High Stakes

  • Season 3, Ep 9
  • 11/11/2014

Brickleberry turns into a hunting ground for big game after Woody loses a bet to Hazelhurst's crackhead mayor.

- WOODY, I HAVE THE RESULTSOF YOUR COLONOSCOPY.

- BE HONEST, DOC.DO I HAVE THE ASS CANCER?

- I'M NOT GOING TO SUGARCOAT IT,WOODY.

I FOUND SOMETHING ALARMINGIN THERE.

- NO![alarm clock ringing]

OH, YEAH, I ACCIDENTALLYSAT ON THAT.

- REALLY?THESE TOO?

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FELLASS-FIRST INTO A YARD SALE.

- I JUST LIKE TO BE ORGANIZED.I CALL IT BUNG-SHUI.

- BESIDES SOME MILD TEARING ANDWHAT I SWEAR WAS AN OOMPA LOOMPA

THAT I WAS NEVER QUITE ABLE TOGET A HOLD OF, YOU'RE ALL CLEAR.

- GREAT.NOW, IF YOU'LL KINDLY

RETURN THOSE THINGS TO MY ASS,I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

- OH, WOODY, YOU'RE STILLUNDER THE INFLUENCE

OF THE ANESTHETIC.

I CAN'T LET YOU DRIVEYOURSELF HOME.

- I GAVE YOU A BUNCHOF EMERGENCY CONTACTS.

DIDN'T YOU CALL 'EM?

- YES.I GOT FOUR WRONG NUMBERS,

THREE HANG-UPS,AND A "[bleep] MY MOTHER."

SHE'S BEEN DEAD FOR THREE YEARS,SO THAT WOULD BE DIFFICULT,

BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.

- OKAY.SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

- MEDICALLY SPEAKING?WELL, YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.

AND SINCE THERE'S NO ONE HERETO PICK YOU UP,

I'M GOING TO HAVETO PUT YOU DOWN.

- WAIT, WAIT!CAN'T I JUST CALL A CAB?

- HMM, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.

GUESS I DIDN'T NEEDTO PUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE DOWN

AFTER ALL.

BOY, IS MY FACE RED.

KIDDING!I CAN'T FEEL EMOTION.

- GET ME OUT OF HERE!

- TOMMY!SHUT UP AND PLAY YOUR TROMBONE!

[sad trombone plays]

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVEI DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

NOBODY GETS ME.

both: ONE SHOT OF GOLDSCHLAGER.

- I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONEWHO ENJOYED GOLDSCHLAGER.

- YOU KIDDING?THIS IS THE FINEST

GOLD-FLECKED SCHNAPPS

THAT MONEY CAN BUY FORUNDER $12 A BOTTLE.

- ONE NIGHT, I DRANKSO MUCH OF THIS STUFF,

I PANNED MY DIARRHEAAND I MADE $80.

- THAT MIGHT BE THE MOST AWESOMETHING I'VE EVER HEARD.

- MAYOR TODD FORD.

THE CRACKHEAD MAYOROF HAZELHURST?

- AH, DON'T BELIEVE THE MEDIA.

THEY JUST GAVE ME THAT NICKNAME

BECAUSE I SMOKE CRACKALL THE TIME.

- WOODY JOHNSON.

- THE WHORE-PUNCHING HEAD RANGEROF BRICKLEBERRY?

- AND THEY SAY YOU CAN'T GIVEYOURSELF A NICKNAME.

BARKEEP, ANOTHER ROUND!

- MY FRIEND SAID HE WANTEDANOTHER DRINK!

- OH, SHIT!YOU BETTER CHILL OUT

BEFORE HE CALLS THE COPS!

- HA HA HA!I'M MAYOR.

THE COPS WORK FOR ME.

DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE!

[laughter]

- TO THE STARTOF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP!