Cunnilingus Class

  • Season 3, Ep 6
  • 10/23/2013

Homies learn how to go down on a lady, and MVP Ozamataz Buckshank rocks a post-game interview.

- I AM HEREWITH OZAMATAZ BUCKSHANK,

THE ROOKIEOUT OF STANFORD UNIVERSITY

WHO IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE MVPOF TODAY'S GAME

WITH AN INTERCEPTION THATHE RUNS BACK FOR A TOUCHDOWN

IN THE LAST 30 SECONDSOF THE CONTEST.

OZAMATAZ, CAN YOU WALK USTHROUGH WHAT HAPPENED

IN THAT LAST PLAY?

IT WAS AMAZING.- YEAH, WE KNEW WE HAD TO GO

OUT THERE, GIVE 100%,AND WE EXECUTED.

IT JUST WENT OUR WAY TODAY.

- AND WAS THE QUARTERBACKGIVING YOU

ANY CLUES TODAY, OZ?

IT LOOKED LIKE YOU KNEWTHAT BALL WAS GONNA BE THERE.

WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

- WE WANTED TO HAVE SOME FUN,YOU KNOW, EXECUTE.

PLAY ONE QUARTER AT A TIME,GIVE 100%.

- OH--OKAY, OKAY.YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST--

LET'S TALKABOUT LAST WEEK'S GAME.

YOU GUYS LOST A HEARTBREAKER.

GIVE ME YOUR STATE OF MIND,THEN VERSUS NOW.

- WE WANTEDTO DO IT PLAY BY PLAY,

GIVE IT 100%,EXECUTION-WISE.

EXECUTE.- OKAY.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU SOMETHINGCOMPLETELY DIFFERENT

THAT'S NOT ABOUT FOOTBALL.

LOOK AT ME, OZ.

JUST LOOK AT ME FOR A SECOND.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU A QUESTIONRIGHT HERE.

THAT A BOY.SO YOU AND YOUR WIFE

RECENTLY HAD--RIGHT HERE.

STAY WITH ME.

YOU AND YOUR WIFERECENTLY HAD TWINS, OKAY?

HOW DOES IT FEELTO BE A NEW DAD?

- YOU KNOW, WE WANTED TO STAYAS A TEAM, EXECUTE,

GIVE 100%,PLAY BY PLAY.

- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT,I'M GONNA JUST--I'M JUST GONNA--

I'M GONNA DO A LITTLE TESTRIGHT NOW.

HEY, OZ, HOW'D YOU GETTO THE GAME TODAY?

- THEY A GOOD TEAM,GREAT TEAM, 100%.

- AND WHAT'D YOU HAVEFOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?

- 100%.- 100%. YEAH, YOU DID.

OF COURSE.100% OF WHATEVER 100% WAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT,CAN YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR

AND TELL MEONE SPECIFIC THING?

LIKE, JUST ONE ACTUAL, ORIGINALOBSERVATION THAT YOU HAD

ABOUT TODAY'S GAME?

THE GAME THAT YOU WONALMOST SINGLE-HANDEDLY.

DO YOU THINKTHAT YOU COULD DO THAT, OZ?

- OH, 100%.- OH, GOD DAMN IT!

- HELLO, SKYMALL MAGAZINE,

THIS IS RIYAZ SPEAKING.

- HELLO, RIYAZ.I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT

AN ITEM WHICH I ORDEREDTHAT ARRIVED BROKEN.

- WENDELL SANDERS,MOCKINGBIRD LANE.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- I AM SHOWING THE LAST ITEMTHAT YOU RECEIVED

IS THE SUPERMAN BEDWITH THE MATTRESS OF SOLITUDE.

- THAT'S THE ONE.

ORDERED IT FOR MY SONFOR HIS BIRTHDAY,

BUT I CANNOT GIVE IT TO HIMLIKE THIS.

AND I'M PRETTY DARN-TOOTIN'PISSED ABOUT IT.

