Corvelle, Sarfaty, Wilson, Chang

  • Season 7, Ep 710
  • 01/16/2004

Sean Corvelle sleeps all day, Eddie Sarfaty wonders if same-sex marriage will save America, Jane Edith Wilson's sister is a genius, and Eliot Chang shakes with sidewalk rage.

AND MY FAMILY'S CRAZY, BUT THEY

TOTALLY LOVE ME.

I TOLD MY PARENTS I WAS GAY

AWHILE BACK AND THAT DID NOT GO

OVER TOO WELL, ALTHOUGH BETTER

THAN IT'S GOING OVER HERE,

I GUESS.

YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

MY MOTHER, ALL SHE WANTED WAS

TO KNOW, DID YOU GIRLS A CHANCE?

AND I DID, REALLY.

I HAD THIS GIRLFRIEND IN

HIGH SCHOOL AND WE HAD SEX.

AND AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS

KIND OF HOT, BECAUSE I WAS

HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER PERSON

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

IT WASN'T JUST ME AND MY

HAND PUPPET...

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING

WRONG.

I WAS KIND OF CONFUSED.

SO I WENT TO SEE MY GUIDANCE

COUNSELOR AND THE SEX WITH HIM

WAS SO MUCH BETTER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NOW MY BOYFRIEND HAD A HARD TIME

TELLING HIS PARENTS THAT

HE WAS GAY, BECAUSE HE'S FROM

SOME CHRISTIAN RIGHT FAMILY OUT

IN IDAHO, AND THEY COULDN'T DEAL

WITH ANY KIND OF SEXUAL ISSUES

AT ALL.

WHEN HE WAS 13, HIS MOTHER

CAUGHT HIM MASTURBATING AND SHE

FREAKED OUT.

SHE SMACKED HIM SO HARD THAT SHE

KNOCKED HIM OUT OF THEIR PEW.

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT.

WHICH DOESN'T SOUND SO CHRISTIAN

TO ME.

YOU KNOW, AND PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK,

NOW THAT GAY MARRIAGE IS SORT OF

IN THIS NATIONAL DEBATE, PEOPLE

ASK, "WOULD YOU GET MARRIED?"

AND I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE

PAT ROBERTSON AND JERRY FALWELL,

THEY THINK THAT GAY MARRIAGE

IS ONLY GOING TO LEAD TO THE

DESTRUCTION OF THIS COUNTRY.

AND I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE.

I THINK THAT GAY MARRIAGE

WOULD JUST LEAD TO COHABITATION,

RIGHT?

AND COHABITATION WOULD MEAN

FEWER HOUSES.

AND FEWER HOUSES WOULD MEAN

LESS CONSTRUCTION.

AND LESS CONSTRUCTION

WOULD MEAN LESS TIMBER.

LESS TIMBER, LESS LOGGING,

LESS LOGGING, BIGGER FOREST.

BIGGER FOREST, MORE OZONE,

MORE OZONE, LESS RADIATION.

LESS RADIATION, LESS CANCER,

LESS CANCER,

FEWER INSURANCE CLAIMS.

FEWER INSURANCE CLAIMS,

LOWER PREMIUMS, LOWER PREMIUMS,

BETTER COVERAGE.

BETTER COVERAGE, FEWER SICK

DAYS, FEWER SICK DAYS,

INCREASED PRODUCTIVITY.

AND INCREASED PRODUCTIVITY,

A BIGGER GROSS NATIONAL PRODUCT.

SO LISTEN, THE NEXT TIME I'M

IN BED WITH MY BOYFRIEND, I AM

NOT JUST HAVING A GOOD A TIME.

I AM DOING MY PART FOR THE

ENVIRONMENT, THE ECONOMY, AND

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

THANK YOU, FOLKS,

Y'ALL SEE.

I JUST SHOOK D.L.--

HE GAVE ME THE FIRST AND

I SHOOK IT?

[LAUGHTER]

LOST MY COOL.

JUST LIKE THAT, MAN.

FIVE STEPS INTO IT.

I'VE GOT TO TURN IN MY BROTHER

CARD.

[LAUGHTER]

Y'ALL LOOK GREAT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THIS CITY--

Y'ALL GOT SOME FINE WOMEN

IN THIS CITY.

YEAH, YOU DO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE LOOK IT.

I'M TALKING TO THIS LADY IN THE

HOTEL WHERE I'M STAYING AND THIS

GIRL HAD LIKE ALL THESE

PIERCING'S AND TATTOOS.

OKAY, NOW NORMALLY I DON'T

GO FOR THE PIERCING AND TATTOOS,

BUT THEN SHE SAID TO ME THAT SHE

GOT 'EM BECAUSE SHE'S ADDICTED

TO THE PAIN.

