The Midnight Swingers

  • Season 6, Ep 13
  • 06/24/2009

Jones and Williams penetrate the inner circle of Reno's swingers club.

HI.HI!

TELL US WHATYOUR SIGN SAYS,TERRY.

IT SAYS "VOTE FOR MEOR I'LL PEE ON YOU."

"OR I'LL PEEON YOU."

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOURUNNING FOR, TERRY?

PRESIDENT OFTHE UNITED STATES.

YOU'RE RUNNINGFOR PRESIDENT OFTHE UNITED STATES?

YOU KNOW, WE HADONE OF THOSEA WHILE BACK.

WHO WON?

YOU'RE EITHER REAL, REALLATE, OR YOU'RE REAL EARLY.

ARE YOU LATE, ORARE YOU EARLY, TERRY?

I'M DOING 2020.

2020?YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

I WANT TO GET A HEAD START.

YOU WANT TO GETA HEAD START?YEAH.

LAY A FOUNDATION?YOU'RE DOINGA GRASS ROOTS?

YEAH. SOME GRASS ROOTS.

GRASS...ROOTS?

TERRY?WHAT?

DID YOU WAKE UPTHIS MORNING...

YES.

GET SUPER, SUPER,SUPER HIGH...

MAKE A SIGNTHAT SAID

"VOTE FOR ME ORI'LL PEE ON YOU,"

AND COME DOWN HEREAND HARASS EVERYBODYCOMING IN AND OUT?

OK. I DID WAKE UP.

OK. ALL RIGHT.

I, UH--SOMETHING HAPPENED.I DON'T REMEMBER.

OK, THIS MIGHT BETHE PART WHERE

YOU GOTSUPER, SUPER,SUPER HIGH, RIGHT?

MAYBE. WE DON'T KNOW.

MIGHT BE.WE DON'T KNOW.

I DID HAVE17 BOWLS OF CEREAL.

17 BOWLS OF CEREAL.

WHAT KIND OFCEREAL DIDYOU HAVE, TERRY?

IT WASN'T TOTAL, BECAUSEYOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE

A BOWL OF TOTAL, IT'S LIKEHAVING 17 BOWLS OF SOME--

OF OTHER CEREALS.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?ONE BOWL OF TOTAL?YEAH.

SO YOU WENT WITH THE17 OTHER CEREALS.

YOU WERE HIGHEVEN FOR YOU, TERRY.

I'VE NEVER BEEN HIGH.OH! WAS THAT A DRAGON?

OK, HIS FINGERS.OBVIOUSLY--

I THOUGHT IT WAS A DRAGON.

OK, WHAT'S THIS?

THANK GOD. IT'S SPIDERS!

OK, WHAT'S THIS?

FIRE!

GENIE. GENIE.

I DON'T KNOW WHATTHE [BLEEP] DRUG HE'S ON.

Wiegel:GOOD MORNING.

COME ON, EVERYBODY.CALL IT OUT. "GOODMORNING, LIEUTENANT."

All: GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.HOW DOES EVERYBODYLIKE THE NEW WALL COLOR?

WHAT DID ITUSED TO BE?

ARE YOU SURE THEY DID IT?

YEAH.

Rizzo: IT LOOKS THE SAME.

WHAT WAS IT BEFORE?

I THOUGHT IT W--UH, OK.MAYBE THEY DIDN'T--NEVER MIND.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS--I GAVE TOMORROW'SANNOUNCEMENT.

THEY'RE PAINTINGTHE WALLS TONIGHT.

I DO ALL THE WEEK'SANNOUNCEMENTSSOMETIMES IN ADVANCE.

AH. THAT'S TOMORROW.

TOMORROW I'LL ASK YOUWHAT YOU THINK OFTHE NEW WALL COLOR.

THIS IS THE SAME.

YEAH. SO NOPAINTING WAS DONE.

