Wednesday, February 5, 2014

  • 02/05/2014

Sean Patton, Michelle Buteau and Moshe Kasher meet YouTube star Sir Fedora, come up with sad toys and list unappealing OkCupid user names.

THIS HAPPENED ON THE YOUTUBESLAST NIGHT.

THAT IS BILL NYE THE SCIENCEGUY, WHO IS AWESOME.

HE IS DEBATING CREATIONIST ANDALL AROUND DENIER KEN HAM.

WHILE KEN INSISTED THE EARTH WASONLY 6,000 YEARS OLD, BILL TOOK

THE POSITION THAT IT ISN'TBECAUSE, SCIENCE.

THE VIDEO, POSTED LAST NIGHT,WAS ALMOST AT A MILLION VIEWS

THIS MORNING.

THE DEBATE WAS SIMPLY CALLED"BILL NYE DEBATES KEN HAM."

I FEEL LIKE IT IT NEEDS A BETTERNAME.

PLEASE COME UP WITH A BETTERNAME FOR THE DEBATE.

SEAN PATTON.

>> ARE YOU SMARTER THAN ACREATIONIST?

>> WELL DONE.

MICHELLE.

>> RUMBLE IN THE ALL WHITE MANJUNGLE.

>> A LOT OF WHITE PEOPLE THERE.

MOSHE KASHER.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

JOURNALISTS FROM ALL OVER THEWORLD ARE TWEETING ABOUT THE

CRAPPY CONDITIONS AT THEFACILITIES OF THE SOCHI

OLYMPICS.

STACY ST. CLAIRE, A "CHICAGOOLYMPICS IN RUSSIA, TWEETED, "MY

HOTEL HAS NO WATER.

IF RESTORED, THE FRONT DESKSAYS--

WHAT DID SOCHI FRONT DESK TELLHER TO DO IF THE WATER'S

RESTORED?

DO NOT USE ON YOUR FACE BECAUSEIT CONSTAINS SOMETHING VERY

DANGEROUS.

FILL ANY CONTAINER YOU HAVEASAP.

IF IT COMES OUT OF THE SINK,THAT'S NOT WATER.

MOSHE.

>> I WOULD SAY FILL IN ANYCONTAINER YOU HAVE ASAP.

>> THAT'S THE ANSWER YOU WOULDHOPE IT WOULD BE.

IT WAS ACTUALLY, DO NOT USE ONYOUR FACE.

HERE'S THE PROOF OF THAT.

DO NOT USE ON YOUR FACE BECAUSEIT CONTAINS SOMETHING VERY

DANGEROUS.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, THEWATER DID EVENTUALLY START

WORKING AND THIS IS WHAT ITLOOKED LIKE.

WHOOPS.

>> EWWW!

>> BROWN VODKA!

>> WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST LINEOF YOUR TRIPVARIES REVIEW OF

THIS PARTICULAR HOTEL.

>> BED BUGS ON THE BED, CHOLERAIN THE WATER, BUT THANK GOD

THEY'VE TAKEN CARE OF THE REALPROBLEM, THE CREEPING SCOURGE OF

RUSSIAN HOMOSEXUALITY.

>> POINTS, MOSHE.

>> THE NEXT QUESTION, I AM SOTHRILLED WE'RE ABLE TO TALK

ABOUT.

THIS IS A VIDEO OF A VERYEXCITED KID, SIR FEDORA, THAT'S

BEEN A TOP STORY ON REDDIT ALLDAY.

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS KID, HE'SGREAT.

>> THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

THAT SEND ME THROUGH THE ROOF.

>> ALL RIGHT.

SIR FEDORA IS VERY EXCITED ABOUTSOMETHING.

WHAT IS HE EXCITING ABOUT?

A NEW FEDORA HE JUST BOUGHT?

FINDUTING ON THE SEAHAWKS MASSCO-COT IS A REAL SEAHAWK.

>> I WOULD SAY GET, THE ONELIKE.

>> GETTING THE ONE LIKE ON THEYOUTUBE VIDEO IS THE ANSWER.

HE WAS SO SWEET AND ADORABLE ANDGENUINELY ENTHUSIASTIC, LET'S

SEE MORE OF HIM.

>> WE DID.

WE HIT THE ONE LIKE.

I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GOOD,TOO, WITH JUST ONE LIKE, BUT

IT'S STILL AWESOME.

I KNOW THESE GUYS ARE THERE.

