February 6, 2014 - Paul Krugman

  • 02/06/2014

Obama faces pressure to approve the Keystone Pipeline, Olympic journalists share Sochi horror stories, TSA agents gawk at body scan images, and Paul Krugman talks Obamacare.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: NATION, THANK YOU

SO MUCH.

FOLKS WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING USTONIGHT.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, IF YOU WATCHTHIS SHOW-- AND I HOPE YOU DO--

AND IF THERE'S ONE THING THAT ILOVE SAYING, IT'S "I TOLD YOU

SO."

OH, GOD, THAT FELT GOOD.

( LAUGHTER )SEE, I TOLD YOU SO.

OH!

THERE IT IS AGAIN!

WHAT A RUSH.

AND, FOLKS, TODAY THE YOU I'M SOTELLING IS BARACK OBAMA.

YOU SEE, FOR YEARS THE PRESIDENTHAS BEEN DRAGGING HIS FEET ON

BUILDING THE KEYSTONE X-LPIPELINE WHICH WOULD DRASTICALLY

INCREASE OUR NATION'S SUPPLY OFOIL AS WELL AS OUR NATION'S

SUPPLY OF PIPE.

NOW, FOR A WHILE OBAMA INSISTEDHE COULDN'T COMPLETE THE PROJECT

BECAUSE THE NATION'S BESTPIPE FITTERS WERE BUSY SAVING

PRINCESS PEACH.

THEM HE CLAIMED HE COULDN'TAPPROVE ANYTHING UNTIL HE GOT

THE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACTREPORT.

LAST WEEK HIS STRATEGIC EXCUSERESERVE RAN DRY.

THE STATE DEPARTMENT FOUND THATTHE PIPELINE WOULDN'T HURT THE

ENVIRONMENT LIKE PROPPONENTSCLAIM.

>> THE PIPELINE ONLY HAVE AMINIMUM IMPACT ON CARBON

EMISSIONS.

>> Stephen: MINIMUM IMPACT.

BOTTOM LINE, THE PIPELINE WILLPROVIDE US WITH MUCH NEEDED

FOSSIL FUELS.

SPEAKING OF FOSSILS, BILLO'REILLY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

NOW, FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW IF YOUWERE WATCHING, BUT ON SUPER BOWL

SUNDAY, BILL SAT DOWN WITH THEPRESIDENT AND DID WHAT THE

BRONCOS COULDN'T-- HE SCOREDPOINTS.

( LAUGHTER )JIM.

>> ALL RIGHT, KEYSTONE X-LPIPELINE, NEW STUDY COMES IN,

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT NEGLIGIBLE.

42,000 JOBS.

YOU'RE GOING TO OKAY IT, IASSUME.

>> FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT42,000.

THAT'S NOT CORRECT.

IT'S A COUPLE OF THOUSAND TOBUILD THE PIPELINE.

>> 42 ALL TOLD.

>> THE BOTTOM LINE IS WHO WE'REGOING TO DO, THE PROCESS NOW

GOES-- AGENCIES COMMENT ON WHATTHE STATE DEPARTMENT DID, THE

PUBLIC IS ALLOWED TO COMMENT,KERRY'S GOING TO GIVE ME A

RECOMMENDATION -->> SO I ASSUME WE'RE GOING TO DO

THAT AFTER FIVE YEARS.

>> WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

>> OKAY, I'LL TAKE THAT AS AYES.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: YOU HEARDPRESIDENT O'REILLY.

HE SAID YES TO THE KEYSTONE X-LPIPELINE, THAT'S WHY I LOVE

BILL.

HE'S NOT ONLY ASKING THEHARD-HITTING QUESTIONS.

HE'S PROVIDING THE HARD-HITTINGANSWERS.

( LAUGHTER )AND PAPA BEAR IS RIGHT, FOLKS

THE PRESIDENT'S OWN STUDY SAYSTHE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT IS

NEGLIGIBLE, BECAUSE MOST OFALBERTA'S OIL WILL FIND A WAY TO

GET TO MARKET ANYWAY, IF NOT BYPIPELINE, BY RAIL.

IT IS INEVITABLE.