UH, OK. IN ASSIGNMENTS,THERE'S A WARRANT, UH,

FOR REUBEN"THE BONE" ALVAREZ.THE DRUG TRAFFICKER.

WE NEED AN UNDERCOVER TEAMTO POSE AS A COUPLE--

UH, I THOUGHT JONESAND WILLIAMS SEEMEDSORT OF PLAUSIBLE--

TO INFILTRATETHE MIDNIGHT SWINGERS.

ALVAREZ IS A KNOWN MEMBEROF THIS SEX CLUB.

WHAT'S A SEX CLUB?

Dangle:IT'S LIKE A KEY PARTY.

Rizzo: YEAH,THEY'RE KEY PARTIES.

KEY PARTIES ISWHERE SEXUALLY PROMISCUOUSCOUPLES GET TOGETHER

AND THEY THROW THEIRCAR KEYS IN A BOWL,

AND THEN THEY TAKE THEM OUTAND THEY [BLEEP] EACH OTHER.

WITH THE KEYS?

NO, NO, NO. EACH OTHERDEPENDING ON WHOSE KEYTHEY HAVE.

WITH THEIRPENISES. YEAH.

WHAT IF YOU WALKEDTO THE PARTY?

DO YOU STILL GETTO GET [BLEEP]?

YOU COULD ALWAYS--YOU'LL ALWAYS GET[BLEEP] AT THE PARTY,

NO MATTER WHETHER YOU GETTHERE BY FOOT, BY CAR, BYHOVERCRAFT, BY FLOAT.

YOU'RE ALWAYS GONNAGET--YOU'RE ALLREADY TO [BLEEP].

SO THAT MEANS WE'RE GONNA--WE'RE GONNA GET TO[BLEEP] PEOPLE, TOO.

Dangle: NO. THAT'S EXACTLYWHAT YOU DON'T NEED TO DO.

Declan: YOU KNOW WHAT?I'D LIKE TO DOSOME UNDERCOVER.

Dangle: YOU'RE NOTGETTING THIS ONE.

NO. I DON'T HAVE TOHAVE THIS ONE.

I'M JUST SAYING I GOTMYSELF A FAKE BEARDAT THE 99-CENT STORE.

I'D LIKE TO BE CONSIDEREDTHE NEXT TIME THERE'SAN UNDERCOVER ASSIGNMENT.

THE NEXT TIME SOMETHING--I NEED A BEARDED GUY,

IF I NEED, LIKE, A HASIDIMOR, LIKE, AN AMISH GUY--

WHAT ABOUT, LIKE,A BIG, FAT HOMELESS GUY?HE COULD DO THAT.

WHY DOES HE HAVE TOBE BIG AND FAT?

WE HONOROUR FALLEN COMRADEJAMES OSWALDO GARCIA.

PER HIS LAST WISHES,

FIRING HISCREMATED ASHESOUT OF A CANNON.

READY, DETAIL!

Dangle:CAREFUL!

Jones:AW, [BLEEP].

Dangle: AW, GOD DAMN IT.EVERYONE SCOOP HIMUP. SCOOP HIM UP.

GET AS MUCH GARCIABACK IN AS YOU CAN.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!WHAT THE [BLEEP]?WHAT?

WHAT THE [BLEEP]?LIVE CANNON.

EW. EW. WHAT IF THIS PARTIS HIS BALLS?

SOME PART OF THISIS HIS BALLS, OK?

STOP BLOWING RIGHT ONTO ME.BLOW TO THE RIGHT OF ME.

NO, STOP BLOWING.

DON'T BLOW IT ATME. BLOW DOWNTHE GOD DAMN THING.

[COUGHING]

THERE WE GO. MOST OF IT.THERE'S MOST OF IT.

HYA. SOUNDING! HYA! FIRE!

DIDN'T GO.DID IT GO? I PLUGGEDMY EARS. DID IT GO?

OBVIOUSLY IT DIDN'T GO.

JAMES GARCIA,WE SALUTE YOU! FIRE!