YOU KNOW THEY'RE NOT THERE,YOU'RE THERE.

>> THIS KID IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL!

I LOVE HIM.

AND WE LOVE THAT THE INTERNETCOLLECTIVELY PUT ON ITS DECENT

HUMAN BEING PANTS AND CELEBRATEDHIM BECAUSE THIS VIDEO HAS OVER

76,000 LIKES NOW.

SEE WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS AFTERALL.

WE CONTACTED THE YOUNG MAN VIASKYPE EARLIER, BECAUSE TRUTH BE

TOLD THE SHOW IS WAY PAST HISBEDTIME.

TAKE A LOOK.

WE DID THIS DURING REHEARSEAG.

SIR FEDORA, WE ARE THRILLED TOHAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.

THANK YOU FOR BEING ON"@MIDNIGHT."

>> OR THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME.

>> FIRST OF ALL, I JUST WANT TOFIGURE OUT WHAT-- BECAUSE YOUR

TWITTER HAND IS SIR FEDORA, BUTYOUR NAME ON TWITTER IS

MR. FEDORA.

WHEN DID YOU GET PROMOTED TOKNIGHTHOOD?

>> PROBABLY WHEN I HIT, LIKE, 40FOLLOWERS.

>> SO WHEN YOU GOT 40 FOLLOWERS.

SIR FEDORA, YOU'RE KIND OF AHOUSEHOLD INTERNET NAME AT THIS

POINT.

IS THAT PLOAG-- ARE YOU ABLE TOCONTAIN YOUR BRAIN WITH THE

FEDORA AT THIS POINT?

>> YEAH, THIS WHOLE TIME HASBEEN RIDICULOUS, HAVING ALL

THIS.

IT'S BEEN AWESOME.

>> IS THERE-- I DON'T WANT TOGET TOO PERSONAL-- BUT IS THERE

A MRS. FEDORA RIGHT NOW?

>> NO.

>> NOT YET.

BUT SOMEWHERE-->> GOOD NIGHT NOW.

>> BECAUSE ARE YOU SIR FEDORA,YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE FEDORA WE

MUST ALL BOW TO.

TO HONOR THAT, WE ARE GOING TOSEND YOU A VERY SPECIAL

"@MIDNIGHT" FEDORA.

>> YES!

>> YES!

IT'S NEW FEDORA TIME!

>> SO COOL!

>> TO END THE SEGMENT, IS THEREANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO

PEOPLE?

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE HAVEACTUALLY DONE THIS TO ME AND

IT'S BEEN AWESOME.

SO THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

>> SIR FEDORA, I TIP MY FEDORATO YOU AND HOPEFULLY WE'LL SEE

#HASHTAGWARS.

THE LEGO MOVIE HITS THEATERSTHIS WEEKEND, SO IN HONOR OF

LEGO'S BIG DAY, WE'RE GOING TOTAKE TOYS DOWN A PEG.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS--SAD TOYS.

SOME EXAMPLES MIGHT BE STARVING,STARVING HIPPOS,

THEY JUST GET SLOWER UNTIL THEYSTOP.

( LAUGHTER )BOTCHED OPERATION, OR OPTIMUS

SUBPRIME MORTGAGE CRISIS.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

READY, SET, GO.

>> SLIP AND SLIDE INTO ONCOMINGTRAFFIC.

>> POINT.

YES, INDEED.

MOSHE KASHER.

>> DREIDLE.

( APPLAUSE ).

>> WHAT!

YOU MADE IT OUT OF CLAY!

POINTS.

SEAN PATTON.

>> MISCONNECT 4.

( LAUGHTER )>> POINTS.

MOSHE.

>> TICKLE ME WOODY ALLEN.

>> OH, MAN!

( APPLAUSE )>> I'M SO MAD I HAVE TO GIVE YOU

POINTS FOR THAT.

MICHELLE.

>> SHOOT THEMSELVES AND LADDERS.

>> POINT.

MOSHE.

>> G.I. JOE P.T.S.D. EDITION.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> POINT.

SEAN.

>> AMPUTEE TWISTER.

( LAUGHTER )>> THAT IS THE SADDEST IMAGE

I'VE EVER PUT IN MY BRAINBEFORE.

THEREFORE, IT FALLS UNDER THERULES AND GETS YOU POINTS.

MICHELLE.

>> MY LITTLE LONELY.

>> OH!

POINT.

YES, SEAN.

( BUZZER ).

>> DO IT ANYWAY.