IF SOMETHING IS INEVITABLE, THENAMERICA SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DO

IT.

( APPLAUSE )CASE IN POINT-- THESE PEOPLE GET

IT-- CASE IN POINT, ISN'T ITINEVITABLE THAT THE ICE CAPS

WILL MELT SO I SAY WE DROWN THEPOLAR BEARS IN THE SAN DIEGO

ZOO.

WE CHARGE PEOPLE A COUPLE OFBUCKS A HEAD TO WATCH AND GIVE

THE MONEY TO THE WORLD WILDLIFEFUND AND THEY CAN USE IT TO SAVE

THE POLAR BEARS.

OTHERWISE, THOSE GUYS AREDOOMED.

NOW, NATION, THE OPENINGCEREMONIES FOR THE 2014 WINTER

OLYMPICS ARE JUST ONE DAY AWAY,WHICH, OF COURSE, IS THE SILVER

MEDAL OF THEM STARTING TODAY.

IN THE RUN-UP TO THESE GAMES,VLADIMIR PUTIN HAS GOTTEN A LOT

OF CRITICISM FOR ANTIGAY LAWS,FOR BULL DOZING POOR

NEIGHBORHOODS TO BUILD OLYMPICFACILITIES AND NOW HARSHEST OF

ALL FOR HIS YOGURT BLOCKADE.

>> THERE IS AN ATTEMPT AT YOGURTDIPLOMACY.

RUSSIA IS HOLDING UP 5,000SINGLE-SERVE CONTAINERS OF

CHOBANI YOGURT.

CHUCK SCHUMER SAID IT'S STRANDEDAT NEW YORK'S AIRPORT.

>> Stephen: OUR ATHLETES'YOGURT IS BEING EMBARGOED BUT

IT'S ONLY BECAUSE THE RUSSIANSWANT TO PROTECT TRADITIONAL

FAMILY VALUES.

LET'S FACE IT-- IT'S NO SECRETTHAT YOGURT IS THE GAYEST DAIRY

PRODUCT.

( LAUGHTER )FIRST OF ALL, FIRST OF ALL, IT'S

GREEK STYLE.

( LAUGHTER )IT'S-- IT LONGS TO BE IN THE

MOUTH OF JOHN STAMOS.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

AND-- AND-- ( CHEERS )

HEAR ME OUT.

HEAR ME OUT.

NEED I MENTION, FRUIT ON THEBOTTOM.

( APPLAUSE )( LAUGHTER )

OF COURSE, EVERYBODY KNOWS,EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I HAVE

OWNED THE WINTER OLYMPICS EVERSINCE I SAVED VANCOUVER IN 2010

BY BAILING OUT THE U.S.

SPEEDSKATING TEAM WITH MY YOURMONEY.

FOLKS, I CANNOT WAIT TO GET TOSOCHI.

ALTHOUGH, I MIGHT HAVE TO.

>> NEW CONCERNS THAT SOCHI ISNOT READY TO HOST THE GAMES.

>> HOTELS AND OTHER BUILDINGSAREN'T FINISHED.

>> JOURNALISTS ARE APPALLED BYTHE CONDITION OF THEIR HOTEL

ROOMS, MANY OF THEM IN SHAMBLES.

>> THE ROOMS-- SPARTAN IS A NICEWAY TO CALL THEM.

>> A TWEET-- MY HOTEL HAS NOWATER.

THE FRONT DESK SAYSDO NOT USE IT ON YOUR FACE

BECAUSE IT CONTAINS SOMETHINGVERY DANGEROUS.

>> Stephen: LET ME GET THISSTRAIGHT.

SHE'S COMPLAINING THAT HER HOTELSHUT OFF THE FACE-POISON VALVE?

I'M SORRY, THAT'S JUST SEEINGTHE GLASS OF TOXIC YELLOW FLUID

AS HALF EMPTY.

AND THESE REPORTERS' IVY TOWERATTITUDE EXTEND TO THE PORCELAIN

THRONE.

>> NOTICE THE SIGN HERE ASKINGUSERS NOT TO FLUSH TOILET PAPER,

INSTEAD THEY'RE SUPPOSED TOTHROW IT IN THE TRASH CAN.

