January 13, 2016 - Barack Obama's Final State of the Union

  • 01/13/2016

Robin Thede predicts an all-white Oscar night, and Larry discusses President Obama's legacy with Mario Batali, Mike Yard and Holly Walker.

-(whooping) -Yes.Welcome to The Nightly Show.

I know, what a nice night.

A lot of "oohs"and "ow" and "ooh".

Some "ow".

And you know why--'cause it's Tika's birfday.

(audience cheers)

Birf. Yeah.

I don't... I don't likementioning birthdays,

but I love mentioning birfdays.

Birf. Birf. Birfday.

What'd you do on your birfday?

I don't know.

I'm gonna do The Nightly Show.

Um... that's where we are.

I'm Larry Wilmore.Of course, tonight

we're talking aboutPresident Obama's

final State of the Union.

And, uh, funny story,you guys-- this is true.

While I was watching itlast night, I saw,

like, a bunch of tweetspop up in my timeline,

all with a similar theme.

Okay, "Is that Larry Wilmore behind the FLOTUS?"

Did you see the...

"Who's the Larry Wilmore lookalike behind FLOTUS?"

And "Larry Wilmore,

way to score seats behind" the first lady.

"#SOTU." It's true.

And there were a lot more, too.

Now, I don't really,

uh, I don't really knowwhat was happening.

And then I sawwho they were talking about.

OBAMA: ...as confidentas I have ever been.

-(applause, whooping)-Mm...

That wasn't me, you guys!

That was Satya Nadella,

the CEO of Microsoft.

Guys, come on, not all tallish,

incredibly handsome, brown guys

with extremely short hairand glass...

Holy crap, maybe that was me.

Oh, (bleep).

Wait, does this meanI'm the CEO of Microsoft?

(whooping, applause)

That's pretty good.Yeah.

(chuckles)

I guess I shouldlet my kids know.

Let me just call them

on my Microsoft Lumia 640 LTE.

Okay. How-how doesthis thing work here?

All right. All right,how do I make it...

Where's the keypad?How does this thing work?

Why would I green-light this?It's not intuitive at all.

All right, this is terrible.You know what?

I have a special announcement.

I hereby resigningas CEO of Microsoft.

In my short term as CEO,

I feel like I've takenthe company as far as I can.

Can I have my goldenparachute now, please?

-(whooping, applause)-Mm.

Thank you. Yeah.

Mmm.

Mmm.Ladies and gentlemen,

capitalism.Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

This is our playfor this evening.

But, yes, yes,the sun is going down

on Barack Obama's presidency.

Now, something tells meunless Ben Carson

can pull off a miracle

rivaling the time he sawed thosetwo damn babies in half...

we're probably not gonnabe seeing another black guy

delivering the State of theUnion for a while, you guys.

-AUDIENCE: Aw.-I know.

Ding.

Now, there was a lot ofanticipation for this speech.

The room was filled withall the standard dignitaries:

the Supreme Court, the Joint Chiefs,

uh, even some celebrities.

Oh, look at that-- Dog the Bounty Hunter.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.Sorry, it's my fault.

I'm sorry. Okay.

That was a really cheap,unfair comparison.

My apologiesto Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Bam.

Did it again. I'm so bad.

All right.

Mmm.

All right, Mr. President,

uh, State of the Union,episode seven.

Come on, man, bring it like thatblack Stormtrooper,

fighting the evil empire,let's go.

We're in the middleof the longest streak

of private sectorjob creation in history.

An unemployment ratecut in half.

Our auto industryjust had its best year ever.

Gas under two bucks a gallonain't bad, either.

If you doubt America'scommitment or mine

to see that justice is done,just ask Osama bin Laden.

AUDIENCE:Ooh.

You know, why does Obamagot to be his own hype man?

Right?

Yo, yo, man, this guycreated tons of jobs.

He saved the auto industry,he killed Osama, all right?

So, ladies and gentlemen,

it's my boy, me.

Why does that have to happen?

Coming out, it's me.

But I get it.

He had to be the one to tell uswhat he accomplished

because the Republicans spentmost of the same period of time

telling us how muchof a failure he was.

And they reminded usby not clapping

for any of Obama'sautobiog-stuff.

And he had some wordsfor the uncooperative folks

across the aisle.

There are a whole lot of folksin this chamber, good people,

who-who would like to seemore cooperation.

I know.You've told me.

