April 25, 2016 - Grace Helbig

  • 04/25/2016

Dr. Mona Hanna-Attisha describes her efforts to curb the Michigan water crisis, and Larry ponders an all-woman presidential ticket with Grace Helbig, Mike Yard and Grace Parra.

Yeah.

(applause and cheering continue)

Thank you very much!Thank you!

Man, such a good crowd!Thank you so much!

Thank you so much!Very... very kind.

-Thank you so much.-AUDIENCE: Larry! Larry! Larry!

-Welcome to The Nightly Show! -Larry! Larry!

They're right.They're right. I'm Lar-ry!

(laughter)

Man, what a great crowd, man.Monday night!

-You guys... (whoops)-(cheers and applause)

Smokin' crowd, right.

Now, we made a promiseon this show not to forget

about the peoplein Flint, Michigan,

and their ongoing water crisis.

So let's check in withthe Larry People vs. Flint.

(water dripping)

-I just like the "bup, bup."-(laughter)

All right, guys, so, April 25this a very significant day.

It marks exactly two years sincethe water source switchover

that led to the pipe corrosion

and the poisoningof the entire city.

Now the traditional gift

for a two-year anniversaryis cotton, so...

-(laughter)-Mm.

...I got Flint this.

-MAN: Yeah! -Yeah.-(applause and cheering)

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. Oh.

It's not bad, yeah.

Um... sorry it's not white.

I made the mistake of washing itin Flint water, so...

-(audience groans)-What? Too soon for that joke?

Oh, my God.

And speakingof Governor Rick Snyder,

last week we covered howhe pledged to drink Flint water

for 30 daysto prove how safe it is.

You heard about that, right?

All right, how's it going?

Governor Rick Snyderis overseas.

He left on his week-long tripto Europe on Saturday.

The question many Michigan residents wanted to know is

if the governor would continue drinking filtered tap water

from Flint while he's on his European trip.

The answer-- no.

(laughter and groaning)

What? He couldn't take thatfilthy water

-through Customs or something?-(laughter)

I hope the TSA made him chug itbefore he went through security.

-Right?-(laughter)

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah!

You got to drink that, baby!

-Uh, uh, uh!-(laughter)

So Snyder only made it five daysinto a 30-day challenge?

This is how much of an idiotthis guy is.

He (bleep) updrinking a glass of water.

-(laughter)-He can't even get that right.

Yeah. (sighs)

But Snyder's response somehowmakes this even dumber.

MAN: His aides say Snyder has temporarily suspended

the pledge because it was not practical

to take the water with him.

However, his administration says

Flint's recovery is a priority still for the governor.

Aides say he will resume drinking the water

when he returns to Michigan.

(laughter and groaning)

No, no, no!

That's not how time-basedchallenges work, okay?

(laughter)

You can't pick them upwhenever it's convenient.

David Blaine doesn't say,

"I will now hold my breathfor 20 minutes."

(inhales loudly)

"...non-consecutively overthe course of a few months."

(laughter)

Thank you very much.Mm, mm, mm.

All right, turning to nationalpolitics, let's check in

with what's happeningwith the Unblackening.

(cheers and applause)

All right, you guys,

Donald Trump was upto his old antics again.

Now he's complaining aboutAndrew Jackson being replaced

by Harriet Tubmanon the $20 bill.

I thinkit's pure political correctness.

Andrew Jackson hada great history.

I thinkHarriet Tubman is fantastic.

I would love to... I would loveto leave Andrew Jackson

and see if we can maybe come upwith another denomination.

Maybe we do the two-dollar bill.

(laughter and groaning)

Two-dollar bill?

Dude,Harriet just got on the bill,

and you're alreadycutting her pay 90%?

-(cheers and applause)-What the (bleep)?

Seriously.

How does that even happen?

But Trump is nowpromising to clean up his act

and be more presidential.

And that became clearfrom a closed-door meeting

where audio was leaked.

Wait. Something was leaked?

Okay, that's alreadypresidential.

-Okay, all right.-(audience groaning)

Wait. Hold on. Hold on.Hold on. Hold on.

He's evolving?All right, um...

You know, it takesmany millenniums to evolve

from a Neanderthalinto a human being.

-(laughter)-Um...

His hands haven't even evolvedpast baby.

(laughter and groaning)

-(applause and cheering)-How's he gonna...?

Oh, my God, that's horrible.

And apparently,Donald feels that the key

to acting more presidential isimpersonating one of his foes.

If I was presidential, first ofall, I'd have a teleprompter.

You ever seecrooked Hillary Clinton?

She walks in.

How she walks.

(crowd shouting and clamoring)

"Good afternoon, Bridgeport."

(laughter)

"How are you?"

(applause and cheering)

"This is crookedHillary Clinton."

(laughter and groaning)

Um, Donald, if you have to saywho the impression is of

before and after the impression,it's not a good impression.

-(laughter)-Just saying.

All right, here to show ushis new presidential side,

please welcome Republicanfront-runner Donald Trump.

-(cheers and applause)-(humming "Hail to the Chief")

Please, call mePresident-to-Be Trump, okay?

I'm moving onfrom Campaign Trump

to be a little bit morepresidential.

Okay, but-but you're still...

But you're stillbasically mocking people.

How is that presidential?

Excuse me.Then why do I call my plane

"Air Force One Thousand" okay?

-(laughter)-Very presidential, that's why.

It's a thousand timesthe power of Obama.

Um, that doesn'teven make sense. Um...

(laughter)

Uh, okay, well, what does "morepresidential" even mean to you?

Candidate Trump would have said,"This is one stupid question,

okay, bald, fathead,four-eyed Larry."

-Okay? -(audience groaningloudly) -That's presidential?

President-To-Be Trumpdoesn't get bogged down

in the highly-accurate details.We're very accurate.

I mean, one could sayI'm perfect, okay?

(laughter)

Okay, it doesn't sound likeyou've changed at all.

I mean, you're gonna stopusing so many insults?

Well, "Lying Ted,"and "Crooked Hillary"--

-I mean, these are campaigninsults, that's all. -Right?

Notice, I'm actingvery presidential tonight.

I mean, look, I didn't call you"Black Larry," okay?

(audience groaning and booing)

You just called me"Black Larry."

By the way,being black isn't an insult!

Look, presidents don't argue,

even when they're right,like I am right now and always.

Never wrong.I mean, also... I mean, please.

Speaking of acting presidential,I'm gonna stop using

what pussies in the media called"bad language."

-(audience groaning)-Okay. All right, okay.

But calling someone a pussyis definitely bad language!

Not if what you meantto say was "dickholes."

(laughter)

I toned it downto be presidential.

-I mean, look at me.-Oh, all right.

I'm like Obama, except witha much hotter daughter-- Ivanka.

-I mean, seriously, seriously.-(audience groaning)

I mean, my God, she's builtlike a sex racehorse.

-Oh, my God. -Beautiful.-(audience laughing, groaning)

-I mean...-That's disgusting. -(laughter)

How is it presidential talkingabout your daughter like that?

That's terrible.

-Excuse me. Excuse me.-What?

I think I knowwhat presidential is, okay?

It's whatever I dowhen I'm the president,

or running for president, ifI'm going to be honest with you.

Look, to say my daughter isbuilt like a sex racehorse--

-I mean, that's presidential.-(laughter and groaning)

-Okay?-Um... you are a monster.

-Look...-(laughter)

(applause, cheering, whooping)

I got to run.

-I got to run, Black Larry.-Please stop calling me that.

But good luck at the White HouseCorrespondents' Dinner

Saturday night, okay?

-Oh... All right. Thanks.-It airs on C-SPAN.

-Yeah. -It's a whole new networkfor no one to watch you on.

Yeah, I knew it was coming.

See, that's what Candidate Trump

would have said,but if I'm gonna be honest,

-it's still presidential.-You never say anything honest!

-Donald Trump, everyone.-President-to-be.

I refuse to say that.

-I refuse to say it.-President-to-be Trump.

-(cheering, applause, whistling)-We'll be right back.

Hey, welcome back.Now, earlier we were talking

about the continuingwater crisis in Flint, Michigan,

and how the governor has beencompletely blowing the response.

In fact, he's beenscrewing up so bad,

Beyoncé just released aconcept album about what he did.

(laughter, groans)

But here's the thing.

Lemonade? Couple of Lemonade fans?

Okay, yeah.But here's the thing.

Despite the continuedincompetence from the top,

the story does havea few heroes.

We might still be in the darkabout Flint if not for the work

of a few committed scientistsand doctors. For example...

NEWSMAN: Dr. Mona Hanna-Attisha, Director of Pediatrics

at the Hurley Medical Center in Flint,

was one of the first to sound the alarm.

But when she released her findings

in September of 2015...

HANNA-ATTISHA: Right away we were attacked.

We were told we were wrong,

that we were"unfortunate researchers."

"Unfortunate researchers"?

That's a terrible thingto be called.

But it will be an awesome namefor her eventual Oscar-winning

-biopic. -(laughter)

You gonna crush it!

Yeah! But in coveringthis story,

I have to sayI've been so impressed

by the work thatDr. Mona Hanna-Attisha has done

for her community, and I justhad to have her on our show.

So please welcome Dr. MonaHanna-Attisha, everybody!

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

WILMORE:Hey!

-I said your name right?-Yeah.

Okay, good.Have a seat there.

-♪ -(cheering, whistling, applause)

WILMORE:Wow, look at that! Nice!

-A standing ovation.-Awesome.

Um, welcome to the show.

Thank you so muchfor coming out here.

-Thanks for having me.-And thanks so much

for all your dedicationand everything.

Um, uh, tell me howyou first started to realize

that something was wrong there.

Well, we were hearing reports

that there was leadin the water,

-Mm-hmm.-so an amazing researcher,

Marc Edwards from Virginia Tech,drove up to Flint

-Uh-huh. -from Blacksburg,Virginia, to research the water,

and he was telling us thatthere was lead in the water.

And when pediatricians hearabout lead anywhere,

-Right.-we kind of freak out.

-Yeah. -It'san irreversible neurotoxin.

You don't mess with lead,and you don't mess with kids.

Right. It's like, there's leadin those Band-Aids! What?!

(laughter)

-So, um, so we decidedto do the research -Mm-hmm.

to see if that lead in the water

-was getting into the bodiesof our children. -Right.

Um, and it was.

-Yeah. -So, uh,we looked back on our records,

and we noticed thatafter that water switched,

the percentage of kidswith elevated levels

-doubled in the city of Flint.-Wow.

And when youfirst saw those results,

what was your first reaction?

You know, I...I wasn't surprised,

-Mm-hmm.-because it didn't take a doctor

-or a rocket scientistto figure this out. -Yeah.

General Motors had stopped usingthis water in October of 2014

-'cause it was corrodingengine parts. -Hmm.

-(audience groaning) -So...it's corroding engine parts,

but okay for our kids.

-Yeah. -Uh,so all the clues were there.

So we weren't surprisedbut we were sad,

-because it's 2016...-Right.

Flint is in the middle of the Great Lakes.

It's, like, the largest sourceof fresh water

-in the world. In the world!-Yes. Thank you.

-In the world.-(applause)

And, uh...

and-and how did you... howdid you release those findings?

Didn't you have, like,a press... a press conference...

-Yeah. So, you know...-You couldn't just send

the memo, I guess, right?

No. So, yeah, medical researchis always released

-in press conferences.-Yes, I know.

No, no. You see,we publish journals,

-publish articles in journals.But... -Sure.

we had a professional,a moral and ethical obligation

to share thisas soon as possible,

to alert our families,our pregnant moms, our babies,

-Yeah.-to stop using this water.

So we had a press conferencein last September.

What was the reaction to you,uh, after that?

-You know, I felt good for,like, two minutes. -Good?

For two minutes I felt good,I'm like, "Yeah,

-Right.-we saved our city!" You know?

-But the haters...-But hey, yeah, so just like

the amazing citizens of Flintwere dismissed for 18 months,

just like the researcherswere dismissed, the moms,

the pastors, we were dismissed.

So I was calledan "unfortunate researcher,"

-Yeah. -which is a great titlefor my new book.

-(laughter)-Um...

-Exactly. We said the movie,too. Yeah. -Yeah.

-(cheering, applause)-It is.

-Um, so...-"Unfortunate Researcher"!

What did they mean by that?

-So, uh...-Did they have an explanation?

Yeah, the direct quote, I think,was, uh, you know,

"She may not be irresponsible,

but she'san unfortunate researcher."

Uh, I was ca...they said I was...

they said I was causingnear hysteria,

-Uh-huh. Oh, my God. -that I wassplicing and dicing numbers,

and that the state's numberswere not consistent

with my numbers.

And when you proved them wrong?

-Uh... -Did you get a...did you get a, "Oh, we're sorry,

-unfortunate researcher"?-(laughter)

So yeah, I got many apologies,and I don't...

-Uh-huh.-I don't care about that.

-So I don't care about whathappened. -Sure, sure, sure.

You know, I care about...I care about the kids

-Right. -in our communityand what's gonna happen next.

Okay, yeah, I know...That's great.

-(cheering, applause)-Right. Uh...

What do you think... uh,what do you think should happen

to Governor Snyder?

-So.. -Or let me put ita different way.

-Which type of execution...-(laughter)

No, no, no. Horrible thing.

So, you know,I was tortured as a child.

-Yeah. -So, my brother made mewatch a lot of Star Trek.

-And, uh...-That was your torture?