- I'M REALLY SORRY, SIR.

I WILL START PROCESSINGYOUR REORDER RIGHT NOW

WITH YOU ON THE LINE, OKAY?

- I AIN'T MAD AT YOU, RIYAZ.

IT'S JUST THE SYSTEM.I KNOW.

- OKAY. THANK YOUFOR UNDERSTANDING, SIR.

KIDS, EH?

- HUH?

OH, KI--WELL, YEAH,I JUST GOT THE ONE MYSELF.

HAD SEX WITH A WOMANAND EVERYTHING TO GET HIM.

HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA--

- WHAT IS YOUR SON'S NAME?

- OH, UM...

STIMPY.

PRETTY MUCH STIMPY.

- I HAVE BOYS TOO.

I'LL TELL YOU,SOMETIMES THEY CAN BE

A REAL COUPLEOF YOU KNOW WHATS.

- [bleep] ASS[bleep]?

YOU'RE PREACHINGTO THE CHOIR, RIYAZ.

STIMPY, DON'T YOU GIVE METHAT LOOK.

YOU'RE GONNA GET ITWHEN YOUR MAMA COMES HOME.

- OH, MY,SOUNDS LIKE YOUR WIFE IS...

- BITCH ON WHEELS.YOU GOT THAT STRAIGHT, RIYAZ.

HOT LITTLE BISCUIT, THOUGH.

NAME'S CLAIRE.

BODY: TEN,FACE: TEN.

SO PRETTY MUCH HIT THATEVERY NIGHT.

SEXUALLY.

ANYWAY,WHAT'S HOLDING UP THE--

- OH, ONE MOMENT.

AND HOW OLD IS YOUR SON?

- 15.- 15?

AND HE STILL WANTSA SUPERMAN BED.

AH, A LATE-BLOOMER.

ENJOY ITWHILE YOU STILL CAN.

HE'LL GROW OUT OF THE TOYSANY DAY NOW.

THEY ALL DO,AND, THE SECOND

HE STARTS HOOKING UPWITH THE GIRLS,

HE'LL FORGET ALL ABOUT THATSUPERMAN AND SPIDER-MAN STUFF.

- PRETTY MUCH SEEMSLIKE HOW IT WOULD HAPPEN.

MAYBE THENHE'LL STOP BOTHERING ME

WITH ALL THOSE STUPID, LITTLEFACTS ABOUT HOW THOSE CHARACTERS

YOU JUST NAMED ARE CLEARLYFROM TWO DISTINCT

AND SEPARATE UNIVERSES.

- SADLY, SOME PEOPLENEVER MOVE ON.

- SAD?I GOT A BETTER WORD FOR YOU.

PATHETIC.

- WELL,I WOULDN'T SAY PATHETIC.

- HEY, I CALLS 'EMLIKES I SEES 'EM, RIYAZ,

AND I DON'ST TOLERATE NERDS.

IN FACT, LET ME NIP THISIN THE BUD REAL QUICK.

STIMPY, STIMPY,GET BACK IN HERE.

- WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO--- THERE YOU ARE

WITH YOUR ROUND BODYAND YOUR CREEPY-ASS FACE.

NO MORE SWEETS FOR YOU, 'CAUSEYOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET LAID

IF YOU KEEPS EATING SWEETS!

AND ANOTHER THING!

ALL THESE FIGURINES AND TOYSYOU GOT AROUND THE HOUSE,

WE'RE THROWING 'EMIN THE TRASH,

'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE,STIMPY.

THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE,SO STOP BEING SO LONELY.

STOP BEING SO LONELY.

- WELL--AND THIS IS NONEOF MY BUSINESS, OF COURSE,

BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOUR SONWOULD LIKE TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

[glass shattering]- OH, [bleep]!

STIMPY JUST JUMPEDOUT THE WINDOW.

- OH, MY GOD.- OH, HE KILLED HIMSELF.