It's the worst-kept secretin Washington.

Mm...

Come on, man. We all know theworst-kept secret in Washington

is Antonin Scalia's Fifty Shades of Grey fan fiction,

"My inner goddess was aroused

"the moment I sawhis legal brief.

"He held me,but not in contempt.

"Oh, Madam Justice,who knew a gag order

could be so seductive?"

-(whoop)-All r... Oh, you like that.

You like that. That's right.I got it on my Kindle.

I got it on my Kindle.

Okay, so it clearly seemed likeObama was not gonna

waste his time tryingto propose any new legislation

or challenge for America.

But then he decidedto shoot for the moon.

Vice President Bidensaid that with a new moon shot,

America can cure cancer.

Tonight I'm announcing

a new national effortto get it done.

Cancer?

You've got 11 months left.

Oh, my God.It's been eight years

and you couldn'tget Guantanamo done.

Now you're gonna get cancerdone in 11 months?

And because he's gone to the matfor all of us

on so many issuesover the past 40 years,

I'm putting Joe in chargeof mission control.

-(cheering, applause)-For the loved ones we've all...

Oh, my God,he's putting Joe in charge?

I love that Joedidn't even know it-- look.

-(cheering, applause) -"I don't know."

OBAMA:For the loved ones we've all...

Like, "I didn't know that.I didn't..."

That was a dick move, Obama.

Th... It's like it's thelast day before summer break,

and you're giving curing canceras a final assignment, right?

I mean, can you imaginethe type of year

Joe Biden gets to have now,you know?

"Hey, Joe, we're all going outfor drinks, man!

It's Obama's last year.You coming?"

"No. I gotto (bleep) cure cancer.

That's what I got to do."

"Sorry. Good luck."

"Hey, man,that's some important stuff."

By the way,this is one of the few areas

that Republicans kind of agreedwith Obama.

It's taken eight years,and the cure for cancer

is the only thingthat could possibly bring

these two parties together.(sighs)

Let's say Obama does cure cancerin 11 months.

I mean, that'd be pretty good.

But sadly, there still may be amalignancy waiting in the wings.

We'll be right back.

(cheering and applause)

Welcome back!

Now, it's Oscar seasonin Hollywood,

and many of this year'sgreat films

featured black actorsand directors.

Now, the Academy Awardnominations come out

tomorrow morning, so it's timefor our annual tradition,

A Preview ofthe Upcoming Black Oscar Snubs.

(humming)

All right, here to take usthrough this year's list

is our own Robin Thede.

-(cheering and applause)-Ah. Thank you, Larry.

Hey, Robin, how you doing?

Thank you.

Now, I hold in my hand

the names of the blackfilm stars and directors

who are going to be screwed outof nominations this year.

Because the only black peoplein Hollywood getting any love

are the onesSandra Bullock keeps adopting.

Oh, man.

All right, here we go!

The nomineesto be snubbed are...

Will Smith in Concussion!

Wow!

Oh, my God, really?

That's a surprise, Robin.

I thought white peoplelove Will Smith.

-They adore Will Smith, butnobody saw that movie. -Yeah.

-Hmm. -Only white actorscan win Oscars

for a movie that nobody saw.

Wait, really?

Larry, you don't need to beStephen Hawking

to understand that science.

Got it.

All right.On to our next black Oscar snub.

-Who we got? Who we got?Who we got? -It goes to...

F. Gary Gray, the black director

from Straight Outta Compton!

Wow. Man! Oh, my God!

Wait, Robin!That was a good movie.

Why isn't he gonna getnominated?

Uh, he's black

and also a director.

But mainly 'cause he's black.

Aw. Man, are you sureabout that?

Hello? We get called angryand loud for brushing our teeth.

You think you're gonna givea black person an award

for screaming "Action!"at Paul Giamatti?

Oh. Yeah. You know,

that actually does make sensewhen you put it like that.

All right,so who else won't be nominated?

-Okay. Our next non-whitenon-nominee is... -Mm-hmm.

Creed star Michael B. Jordan!Yes!

No!

Yes.

Wait, Robin,why are you so excited?

He's not going to be nominated.

I know,but it's still the Oscars.

Oh.

All right. So-so what's the dealwith him?

I mean,he was great in that movie.

He's a black manwho punches people.

Does that sound like actingto you, Larry?

Well...

I mean, most Academy votersthink Creed is a documentary.

