Quarterback Concussion

  • Season 4, Ep 5
  • 10/22/2014

The Rhinos' quarterback takes a hit, a Macedonian cafe owner berates his customers, and a man suspects his wife of cheating on him with a dog.

[muffled shouting]

- HERE WE COME, SON.HERE WE COME.

- [shouting]HUT!

[epic theatrical music]

[high-pitched tone]

[whistle blowing]

- MAN, YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH, I'M FINE, MAN!

- LET'S GO, LET'S GO!

- COME ON!- LET'S GO, MAN!

- MAN, WHAT ARE WE DOINGOUT THERE?

WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT THERE,HUH?

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW.

NO, SERIOUSLY,WHAT--WHAT ARE WE DOING?

WHAT--WHAT ARE WE DOING?

- PLAYING FOOTBALL?- OKAY, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,

THAT'S IT, MAN.PLAYING FOOTBALL, YEAH?

- YO, EXQUISITE T.

YOU NEED TO LET THE MEDICSTAKE A LOOK AT YOU, MAN.

- DUDE, I'M ALL RIGHT, MAN.I'M FINE.

SHOOT.

I'M HERE,

AND I'M READY TO DO THIS, MAN.

- ALL RIGHT.- WHAT ABOUT YOU ALL, MAN?

DO YOU WANT THIS?- YEAH.

- YEAH.- DO YOU WANT THIS?

all: YEAH.

- DO YOU WANT THIS?all: YEAH!

- DO YOU WANT THIS?all: YEAH!

- I MEAN, ALL YOU HAD TO DOWAS ASK, MAN.

THERE'S PLENTY OF APPLE PIETO GO AROUND.

YOU WANT SOME APPLE PIE,BROTHER?

YOU WANT SOME APPLE PIE,BROTHER?

COME ON, MAN.WHO WANT A SLICE?

- YO, EXQUISITE T,AIN'T NO APPLE PIE, MAN.

THAT'S YOUR HELMET.- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

DOG, DOG, DOG, MAYBE YOU SHOULDJUST SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY.

- SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY?- YEAH.

- ARE YOU GONNA SITOUT THE NEXT PLAY?

- NAH.

- YOU GONNA SITOUT THE NEXT PLAY?

I DIDN'T THINK SO.I DON'T NEED

TO SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY,AND I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHY.

'CAUSE ALL Y'ALL.

'CAUSE I KNOW Y'ALL GOT MY BACK.

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I SEEWHEN I LOOK AT YOU?

I'MA TELL YOU WHAT I SEE.

GROWN MEN...- YEAH, YEAH.

- WHO LOOK LIKE GIANTS...- YEAH.

- WITH REALLY BIG SHOULDERS...

all: YEAH!

- WHO ARE WEARING SHORT PANTS.

- WHAT?

- AND JUST RIGHT THERE, A FEWSECONDS OF COMPLETE DARKNESS,

AND THEN I SAW SOMELITTLE FLOATY SPECKS OF LIGHT

IN THE AIR, UP LIKE THAT.

- EXQUISITE T.- WHO IS THAT?

IS THAT CARTOON SQUIRRELTALKING TO ME?

- YEAH!

- CARTOON SQUIRREL,WHERE YOU AT?

- I'M HERE, MAN.- OH, YES.

- YOU HAVE A BRAIN INJURY.

YOU NEED TO GETSOME MEDICAL ATTENTION.

- I'M GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,CARTOON SQUIRREL,

WHO NEEDS SOME MEDICAL ATTENTIONIS THE COUGARS OVER THERE.

- DOG, DOG, DOG.- WHAT, WHAT?

- WE'RE PLAYING THE BRUISERS.- RIGHT, OKAY.

- BRUISERS.- OKAY.

LISTEN, Y'ALL.

WE NEED TO REMEMBERWHO WE ARE, OKAY?

WE'RE THE TEAM OF DESTINYTHIS YEAR.

WE'RE THE TEAM EVERYBODYTALKING ABOUT.

WE'RE THE TEAM EVERYBODYAFRAID OF, MAN.

WE GOT TO REMEMBER WHO WE ARE.

WHO ARE WE?- RHINOS.

- WHO ARE WE?

all: THE RHINOS.

- WHO ARE WE?all: RHINOS!

- WHO ARE WE?all: RHINOS!

- WHO ARE WE?all: RHINOS.

- WHO ARE WE?all: RHINOS.

- ARE WE THE RHINOS?all: YEAH!

- OH, MY GOD.

SOMEBODY STOLE OUR HORNS.

WE GOT TO FIND OUR HORNS, Y'ALL.- OH, FUCK IT.