YEAH, WHICH I WAS KINDA

INTIMIDATED, BUT KINDA TURNED ON

AT THE SAME TIME.

'CAUSE Y'ALL DON'T KNOW,

I'VE BEEN OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP

FOR THREE MONTHS NOW.

I'M READY TO HAVE THAT

JUST-OUT-OF-PRISON SEX, OKAY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT YOU KNOW I'M LOOKING AT THIS

WOMAN.

I'M SEEING ALL THE HOLES

SHE'S DONE PUT IN HERE.

I'M LIKE SHE'S NOT GOING TO FEEL

NOTHING I GOT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY Y'ALL.

I SLEPT ALL DAY TODAY.

[CHEERING]

YEAH, FELLOW SLEEPERS.

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

OH, MAN, BECAUSE THE HOTEL

THAT I'M STAYING AT, THEY PUT US

UP AT A GREAT HOTEL.

AND THEY'VE GOT THOSE CURTAINS

THAT WHEN YOU CLOSE 'EM

IT BLOCKS OUT ALL THE LIGHT

FROM OUTSIDE.

YEAH, IT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU

SLEEP.

THEY CALL 'EM BLACKOUT CURTAINS,

BOY.

I CALL 'EM COMA CURTAINS, HA.

I CLOSE THEM THINGS.

I PASSED OUT RIGHT THERE ON THE

FLOOR.

[LAUGHTER]

Y'ALL DON'T KNOW.

I SLEPT FOR 14 STRAIGHT HOURS.

YOU EVER SLEEP SO LONG

THE PEOPLE IN YOUR DREAMS

ARE TRYING TO WAKE YOU UP?

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LIKE THEY COPPED

AN ATTITUDE ON ME ALL OF A

SUDDEN.

THEY LIKE, MAN, YOU BEEN

SLEEPING FOR 14 STRAIGHT HOURS.

WAKE YOUR ASS UP.

WE AIN'T DOING NO MORE STUFF.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, MAN.

CHECK THIS OUT, Y'ALL.

I GOT TO GO AND DO COMEDY

OVER IN EUROPE LAST YEAR.

THAT WAS A GREAT SHOW.

HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE BEEN

TO EUROPE BEFORE?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OH, YEAH, GO.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

EUROPE WAS A GREAT TRIP.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

YOU LEARN SO MUCH.

YOU GET SO MUCH HISTORY.

YOU GET CULTURE IN EVERYTHING.

THEY HAVE CULTURE IN THE

SMALLEST THINGS.

LIKE NAMES ALONE.

I'M OVER THERE AND I'M WATCHING

THE SOCCER MATCH.

OKAY, THIS IS TRUE, Y'ALL.

I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.

I'M WATCHING THE SOCCER MATCH

AND HERE'S YOUR CULTURE FOR YOU,

JUST THE NAMES ALONE.

THERE WAS A GUY ON THIS ONE

TEAM, STAR PLAYER, AND HIS NAME

WAS SPELLED...

"F-U-C-K-A".

[LAUGHTER]

WAIT, WAIT.

THEY PRONOUNCED IT...

FUSH-KA.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

FUSHKA.

AND THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE

DOING, BECAUSE THEY KEPT GOING

ON WITH THE FUSHKA.

EVERYTHING WAS ABOUT FUSHKA.

FUSHKA THIS, FUSHKA THAT.

HIS MOM WAS THERE.

THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, LOOK.

AND THERE'S THE MOTHER FUSHKA."

[LAUGHTER]

CITY.

I LOVE Y'ALL CITY, NEW YORK.

Y'ALL, MAN, I'M TELLING YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE I

LIKE TO SEE LIKE, WHERE I'M

FROM, CALIFORNIA, THEY'VE GOT

A LOT OF GRASS AND TREES.

Y'ALL DON'T GOT THAT, BUT Y'ALL

GOT DOGS.

EVERYBODY GOT THEM.

Y'ALL GOT THE LITTLEST DOGS

I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE...

YAP, YAP, YAP.

WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S MY DOG.

HER NAME IS PEPPER.

SHE WEIGHS THREE POUNDS

AND COST $2,000.

WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE NAMED HER

COCAINE.

THAT THE HELL WHAT YOU SHOULDA

NAMED HER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU SHOULDA NAMED HER THAT.

I DON'T GET IT.

I'M DOING A LOT OF STUFF,

LIKE NOW, I WAS READING AND THEY

SAID THE SARS MAY HAVE COME FROM

THIS CAT IN CHINA THAT PEOPLE

CONSUME.