Oh, come on, Robin.Robin, that's unfair.

Look, Christian Bale wonan Oscar for The Fighter.

Exactly. As a good white boxer.

Now, that's what I calla transformation.

All right, let's wrap up.

Who gets the last snubof the night?

Oh, last?Well, I have, like, 57 more,

-but, um... -Well, just go...just go with one.

-Okay, if I have to pick one,it is... -Okay.

-Oh, these are always so tough.-I know. It's exciting.

...Kitana Kiki Rodriguezin Tangerine!

What?

Oh, my God.

-That's a surprise.-Now...

Rodriguez's haunting portrayalof a trans woman was brave,

but it wasn't "Jennifer Lawrenceinvents a mop" brave.

Well, but...

Robin, this is disappointing.

Rodriguez is transgender.They've had a great year.

Why wouldn't Hollywood, like,want to celebrate her?

For the same reasonthe bear from The Revenant

is gonna get snubbed.

Wait, the bear? What?

Yeah, Larry.She's brown, and she's a woman.

Two strikes!

Robin Thede, ladies andgentlemen! We'll be right back!

-Should I be happy?-(cheering and applause)

Okay, welcome back!I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.

(cheering and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorHolly Walker.

(cheering and applause)

And you can see my next guesthosting The Chew on ABC,

chef, writer, and restaurateur,Mario Batali.

(cheering and applause)

And for everyone at home,remember, join our conversation

right now on Twitter,@NightlyShow,

using the hashtag #Tonightly.

All right, so earlier inthe show, we talked about Obama,

his State of the Union speech.

Now I want to talk about the jobwe think Obama has done

for the last eight years, okay?

First of all,did Obama solve racism?

I think he did it yesterday,right?

-It's solved, right?Racism, done. -Yeah, it's done.

After yesterday, it's done.I haven't been called a (bleep)

-all day. All day.-Whoa. Oh, my God.

-All day.-I know. Does it feel like...

A lot of people feel likethe country's more divided now.

Do you think that's true thanwhen Obama came into office?

Does that feel true to you,Mario?

I would say that being that ourpolitical and economic system

is based on Darwinism,that someone has to fail

-and someone has to win,then everyone thinks more -Yes.

about only winning andthat there's no chance to share

-any of the winwith anybody else. -Mm-hmm.

So everyone just doesn't wantto agree in any way,

which makes it a very toughthing, but that's our system.

-So we have to figure out a wayto deal. -Yeah.

I'd say we're as divided if nota little bit more right now.

Yeah, it's hard to say.

I think a lot of thingsare just out in the open.

-You know? Yeah.-I-I agree. I think...

I think it has always beenthis divided.

We just are seeing it more now.

I think people have always feltthat same way,

-where it's just out inthe open. Yeah. It's... -Right.

It-It's like with the... Like,Obama... I mean, America got

a black president. It'slike when you get a-a new car

-that you've never had.Like, you know? -YARD: Yeah.

"Oh, I got a Honda.Now I see Hondas everywhere."

-Everybody got a Honda.-Right? Like... Right?

We got a black president.How come I see black people...

-How come there's black issuesall... -That's so true though.

Yeah, exactly.I think that's what it is.

-Yeah. -Of course we're divided.-Out in the open now.

-WALKER: Yeah. -WILMORE:Yeah. How has Obama done

for the black communitycommunity, do you think?

-YARD: Mm-hmm. -Is the blackcommunity disappointed in Obama?

-We disagree about this one,because... -We definitely do.

You think yes, you think no,or vice-versa.

Well, I feel likehe's been absent.

And when it comesto a lot of our issues,

I mean, you know, it's like,things didn't get better.

I don't feel like...

Like, he's been therefor seven years,

and I don't feel likeI had a black president.

I feel like I had a president.You know what I mean? I...

Well, that's what you'resupposed to feel like.

-Well, no. -You're supposed tofeel like you have a president.

-What bill could he have passed?-That's not what I voted for.

-But what bill could he...?-(laughter)

But what billcould he have passed?

-I voted for the black dude.-I... -(laughter)

BATALI:And hold on, hold on. So did I.

WALKER: Exactly.Can't show without it.

YARD: Exactly!So you expected more blackness.

-Am I right? -BATALI: Well,I'm not really sure what...

-manifested itself as...-WALKER: Yes. Exactly!