>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S ALITTLE ROUGH, THAT'S A LITTLE

ROUGH.

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, THESECRET POLICE PROBABLY WON'T GO

THROUGH YOUR TRASH NOW.

( LAUGHTER )JIMMY, WHAT'S THE NEXT EVENT IN

THE CRY-ATHALON.

>> EVEN AS THE CITY SIDEWALKSBEGIN TO FILL WITH ATHLETES AND

TOURISTS, SOME OF THOSESIDEWALKS HAVE YET TO BE PAVED.

>> NOT ALL THE MANHOLES ARECOVERED.

>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT ONESURPRISES ME.

I MEAN, GIVEN THE ANTIGAY LAWS,YOU WOULD EXPECT PUTIN TO

COVER THE MANHOLES.

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

I'M SORRY.

I'LL TELL YOU, FOLKS, THAT DOESNOT EXCUSE ALL THIS NIT-PICKING

BY THE COMPLAIN-STREAM MEDIA.

>> A GERMAN REPORTER SAID WHENHE CHECKED INTO HIS HOTEL ROOM,

THERE WAS A STRAY DOG LIVINGINSIDE.

>> Stephen: LOOK, DO YOU WANTYOUR TOILET FIXED OR NOT?

IT'S A BUSY WEEK, AND THE HOTELONLY HAS ONE REPAIR DOG.

THE POINT IS, ALL THESE PROBLEMSCAN BE SOLVED.

SOCHI STILL HAS ALMOST NINEHOURS BEFORE THE OLYMPICS BEGIN.

BESIDES, I'VE SEEN WAY WORSE,FOLKS.

UP TO THE TALK BATHROOMNIGHTMARE.

HAD I WAS IN VANCOUVER, THEHOTEL GIVE ME MINI BOTTLES OF

SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER, BUT NOLOTION.

I HAD TO USE CONDITIONER ON MYSKIN.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, FOUR YEARSLATER, YOU'D BE ALARMED BY THE

PARTS OF MY BODY THAT ARE STILLTANGLE-FREE.

IF I CAN TOUGH IT OUT, SOCHIREPORTERS, YOU CAN TOUGH IT IT

OUT.

WHAT'S THIS?

I'VE JUST BEEN HANDING ABREAKING NEWS BULLETIN FROM

MYSELF THAT SAYS I WILL NOT BEATTENDING THE SOCHI OLYMPICS.

DAMN IT!

>> THAT'S TOO BAD, FOLKS.

I HEAR THEY'D ALMOST FINISHEDTHE RUNWAY.

MY PLANE WAS SUPPOSED TO CRASH.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH, FOLKS.

YOU KNOW, I TRY TO LIVE BY THEWORDS OF THE GOSPEL, AND THE

BIBLE CLEARLY SAYS LET HE WHO ISWITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST

STONE. HAVE AT YOU!

THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OFTHE FINGER.

FOLKS, LONGTIME VIEWERS KNOWI'VE ALWAYS BEEN A STAUNCH

SUPPORTER OF THE T.S.A..

AMERICA'S FRONT LINE IN CREATINGLINES.

I RECENTLY LEARNED SOMETHINGTHAT HAS GIVEN ME MORE THAN

THREE OUNCES OF RAGE.

>> A FORMER T.S.A. SECURITYSCREENER CLAIMS HIS FELLOW

AGENTS AMUSED THEMSELVES BYMOCKING THE IMAGES OF

PASSENGERS PRODUCED BY THEAIRPORT'S BODY SCANNER.

>> JOKES RAN RAMPANT.

MANY IMAGES WE GAWKED AT WEREOVER-WEIGHT PEOPLE,.

>> OFFICERS GAWKING AT IMAGES OFOVERWEIGHT PEOPLE AND GENITALS.

>> Stephen: GAWKING ATOVERWEIGHT PEOPLE'S GENITALS.

I THOUGHT THE WHOLE POINT OFBEING OVERWEIGHT WAS TO CONCEAL

YOUR GENITALS.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A WAG OFMY FINGER TO T.S.A. PEEPING

TOMS.