WHY'D HE DO IT?IT MUST HAVE BEEN MY FAULT.

NO, IT WASN'T.YES, IT WAS.

I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS.

DON'T YOU DARE CANCELTHAT REORDER.

IT'S THE ONLY THINGI'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER HIM BY.

[strains,then sighs]

[techno music]

- NOBODY LIKES YOU, YOU GIRL.

- WELL, YOU'RE A DIFFERENT COLORTHAN ME,

AND THAT'S BAD.

- OH, YEAH?WELL, YOU DRESS LIKE--

- NOW HOLD ON A SECOND!

both: WHOA!MR. T?

- NEVER MAKE FUNOF A WAY A MAN DRESSES.

THE WAY A MAN DRESSESIS HIS BUSINESS.

REMEMBER THAT.

WHETHER IT'S OVERALLS,CHAINS,

OR FEATHER EARRINGS,HOWEVER THEY DRESS,

IT'S NOT TO BE JOKED ABOUT.

I PITY THE FOOL THAT JUDGESANOTHER MAN'S CLOTHING.

- I'M SORRYI JUDGED YOUR CLOTHING.

- IT'S OKAY.

[upbeat music]

- HEY, SCOUT, THERE'S A MANOVER THERE

WHO SAID HE'LL GIVE US CANDYIF WE GET IN HIS VAN.

- OH, I DON'T KNOWIF THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, TIMMY.

- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAVEA STUPID NAME LIKE SCOUT?

- HEY!both: WHOA! MR. T AGAIN.

- NEVER MAKE FUNOF A PERSON'S NAME.

YOUR MAMA GAVE YOUTHAT NAME,

OR YOU MADE IT UPFOR BUSINESS PURPOSES.

EITHER WAY, IT'S PERSONAL.

I PITY THE FOOL THAT MAKE FUNOF ANOTHER MAN'S NAME.

MR. T'S A COOL NAME.IT'S A COOL NAME, MR. T.

[upbeat music]

- HEY, SCOUT,WANT TO DO SOME DRUGS?

- AREN'T DRUGS BAD?

- I DON'T KNOW.

IF YOU'RE AFRAID OF DRUGS,

WE COULD DRINKA BUNCH OF ALCOHOL.

- YUM, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

- WELL, GUESS WHAT,YOUR HAIR IS STUPID.

- NEVER MAKE FUNOF ANOTHER PERSON'S HAIR!

both: HEY, MR. T.- A PERSON'S HAIR

IS THE ARTWORK THAT THEY PRESENTTO THE HEAVENS.

IT'S JUST LIKEI'VE BEEN SAYING...

[upbeat music]

all: ♪ HAIR

♪ IT ISN'T FAIR ♪

♪ BEWARE

♪ PEOPLE CAREABOUT THEIR HAIR ♪

- ♪ "H" IS FOR THE HOMEWHERE I LAY MY HEAD ♪

♪ AND I CRYABOUT YOUR MEAN JOKES ♪

♪ IN MY BED

♪ "A" IS FOR ANXIETYTHAT FOOLS PROVOKE ♪

♪ WHEN THEY LOOKIN' AT MY HAIRAND THEY MAKIN' JOKES ♪

♪ "I" IS FOR I DON'T LIKETHE WAY I FEEL ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE JOKIN' THATMY HAIRCUT DOES NOT APPEAL ♪

♪ "R" IS FOR THE REAL MEAN JOKESYOU MAKE ♪

♪ AND THE HURTFULLITTLE POTSHOTS THAT YOU TAKE ♪

AND, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,IT'S NOT EVEN A HAIRCUT.

IT'S A RARE FORMOF MALE PATTERN BALDNESS.

YOU FOOLS!

[sobs]

[yells]

FOR REAL.

[upbeat music]

- DUDE, I GOT TO TELL YOUSOMETHING.

- WHAT'S UP?- LAST NIGHT ON SHOWTIMES,

I SAW SOME LETHAL WEAPON 2.

