Haunted House/The Hunk

  • Season 1, Ep 5
  • 03/28/2013

Nathan tries to get a haunted house deemed "too scary" and overcomes his fear of the opposite sex by creating a fake reality show.

WHY THEY WERE HERE.

WE WERE BOTHGETTING WHAT WE WANTED.

I GOT TO WORK THROUGHMY NERVOUSNESS AROUND WOMEN--

SORRY, I'M KIND OF SHAKING.- DON'T BE NERVOUS.

[laughs] DON'T BE NERVOUS,THAT'S SO CUTE.

[laughs]

- AND THEYGOT TO BE ON TV.

- I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE EVERYONEINTRODUCED TO KANGEN WATER.

THIS WATER IS ONE OFTHE BEST WATERS OUT THERE.

IT HAS A PH OF 9.5.

- I'D NEVER BEENTHAT GOOD OF A FLIRT,

BUT I HAD THE OPPORTUNITYTO PRACTICE WITH SO MANY

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.

YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYESAND BEAUTIFUL LIPS,

AND LOVELY HAIR,AND YOUR STYLE IS...

WONDERFUL.

- OH...THANKS, NATE.

[awkward laugh]

- SO TELL ME YOURDEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET.

- MY DEEPEST,DARKEST SECRET IS...

I DON'T LIKE WEARING SOCKS.

- THAT'S GREAT.

BUT AS THE NIGHT PROGRESSED...

- OH, COOL.

- MAGIC.

MY FLIRTING SKILLSDRASTICALLY IMPROVED.

- DO YOU RIDE MOTORCYCLES?I MEAN--

- I DON'T RIDE A MOTORCYCLE,BUT I AM A BIT OF A BAD BOY.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXTI WOULD HAVE NEVER EXPECTED.

- WELL, YEAH, I LIKE MY--- WOAH!

- OH, MY GOD.

- THAT'S WHY,WHEN OCTOBER SWINGS AROUND,

HAUNTED HOUSESARE BIG BUSINESS.

BRUCE STANTON IS THE OWNEROF REIGN OF TERROR,

AN ANNUAL HAUNTED HOUSEIN THOUSAND OAKS, CALIFORNIA.

- WE HAVE A PERFECT ENVIRONMENTTO SET YOU UP TO BE SCARED.

- BUT AFTER TAKINGA WALK-THROUGH

OF THE SUPPOSEDLYSCARY MANSION,

I CAME OUTLESS THAN IMPRESSED.

HI.

SO I TALKED TO BRUCEONE ON ONE ABOUT AN IDEA I HAD

TO HELP HIS BUSINESS.

WHAT IS THE BEST PRESSA HAUNTED HOUSE CAN GET?

- THAT IT'S SO SCARY,SOMEONE PEED THEIR PANTS.

- NO.

PEE IS ONE THING.

I WANT YOUR HAUNTED HOUSETO BE SO SCARY

THAT SOMEONE SUES YOUFOR BEING TOO SCARY.

- I DON'T KNOW THATWE WANT PEOPLE TO SUE US.

- IF THE REIGN OF TERRORWAS SUED FOR BEING TOO SCARY,

THAT NEWS WOULDATTRACT THRILL-SEEKERS

FROM AROUND THE WORLD.

THE PLAN, GET CUSTOMERS TO SUEBY MAKING THEM THINK

THAT THEY'REREALLY GOING TO DIE.

- NO, BECAUSE I THINKTHAT WILL BE GOING TOO FAR.

- WELL, YOUR CURRENT APPROACHCOULD GET PRESS TOO.

- YES.

- BY BEING THE WORLD'SLEAST SCARY HAUNTED HOUSE.

- UH, I DON'T THINK THAT'STHE APPROACH WE WANT, BUT--

- WELL, THAT'S THE APPROACHIT SEEMS LIKE

YOU'RE CURRENTLY TAKING.

- NO, WE ARE A SCARY--

- "REIGN OF TERROR.WHERE PUSSIES GO TO RELAX."

- OH, OKAY.

- OR, "REIGN OF TERROR,YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO DIE."

- YOU MEAN IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE,WE PAINT A PICTURE

THAT THEIR DEATH IS...IMMINENT.

- YES.- OKAY.

I EXPLAINED TO BRUCE THATWE NEEDED TO CONVINCE CUSTOMERS

THEY SOMEHOW CONTRACTEDA DISEASE THEY'RE LIKELY

TO DIE FROM.