NOW EVERYBODY WILL BESELF-CONSCIENCE ABOUT TRAVELING.

YOU'LL HAVE TO GET IN SHAPE FOREVERY TRIP LIKE IT'S YOUR

WEDDING DAY.

BUT YOU GOTTA DO IT.

IT'S YOUR SPECIAL DAY.

AND THE T.S.A. IS ALSO TAKINGOUR BEST COPING MECHANISM--

BOOZE.

THE AUTHOR OF THE EXPOSE TWEETED,"ONE THING I LEFT OUT OF

THAT POLITICO PIECE, HELL, YES,EMPLOYEES OFTEN DRINK THE

ALCOHOL COLLECTED AT THECHECKPOINT.

THIS IS A FLAGRANT ABUSE OFPOWER.

THEY'RE BACK THERE LIVING IT UPON ALL OUR CONFISCATED GOODS.

SUCKING DOWN OUR WHISKEY,LAGHTERING UP WITH OUR SHAMPOO,

RINSING WITH OUR DASANI BOTTLES,ALL THE WE CLIPPING THEIR

TOENAILS UNTIL THE COWS COMEHOME.

IT SICKENS ME TO KNOW SOMEONE ISCHUGGING MY MAYO AND FIRING MY

TASER.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

NEXT UP.

I LOVE ART.

BUT I'M WAY TOO FAMOUS TO GO TOA MUSEUM.

SO I WAS EXCITED TO LEARN THATTODAY'S BEST ART IS DELIVERED

HOT IN 30 MINUTES OR LESS.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE JUST THINKI'M A PUNK KID MAKING PIZZAS.

BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE.

>> THE TRUTH IS, THERE IS MORETO DOMINO PIZZA MAKERS THAN YOU

THINK.

>> MANY OF US HAVE A REALPASSION FOR CRAFTING THINGS BY

HAND, LIKE OUR HANDMADE FRESHPIZZA.

>> Stephen: YES, DOMINO'S ISLIKE PARIS IN THE 20s.

IF PARIS WERE SANDWICHED INBETWEEN A UPS STORE AND A DRESS

BARN.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A TIP OFTHE HAT TO THE PIZZA ARTIST FROM

DOMINO'S SCHOOL, BECAUSE THEMOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME WHEN

I ORDER A BOX OF WINGS IS THELIFE STORY OF THE GUY WHO DUMPS

THEM IN THERE.

( LAUGHTER )YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I-- I FINALLY

GET DOMINO'S.

IT'S NOT PIZZA.

IT'S ART.

NOW, AT FIRST BLUSH, IT APPEARSEPHEMERAL, A PROTEAN MASS OF

MEAT AND CHEESES.

AFTER A NIGHT ON THE COUNTERIT'S AS IMPENETRABLE AS ROGAN'S

GATES OF HELL.

BUT IT'S PRETTY GOOD WHEN YOU'REDRUNK.

THERE IS NO STRONGER DEFENDER OFFREE SPEECH THAN ME, TRULY.

AND IF YOU DISAGREE I'LL CUTYOUR VOCAL CORDS.

THAT'S WHY I WAS SO PUMPED BY ARECENT FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

RULING.

>> A FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HASRULED YOU CAN FLASH YOUR

HEADLIGHTS TO WARN DRIVERS OF ASPEED TRAP AHEAD.

>> FLASHING YOUR LIGHTS ISFREEDOM OF SPEECH.

THIS IS A GREAT VICTORY FORFREEDOM OF SPEECH.

>> Stephen: YES, FLASHINGYOUR LIGHTS AT A SPEED TRAP IS

YOUR RIGHT.

IT GOES BACK TO PAUL REVERE'SFAMOUS CRY, ONE IF BY LAND, TWO

IF BY SEA, THREE IF I CAN'TDRIVE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THAT'S WHY I GIVE A TIP OF THE

FAT TO FEDERAL JUDGES, AND,FOLKS, I CANNOT WAIT TO RELAY

THIS GOOD NEWS TO THE MILLIONSOF MY VIEWERS WHO ARE WATCHING

RIGHT NOW WHILE ALSO DRIVING ATRUCK, OKAY.