- LETHAL WEAPON 2 STARRINGTHE RACIST-ASS MELLY GIBSONS?

- I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT I GOTTO TELL YOU RIGHT UP FRONT

AND TRUTHFULLY,

RACIST-ASS MELLY GIBSONSIS STILL KIND OF MY [bleep].

HE'S STILL MY [bleep], DOG.

- I DON'T KNOW, DOG,RACIST-ASS MELLY GIBSONS?

- DUDE, I KNOW, I KNOW,BUT THINK ABOUT IT, MAN.

THINK ABOUT IT.REMEMBER WHEN HE JACKED UP

ALL THEM MUTANTSINTO ROAD WARRIORS?

TALKIN' ABOUT...[imitates tires screeching]

BITCH WAS LIKE, "THERE'SNOTHING IN HERE BUT SAND."

- YEAH.- AND THEN REMEMBER

WHEN HE HAD TAKEN THAT HATCHETAND CHOPPED UP

ALL THEM ENGLANDS, REMEMBER,IN THE PATRIOT?

AND DID IT IN FRONTOF ALL HIS KIDS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT,THOUGH?

RACIST-ASS MELLY GIBSONSIS STILL MY [bleep] TOO.

- DOG.- REMEMBER WHEN RACIST-ASS

MELLY GIBSONS WAS BLUE MAN GROUPIN BRAVEHEARTS?

- OH, MY GOD, DOGS.- THEY WAS CHOPPING OFF

MY MAN'S HEAD.- [murmurs]

- MY MAN WAS STILL TALKINGABOUT...

both: FREEDOM!

- [hisses]

OR WHAT ABOUT CONSPIRACY THEORIES, THOUGH?

- WHAT? OH, COME ON, MAN.- WHAT THE [bleep]

ABOUT CONSPIRACY THEORIES, THOUGH?

WHAT THE [bleep] ABOUT CONSPIRACY THEORIES, THOUGH?

- WHAT IS GOING ON?- [imitates gunshot]

COME ON.- YOU KNOW RACIST-ASS

MELLY GIBSONS BE DIRECTING TOO.- HELLS, YEAH.

- WHAT ABOUT APOCALYPTO? - YO, RACIST-ASS MELLY GIBSONS

BE TELLING THE STORYOF A BUNCH OF CRAZY-ASS,

OLD-FASHIONED MEXICANS?

- WHO HAVE BEEN IN THE JUNGLE

GETTING CHASED BY A PANTHER.

- YEAH, YEAH.- MY MAN'S STRAIGHT UP GOING...

[whistling]- [imitating drums]

[hissing]- [screams softly]

MAN, AND WHAT ABOUT THAT PASSIONS OF THE CHRIST, THOUGH?

- PASSIONS OF THE CHRIST, THOUGH.

- PASSIONS OF THE CHRIST.

- PASSIONS OF THE CHRIST WHERE RACIST-ASS

MELLY GIBSONS MADE THAT MOVIEABOUT JESUS

IN A KIND OF RACIST-ASS WAY?

- THAT WAS MY JAM.- AND YOU KNOW

WHAT I JUST REALIZED,THOUGH?

- WHAT'S THAT, DOG?WHAT'S THAT?

- YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BEMY [bleep]?

- WHAT WOULD BE YOUR [bleep],THOUGH?

- IF RACIST-ASS MELLY GIBSONS

COSTARRED IN A MOVIEWITH JESUS.

- WAIT, NOW YOU TALKINGABOUT THE SAVIOR OF ALL?

THE KING OF ALL KINGS?THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA?

- AND JESUS.

both: THAT WOULD BE MY...

♪ [bleep]

[rumbling]

[heavenly tone]

both: CUNNILINGUS CLASS.- I'M SHABOOTS MICHAELS.

- I'M T-RAY TOMBSTONE.

- AND WE'RE HERE TO TEACH Y'ALLHOW TO...

both:GO DOWN ON BITCHES RIGHT.

- NOW BITCHES AIN'T BEINGSATISFIED, SO CHECK IT.

- QUIT SUCKINGON THAT [bleep] SO DAMN HARD.

- BITCHES DON'T LIKETHAT NONSENSE.

- THAT'S LIKE PUTTING THE TIP

OF YOUR PENISIN THE VACUUM.

- Y'ALL NEED TO...both: CHILL ON THE [bleep].

- GO AROUND THAT BUSINESS.- THAT'S LIKE A BUTTON

MADE OF A MILLION PENIS TOPS.

- NOW EVERY BITCHLIKE HER CUNNILINGUS

A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.- VAGINAS ARE LIKE SNOWFLAKES.

- SNOWFLAKES IS DIFFERENT.LEARN YOUR BITCH'S SNOWFLAKE.

- ASK YOUR BITCHWHAT SHE WANTS.

both: THEN DO WHAT SHE SAYS.

- SOME BITCHES LIKE ITIN CIRCLES.

- SOME BITCHESLIKE IT UP AND DOWN.

- SOME BITCHES LIKE IT HARD.

- SOME BITCHES LIKE IT SOFT.

both: COMMUNICATEWITH YOUR BITCHES.

- MAKE THE ALPHABETWITH YOUR TONGUE.

- A-B-C-D...

- AND WHEN SHE GRAB YOUR HAIR

LIKE SHE GONNA PULLYOUR DAMN HEAD OFF...

both: STAY WITH THAT LETTER.

- I'M TALKING ABOUT B...[blathers]

- OR D...[blathers]

both: VAGINAS DESERVE RESPECT.

- YOU DON'T WANT SOMEONESLAPPING AROUND

YOUR LITTLE HOMEY.[yelping]

- YOU WITH THE HAT.- YO.

- HOW YOU LIKE YOUR BJs?

- DAMN, DOG,ALL THE TIME.

- SHUT THE [bleep] UP!

THAT'S 'CAUSE PENISES IS EASY,

AND VAGINAS IS HARD.

THEY'RE...both: CONFUSING!

- IMAGINE THERE'S AN EXPLOSIONAT THE ENVELOPE FACTORY.

- FLAPS EVERYWHERE.A WORLD OF FLAPS.

- AND YOU NEED TO LICK YOUR WAYOUT THE FACTORY.

- BUT EVERY BITCH'S FLAPSIS DIFFERENT.

- LEARN YOUR BITCH'SPARTICULAR FLAPS.

- FLAPS BE...both: CRAZY!

- EVERY FLAPNEED TO BE LISTENED TO.

- AND THEN YOU WILL GET OUTOF THAT FACTORY ALIVE.

- STAY DOWN THERE.

both: PLAN YOUR BREATHINGLIKE YOUR SWIMMING.

- YOU GOTTA BE TALKING ABOUT...both: STROKE, STROKE, BREATHE.

STROKE, STROKE, BREATHE.

[gasping]

- ALL RIGHT.LET'S TAKE A FIVE-MINUTE BREAK.

- AND WHEN WE COME BACK,WE GONNA TALK

ABOUT WARMING YOUR BITCHES UPBEFORE YOU GET BUSY.

- AND HOW TO LASTFOR MORE THAN TWO DAMN MINUTES.

- TAKE A PEACH AND PRACTICE.

- PRACTICE ON A PEACH.- TAKE A PEACH AND PRACTICE.

- PRACTICE ON A PEACH.- TAKE A PEACH AND PRACTICE.

- PRACTICE ON A PEACH.

- WELL, I THINKIT'S GONNA WORK.

- 30 DOWN,3 BILLION TO GO.

[maniacal laughter]

- WELCOME TO METTA WORLD NEWS.

OUR TOP STORY--NINJA COSTUMES DON'T COME

IN SIZE TRIPLE-X,WHICH IS DISCRIMINATORY

AGAINST ENORMOUS ASSASSINS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT?FORGET ABOUT THE TELEPROMPTER.

I NEED TO SPEAKFROM THE HEART.

WELL, THAT WRAPS UP METTA WORLD NEWS

FOR THIS WEDNESDAY,MAY STAPLE GUN HAIRBRUSH.

I'M METTA WORLD PEACE.GOOD NIGHT.

- THANK YOU, SIR.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, HOW'S EVERYBODY--HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

[cheers]

ALL RIGHT,AND YOU GUYS

CAN ALL HEAR ME OKAY?all: YEAH.

- I KNOW THIS GUYCAN RIGHT HERE.

BOY, THIS GUY'S EARSARE SO BIG,

HE'S LAUGHING AT JOKESFROM THE YUK-YUK CLUB

ALL THE WAYON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.

[laughter]

ALL RIGHT.

AND YOU, SIR,YOU'RE DOING OKAY?

AND YOU'RE GETTING ENOUGHTO EAT?

IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

[laughter]

THANK YOU, SIR.

FOLKS, I'M SORRY,

I'M GONNA GET EVERYBODY TONIGHT.

NOBODY IS SAFE.I'M GETTING EVERYBODY.

EXCEPT FOR YOU, SIR.I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE.

JUST LIKE YOUR DATE DID TONIGHT.HELLO!

HUH?ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, WHO'S NEXT?

WHO IS NEXT?

HEY, MA'AM, I GET IT,YOU HAVE BREASTS, OKAY?

JEEZ, I MEAN,LOOK AT THIS CHICK OVER HERE.

HER CLEAVAGE IS GIVINGTHE GRAND CANYON

AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX.

[laughter]

- [computerized voice]YOU SKIPPED ME.

- WHO'S TALKING RIGHT NOW?

- DO ME.

- YEAH, HEY, MAN.

LOOK AT THAT PINK SHIRTYOU GOT ON THERE.

WOW, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?QUEERTSHIRTS.COM?

- IT'S IN SUPPORTOF BREAST CANCER AWARENESS.

I AM GAY, THOUGH.

- OKAY.

- GO FOR IT.

I CAN TAKE IT.

- HMM?OH, YEAH, YEAH.

NO, HEY, YEAH, DON'T YOU WORRYABOUT THAT, MAN.

GLOVES ARE COMING OFF.

OKAY.

RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE, WHAT'SWITH THE THREE DRINKS, MAN?

ALCOHOLIC MUCH?

- THISIS MY PAIN MEDICATION.

- OF [bleep] COURSE IT IS.

IT'S YOUR PAIN MEDICATION.

'CAUSE HE IS IN PAIN.

RIGHT NOW.

- MAKE FUN OF THE BURNS.

- MAKE FUN OF THE--WHAT DID YOU SAY?

BECAUSE HERE'S THE PROBLEM, SIR,IS IT'S REALLY DARK IN HERE,

AND, SORRY, ARE YOU BURNED?BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE IT OUT.

THANKS SO MUCH, MA'AM,FOR ILLUMINATING HIM.

THANK YOU.THAT'S--I APPRECIATE THAT.

OH, THOSE BURNS.- MAKE FUN OF THE ROBOT VOICE.

- SIR, I DON'T KNOW.

- COME ON,I CAN TAKE IT.

- OKAY, WELL, NO,YOU KNOW WHAT?

I FEEL--- OR THE WHEELCHAIR.

- LOOK, SIR,THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY

ABOUT YOU BEINGIN A WHEELCHAIR,

AND WE CAN ALL--- OH, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING

FUNNY ABOUT ME BEING FAT?

- ALL RIGHT.ALL RIGHT, FINE.

FINE. I'VE GOT IT.I'VE GOT IT.

I'M DOING IT.I'M DOING IT.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO GOAFTER THIS GUY

'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HIMTO KILL ME IN MY DREAMS.

LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER.

[exclamations]

- COME ON.