NOPE.

WE GOT TO JUST GETTHE THING OUT OFTHE BOTTOM OF IT.

GET THE THING OUTOF THE BOTTOM.IT'S ALL RIGHT. CRAWL.

Wiegel:WE HAVE A HOLD OF IT?

I GOT IT. I GOT IT.I ALMOST GOT IT.

SHOULD I TRY TOGET IT LOOSE?

OK, TOTALLY STUCK.TOTALLY STUCK, FOR REAL.

KEEP TAPPING IT.LEAVE IT. GOOD.

JIGGLE IT.OK, JIGGLE IT.

All: ♪ AMAZING GRACE,HOW SWEET THE SOUND ♪

♪ THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME ♪

HEY, LOOK AT ME.I GOT A BIG BLACK [BLEEP].

WHAT IF WE JUST SAT THIS UPON A FENCE AND SHOT AT IT?

I THINK GARCIA WOULDAPPROVE, ODDLY ENOUGH.

[HORN HONKING]

[CAR ALARM]

[BLEEP] GARCIA, MAN.[BLEEP]

[BLEEP] MEXICANS.WOW.

IT SAID "MEET ME ATTHE OLD FILLING STATION.

ALL WILL BE REVEALED."

[ENGINE REVVING]HELLO! HELLO!

WHO ARE YOU?WHO ARE YOU?

WHO ARE YOU, MAN?

WHO ARE YOU, MAN?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,WHOA, WHOA!

GARY MORGAN.RENO SHERIFF'S.WHERE'S THE LIEUTENANT?

I AM THE LIEUTENANT!

PUT IT DOWN! PUT YOURGUN ON THE GROUND!

PUT YOURS ON THE GROUND.PUT YOURS ON THE GROUND!

PUT YOURS FIRST!PUT YOURSON THE GROUND!

WAIT. SAME TIME.HOW'S THAT?

WHERE'S THE LIEUTENANT?

I AM THE LIEUTENANT.

WHERE'S LIEUTENANT LARRY?

LIEUTENANT LARRY?

THE GUY THAT'SBEEN PICKING UP

THE COMMUNIQUE FORTHE LAST 10 YEARS.

LIEUTENANT LARRY?OH, MY GOD.

TIME TO PICK UP THE ANTS,MAN. THIS IS THE DAY.

LIEUTENANT LARRYLEFT THE SHERIFF'SDEPARTMENT,

LIKE, 8 YEARS AGO.I'M LIEUTENANT DANGLE.

I'VE BEEN DROPPING HIMA COMMUNIQUE FOR 10 YEARS.

IT'S TIME TO TAKE DOWNTHE ANTS, MAN.

I'VE BEEN UNDERCOVERFOR 10 YEARS!

OH, BOY.

WHAT THE HELL?!

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

AAH!

OH, BOY. ARE THESEREEL-TO-REELS?

OF COURSE.

WE HAVE NO WAY TO PLAYTHOSE, I DON'T THINK.

WE HAVE NO WAYTO PLAY THESE.

I DON'T THINK WEHAVE ANY WAY TOPLAY THESE.

WAS "CHUCHA-CABBAGE"AWARE OF THIS?

THAT'S MY GUY.HE SENT ME IN.

OH, POOP ONA POGO STICK.HE'S PASSED AWAY.

I FEEL LIKE THERE MIGHTHAVE BEEN A NOTE ONMY DESK ABOUT THIS

THAT I SKIMMED. ANDOH, BOY, OH, BOY, DOESIT BURN ME UP INSIDE.

I'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW.

I'M SO MAD THAT IMIGHT HAVE ACCIDENTALLYSKIMMED THAT NOTE

THAT I'M GONNA MAKETHIS UP TO YOU, OK?

I AM GONNA TAKE YOU...TO SIZZLER.

HOW DO YOU LIKETHAT? YOU AND ME.

SIZZLER?YEAH.