FIRST, I GOTTA GET OUT-- GOTTAGET OUT MY TRUCKER HAT, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

GOTTA GET OUT MY OLD CB RADIO.

AND IT'S GOING TO BE A LONGTRIP, SO I HAVE GOT MY SPORTS

DRINK.

AND MY TOILET.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE WE GO.

BREAKING 1-9, BREAKER 1-9, YOUGOT YOUR EARS ON.

THIS IS BIG DADDY TRUCKNUTSWITH THE 10-17.

THE MAN IN BLACK IS LAID DOWN.

THERE'S A FLAG FLY ON THE 20sFOR DUDLEY DO-RIGHT.

SKIP THE DOUBLE NICKELS ON THEGREEN STAMPS AND DROP THE HAMMER

DOWN BECAUSE IF THERE'S A BEARIN THE WOODS TAKING PICTURES A

GOOD NEIGHBOR WILL HIT YOU WITHA STROBE LIGHT ON THE FLIP SIDE

TO GIVE YOU THE HEADS UP ON THEBEAR BITES.

PEDAL TO THE MEDAL, BIG BUDDY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

ALL THAT AUTHENTIC TRUCKER LINGOMADE ME THIRSTY.

MMM-MMM.

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

OH!

MMM-MMM.

NOPE.

( LAUGHTER )THAT'S THE URINE.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS APRIZE-WINNING ECONOMIST, WHO

BELIEVES THAT OBAMACARE ISWORKING.

WOW.

I HOPE HE'S GOT MENTAL HEALTHCOVERAGE.

( LAUGHTER )PLEASE WELCOME PAUL KRUGMAN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THANKS FOR COMING BACK.

THIS IS ACTUALLY YOUR SIXTH TRIPTO THE SHOW.

>> INDEED, IT IS.

>> Stephen: DID YOU BRINGYOUR FREQUENT GUEST CARD.

>> I DID.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE THAT?

>> FREE LATTE.

THERE YOU GO.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Stephen: AND YOU GET A--YOU GET A FREE SUB.

>> THERE WE GO!

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

NOW, PAUL, YOU KNOW WHY I HAVEYOU HERE TONIGHT.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: OKAY?

BECAUSE I GET TO GLOAT OVER THEFACT THAT OBAMACARE IS A PROVEN

JOB KILLER.

THE C.B.O. CAME OUT WITH AREPORT THAT SAYS 2.5 MILLION

PEOPLE FEWER WILL HAVE JOBS BY2021 BECAUSE OF OBAMACARE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TOAMERICA HELPING TO PROMOTE THIS

JOB KILLER.

>> THIS IS QUITE AN AMAZINGPIECE OF-- I SEE A LOT OF MEDIA

MALPRACTICE.

A LOT OF THEM GOT IT WRONG.

THE C.B.O. DID NOT SAY THAT.

>> Stephen: YES, THEY DID?

HAVE YOU READ THE REPORT?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: I HAVE NOT.

THAT WAY I GET TO CLAIM ANYTHINGI WANT PAUL KRUGMAN.

>> WHAT THE C.B.O. SAID, WE KNOWA NUMBER OF PEOPLE WILL CHOOSE,

ONCE THEY HAVE THE GUARANTEE OFHEALTH INSURANCE, THERE ARE A

LOT OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA WHO AREWORKING EXTRA HOURS, STAYING IN

FULL-TIME JOBS, BECAUSE THEYNEED THE HEALTH INSURANCE.

THERE'S PARENTS OF YOUNGCHILDREN, THERE'S OLDER PEOPLE,

YOU KNOW, WHO ARE 63, AND NOT INGOOD HEALTH BUT THEY'RE HANGING

ON WITH THOSE FULL-TIME JOBSUNTIL THEY CAN GET MEDICARE.

WITH THE LAW IN EFFECT, A FAIRNUMBER-- SOME PEOPLE-- WILL WORK

SHORTER HOURS.

SOME PEOPLE WILL RETIRE EARLIER.

SO THE TOTAL NUMBER OF HOURSWILL BE REDUCED, VOLUNTARILY.

