Cunnilingus Class

  • Season 3, Ep 6
  • 10/23/2013

Homies learn how to go down on a lady, and MVP Ozamataz Buckshank rocks a post-game interview.

- I AM HEREWITH OZAMATAZ BUCKSHANK,

THE ROOKIEOUT OF STANFORD UNIVERSITY

WHO IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE MVPOF TODAY'S GAME

WITH AN INTERCEPTION THATHE RUNS BACK FOR A TOUCHDOWN

IN THE LAST 30 SECONDSOF THE CONTEST.

OZAMATAZ, CAN YOU WALK USTHROUGH WHAT HAPPENED

IN THAT LAST PLAY?

IT WAS AMAZING.- YEAH, WE KNEW WE HAD TO GO

OUT THERE, GIVE 100%,AND WE EXECUTED.

IT JUST WENT OUR WAY TODAY.

- AND WAS THE QUARTERBACKGIVING YOU

ANY CLUES TODAY, OZ?

IT LOOKED LIKE YOU KNEWTHAT BALL WAS GONNA BE THERE.

WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

- WE WANTED TO HAVE SOME FUN,YOU KNOW, EXECUTE.

PLAY ONE QUARTER AT A TIME,GIVE 100%.

- OH--OKAY, OKAY.YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST--

LET'S TALKABOUT LAST WEEK'S GAME.

YOU GUYS LOST A HEARTBREAKER.

GIVE ME YOUR STATE OF MIND,THEN VERSUS NOW.

- WE WANTEDTO DO IT PLAY BY PLAY,

GIVE IT 100%,EXECUTION-WISE.

EXECUTE.- OKAY.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU SOMETHINGCOMPLETELY DIFFERENT

THAT'S NOT ABOUT FOOTBALL.

LOOK AT ME, OZ.

JUST LOOK AT ME FOR A SECOND.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU A QUESTIONRIGHT HERE.

THAT A BOY.SO YOU AND YOUR WIFE

RECENTLY HAD--RIGHT HERE.

STAY WITH ME.

YOU AND YOUR WIFERECENTLY HAD TWINS, OKAY?

HOW DOES IT FEELTO BE A NEW DAD?

- YOU KNOW, WE WANTED TO STAYAS A TEAM, EXECUTE,

GIVE 100%,PLAY BY PLAY.

- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT,I'M GONNA JUST--I'M JUST GONNA--

I'M GONNA DO A LITTLE TESTRIGHT NOW.

HEY, OZ, HOW'D YOU GETTO THE GAME TODAY?

- THEY A GOOD TEAM,GREAT TEAM, 100%.

- AND WHAT'D YOU HAVEFOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?

- 100%.- 100%. YEAH, YOU DID.

OF COURSE.100% OF WHATEVER 100% WAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT,CAN YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR

AND TELL MEONE SPECIFIC THING?

LIKE, JUST ONE ACTUAL, ORIGINALOBSERVATION THAT YOU HAD

ABOUT TODAY'S GAME?

THE GAME THAT YOU WONALMOST SINGLE-HANDEDLY.

DO YOU THINKTHAT YOU COULD DO THAT, OZ?

- OH, 100%.- OH, GOD DAMN IT!

- HELLO, SKYMALL MAGAZINE,

THIS IS RIYAZ SPEAKING.

- HELLO, RIYAZ.I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT

AN ITEM WHICH I ORDEREDTHAT ARRIVED BROKEN.

- WENDELL SANDERS,MOCKINGBIRD LANE.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- I AM SHOWING THE LAST ITEMTHAT YOU RECEIVED

IS THE SUPERMAN BEDWITH THE MATTRESS OF SOLITUDE.

- THAT'S THE ONE.

ORDERED IT FOR MY SONFOR HIS BIRTHDAY,

BUT I CANNOT GIVE IT TO HIMLIKE THIS.

AND I'M PRETTY DARN-TOOTIN'PISSED ABOUT IT.

- I'M REALLY SORRY, SIR.

