Monday, June 16, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01079
  • 06/16/2014

Deon Cole, Jesse Joyce and Brendon Walsh guess which "Game of Thrones" parody got the most views on YouTube, #RuinAKidsMovie and write taglines for mysterious foreign foods.

>> 11:59 AND 59 THE SECONDSTHIS HAPPENED ON INSTAGRAM

TODAY. IT WAS A HUGE WEEKENDFOR SPORTS.

THE WORLD CUP STARTED NOT ASINGLE LOSING TEAM'S GOALIE HAS

BEEN BEHEADED YET, SO PUT THATIN THE WIN COLUMN.

THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS BEAT THEHEAT AND OLD AGE TO WIN THE NBA

CHAMPIONSHIP.

AND THE L.A. KINGS WON THESTANLEYEST CUP.

I CALL IT THE STANLEYEST CUPBECAUSE IT IS THE MOST

STANLEY OF A CUP YOU CANGET.

FANS FLOCKED ON TO THE ICETO CELEBRATE LIKE THIS

WOMAN.

>> YOU ARE A VERY HAPPYPERSON TONIGHT.

>> OOPS!

>> I LIKE THAT SHE TRIED TOMAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOGA IN

THE END.

LIKE SHE WAS UPWARD DOGGING.

>> WHY IS LOU DIAMONDPHILIPS DRESSED LIKE A

HYPNOTIST.(LAUGHTER)

>> BECAUSE THEY'RE DOING A YOUNGGUNS ON ICE.

THAT'S EMILIO ESTEVEZ IN THEBACKGROUND THERE.

>> BUT THIS WASN'T NEARLY ASPAINFUL AS MY FAVORITE

SPORTING EVENT THIS WEEKEND,THE WORLD NAKED BIKE RIDE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I HAVE UNFORTUNATELY STARED

AT THIS PICTURE FOR ABOUT ANHOUR AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT

WHERE THE SEAT IS.

(LAUGHTER)THE EVENTS WERE CAPTURED ON

INSTAGRAM, WHICH FEATUREDMORE WRINKLES GENITALS THAN

A SIZZLER AT BOCA RATON AT 3P.M.

WHAT WOULD THE SLOGAN FOR THEWORLD NAKED BIKE RIDE BE.

DEON COLE GO.

>> THAT TAINT THE FINISHLINE >>ALL RIGHT, JESSE JOYCE.

>> THEY MAY NEVER BE ASGREAT AS LANCE ARMSTRONG BUT

THEIR TEST TESTICUAL INJURIESWILL BE JUST AS SEVERE.

>> BRENDON WALSH

>> FEEL THE WIND RUSHINGTHROUGH YOUR PUBES.

RIPPED FROM THE INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S RAPID REFRESH

(APPLAUSE)WELL, WHAT ARE PEOPLE GOING

TO TALK ABOUT ON TWITTERNOW.

LAST NIGHT CAPPED OFF A BIGSEASON ON GAME OF THRONES.

(APPLAUSE)YEAH.

THERE WERE BEHEADINGS ANDBOOBS AND JUVENILE REGISIDE

AN BOOBS AND TOILET MURDERAND BOOBS, BUT THE ONE THING

THE INTERNET LOVES ALMOST ASMUCH AS BOOBS IS MAKING

YOUTUBE PARODIES OF GAME OFTHRONES THEME SONG.

WHICH IS THE FOLLOWING GOTTHE MOST VIEWS, THIS ONE

GAME OF [BLEEP] THRONES.

♪♪ GAME OF THRONES

♪ GAME OF THRONES ♪

(APPLAUSE)>> I HAVE BEEN SINGING THAT

FOR AGES, [BLEEP] GAME OFTHRONES [BLEEP] GAME OF

THRONES.

>> OR B, THE OPENING BEINGBARKED BY A DOG IN GAME OF

BONES.

♪ ♪

(APPLAUSE)OR C, GAME OF GOATS

PERFORMED BY GOATS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHICH ONE OF THOSE.

>> YES, JESSE.

>> I'M GOING WITH C, GAME OFGOATS HAS WAY MORE NIPPLES.

>> A LOT OF NIPPLES IN GAMEOF GOATS.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS -->> HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

>> (LAUGHTER)

GOATS, GOATS TO ME ALWAYSSEEM LIKE THEY'RE

REINCARNATED SOULS OF PEOPLETHAT CAN'T COMMUNICATE THAT

THEY'RE TRAPPED IN THE BODYOF A GOAT.

THEY'RE LIKE-- BLAH, BLAH,BLAH --

>> IF THERE WAS AN ANIMALPLANET GAME OF THRONES,

WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT WOULDHAPPEN FOR BONUS POINTS

BRENDON WALSH.

>> DOG HUMPS HIS MOTHER'SLEGS AND GETS HIS NUTS

CHOPPED OFF.

>> POINTS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT, THISTERRIFIC VIDEO SURFACED ON

REDDIT TODAY, SOME KIDPOSTED A CLIP OF HIS

60-YEAR-OLD GRANDPA PLAYINGMODERN WARFARE 3.

