Quitting, Last Day, Irish

  • Season 1, Ep 9
  • 05/01/2014

Forrest becomes deeply invested in a new job that he's obligated to quit, lives a day as if it's his last and receives an ultimatum from Suzanne while pretending to be Irish.

THE BUZZ SPREAD QUICKERTHAN THE SMILE ACROSS MY FACE

WHEN I ARRIVED TO WORKEACH MORNING.

HOW MANY CAPPUCCINOSCAN I GET FOR YOU?

- JUST THE ONE, PLEASE.- [laughs] OKAY.

$3.50.THANK YOU.

THERE WERE NO TWO WAYSABOUT IT--I LOVED MY JOB,

TO THE POINTWHERE I BEGAN TO FORGET

THAT IT WASN'T MY REAL JOB.

[knocks on counter]- EXCUSE ME.

- OH, WE'RE NOT OPEN YET, SIR--OH, GRANT.

HI.- HEY.

DO YOU HAVE A SECOND TO TALK?

- UH...- JUST FOR A SEC?

- YES.- YEAH.

- HOW'S THE SHOW GOING?- WELL...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

'CAUSE WE'RE WAITING FOR YOUTO QUIT THIS JOB.

- OH, YEAH.

QUIT THIS JOB?

- THAT'S WHY YOU TOOK THIS JOBIN THE FIRST PLACE.

- I WAS THINKING OF--MAYBE I WOULD CUT DOWN MY HOURS

ONCE I GET THINGS UP TO SPEED,

'CAUSE I HAVEA NUMBER OF DIFFERENT--

- WELL,YOU'RE REVIEWING QUITTING.

VIEWERS NEED THIS.- YEAH.

- AMERICA NEEDS THIS,AND THE WORLD NEEDS THIS.

- SIX MINUTES UNTIL THE PASTRIESARRIVE, MR. FORREST.

- DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHEROR WHAT?

- [sighs]

- FORREST, GET OUT HERE.I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS."LOBBY JAVA BY FORREST."

- UH, WILLY...

I'M REALLY SORRY. UH...[clears throat]

YOU KNOW,WHEN I FIRST STARTED HERE,

I BELIEVED IN WHATWE WERE DOING.

NOW I'M NOT SO SURE.

- WHAT?

- BUT THERE IS, UH,ONE THING I KNOW.

YOU'RE THE BIGGEST JAG-OFFI'VE EVER WORKED FOR.

- FORREST...- AND I HOPE THIS PLACE--

UGH--

BURNS TO THE GROUNDWITH YOU IN IT,

BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLYWHAT YOU DESERVE,

YOU NICKEL-AND-DIMECHICKEN[bleep] MOTHER[bleep].

OH, BOY.

YOU CALL YOURSELF A MANAGER?

YOU COULDN'T MANAGEA HAM SANDWICH!

[clears throat]OKAY, I AM LEAVING HERE,

AND I AM NEVER COMING BACK,

NOT IF YOU BEG ME!

WHO'S WITH ME?

- I AM!- OH.

- IF MR. FORREST GOES, I GO!

- OH, GOD.

- YOU COULDN'T MANAGEA HAM SANDWICH!

WITH EXTRA CHEESE.OH, HELL, IT'S MY LAST DAY.

JUST BRING US A BOWL OF CHEESE!

[laughter]

- HEY, LET ME ASK YOUSOMETHING.

IF THIS WEREYOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH,

I MEAN, IF THERE WERENO REPERCUSSIONS BEYOND TODAY,

YOU COULD JUST GO FOR IT,WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

- WELL, I-I-I GUESS I--- NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

DON'T TELL ME.

JUST DO IT.

- OKAY.

EXCUSE ME.

DOES ANYBODY WANT TO LEAVE,

GO BACK TO MY PLACE,AND [bleep] RIGHT NOW?

- NO.

WHERE ARE YOU--- OH, MY GOD!

- THAT IS FANTASTIC!THAT'S THE THING

TO DO ON YOUR LAST DAY.[laughs]

WELL DONE.[laughs]

OH--OH, NO. OH, NO.[laughing]

- HEY, EVERYBODY!

- WHO--WHO WANTS TO GO [bleep]ME AND MR. MACNEIL RIGHT NOW?

[both laughing]

- YES![laughs]

♪ OH, HE TWISTED HIS WHISKERSAND SAID WITH A GRIN ♪

♪ DON'T MAKE ME MAD,I'LL LET MYSELF IN ♪

♪ AND I SAID TO THE MOUSE [clapping]

all: STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE![laughter]

- I WAS HAVING A MARVELOUS TIMELIVING LIFE AS AN IRISHMAN

WITH ME FAMILY AT HOME

AND WITH ME NEW IRISH FAMILYDOWN AT THE PUB.

IT WAS THE KIND OF DAYTHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL

THAT NOTHINGCOULD EVER GO WRONG.

YEAH!AH!

[laughs]THAT'S GREAT.

I MIGHT DO A LITTLE BIT OF A JIG--

OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE,ME WILD IRISH ROSE.

- I SPOKE TO YOUR DOCTOR.- AH.

- YOU DON'T HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR.

- UM, WELL...

WE IRISH ARE KNOWNFOR OUR BLARNEY, ARE WE NOT?

[laughs]- YOUR SON THINKS YOU'RE DYING.

- UH...

- THIS--THIS IS FOR THE SHOW,ISN'T IT?

IS THAT WHAT IT IS?- UM...

UM, YOU KNOWI CAN'T TELL YOU, RIGHT?

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT'SFOR THE SHOW. I'M NOT ALLOWED--

- OKAY, I NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCHOF WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING

IS FOR THE SHOW.- I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.

- DID YOU GET ADDICTEDTO COCAINE FOR THE SHOW?

- [sighs]SWEETHEART--

- DID YOU GET MY DAD KILLEDIN SPACE FOR THE SHOW?

OH, MY GOD.DID YOU DIVORCE ME FOR THE SHOW?

- EVERYTHING I DO,I DO FOR IRELAND!

all:IRELAND!

- OKAY, LISTEN, I KNOWYOU GET PASSIONATE ABOUT THINGS,

AND YOU LOSE YOURSELF IN THEM.I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU, OKAY?

BUT IF THERE'S ANY WAY WE AREEVER GOING TO BE A FAMILY AGAIN,

YOU NEED TO PUT LIMITSON WHAT YOU DO FOR THE SHOW.

OUR FAMILY HAS TO COMEFIRST, FORREST.

- DARLING, THE FAMILY ALWAYSCOMES FIRST.

DON'T EVEN DOUBT IT--- OKAY, WOULD YOU JUST STOP?

STOP DOING THE VOICE.

- 'TIS TRUE,ME BROGUE IS THICK...

- STOP IT.- BUT I MEAN WHAT I SAY.

- I NEED YOUTO STOP THE VOICE.

- UM, IT'S A BITOF A PUZZLER.

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA STOP.ALL RIGHT.

- NO, I MEAN, I--- OKAY, THIS IS DONE.

- I CAN'T STOP IT--SWEETHEART.- THIS IS DONE. I'M SORRY.

- I JUST--I CAN'T DO THISANYMORE, OKAY?

WE'RE DONE.

AND, YEAH, JUST SO YOU KNOW,EVERYBODY,

THIS MAN IS FROM WISCONSIN!

- UH, COME ON.DON'T--NOW, LOVE--

LOVE, LOVE, COME ON.- JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE!

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.- NO, FORREST, STOP!

- SWEETHEART, DON'T--AH.

HMM.

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