I WILL START PROCESSINGYOUR REORDER RIGHT NOW

WITH YOU ON THE LINE, OKAY?

- I AIN'T MAD AT YOU, RIYAZ.

IT'S JUST THE SYSTEM.I KNOW.

- OKAY. THANK YOUFOR UNDERSTANDING, SIR.

KIDS, EH?

- HUH?

OH, KI--WELL, YEAH,I JUST GOT THE ONE MYSELF.

HAD SEX WITH A WOMANAND EVERYTHING TO GET HIM.

HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA--

- WHAT IS YOUR SON'S NAME?

- OH, UM...

STIMPY.

PRETTY MUCH STIMPY.

- I HAVE BOYS TOO.

I'LL TELL YOU,SOMETIMES THEY CAN BE

A REAL COUPLEOF YOU KNOW WHATS.

- [bleep] ASS[bleep]?

YOU'RE PREACHINGTO THE CHOIR, RIYAZ.

STIMPY, DON'T YOU GIVE METHAT LOOK.

YOU'RE GONNA GET ITWHEN YOUR MAMA COMES HOME.

- OH, MY,SOUNDS LIKE YOUR WIFE IS...

- BITCH ON WHEELS.YOU GOT THAT STRAIGHT, RIYAZ.

HOT LITTLE BISCUIT, THOUGH.

NAME'S CLAIRE.

BODY: TEN,FACE: TEN.

SO PRETTY MUCH HIT THATEVERY NIGHT.

SEXUALLY.

ANYWAY,WHAT'S HOLDING UP THE--

- OH, ONE MOMENT.

AND HOW OLD IS YOUR SON?

- 15.- 15?

AND HE STILL WANTSA SUPERMAN BED.

AH, A LATE-BLOOMER.

ENJOY ITWHILE YOU STILL CAN.

HE'LL GROW OUT OF THE TOYSANY DAY NOW.

THEY ALL DO,AND, THE SECOND

HE STARTS HOOKING UPWITH THE GIRLS,

HE'LL FORGET ALL ABOUT THATSUPERMAN AND SPIDER-MAN STUFF.

- PRETTY MUCH SEEMSLIKE HOW IT WOULD HAPPEN.

MAYBE THENHE'LL STOP BOTHERING ME

WITH ALL THOSE STUPID, LITTLEFACTS ABOUT HOW THOSE CHARACTERS

YOU JUST NAMED ARE CLEARLYFROM TWO DISTINCT

AND SEPARATE UNIVERSES.

- SADLY, SOME PEOPLENEVER MOVE ON.

- SAD?I GOT A BETTER WORD FOR YOU.

PATHETIC.

- WELL,I WOULDN'T SAY PATHETIC.

- HEY, I CALLS 'EMLIKES I SEES 'EM, RIYAZ,

AND I DON'ST TOLERATE NERDS.

IN FACT, LET ME NIP THISIN THE BUD REAL QUICK.

STIMPY, STIMPY,GET BACK IN HERE.

- WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO--- THERE YOU ARE

WITH YOUR ROUND BODYAND YOUR CREEPY-ASS FACE.

NO MORE SWEETS FOR YOU, 'CAUSEYOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET LAID

IF YOU KEEPS EATING SWEETS!

AND ANOTHER THING!

ALL THESE FIGURINES AND TOYSYOU GOT AROUND THE HOUSE,

WE'RE THROWING 'EMIN THE TRASH,

'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE,STIMPY.

THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE,SO STOP BEING SO LONELY.

STOP BEING SO LONELY.

- WELL--AND THIS IS NONEOF MY BUSINESS, OF COURSE,

BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOUR SONWOULD LIKE TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

[glass shattering]- OH, [bleep]!

STIMPY JUST JUMPEDOUT THE WINDOW.

- OH, MY GOD.- OH, HE KILLED HIMSELF.

WHY'D HE DO IT?IT MUST HAVE BEEN MY FAULT.

NO, IT WASN'T.YES, IT WAS.

I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS.

DON'T YOU DARE CANCELTHAT REORDER.