- WHERE THE HORNS AT?- WHAT THE FUCK?

SO THIS ONE TIME IN COLLEGE,MAN, I WAS STRAIGHT KICKING GAME

TO THIS BEAUTIFUL CHICK,DIANA, MAN?

AND THE--IT'S A HOUSE PARTY,AND SO ANYWAY,

I GO TO THE KITCHEN TO GRAB USA COUPLE OF BEERS, MAN.

I KID YOU NOT,I SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL.

A BANANA PEEL.IT WAS LIKE THIS.

I WAS LIKE--JUST FELL ON MY ASS.I JUST BUSTED MY ASS.

- A BANANA PEEL?

- LIKE I WAS BUSTER KEATONOR SOMETHING.

I WAS LIKE--POO!

[laughter]

IT'S--UH--

- YO--YO, DOG, YOU GOOD?

- YEAH, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WHAT, ME?

IT WAS A FUNNY STORY.I WAS LAUGHING.

- THEN LET IT OUT, MAN.

JUST--JUST LAUGH.

- I AM.

- YEAH, SO, ANYWAY, YOU KNOW,SO I GET UP, RIGHT?

AND I GO TO GRAB A BEER,

AND I FORGET THEYALL WAS SHOOKEN UP

WHEN THEY FELL, RIGHT?

I KID YOU NOT, THIS BEEREXPLODED IN MY CROTCH,

AND IT LOOKEDLIKE I PEED MYSELF.

AND NOW I'M TRYING TO WALK,BUT MY PANTS...

[laughter]

COME ON, WHAT ARE WE DOING?

- DON'T HIT--- DON'T HIT MY COUCH, LARON.

- KEEP YOUR--

- COME ON, YO.I'M JUST LAUGHING WITH Y'ALL.

- WELL, WE WERE LAUGHING.

YOU WEREN'T--YOU DIDN'T,YOU KNOW, MAKE ANY NOISE.

YOU JUST OPENED YOUR MOUTH,AND YOU STARTED JIGGLING.

- YOU LOOKED LIKEA WORM ON CRACK.

- MM-HMM.

- I GUESS EVERYBODY JUSTHAS THEIR OWN UNIQUE LAUGH.

- OKAY, MAN,YOU WERE NOT LAUGHING.

YOU WERE NOT EMITTING SOUNDUP OUT YOUR MOUTH, MAN.

- HEY, I'M GOOD.

TELL YOUR STORY.

- THANK YOU.OKA--ANYWAY,

I WENT BACK TO THE KITCHENTO GET TWO FRESH BEERS,

AND SHE SAID, "I HATE BEER,

BUT WHERE DID MY BANANA GO?"

AND SO THENWE CALLED HER

CHIQUITA DIANA.

THERE HE GOES.

LARON, DON'T BACK UP.

HEY.

- COME ON, MAN.- CUT IT OUT, LARON.

- HEY,GET AWAY FROM THE TURTLES.

LARON, DON'T DO THIS,JUST DON'T TOUCH MY TUR--

NIGGA, GET AWAY FROM IT.

WHY YOU KNOCKING DOWN MY CDs?WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OKAY, YOU PUT A LAMPSHADEON YOUR HEAD?

HEY.- COME ON.

COME ON, THOSE ARE PRICELESS.- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

NOW I SAY, LIKE,YOU DOING IT INTENTIONALLY, NOW.

- ALL RIGHT, SEE?THAT'S NOT EVEN--YOU KNOW,

IT'S ALMOSTLIKE YOU CHOREOGRAPHED IT.

- YOU'RE GONNACLEAN ALL THIS UP.

- OKAY.

- LOOK, HEY, IF YOU'RE GONNALAUGH, THEN JUST LAUGH!

DAMN.

- MAYBE SOMETIMES

YOU AIN'T AS FUNNYAS YOU THINK.

- ALL RIGHT.

I GOT SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKEYOU LAUGH.

HUH?BAP, HUH?

- YEAH, JUST LET IT OUT.- THERE YOU GO, LARON.

- YEAH, THAT'S FUNNY.- THAT'S IT, MAN.

- JUST LET IT--OH, NO.

THAT'S FUNNY, HUH?- THERE YOU GO, MAN.

- OH! HE GOING BACKWARDS.- COME ON, BUDDY.

JUST LAUGH, MAN, JUST LAUGH.YOU KNOW THAT'S FUNNY.

- THAT'S FUNNY!- WHY WON'T YOU LAUGH?

- COME ON, JUST LET IT OUT.- JUST LAUGH, BROTHER.

COME ON, MAN.- IT'S A ROBOT.

- OH, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.- OH, OH, OH, OH, BOOP. BOOP.