-Not just a...-I put him in human first,

-then American, then dude,then black guy. -(applause)

-Okay. -All right, so...-Yeah, he happens to be black.

-He happens to be black.-Okay, I am a human black man

that grew up in America...

WILMORE:Okay, wait.

...with 50 white presidentsand one black one.

-I need you to be a little bitblacker. -WILMORE: Okay, Mike.

-What...? -If he would have beena little bit blacker,

he would have beena little bit shot-ter.

-They would have shot him.-WILMORE: Whoa. Whoa.

-I don't know about that.-BATALI: No!

-They would have shot him.-WILMORE: Oh, my God.

-I don't know about that.-And what kind of bill could

-he have passed for just...-WILMORE: Like the black bill?

-Yeah. -I'm not necessarily...I'm not necessarily saying.

WILMORE: All right, America,I'm pass... America,

-I want congress to signthe black bill. Uh... -Listen.

-Right, right. -I'm notnecessarily saying,

sign a black bill.What I'm saying is,

Black Lives Matterwas happening,

and it took him foreverto come out and saying something

and support it and defend it.

He's deported more Mexicansthan any other president.

-WILMORE: Yeah. -(Bleep) gotworse for us under Obama.

Love & Hip Hop has blossomed.I mean, come on!

(laughter)

And that's the worst thingfor black people,

and I watch it every week.Every work... religiously.

You're blaming Obama for that?

Yes, it happenedunder his watch.

He could have did something.

-Oh, my God. This is horrible.-(laughter)

Well, hold on. Think about this.Think about this.

Black gay people can nowget married.

-WALKER: Yes, yes.-YARD: Yes, they are living high

-on the hog right now.-Well...

BATALI: So... but that wasa black issue.

-That was a black issue.-Oh, gay black people won.

-BATALI: That was a non-issue.-But people would f...

WILMORE:But LGBT rights.

Obama is... I mean, he has beenan advocate for those rights.

I mean,many good things have happened

-during his presidency, right?-YARD: Yeah.

Yes, a lot of good thingshave happened. Yeah, definitely.

A lot of great things havehappened during his presidency.

-Right.-And he...

Despite the fact he had to fightthe entire time.

Everyone was against him.

Like, not only the Republicans.

Quite often, the Democratswere against him, too.

WILMORE:Well, he wasn't... he wasn't

for it at first. Remember?Obama said he evolved.

-YARD: Exactly.-(applause)

Yeah, he evolvedon gay rights issues.

-Right. -And the republicanswere...

the Republicans were screwedat that point

'cause they don't believe inevolution, so they couldn't...

-(applause, laughter)-That was great.

That threw everything he wasgonna say after that out.

-Like to say... -Yeah, well,that can't be right.

We can't evolve on it.(groaning)

What about, uh, foreign policy?

YARD: Well, it dependson who you talk, to right?

-Yeah. -Well, we now... we atleast now we talk to Iran.

-WILMORE: Mm. -Like, we got ourguys back from them yesterday.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -That was anamazing thing that might not

-have happened five or six yearsago. -WILMORE & WALKER: Yeah.

I mean, if you talk to,

uh, Mexico, I don't know ifwe've been a great neighbor yet.

WILMORE: Uh, we helped them getEl Chapo.

-You know?-Well, Sean Penn did.

That's true. Yeah.

BATALI: If international policyis based on the way

that we look at, uh...are looking at global warming...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -...he kind ofled the road there.

We feel good about that.

WILMORE:He's been an advocate there.

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah. -Yeah, that's true.

I think that's been one of hisstrongest, uh, actually, things.

WILMORE: Global warming,he's been very strong

on the environmentand that sort of thing.

Yes, he's been very strongon that.

And his foreign policy has beenpretty good.

You know, I mean,if you talk to people in Cuba,

they'd be like, "I like thatguy. That's a good guy."

WILMORE: Yeah.Well, Obama doesn't believe that

America should bethe world's police, right?

YARD:I don't believe that, either.

WALKER:Yeah, I don't, either.

YARD: I don't thinkmost Americans think that.

But when it comes to ISIS,

if we would just actlike America's police,

I think it would be overby now, right?

(laughter and groaning,applause and cheering)

-Come on, Larry.-Oh. That's why there's

a Larry Wilmore show, my friend.

-Come on. Bam, bam, bam.-That was good.

-That was good.-Shots fired. Shots fired.