BRUCE RELUCTANTLY AGREEDTO LET ME TRY IT OUT FOR A DAY.

AND AFTER A WEEK OF PREPARATION,MY ACTORS WERE READY.

IT WAS TIME FOR PEOPLE TO ENTERTHE WORLD'S SCARIEST

HAUNTED HOUSE.

WELL, THANKS FOR COMINGTO THE REIGN OF TERROR.

- OH, WE'RE EXCITED, MAN.- YOU'RE EXCITED?

- YEAH, MAN.

- I HAVE TO WARN YOUBEFORE YOU GO IN.

- OH, DANG.

- THIS HAUNTED HOUSEIS EXTREMELY SCARY.

- I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.- ARE YOU SURE?

- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, WELCOMETO THE REIGN OF TERROR.

- YOU FIRST.

[air hissing][shrieks]

- OOH...

- MOMMY.- HELLS....

- YOU'RE MY MOMMY.- [screams]

[both laugh]

[chainsaw buzzing]- [screams]

- [growls]- AAH!

- [roars]

- [evil laugh]

- [laughs]

- SORRY, ONE SEC.WHAT? WHO?

WHO? HER?- YEAH.

- SORRY, CAN YOUCOME WITH ME FOR A SEC?

SORRY, GUYS.

WERE YOU GUYS SCARED IN THERE?- YEAH.

- SO SORRY, DID SHETOUCH YOU BY ANY CHANCE?

OR WAS THERE A--

- UM, I THINK SHE PROBABLYTOUCHED MY NECK.

- MOMMY!- [screams]

[slow-motion laughter]

- LIKE, I USUALLYWEAR MY GLASSES

AND THIS TIME I DIDN'T,AND I OVERSHOT THE GRAB

AND I WAS SUPPOSEDTO NOT TOUCH YOU.

- WAIT, SORRY, JUST--- SORRY.

- CAN YOU GUYSWAIT IN HERE ONE SEC?

- YEAH.- SORRY, ONE SECOND.

- WHAT IS IT CALLED?- IT'S CALLED KLEIN'S DISEASE.

AND IT'S AN IMMUNITY--- KLEIN DISEASE?

- KLEIN'S DISEASE.- SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- SHE HAS AN AUTO-IMMUNE THING.

SHE WORRIED WHENSHE TOUCHED YOU,

SHE TRANSMITTEDSOMETHING TO YOU.

- MM-HM.

- SO DON'T GET FREAKED OUTOR ANYTHING,

BUT I CALLED AN AMBULANCE.

PARAMEDICS ARE JUSTCOMING TO MAKE SURE.

THEY'LL LOOK AT YOU,IT'S JUST PRECAUTIONARY.

SO JUST HOLD TIGHT.THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- NO PROBLEM.

- I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIMEIN THE HAUNTED HOUSE.

SORRY ABOUT THIS.- IT'S ALL GOOD.

- HEY, GUYS.- HEY.

- UH, JUST IN HERE.

- DO YOU HAVE ANY CUTSOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

- I DON'T THINK SO.I DON'T LOOK BACK THERE A LOT.

[laughter]

- OKAY, DO YOU MINDIF I JUST--

WE SHOULD DEFINITELYGET HER CHECKED OUT, IF THAT'S--

- YEAH.- "CHECKED OUT" IN WHAT WAY?

- LIKE, AT A HOSPITALWITH A DOCTOR FOR SURE,

FOR KLEIN'S.

[sirens wailing]

- TO MY KNOWLEDGE, IT'SA DISEASE THAT'S PRETTY SERIOUS.

BASICALLY, IF YOU'VE GOT A CUT,AND YOU'RE TOUCHED,

AND YOU HAVE ANY SORTOF OPEN WOUND OR ANYTHING THAT,

YOU KNOW, TOUCHED AN ORIFICE--YOUR EYE, YOUR MOUTH,

OR ANYTHING THAT'S OPENOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

- JEEZ.- YEAH.

IT CAN BE CONTRACTED, SO--

- IS THIS, LIKE, AIDS?IS IT, LIKE--WORSE?

- WELL, IT IS AN IMMUNEDEFICIENCY DISEASE.

- [sighs]

- YEAH?

OKAY.- WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

- HOW ARE WE DOING?