PEOPLE WILL CHOOSE TO WORK LESS.

NO JOBS LOST.

AND ACTUALLY THE C.B.O. SAYS INBIG-- THEY SAY RIGHT THERE.

THIS IS GOING TO BE VOLUNTARYCHOICE.

PEOPLE WILL CHOOSE TO WORK LESS.

THEY MADE THE MISTAKE OF SAYINGTHIS WILL BE THE EQUIVALENT OF

TWO MILLION FULL-TIME JOBS BEINGREMOVED.

( LAUGHTER )BUT THE NEXT DAY, THE DIRECTOR

OF THE C.B.O. WENT ON TO SAY WEARE NOT TALKING ABOUT JOB

LOSSES.

AND IN FACT, I AM-- THIS IS AGOOD THING.

>> Stephen: HE HAD TO SAYTHAT, HIS JOB WAS ON THE

CHOPPING BLOCK.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: YOU THINK THEOBAMA PEOPLE DIDN'T GET TO HIM.

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS YOUSAY IT'S BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL BE

MORE MOBILE AND BE ABLE TO LEAVETHEIR JOBS AND NOT BE TIED DOWN

TO HEALTH INSURANCE SO THEY CANWORK LESS IF THEY WANT TO.

THAT'S OBAMA'S VISION FORAMERICA.

EVERYBODY WORK LESS.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: HEY!

PHONE IT IN!

EVERYBODY GETS A SNOW DAY.

( CHEERS )( APPLAUSE )

THAT'S HOW ROME FELL.

>> WE'RE GOING TO PAY FOREVERYBODY BY TAXING MOM.

>> Stephen: YOU WILL?

HOW IS OBAMACARE NOTREDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH, OKAY?

WHY SHOULD MY HARD-EARNED MONEYGO PAY FOR SUZY SLUT'S

CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS?

I DON'T NEED THEM.

BUT "SANDY SPREAD YOUR LEGS"WANTS HER CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS OR

LUCY LUNG MACHINE.

I'M HEALTHY OR I'M A YOUNGPERSON-- WHICH I AM-- WHY SHOULD

I BE PAYING FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'SHEALTH CARE.

THAT'S NOT THE WAY INSURANCEWORKS.

>> THAT'S THE WAY INSURANCEWORKS.

IF YOU BUY FIRE INSURANCE, MOSTPEOPLE DON'T HAVE FIRES, AND

PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE FIRES ARESUBSIDIZING PEOPLE WHO HAVE

FIRES.

>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVEFIRE INSURANCE.

IF MY HOUSE CATCHES FIRE I'LLGET INSURANCE.

>> I THINK THE SLOGAN FOROBAMACARE SHOULD BE STUFF

HAPPENS AND IT COULD HAPPEN TOYOU.

EVERY ONE OF US IS AT RISK OFBECOMING SICK, HAVING SOMETHING

WHERE WE REALLY NEED TOINSURANCE TO PAY FOR IT.

INSURANCE MARKETS DON'T WORKWELL.

IF WE WANT TO HAVE A SYSTEMWHERE AMERICANS HAVE A BASIC

GUARANTEE THEY CAN HAVE THEHEALTH CARE THEY NEED, IS THAT

THEY CAN AFFORD IT WHEN THEYNEED IT, THEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE

SOMETHING LIKE OBAMACARE ANDEVERY OTHER ADVANCED COUNTRY IN

THE WORLD HAS UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE, HEALTH CARE WHEN YOU NEED

IT THAT YOU CAN AFFORD.

THAT'S WHAT OBAMACARE GIVES YOU.

>> Stephen: WHEN YOU NEED ITTHAT YOU CAN AFFORD BECAUSE

YOU'RE TAKING MY MONEY.

>> WE'RE POOLING.

>> Stephen: THAT'SREDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH.

POOLING MONEY IS REDISTRIBUTIONOF WEALTH.

YOU'LL ADMIT IT.

SAY IT.

SAY IT.

IT'S REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH.

>> ACTUALLY, I'M OKAY WITH ALITTLE --

>> Stephen: YOU ALMOST SAIDIT.

YOU ALMOST GAVE AWAY THE WHOLEGAME.