- 'CAUSE--NO?

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HOW FREDDYKRUEGER'S FACE IS BURNED OFF.

THAT'S NOT...

- [sobs]

- YOU ASS[bleep].- HE SAID HE COULD TAKE IT.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

- I THOUGHT I COULD,BUT I CAN'T.

- HOW IS THIS ON ME?

HOW DO WE EVEN KNOWIF HE'S CRYING RIGHT NOW?

[all booing]

I DON'T KNOW THAT SOUND.

IT JUST SOUNDSLIKE AN ELECTRONIC SOUND.

- THE TEARS,THEY BURN.

- HE SAID HE COULD TAKE IT.HE S--

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back to"The Van and Mike Show."

This is episode, we gota lot of stuff going on.

We're gonna be reading commentsfrom you viewers...

- Hey, what's up?- Who have made comments

in the YouTube sections.- Yes, may I please

speak toPaul Young, please?

- We're also gonna be talkingabout some politics and whatnot.

- Give me Peter Principato,then.

- We're gonna be talkingabout "Key & Peele" and whatnot.

- All right, well,who's under Peter Principato?

- We will finally getto a long-awaited Mike's Corner.

- So we're like--

- Who you talking to?

- Hold on.So...

- Mike is about to getoff the phone here

so he can participatein the show.

- My understanding is thatyou represent Key and Peele.

This is Mike Taylor

on behalf ofVandaveon and Mike.

I was wonderingif you wanted to represent

some fresh black talent.

- Who you talking to?

- We are very interested

in maybe havingyou represent us,

just like you dowith Key and Peele.

I'm talking to a managerright now.

- Yeah, but you didn'ttalk to me about that.

- Hold up.

Let me just say,we have all sorts

of brand-new, fresh ideas,

urban ideas,like "Dicks-capades: The Movie."

Also: "Dick-punzel."

It's an animated feature

where a nigga's pubesare so long

that he can put itoutside of a tower.

Second draft.

No, we do have our own show.

Maybe you've heard of it,"Van and Mike."

- Tell him to subscribe.

It's hot, freshblack talent.

- Hot, freshblack talent, urban...

- Black.

- I want to say undiscovered,

but we pretty muchdiscovered at this point.

No, not all the ideashave to do with dicks.

- They do, though.

- We got plentyof good ideas.

I need a new idea that doesn'thave to do with dicks.

- Vagina patrol.- Vagina patrol.

- Inside of a vagina.

- It's inside a vagina.

- It's a sperm...- A sperm.

- "Osmosis Jones" meets"Debbie Meets Dallas."

- Yes, "Osmosis Jones"meets "Debbie Meets Dallas."

Is Channing Tatum available?

Yeah, we thinkit's gonna be real huge.

No, no, no, vaginas and dicksare not the same thing.

- One goesinto the other one.

- I don't think that'sgonna be the right guy.

- So, what, we done?All right.

- No, he's on there.

You are interested?

Let me put you on hold.

Let him sweat it out.

- We was lookingat this one scene today

where a dude was in a bedand the bed was busted up,

and the other dudewas from India.

- I have boys, too.

I tell you, sometimes they can be

a real couple of you-know-whats.

- Fucking assholes?

You're preaching to the choir, Riyaz.

Stupid!

Don't you give me that look.

- That dude from Indiashould have been like,

"I'm trying to get something--oh, hold on."

- [snickering]- Squeeps.

"That was a fartfrom my Indian food.

I'm eating the tikka masala."

- This nigga just hada tikka masala.

- "There's no time for me."

If that doll had been,like, a dick doll...

- Should have gotten rent.

- 'Cause rent do be lookinglike a dick, though.

- Missed opportunities.

Baby, boobala,what's happening?

- What are you talking about?

- You know, I think thismight be a good match.

We could sit down,maybe vibe, just...

- Where you gettingthese words?

- Some of these otherprojects that we are...

- What does "boobala" mean?