ALL I CAN EAT?ALL YOU CAN EAT.

I WOULDN'T BESURPRISED IF WE GOTYOU A COMMENDATION.

NICE WORK.OW.

NICE WORK TAKINGDOWN THE ANTS.

[BLEEP].

WE'LL TALK TO YOU SOON.WE'LL TALK THISWEEK, RIGHT?

YOU AND ME AREGOING TO SIZZLER, ANDWE'RE GONNA WORK THIS OUT.

YOU CALL ME.

I CERTAINLY WILL.

[ENGINE REVS]

HEY, THIS IS DANGLE.WE HAVE A CRAZEDDRIFTER ON MATTHEWS,

ABOUT 6'4", BROWN HAIR,MUSTACHE, UH, ABOUT185 POUNDS ON 80.

HE IS ARMED ANDEXTREMELY DANGEROUS.

UH, SHOOT TO KILL.IF YOU GET A SHOT, TAKE IT.

BUT I'M EXTREMELYEXCITED ABOUT THISUNDERCOVER JOB

BECAUSE THE WOMENAT THESE KEY PARTIES--

I DON'T KNOW IF YOUKNOW ABOUT THESE--THE PEOPLE THERE.

Man: THE URINEON THE CARPET--

Woman: IT'S NOT GONNACOME OUT, IS IT?IT'S NOT GONNA COME OUT.

I THINK IT'SBECAUSE I HAD SOMECRANBERRY JUICE,

AND THAT WAY IT TENDS TOTAKE THE YELLOW AND--

HELLO!HELLO!NEW PEOPLE.

WELCOME! HEY. AH.OH, MY GOODNESS.

HOW ARE YOU?

CAN I [BLEEP] YOURIGHT NOW OR LATER?I DON'T KNOW.

WE'RE, UH, FRIENDSOF REUBEN ALVAREZ.

OH, OK. WELL, THENTHAT'S ALL RIGHT.SURE.

AND WE GOT KEYS.

OH!

THAT'S LIKEAN OPEN INVITATION.BOOM. RIGHT THERE.

THE KEY?

YOU GONNA PUTIT RIGHT DOWN THERE?KEY TO THE [BLEEP].

KEY TO THE [BLEEP].

YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF.YOU'RE NO BEGINNER.

RIGHT THERE,SWEETHEART. JUSTPUT IT RIGHT THERE.

I'M GONNA MEMORIZE--OK.

ARE YOU HARD-CORE?ARE YOU TRASH 'EMAND SMASH 'EM?

ARE YOU GENTLEBUT SWEET? WHAT?

URINATION?

UM...

YES.

ALL OF THAT.ALL OF THAT.YES.

THANK YOU, MONIQUE.

MONIQUE IS HAVINGSURGERY TOMORROW.

WE HOPE SHEMAKES IT.

GOOD LADY.GOOD LADY.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

WE LOST SO MANYMEMBERS TO PUZZLES.

LIKE, EVERYBODYSTARTED DOING PUZZLES,

AND THEY LEFTTHE SWING SCENE.

OH, REALLY?YEAH. HORRIBLE.

A LOT OF OUR PEOPLE.

HORRIBLE WHATTHAT HOBBY CAN DOTO A PERSON.

I WANT TO SEEJUST EXACTLY HOWYOU GO [BLEEP]

AND HOW YOU REACTSO THAT I KNOWWHAT TO EXPECT,

YOU KNOWWHAT I MEAN?

OH, HE'S--

SHE CALLS ME THE JACKHAMMER.JUST HOLD ON TO MY EARS--

OOH! YA YA YAYA YA.

ARE YOU INTERESTEDIN WATERFRONT PROPERTY,BY ANY CHANCE?

DO YOU KNOW OF ANYBODYWHO'S INTERESTED INWATERFRONT PROPERTY?

OH, YEAH. WE'VE GOTAN AREA

THAT WE'RE HAVINGA HARD TIMEGETTING RID OF.

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