A BETTER MASCOTFOR McDONALD'S, LIKE A

CARDIOLOGIST?

( LAUGHTER )HOW CAN McDONALD'S INCREASE

THEIR SALES?

WHAT WOULD BE A BETTER MASCOT.

>> SKULL AND CROSSBONES.

>> OH.

>> AL ROKER.

>> HE LOST WEIGHT.

>> BYPASS SURGERY SCARS.

♪ IS IT YOUR WAY ♪>> Larry: THIS REALLY IS CRAY

DAY.

I THINK WE SHOULD-- I THINK WESHOULD PASS IT AROUND.

PASS IT AROUND.

>> SHUT HIM OFF!

>> Larry: GO AHEAD.

>> I'M GOING WITH JAMES FRANCO.

>> Larry: JAMES FRANCO?

>> YEAH.

>> Larry: AS THE MASCOT?

>> YEAH, HE'S WROTE AN ARTICLEFOR McDONALD'S.

>> HE LOVES McDONALD'S.

>> OCHO CINCO.

>> Larry: OCHOCINCO LOVESMcDONALD'S?

>> HE EATS IT BEFORE EVERY GAME.

THAT'S WHY HE'S PLAYING INCANADA.

>> Larry: JAMES FRANCO ANDOCHOCINCO SHOULD BE THE NEW

MASCOT FOR McDONALD'S.

>> BOTH OF THEM.

>> Larry: I THINK I'D GO TOMcDONALD'S EVERY DAY.

ONE MORE, GUYS.

LET'S DO ONE MORE.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT LEFT?

IS THERE ANYTHING IN THERE?

OH, WAIT.

OH, OKAY, HERE WE GO.

IT'S A PRESCRIPTION FORCHLAMYDIA FOR RICKY VELEZ.

>> A PLAYER'S GOTTA PLAY.

>> Larry: OKAY, I REALLYWANTED TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

HOW FAR SHOULD SCHOOLS GO ON SEXEDUCATION?

SHOULD IT BE THE EDUCATION TELLYOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW,

BUT SHOULD THEY ALSO BE, LIKE,PROVIDING A ROOM FOR YOU AND

EVERYTHING?

I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE NICE.

>> NEW YORK CITY-- NEW YORK CITYPUBLIC SCHOOL GAVE YOU LUBE.

>> Larry: THEY GAVE YOU LUBE!

>> THEY GAVE YOU LUBE ANDCONDOMS AND DENTAL DAM.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHATDENTAL DAM WAS?

I THOUGHT THAT ( BLEEP ) WASGUM.

FOR, LIKE, EIGHT PERIODS IN AROW, LARRY.

I'M LIKE THIS IS THE LONGESTLASTING GUM I'VE EVER HAD!

>> Larry: OH, GOD.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> OH, MY GOODNESS.

>> Larry: THAT'S DISGUSTING.