- LET IT OUT.- BOOP.

- LET IT OUT, LET IT OUT!

- [screeching roar]

[all screaming]

[roaring continues]

[roaring stops]

- SEE, THAT'S WHY I DIDN'TWANT TO LAUGH.

HAVE A GOOD LIFE.

- BRAVO, WELCOME.WELCOME.

SIT ANYWHERE YOU LIKE.SIT HERE.

SIT HERE, IN THE OTHER ONE.YOU WANT TO SIT RIGHT HERE.

THAT'S A GOOD LADY.

YES, ALL RIGHT.

FIRST TIME?FIRST TIME?

- FIRST TIME?- IS THE FIRST TIME?

FIRST TIME?

- FIRST TIME?- FIRST TIME FOR YOU?

FIRST TIME?- YES.

- ALL RIGHT!

DOBRO, DOBRO,GOOD, ALL RIGHT.

- SO WHAT'S GOOD?

- WELL, I TELL YOU RIGHT--

YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE KEBAPI.

KEBAPI IS WHAT YOUARE GOING TO HAVE, OKAY?

- OH, DON'T THEY SERVE THATIN THE CAFE ACROSS THE STREET?

- NO!

YOU CANNOT GET THE KEBAPIAT THE CAFE ACROSS THE STREET!

[yelling in foreign language,pans clattering]

- WHAT?WHAT DID I SAY?

- ACROSS THE STREET IS ALBANIAN.

THIS CAFE, MACEDONIAN.

MACEDONIAN.

- MY FRIENDS,

I LIKE TO APOLOGIZEFOR THE BEHAVIOR OF MY PASSION.

I JUST FEEL BAD IN MY BRAINFOR PEOPLE TO THINK

THAT YOUR MOUTHSWILL HAVE BEEN RAPED BY THE FOOD

THAT THEY SERVING ATTHIS ALBANIAN MOTHER OF BITCHES.

THIS MOTHER BITCHES, SONSOF MY BITCH ACROSS THE STREET,

WHAT THEY BE SERVING IS CEVAPI.

- AND--AND WHAT DOYOU SERVE HERE?

- WE SERVE THE KEBAPI.- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.- KE...BA...PI.

- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.- NO, LOOK AT MOUTH.

- KE...- KE...

- BA...- BA...

- PI.- PI.

- BAPI.- BAPI.

- KEBAPI.- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.- KEBAPI.

- NOW YOU KNOW WHYYOU'RE GETTING IT.

- KEBAPI.- KEBAPI.

- KEBAPI.- YOU GOT IT.

YOU FINALLY DID IT, PERFECT.- KEBAPI.

- WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCEBETWEEN KEBAPI AND CEVAPI?

- BUT THEY DON'T KNOW.

NO.

- I HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM, RIGHT?

- IT DOES SEEM THEY'RE NICE,ABUD.

- FOR THE BASTARD MOTHERBITCHES OVER THERE

THAT ARE SERVINGTHE CEVAPI...

- UH-HUH.- PUT IN THE GRILLED MEAT,

SALT, CHOPPED RED PEPPER,DICED ONION,

CREAM, KAJMAK, AJVAR,

THEN THE COTTAGE CHEESE.

[laughs]

- SO WHAT--WHAT DO YOU SERVE?

- WE SERVE THE KEBAPI.

AND WE PUT INTHE COTTAGE CHEESE, THE AJVAR,

THE KAJMAK,THE CREAM, YOU KNOW?

THEN IT'S THE DICED ONIONS...

- IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE--

- CHOPPED PEPPER,AND THEN GRILLED MEAT.

THEN THE GRILLED MEAT.

AND THEN WE STIR IT.

- AND ACROSS THE STREET,THEY DO--

- THOSE MOTHER BITCHESOVER THERE, THEY MIX IT!

THE SONS OF MOTHER, MOTHER SONSOF LIAR, AY-YI-YI-YI!

[speaking foreign language]

- I DON'T KNOWWHAT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN.

- [continue shouting]

- OH, MY GOD!- I SHOW YOU!

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU!

WE ARE HERE.THEY ARE THERE.

WE ARE HERE, THEY ARE THERE.

HERE, THERE, HERE,THERE, HERE, THERE, HERE--STOP.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,NO.

[folk music playing]

- GOOD DECISION, MY FRIENDS.- YES, YES, YES.

- NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO TRYTHE REAL GOOD FOOD,

NOT WHAT THIS SON OF MY BITCHES

SERVE ACROSS THE STREET.

- UM, MCDONALDS?- SURE, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- MAKE SURE TO GIVE USTHE FIVE STARS ON YELP!