MAGIC 8 BALL, THE COKEHEADEDITION.

AM I GONNA BE RICH?

"SAD ETSY BOYFRIENDS."

THE TUMBLR PAGE SAD ETSYBOYFRIENDS IS INCREDIBLE.

IT DISPLAYS COMMITTEDBUT TRAGIC BOYFRIENDS USED AS

PROPS BY THE ETSY-USINGGIRLFRIENDS.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUA BOYFRIEND.

FOR 250 POINTS, YOU TELL METHEIR INNER MONOLOGUE.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

THIS EMO IN EYE SHADOW.

MOSHE.

>> THEY CALL ME JACK-OFFSPARROW.

>> POINTS.

ALL RIGHT.

>> I LIKE-- WAIT.

RRRRR YOU MAD AT ME?

>> I'LL GIVE YOU POINT FOR THAT.

( APPLAUSE )HOW ABOUT THIS SHELL-SHOCKED

HIPSTER?

SEAN.

>> ME DON'T LIKE BEING A GAYTRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A WHITE

MALE.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> I FEEL LIKE THE GUY KNITTEDTHAT CAP OUT OF HIS OWN HYMEN.

>> I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A GUYWHEN I SAW IT.

I THOUGHT EW, ELLEN DeGENERESGOT HERSELF A HAT

NEXT ONE.

THIS VAGUELY ETHNIC SNAPE.

SEAN.

>> MY MOTHER WAS THE ONLY WOMANWHO GET PREGNANT VIA ANAL SEX.

>>>> OH, MAN!

I THINK THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TOSNAPE, TOO.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINT FOR THAT.

>> THERE IS NO DEFENSE AGAINSTTHE DORK.

>> I LOVE YOU, POINTS.

MICHELLE.

>> YOU KNOW HE'S ALL "I AM THEDAVID BECKHAM OF THE RENAISSANCE

FAIR."

>> POINTS!

POINTS!

LOOK AT THIS HUMAN EARRING RACK.

MOSHE.

>> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD BEBULLIED OUT OF BURNING MAN.

( APPLAUSE )>> POINTS.

POINTS.

MOSHE KASHER.

SO WELL DONE.

>> I HATE THIS GUY SO MUCH.

>> WHY?

>> HE HATES HIM, TOO.

LOOK AT HIS FACE.

>> HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S LIVING HISTRUTH, THIS GUY.

LIKE SUBWAY MUSICIANS ARE REALMUSICIANS, TOO.

IT'S TIME FOR RED FLAG!

THANKS TO ONLINE DATING, WITHTHE CLICK OF A BUTTON, THOUSANDS

OF SINGLES HAVE FOUND THEIRBETTER HALF, AND WITH THE SIMPLE

CLICK OF A BUTTON, COUNTLESSMORE HAVE FELT DISTURBED AND

VIOLATED.

SOME VERY REAL OK CUPID USERNAMES INCLUDE

"1GREATDAD69,""T3STEDN3GATIVE,""TAMPONNINJA."

>> CAN I GET POINTS FOR JUSTBEING OFFENDED?

>> I'LL GIVE YOU 100 POIPTS FORBEING OFFENDED.

>>( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THEY'RE APOLOGY POINTS, YOUGUYS!

ALL RIGHT, COMED YAPS, I WANT TOYOU RING IN WITH SOME BRAND NEW

RED FLAG DATING USER NAMES.

I'M ANYTHING TO PUT 60 SECONDSON THE CLOCK.

MOSHE.

>> THE REAL GEORGE ZIMMERMAN.

>> I'M UNCOMFORTABLE, BUTPOINTS.

SEAN.

>> GOTH-A-RHEA.

OR GONORRHEA GOTH.

>> GREEN CARD 69.

POINTS.

>> THAT'S HOW I GOT MARRIED.

>> MOSHE.

>> AT NERD IF.

>> THE AUDIENCE RESPONDED WELL.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR IT.

MICHELLE.

>> TOO MANY KIDS TO COUNT.

>> POINTS FOR SURE.

SEAN.

>> CUTTER WITH NO "E.

>> THEY'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH.

I THINK IT'S HILARIOUS.

POINTS.

MOSHE.

>> 9/11 AGE TRUTHER.

>> THERE'S A LOT OF DARK WORDSIN THERE.

POINT.

MICHELLE.

>> A WARM MOUTH IS A WARM MOUTH.

>> IT IS, THOUGH!

POINTS.

SEAN.

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