YOU ALMOST GAVE AWAY-->> LIFE INSURANCE IS

REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH FOR.

>> ISN'T ONE OF THE PROBLEMSHERE IS SO FAR ONLY OLD PEOPLE

ARE SIGNING UP FOR THIS, ANDIT'S GOT TO BE YOUNG PEOPLE

SIGNING UP FOR IT?

>> ACTUALLY, WHAT YOU WANT TOLOOK AT IS YOU LOOK AT WHAT THE

INSURANCE COMPANIES ARE SAYING.

THEY'RE SAYING IT'S AN OLDER MIXOF PEOPLE, BUT IT'S WITHIN

EXPECTATIONS.

IT'S ACTUALLY A LITTLE BETTERTHAN THEY EXPECTED.

YOU WANT TO KEEP READING THEFINE PRINT HERE.

>> NOT IF IT'S GOING TO MAKE MELOSE THE ARGUMENT.

>> THERE WE GO.

>> Stephen: WHAT CAN OBAMA DOTO GET MORE YOUNG PEOPLE

INTERESTED IN OBAMACARE OTHERTHAN SENDING OUT TEEN ICON PAUL

KRUGMAN TO TALK TO THEM?

>> I THINK THAT'S A GOOD THING.

THE PENALTY FOR NOT SIGNING UPIS NOT MUCH THIS YEAR.

IT GETS BIGGER NEXT YEAR.

>> Stephen: IT'S 90 BUCKS ORSOMETHING.

>> ALSO YOU'RE GOING TO START TOHEAR-- YOUNG PEOPLE ARE GOING TO

START TO HEAR FROM FRIENDS THAT,"MY GOD, I HAD THIS ACCIDENT,

AND I ENDED UP IN THE EMERGENCYROOM, AND THAT WOULD HAVE COST

ME $20,000, BUT THANK GOD I HAVEINSURANCE."

>> Stephen: AGAIN,REDISTRIBUTING MY WEALTH.

>> THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OFREDISTRIBUTING FROM PEOPLE WHO

HAVE BEEN LUCKY TO PEOPLE WHOARE UNLUCKY.

>> Stephen: LUCKY!

LUCKY?

YOU THINK I DIDN'T EARN THISJOB?

I MEAN, I DID THE WORK OF BEINGTOLLBOOTH OPERATOR ON THE JERSEY

TURNPIKE AND HAVING JON STEWARTDRIVE THROUGH ONE DAY AND SAY,

"DO YOU WANT A TELEVISION SHOW?"I PUT THE WORK IN.

>> THERE WE GO.

>> Stephen: PAUL, THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR JOINING ME.

PAUL KRUGMAN, "NEW YORK TIMES."

2.5 MILLION PEOPLE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

THAT'S IT FOR THE REPORT, FOLKS.

BEFORE WE GO, I AM PROUD-- I AMPROUD TO INTRODUCE THE NEWEST

MEMBER OF THE COLBERT NATION,ELI FELIX KATSIR.

>> OH!

>> Stephen: SON OF MY INTERNJAY THE INTERN, AND HIS WIFE

ADINA, MY INTERN-IN-LAW.

( LAUGHTER )JAY HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR

ME, EXCEPT THE LAST 24 HOURS,WHEN HE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR SOME

REASON.

( LAUGHTER )PROBABLY THE FLU.

WELL, WELCOME TO THE WORLD, ELI.

AND CONGRATULATIONS ON EARNINGTHE SAME SALARY AS YOUR FATHER.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

SPEAK OF WHICH, JAY, SINCE THISIS YOUR SECOND BABY I AM

PROMOTING YOU TO JUNIOREXECUTIVE INTERN.

IT DOES NOT COME WITH A SALARYBUMP BUT YOUR BUSINESS CARDS

WILL BE MORE IMPRESSIVE, OR THEYWOULD BE IF I GAVE YOU BUSINESS

CARDS.

AND REMEMBER, AS SOON AS ELI ISOLD ENOUGH TO CARRY A LATTE, I

OFFER NURSERY SCHOOL CREDIT.

GOOD NIGHT.