Shots fired.

Bam! Bam! Freeze!

YARD:Stop or I'll shoot.

-(audience groaning)-The audience did not know that.

-That's funny.-Oh, what, now it's bad?

What? Come on, you guys.Oh, my God.

We're a sensitive crowd.

-WILMORE: All right, uh...-(laughter)

YARD:They are at "freeze."

-Not, "Bang! Bang!" -WILMORE:Now how about the economy?

What do we give Obamain the economy?

-The economy was in a free-fallwhen he started. -Yes.

Oh, it had fallen.It was not in free-fall.

-Yes.-Completely in a free-fall.

-There was no possibleworse situation. -Yeah.

It was pressingthat life alert button like,

"I've fallenand I can't get up."

-(laughter)-It was... That was our economy.

-Yeah.-That was our economy.

Why do people thinkthe economy is not doing well?

Is it that the economy is notdoing well,

or that it's not being sharedin the right way

with everyone who isparticipating in the economy?

WALKER:I don't know who...

-Who thinks that? -You thinkthat's what the feeling is?

I think a lot of it comesfrom the media.

WILMORE: I think some peoplefeel left out, right?

I think, like, but, also,Fox News is saying like,

"It's horrible.The economy is bad.

Barack is doinga horrible thing."

And the more (bleep) you hear,

the more you startto believe it.

-WILMORE: Right.-You know what I mean?

Like, if you hear...listen to Fox News,

like, I shouldn'teven be sitting

with this many black peopleright now. You know what I mean?

Like... So you startto believe (bleep).

-WILMORE: Yeah, I know. -YARD:You know, these politicians

that say the economy is bad,I-I...

Do they...do they think we're stupid?

-I mean, they must thinkwe're stupid. -Yeah.

Like we don't have Google,like we can't check.

-You know what I'm saying?-(laughter)

Like, when they say that,we live here.

-Yeah. Yeah. -We knowwhat's going on. -Right.

Like, when they say that,we're gonna be like,

"Really, it's doing bad?Oh, I didn't notice.

I was busy working."

Whenever the American economydoes good, the rich get richer.

-WILMORE: Right. -YARD: Yeah.-I mean, we added jobs,

so that's fundamentally whatwe were looking for-- getting

people to work so they're allplaying on the right field.

WILMORE:It is tough,

'cause a lot of the problems

have been going onfor a very long time.

I mean, the richhave been getting richer,

-but a lot of the poor have notbeen doing well. -YARD: Right.

And a lot of the one percent

is making a majorityof the profits here.

That's why people like Bernieare really making a difference

-out there, Bernie Sanders.-(cheers and applause)

Right. Interesting guy.I like him a lot.

-He pulled out...-I like him a lot.

So there's a lotof angst in there.

Even thoughObama did a good job,

-there's a lot of work to bedone. -YARD: Yeah, definitely.

You know, it feel like that...a big hole, a big gap.

YARD: But I mean, it's waybetter than eight years ago.

-WALKER: Oh, it's much better.-Oh, absolutely.

Eight years ago, I didn't havethis fantastic job...

-Mm.-so it's working great for me.

-WILMORE: Okay, I know we gotto go. -You know what I mean?

-We'll be right back.-(cheers and applause)

ANNOUNCER: Get some free tickets for an upcoming taping of...

Thanks to my panelists--

Mike Yard, Holly Walkerand Mario Batali.

So, we're almost out of time,but before we go,

-I'm gonna Keep It 100,all right? -(notes play)

Thank you very much. Tonight'squestion is from @KcJuvi.

And they ask, "Would youpublicly endorse Trump,

without havingto vote for him..."

I'm not sure what that means.

"...for the winningPowerball ticket?"

-Ooh, yeah.-"#KeepIt100."

-(groans)-Whoa!

Wait. What is it upto right now?

-$1.5 billion. -One... billion.-It's a billion dollars.

-Yes.-BATALI: One and a half.

(groaning)

Hold on. But here's...here's what's (bleep).

-The tea. Tea.-Oh, no, here's (bleep).

-No. Wait. Hold on.-(overlapping chatter)

Yeah. Oh, you had your fingersout. It means you're out.

-He might become...-No. He did. He did.

I can't do it! I can't do it!

-Weak tea.-Weak tea. Weak tea.

-I can't do it!-(overlapping chatter)

-It's a billion dollars,you guys! -Weak tea.