WHILE MOST GRANDPA'SFAVORITE GAME IS I GOT YOUR

NOSE THIS CRAZY ASS SON OF ABITCH IS GOING TO TAKE OFF

YOUR EARS AND ADD THEM TOHIS CONFIRMED KILLS COLLECTION.

DID YOUR MOMMY BUY THATCONTROLLER FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

I DON'T GIVE A [BLEEP] IF YOUARE 12.

DUDE, DUDE, DUDE.

HEY, STOP SCREAMING IN MYEAR, DAMMIT.

(LAUGHTER)>> YEAH.

(APPLAUSE)GET OFF MY DIGITAL LAWN.

TURNS OUT HE DIDN'T WIN THISGAME BUT THIS TAPE DID LAND

HIM THE PART OF BIKER WHOKILLS A TEN-YEAR-OLD IN THE

UPCOMING SEASON OF SONS OFANARCHY.

COMEDIANS, PLEASE GIVE THISSURLY SENIOR ANOTHER LINE TO

TRASH TALK TEENAGERS ON XBOXLIVE, DEON COLE.

>> THEY NEVER FOUND THEBODIES OF THOSE FIVE KIDS IN

WISCONSIN, AND THEY WON'TFIND YOU, BITCH.

>> YEAH, POINTS.

>> THAT'S SCARY SPECIFIC.

>> THAT IS HOW YOU KNOW IS AREAL THREAT.

>> QUIT CRYING, WHEN I WASYOUR AGE I BURNED DOWN A

VIETNAMESE FISHING VILLAGEFILLED WITH PEOPLE MY AGE.

POINTS.

>> BRENDON WALSH.

>> I'VE JERKED OFF TO LADIESWHO DIED OF OLD AGE.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

WE ALL KNOW, THE ADORABLEBRITISH CHILDREN'S CHARACTER

PADDINGTON BEAR FOR HIS LOVEOF MARMALADE SANDWICHES AND

CUDDLELY DEMEANOR BUT A STILLFROM THE NEW FILM APPEARED

ONLINE AND IT LOOKS LIKE THEYWENT IN A WAY CREEPIER

DIRECTION.

OH, NO!

>> THAT TRENCH COAT IS JUSTMISSING AN ERECTION.

(LAUGHTER)>> THIS IMAGE INSPIRED

TWITTER TO CREATE A CREEPYPADDINGTON MEME. THIS WAS OUR

FAVORITE ONE RIGHT HERE.

(LAUGHTER)>> SO IN HONOR OF

CREEP PADDINGTON TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS RUIN A KID'S MOVIE.

EXAMPLES WOULD BE OPERATIONDUMBO POACHING

OR FINDING NEMO FLOATING INTHE TANK

OR HONEY I SPUNKED THE KIDS.

DON'T APPLAUD THAT.

VERY BAD.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

AND GO.

YES, BRENDON.

>> JAMES AND THE GIANTSNAKE.

YES.

OKAY.

POINTS, SURE.

>> WILLIE WONKA AND THEiPHONE FACTORY.

>> POINTS.

>> THE SANDUSKY LOT.

[BLEEP].

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> PERFECT.

>> I WENT THERE.

>> DEON COLE.

-- DEON COLE.

>> OKAY, HOW TO TRAIN YOURWHORE NOT TO TALK BACK.

>> OKAY.

POINTS.

>> BRENDON.

>> THE FUNGAL BOOK.>> POINTS, JESSES.

>> 101 CROATIANS.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> DEON.

>> LEHO AND STITCH.

>> YES, GOOD.

>> BRENDON.

>> CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OFSNAKES.

>> WHY WOULD THAT --

>> SNAKES RUIN EVERYTHING,MAN.

>> DEON.

>> THE KU KLUX KLAN GRAND"WIZARD OF OZ".

>> THAT WOULD REALLY RUIN AKID'S SHOW.

>> UNLESS YOU'RE IN THE KLAN,YOU WOULD BE LIKE FINALLY

A FAIRY TALE FOR ME.

(LAUGHTER)>> JESSE.

>> SCHINDLER'S WEB.

>> POINTS.

>> BRENDON WALSH.

>> CHERRY POPPINS.

>> YEAH, GOOD, POINTS.

WT-FDA.

(APPLAUSE)AMPLIFYING GLASS.COM

FEATURES FOREIGN FOOD LABELSTHAT HAVE BEEN TRANSLATED

INTO ENGLISH FOR EXPORT AND ITMADE THEM A LOT LESS

APPETIZING, SO I WILL SHOWYOU SOME OF THESE FOODS AND

YOU GIVE ME A TAGLINE TO SELLTHE PRODUCT, ALL RIGHT.

FIRST ONE, THIS CHILDSHREDDED MEAT.

>> CHILD SHREDDED MEAT,BRENDON.

>> JUST LIKE ADULT SHREDDEDMEAT BUT MORE TENDER AND

WITH LESS PUBES.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> POINTS.