IT'S THE ONLY THINGI'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER HIM BY.

[strains,then sighs]

both: CUNNILINGUS CLASS.- I'M SHABOOTS MICHAELS.

- I'M T-RAY TOMBSTONE.

- AND WE'RE HERE TO TEACH Y'ALLHOW TO...

both:GO DOWN ON BITCHES RIGHT.

- NOW BITCHES AIN'T BEINGSATISFIED, SO CHECK IT.

- QUIT SUCKINGON THAT [bleep] SO DAMN HARD.

- BITCHES DON'T LIKETHAT NONSENSE.

- THAT'S LIKE PUTTING THE TIP

OF YOUR PENISIN THE VACUUM.

- Y'ALL NEED TO...both: CHILL ON THE [bleep].

- GO AROUND THAT BUSINESS.- THAT'S LIKE A BUTTON

MADE OF A MILLION PENIS TOPS.

- NOW EVERY BITCHLIKE HER CUNNILINGUS

A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.- VAGINAS ARE LIKE SNOWFLAKES.

- SNOWFLAKES IS DIFFERENT.LEARN YOUR BITCH'S SNOWFLAKE.

- ASK YOUR BITCHWHAT SHE WANTS.

both: THEN DO WHAT SHE SAYS.

- SOME BITCHES LIKE ITIN CIRCLES.

- SOME BITCHESLIKE IT UP AND DOWN.

- SOME BITCHES LIKE IT HARD.

- SOME BITCHES LIKE IT SOFT.

both: COMMUNICATEWITH YOUR BITCHES.

- MAKE THE ALPHABETWITH YOUR TONGUE.

- A-B-C-D...

- AND WHEN SHE GRAB YOUR HAIR

LIKE SHE GONNA PULLYOUR DAMN HEAD OFF...

both: STAY WITH THAT LETTER.

- I'M TALKING ABOUT B...[blathers]

- OR D...[blathers]

both: VAGINAS DESERVE RESPECT.

- YOU DON'T WANT SOMEONESLAPPING AROUND

YOUR LITTLE HOMEY.[yelping]

- YOU WITH THE HAT.- YO.

- HOW YOU LIKE YOUR BJs?

- DAMN, DOG,ALL THE TIME.

- SHUT THE [bleep] UP!

THAT'S 'CAUSE PENISES IS EASY,

AND VAGINAS IS HARD.

THEY'RE...both: CONFUSING!

- IMAGINE THERE'S AN EXPLOSIONAT THE ENVELOPE FACTORY.

- FLAPS EVERYWHERE.A WORLD OF FLAPS.

- AND YOU NEED TO LICK YOUR WAYOUT THE FACTORY.

- BUT EVERY BITCH'S FLAPSIS DIFFERENT.

- LEARN YOUR BITCH'SPARTICULAR FLAPS.

- FLAPS BE...both: CRAZY!

- EVERY FLAPNEED TO BE LISTENED TO.

- AND THEN YOU WILL GET OUTOF THAT FACTORY ALIVE.

- STAY DOWN THERE.

both: PLAN YOUR BREATHINGLIKE YOUR SWIMMING.

- YOU GOTTA BE TALKING ABOUT...both: STROKE, STROKE, BREATHE.

STROKE, STROKE, BREATHE.

[gasping]

- ALL RIGHT.LET'S TAKE A FIVE-MINUTE BREAK.

- AND WHEN WE COME BACK,WE GONNA TALK

ABOUT WARMING YOUR BITCHES UPBEFORE YOU GET BUSY.

- AND HOW TO LASTFOR MORE THAN TWO DAMN MINUTES.

- TAKE A PEACH AND PRACTICE.

- PRACTICE ON A PEACH.- TAKE A PEACH AND PRACTICE.

- PRACTICE ON A PEACH.- TAKE A PEACH AND PRACTICE.

- PRACTICE ON A PEACH.

- WELL, I THINKIT'S GONNA WORK.

- 30 DOWN,3 BILLION TO GO.

[maniacal laughter]