Brian Regan: Live From Radio City Music Hall

  • Season 1, Ep 1
  • 09/26/2015

For this live stand-up special, Brian Regan shakes things up by bringing his signature high-energy social commentary to Radio City Music Hall in a live performance.

I've had some weird jobs, man.

My first job everwas a dishwasher

at the InternationalHouse of Pancakes.

It's a true story.

I was, like, 14 years old.

After three months, the ownertook me aside and said,

"I'm promoting you today tobusboy," and he said to me,

"Please, don't talkto any of the customers."

(laughter)

I don't know what I soundedlike in the dish room

that he felt he had toprotect his customers from,

but he was adamant.

He said, "I've heardthe kind of things

"your brain comes up with.

Please, just let these peopleenjoy their pancakes."

(laughter)

So I said, "Okay."

I bussed my very first table.

Was walkingback to the dish room,

and I passed a woman sittingby herself, eating a salad.

It was lunchtime.

As I was walking by,she said, "Excuse me."

Well, what am Isupposed to do now?

"I'm not allowedto talk to anybody!"

(laughter)

I thought, "She's stopping me.I better stop," you know?

So I put my tray down on anothertable and I said, "Yes, ma'am?"

And she said,"There is a hair in this salad."

Now, I'm from a familyof eight kids.

A hair in a saladdon't stop nobody.

(laughter)

It's like trivia."Hey, there's a hair. Um...

Hey, look, there's a bug!Um..."

Just keep chowing.

You don'twhen the next food's coming.

So I knowthis sounds ridiculous,

but I had no idea why she waseven telling me this.

So I was, like, "Oh, okay."

(laughter)

So I thought I'd be funny

and I said, "Well, there areno prizes or anything."

(laughter and applause)

"Go get the owner."

So now I had to goget the owner,

who just five minutes agotold me not to talk to anybody.

And I had to say, "I wasjust talking to this woman--"

(laughter)

"--and she's kind of upsetand she wants to talk to you."

He's looking at me like, "How isthis even humanly possible?"

We walk out to her table,

and she says,"I just told this young man

"that there wasa hair in my salad,

and he told me that there areno prizes or anything."

(laughter)

So he looks at me,and he looks at her,

and he said, "He's right, thereare no prizes or anything."