-That was my torture. -That'sa fun kind of torture, actually.

-So, Dr. McCoy on Star Trek, -Yes.

he has a line-- he's like,"I'm not a prosecutor,

I'm a doctor." So I haveto work with this governor,

-Yes. -and I have to workwith the next five governors.

-Yes. -When you understandthe consequences of that...

But if I were to give youa large sack of nickels

-and he were unconscious...-(laughter)

-(applause, shouts)-All right, one more question.

All right, uh, you know, now...

we like to keep it 100 hereon the show, you guys, right?

And you kept it so hunnitin your community

that we want to give youour highest honor here, okay?

This is ourGolden Hhhunnit Award.

-Aw... -So...-(cheering, applause, whistling)

So on behalfof The Nightly Show,

I want to present youthe Golden Hhhunnit Award

for your work with the kidsin your community.

It is truly an inspiration.

And thank youfor everything that you've done.

-Thank you so much.-And if you're watching at home

and you'd like to giveto the people of Flint,

uh, check out flintkids.org.

And if you know anyonein your community

who's fighting the good fight--like she is right here

by keeping it a hundred,just let us know.

Tweet at The Nightly Show using the hashtag,

uh, #GoldenHunnit.Thanks for being here.

Dr. Mona, everybody.We'll be right back.

-There you go.-(cheering, applause)

You're welcome.Thank you so much.

-(growls)-(laughs)

-Thank you. That's amazing.-So great.

Thank you.So, I'll take this with me.

-Golden Hhhunnit. Look at that.-♪

Okay, welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.

(cheering, applause)

And Nightly Show contributorGrace Parra.

(cheering, applause)

And her new show Electra Woman and Dyna Girl airs tomorrow

on Fullscreen and the filmversion premiers June 7,

and you can see her on hernew... on her YouTube channel

Grace in... Grace H in a Box,

actress and comedianGrace Helbig.

-(cheering, applause)-Grace H.

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter, @NightlyShow,using #Tonightly.

Okay. All right, so, it seems,uh, now that Hillary

all has but won the nomination,and her camp is...

so they're floating outsome names

for her choicesof vice president, right?

And among them were,uh, some women,

which is kind of interesting.

So, my question iscould this happen in...

Is America ready for two womenon the same ticket?

-(cheering, applause)-Larry, here's what I think.

I think this:I think we have to stop

asking for permission.

-We have to tell America thatthey're ready for it. -Yeah.

Just like... Beyoncédidn't ask our permission

to release Lemonade this weekend, she just did it

and she blew our brains out.

And she would bean amazing vice president.

-Mm-hmm.-Beyoncé? -Beyoncé.

I mean...

-She would bean amazing president. -Yeah.

-There you go.-I'd drink lemonade every day.

I... We keep askingif America is ready.

Is Hillary ready for a womanto run with her?

That's the question, 'cause shedon't strike me as the type

that like to share, so...

Really?Well, I mean, it's ver...

Yeah, I think she wantsto make history on her own.

I don't think Hillary wantsto have another woman there

taking some of that shine.She's been working for this

-for a long time.-I mean, Monica Lewinsky

was kind of theretaking some of the shine.

-She took something else,not shine. -HELBIG: Yikes!

You don't...you don't think she's down

-for two girls, one ticket?-I don't think...

-Sorry, I apologize. Yes, Iapologize. -I don't think so.

PARRA:I would watch that, by the way.

You would watch that.Oh, my God.

-I think I've already seen that.-Yeah.

Well, some people sayElizabeth Warren

-would be a good choice.-Yeah. -(cheering, applause)

PARRA: Oh, she'd be amazing.-She'd be great.

I don't... I don't thinkthat's a good choice

for either one of them.First of all,

'cause Elizabeth Warrenis not gonna let

being vice presidentsilence her.

If she accepts that,she's silenced.

-What can she say? -No, I disa--I disagree with that. -No.

She cannot go against herpresident. She's vice president.

-Maybe she... She may nothave to. She may influence

-rather than be... -And thenshe would have too much power

in Hillary's Democratic party,because people would be voting

for the ticket because of Warrenand not because of Hillary,

-and I don't think Hillarycan take that. -Doesn't matter.

-All you got to do is get in theoffice, though. -Well, exactly,

and then Elizabethis silenced after that.

As long as Elizabeth Warrenhas Wi-Fi,

she's not gonna be silent.

-Like, her Twitter is great.-She's on fire on Twitter?

-Yeah, she's amazing.-You follow her?

Oh, yeah, she's got anincredible,

incredible Twitter feed.

And she understands, like,the use of 140 characters.

-Yeah? Super size it.-Yeah, which is really...

-Yeah, it's amazing.-Yeah. Does vice president

make a differencein your vote for president?

No, just like nobody listenedto Destiny's Child for Michelle.

-(Helbig gasps) -I'm sorry,it's true. We... did you?

I just feel bad 'cause she hadto wear shorts all the time.

She did have to wear shorts!

-Beyoncé got to wear thedresses. -Kelly got the midriff

-and Michelle got the shorts.-Yeah. -Yeah.

If the reason you're votingfor somebody for president...

the-the fact that you liketheir vice president,

-then you probably shouldn'tvote for that person. -Mm-hmm.

You know?You wouldn't date somebody

'cause their best friendis cool as (bleep). No.

-Huh? I don't know. -Yeah.I agree, I agree. - Right?

-I've heard of that.-I'm like, "I can't stand her,

but her friend is the (bleep)."

It's-it's not one of the worstreasons to date someone.

-You know?-I'm just sayin', you know?

"So-so,tell me why you like me."

"Well, it's kind ofabout your friend."

'Cause of this (bleep)."

Do you think having someonelike Warren can unite the party?

'Cause it feelsa little fractured right thou...

-right now. -It does feela little... I actually think,

no matter what,the party's gonna unite again.

-You think so? It's not gonna bea problem? -I really do.

-I don't think so. I mean, withTrump? Like, come on. -Yeah.

-No one's... I-I'm sure thereare a few people who... -Yeah.

If there's anybody out therewho's gonna vote for Trump

-instead of... -But you knowwhat's interesting though...

But Trump and Hillary both have,like, the highest unfavorables

-for any leading candidates,you know? -They do, yeah.

Do you... Who do you thinka woman on the ticket

would help the most,Trump or Hillary?

-Well, since Hillary'sa woman already, -Mm-hmm.

uh... Unless we're sayingwe don't believe her.

But we're saying twoon the ticket.

Yeah, I don't knowhow that helps her.

-I don't know how that helps.I think... -Right.

-But would it help Trump?-It helps Trump. I... -Listen...

-Go ahead. -No, I hate admittingthat it helps Trump, but it's...

-You do? -I do. That-thatit helps Trump, because

-it's sort of like... -Youthink that's gonna help him,

-you admitting it?-A li... I think... Yeah,

me-me, yes. I-It's sort of likeif you see a, um...

-a murderer holding a baby,-Oh, God.

It's still a murdererat the end of the day.

Yes, that's true.

-That's how I feel about Trump.-That's a good point.

-Yeah.-Well...

C-Can you imagine Trump,uh, choosing a woman?

-Holding a baby? Never. No.-Yeah, holding a baby. No.

-Have we ever seen him holda baby? -I can't imagine.

Well, it would be confusing'cause his hands and the baby's

-just match.It'd be so confusing. -Yeah.

-They'd be doing this.-The baby would slip

-through his baby hands,unfortunately. -(laughs)

So, Madeleine Albright saidthere's a special place in hell

for women who don't votefor Hillary.

Now, if there are two womenon the ticket,

what place in hell is that?

Do-do you think womenwould have a lot of pressure

-to do that though? With twowomen on the ticket. -I mean...

Do... Uh, do women feel pressureto vote for...

-If there were two womenon the ticket. -(exhales)

I mean, I don't know. I-I alwayshave such a weird association

when it's, like,leading with the idea of women,

-rather than, like, just peopleon the ticket. -Yeah.

-Because it's... -Yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah. -(applause)

No, no, no. No, you guysare clapping, but if a woman's

not president,you'll be like, "(bleep)!

How can we do it?" You know?There's something to the first,

-though, you know. -Yeah, it'sinteresting. But there's been

two men on ticketsfor years and years and years

-and years and years and yearsand more years. -Exactly. Right.

There's been a precedenceof, uh, adding a vice president

-that's your same genderfor the entire history. -Yeah.

-That's kind of how they do it.Yeah. -America. Yeah.

What if we just adda vice, vice president,

-so it's three peopleon a ticket? -Three people?

Yeah. I'm just throwing... Thisis just a brainstorming session,

-you guys. -I say put...I say put-put women

in charge of all of it.Let's see what happens,

-you know what I mean?-Yeah. Hasn't been done before.

It hasn't been done.Men been (bleep) it up forever,

-so let women take overand see what happens. -Yes.

-(cheering and applause)-Sounds good!

Sounds good.We'll be right back.

-Sounds good.-(cheers and applause)

YARD: If you live in the New York City area or are planning

to visit, grab some free tickets to The Nightly Show.