>> JESSE.

>> LOOK FOR IT IN YOUR LOCALSEX OFFENDER'S FREEZER.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> DEON.

>> I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THEHELL UP, BILLY.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE, HOWABOUT A STEAMY BOWL OF SOUP

FOR SLUTS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> IT HAS ALL THE VITAMINSAND MINERALS THAT HEALTHY

SLUTS NEED.

JESSE.

>> HOMEMADE SOUP JUST LIKEYOUR MOM AND WHOEVER SHE WAS

[BLEEP] USED TO MAKE.

>> POINTS.

>> DEON.

>> TWO GIRLS, ONE CUP

-- OF DELICIOUS SOUP.

(APPLAUSE)>> BRENDON.

>> COME GUZZLE SOMETHINGELSE FOR A CHANGE.

(APPLAUSE)>> YOU DID START THAT OFF

WITH COME.

>> COME-- LIKE JOIN ME.

>> JOIN ME.

>> NEXT ONE, A HOT CUP OFURINAL!

>> WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY IFYOU OPENED IT UP AND IT WAS

A LITTLE BLUE DISK, JESSE?

>> NOW A PROUD SPONSOR FORTHE R. KELLY FOUNDATION FOR

RUNNAWAY TEENS.

>> POINTS.

>> ANYONE ELSE.

>> BRENDON.

>> THE PERFECT DRINK FORTAKING A WIZ AND CHECKING

OUT OTHER DUDE'S DICKS.

>> YOU NEED A DRINK FORTHAT?

>> NICE TO HAVE A MUG WHILEYOU'RE--

(LAUGHTER)>> IF YOU GO INTO A BATHROOM

AND SOME GUY IS SIPPING TEA,JUST LEAVE THAT BATHROOM.

>> NEXT ONE A FROZEN GOLDENGAY TIME.

>> YEAH, JESSE.

>> GOLDEN GAY TIME, WHATTIME IS IT, IT'S TIME FOR

JOHN TRAVOLTA'S DEEP TISSUEMASSAGE.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> NO POINTS.

>> OH.

>> DEON.

>> GET A LOAD OF THIS.

>> ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

>> LAST ONE, HOW ABOUT THISANTI-SEMITIC BEVERAGE.

>> FOR THOSE YOU WHO CAN'TSEE IN THE BACK IT SAYS THE

JEW'S EAR JUICE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT IS WHAT ITSAYS THERE.

>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] COULDTHAT POSSIBLY BE?

WHAT COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE?

>> IT IS AS IT RIGHT ON THECAN.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT'S JEW'S EAR JUICE.

>> YOU WENT TO THE FACTORYLIKE, WHAT IS THIS REALLY, NO,

IT'S LITERAL, JUST BELIKE A BUNCH OF EARLESS JEWS.

JESSE JOYCE.

>> HEALTHY PART OF ABALANCED BUDGET.

(APPLAUSE)>> ADOREABLE, POINTS.

>> GOOD ONE.

>> BRENDAN.

>> BROUGHT TO YOU FROM THEMAKERS OF THE GAZA BREATH

STRIPS.

NEW DOMAIN ARTICLES.GAME.

GEEKOLOGY.COM IS REPORTING THATTHE DOMAIN .NINJA IS NOW

AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER JUSTIN TIME FOR THE NEW NINJA

TURTLES MOVIE.

IN FACT THE INTERNETCORPORATION FOR ASSIGNING

NAMES AND NUMBERS I CAN ISBUSTING IT [BLEEP] WIDE

OPEN.

IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS YOUCAN BUY SPECIFICALLY

TAILORED DOMAIN NAMES LIKE DOTSEXY, DOT TOYS, DOT RODEO

I WANT TO YOU COME UP WITHMORE URLs INSTEAD OF BORING

OLD DOTCOM.

I'M PLANNING ON BUYING@MIDNIGHT.JEOPARDY WITH DICK

JOKES.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

AND GO.

>> JESSE.

>> GARY BUSY DOT RABIES.

>> POINTS. BRENDON.

>> JEW DOT EAR JUICE.

>> SO GOOD, POINTS.

>> DEON.

>> iPHONE 6 DOT THIS WON'T WORKEITHER.

>> OKAY.

POINTS.

>> BRENDON.

>> 9/11 DOT INSIDE JOB.

>> WOW, WAKE UP!

>> BON JOVI FAN PAGEDOT MENOPAUSE.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS.

>> SLIPPERY WHEN DRY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> BLACK PEOPLE DOT WHAT ISDOWNTOWN ABBEY.

>> POINTS.

>> BRENDON.

>> ELIPSES DOT DOT DOT

>> OH, SO GOOD, POINTS. JESSE.

SPEARMENT RHINO STRIPCLUB DOT STEPDAD.

>> POINTS.

>> BRENDON.

>> CHEESECAKE FACTORYDOT DIABETES.

>> SALONGE DOT DON'T [BLEEP]WITH ME.

>> JAY LENO DOT DENIM.

>> YES.

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