Dreams on the Rocks

  • Season 1, Ep 3
  • 04/21/1999

Jerri's stepmother's drunken public displays may cost Jerri the lead role in the school play.

BACK IN THE LOCKER, LESLIE !

HEY JERRI...

YOU WANNA HEARA JOKE ?

LAST NIGHT, MY SILLYMOM AND DAD HAD A FEW BELTS

AND MY DAD SWUNG THIS FUNNYFLOOR LAMP INTO MY MOTHER'SHILARIOUS SKULL.

WHY ARE YOU TELLINGTHIS TO LESLIE ?

AND ME, WHY ME ?

I THINK YOU HAVE THESAME HUMOROUS PROBLEM.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

LOOK JERRI, IF YOU EVERNEED TO LISTEN

THERE'S THIS GROUP I GO TOWHERE PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK.

IT'S FOR CHILDREN OFALCOHOLICS.

IT'S CALLED"ALA-COHOLICS".

LOOK, I NEVER SAIDMY MOM WAS AN ALCOHOLIC,ALRIGHT.

YEAH, SHE DRINKS A LOT,AND YEAH IT'S ALONE, ANDYEAH MAYBE SHE CAN'T STOP

BUT IT DOESN'T MEANSHE HAS A PROBLEM.

WHY ARE YOU COVERINGFOR HER, JERRI ?

I'M NOT COVERINGFOR HER, CRAIG

I'M DEALING WITH THISTHE SAME WAY I DEALT

WITH MY OWN ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ADDICTION--

WITH LIES AND DELUSION.

I CAN'T FORCE YOUTO COME, JERRI.

BUT WE MEET IN THE BASEMENT OFTIPPLERS LOUNGE EVERY NIGHT

SO, WHEN YOU GET FED UPWITH LIES AND DELUSION

WE'LL MAKE A PLACE FOR YOU.

WE'LL JUST TELL SOMEBODYTO LEAVE.

HEY CRAIG, I'M SORRY THAT YOURMOM AND DAD ARE SO... FUNNY.

THEY'RE A SCREAM.

( soft screeching )

( screeching & banging )

VIOLENT REVOLUTION

GHANDI WAS DEVOURED BYHIS FOLLOWERS--

( Sara drunkenly )THIS IS FUN.

OOOHH, WHY DON'T YOUINTRODUCE ME TOTHIS YOUNG BUCK.

MOTHER !

THIS IS MYTEACHER.

HI, I'M CHUCK NOBLET.

WOOO "CHUCK",YOU KNOW WHAT THAT RHYMES WITH.

HA HA HA HA.

JERRI CERTAINLY ISONE OF OUR STUDENTS.

JERRI ?WHO'S HE ?

UMMMM....

OH, OUR LITTLEHOB GOBLIN.

WHAT'S THIS ?

OH, THAT'S THE BESTOF THE BEST.

JERRI... JERRI... JERRI...

NOPE !

NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WASIN HIGH SCHOOL

I WAS ELECTED QUEENOF THE HONOR ROLL.

OF COURSE, I REIGNED OVERQUITE A FEW LISTS.

MOTHER !

I'M SORRY, I WAS JUSTSTREET WALKING DOWNMEMORY LANE.

IT WAS VERY NICE TOHAVE MET YOU MR. GOBLET--

NOBLET.

SPEAKING OF WHICH

I would like to usethe little girls' room.

MOTHER, NOOOO !

Just be a minute.

THIS IS FUN.

AREN'T YOU HAVING FUN ?

OH, I'M-- WHO ?!

HEY JERRI.

HEY CRAIG.

OH, MRS. BLANK,WOULD YOU CAREFOR SOME SOUP ?

DON'T YOU HAVEANYTHING STRONGER ?

( chuckling )

YOU MUST BE ANEXTREMELY PROUD PARENT.

OH, MY SON DERRICK ISA WONDERFUL BOY.

NO, I MEANJERRI, BEING CAST

IN OUR ANNUAL PRODUCTION AS"MAMA" IN "RAISIN IN THE SUN".

YOU KNOW, I HAD A VERYPROMISING CAREER AS AN ACTRESS

BEFORE I GOT SADDLED WITH THISFLYING MONKEY HERE.

LET'S GO MOTHER.

I TOOK A 16-YEAR HIATUSTO RAISE MY NATURAL SON, DERRICK

AND I WAS PLANNING ON RETURNINGTO THE FOOTLIGHTS

TILL YOU-KNOW-WHO CAMESLITHERING ALONG.

YOU KNOW, I DON'TLOOK A DAY OVER 30.

DID THEY REALLY NEEDTO KNOW ALL THAT, MOTHER ?

YOU KNOW,I'M A PERSON,JERRI !

I'M NOT JUSTYOUR STEP-MOTHER !

THERE'S A FACEBEHIND THIS MASK !

OK, WE'RE LEAVINGALRIGHT.

GET YOUR FILTHYCONVICT HANDS OFF OF ME !

IF YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT ACTRESS,ACT LIKE YOU RESPECT ME !

SHE'S GOING THROUGHMENOPAUSE...

WITH A HINT OFEPILEPSY...

( whispering )She's diabetic...I'll give her her pills.

( pop )

YOU KNOW CRAIG,YOU WERE RIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVERLET UP ON THE BLAMING.

THAT'S OKAY, JERRI.

WHAT ISTHAT BANGING ?

I DON'T HEAR ANY BANGING,YOU OUGHTTA GET THAT CHECKED.

YOU WERE A COMPLETEEMBARRASSMENT LAST NIGHT.

OHHH-HO, OH WAS I ?

DID YOU READTHE REVIEWS ?

"THE HIGHLIGHTOF THE EVENING

"WAS WHEN THE CHARMING MOTHEROF THE PORTLY LEADING LADY--

JUST, STOP IT !

"GEOFFREY JELLINECK'S SCENERYWAS FINALLY PUT TO USE"--

SHUT UP !

"WHEN SARA BLANKTOOK TO THE FLOORBOARDS

AND WAS HOISTED TO THE STARS"--

YOU'RE NOTHINGBUT A DRUNK !

MAYBE I AM, BUT I HAVEA DAMN GOOD REASON !

OH YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU TELLCRAIG YOUR "DAMN GOOD REASON".

I DRINK TO KILL THE PAIN !

PLEASE.

EVERYDAY I SEE YOU COME HOMEFROM YOUR REHEARSAL.

YOU HAVE ALL YOUR DREAMSYET TO BE DREAMT.

LOOK AT ME...I'M A SIZE EIGHT.

PETER PAN HAS GOTTEN OLD.

I'M NEVER GONNA GET THE CHANCETO GIVE THE TIN MAN HIS HOOK.

BRAVA, MRS. BLANK, BRAVA !

OH C'MON, YOU'RE NOTBUYING INTO THIS CRAP,ARE YOU ?

YES, BECAUSE YOU SEE, SOMETIMESWHEN LIFE BECOMES TOO PAINFUL

IT'S BETTERJUST TO BE... A DRUNK.

DRINK ?

I'D LOVE ONE.

I SEE, SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TOBE A HAPPY GIN SOAKED GRAPE

THAN AN ANGUISHED RAISIN IN THE SUN.

CUT ! THAT'S AWRAP EVERYONE !

BLEEECCCHHHH !!

UMMM !

UUMMM...

GO, GO, GO.

HI, I'M JERRI BLANK.

WE'VE HAD A LOT OF FUN TONIGHT

WITH THE IDEAOF ALCOHOLISM

BUT THE STRANGEFACT REMAINS

THAT EATING DISORDERSPLAGUE AMERICA'S CHILDREN.

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