AND I'VE BEEN TO CHINA AND I'M

NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY,

BUT I HAVE BEEN TO CHINA

AND YOU CAN GO PLACES WHERE THEY

SERVE DOVE AND DOG AND BIRD.

AND I THINK ABOUT IT.

I'VE NEVER SEEN CHINESE

FOR WALKING DOG.

I'M JUST SAYING 'CAUSE YOU DON'T

WALK FOOD.

I'M JUST TELLING YOU.

YOU AIN'T NEVER SEEN BLACK FOLK

WALKING CHICKENS, HAVE YOU?

YOU AIN'T SEEN THAT.

YOU AIN'T SEEN THAT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

COME ON, TWO-PIECE, GET YOUR

BROTHER, BISCUIT.

IT'S TIME TO GO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WOW.

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE, THANKS.

UM, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD

START OFF THIS EVENING WITH AN

IMPRESSION.

I DON'T DO IMPRESSIONS OF

FAMOUS PEOPLE, BUT I CAN DO

A VERY GOOD IMPRESSION

OF MY PARENTS HAVING A FIGHT.

SO ANYWAY THE LAST TIME I WENT

HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, MY MOM

STAYED HOME MAKING DINNER AND MY

DAD PICKED ME UP AT THE AIRPORT,

AND IT WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

WHEN WE WALKED INTO THE HOUSE

AND ENTERED THE FOYER.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

DINNER IS READY.

IT'S READY."

[LAUGHTER]

"WELL, DAMNIT, GERALDINE.

HER PLANE GOT IN AN HOUR LATE.

WE HAD TO WAIT AT THE LUGGAGE

CAROUSAL.

YOU JUST SETTLE DOWN."

"IT'S BURNT AND IT'S RUINED."

"I'M SURE IT'S DELICIOUS."

"NO, IT'S TERRIBLE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"I'M JUST GOING UPSTAIRS

TO USE THE LATRINE AND WASH

MY DAMN HANDS FOR DINNER.

NOW, YOU JUST SETTLE DOWN."

"OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

HE'LL GO UPSTAIRS AND HE'LL

TINKER AROUND.

HE'LL TINKER.

AND THEN WE'LL NEVER EAT."

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO ACT

LIKE THAT, GERALDINE, I'LL JUST

GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE OFF.

HOW WOULD THAT SUIT YOU?"

"OH, YOU SEE HOW HE TREATS ME?"

THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE]

SO THIS IS SO EXCITING FOR ME,

BECAUSE I AM HERE VISITING WITH

MY HUSBAND AND MY BABY, WHO'S

JUST A LITTLE SHY OF A YEAR OLD.

THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND I'M SLOWLY BUT SURELY MAKING

MY WAY BACK TO MY PRE-PREGNANCY

WEIGHT, BECAUSE I LIVE IN

LOS ANGELES AND THAT'S THE LAW.

AND YOU KNOW, GOT TO READ

THE FANZINES THOUGH, THAT TELL

ME THAT MADONNA AND ELIZABETH

HURLEY LOST THEIR BABY WEIGHT

IN FIVE DAYS DUE TO A STRICT

REGIMEN OF CHAIN SMOKING AND

YOGA.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT

THE DAY SHE DELIVERED,

SARAH JESSICA PARKER WEIGHED

LESS THAN I DID IN JUNIOR HIGH.

SO, THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

OH, BOY, I WAS A REAL DUMMY

HELLISH VACATION WITH MY FAMILY.

MY FATHER TOOK THE ENTIRE FAMILY

BUNGIE JUMPING FOR MY

GRANDMOTHER'S BIRTHDAY,

SO SHE COULD TRY OUT HER

NEW HIP, YOU KNOW?

HAVE YOU BEEN BUNGIE JUMPING?

IT'S TERRIFYING.

ACTUALLY, THE ANTICIPATION IS

REALLY THE MORE TERRIFYING PART

BECAUSE DURING THE JUMP,

YOU'RE SO BUSY URINATING THAT

YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND THE THING IS, I USUALLY

DON'T GO ON VACATION.

I USUALLY VOLUNTEER TO STAY HOME

AND TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS,

WHICH IS DIFFICULT FOR ME

BECAUSE I'M NOT AROUND KIDS

A LOT.

AND QUITE FRANKLY, I SHOULD NOT

BE AROUND KIDS TOO MUCH,

BECAUSE-- NO, WITH THE SCREAMING

AND THE TANTRUMS AND EVERYTHING,

I'M PROBABLY SETTING A POOR

EXAMPLE.

[LAUGHTER]

MY LITTLE NEPHEW IS 4 YEARS OLD

AND HE'S JUST DISCOVERED HIS

PENIS.

MY SISTER-IN-LAW IS BESIDE

HERSELF.

SHE IS DOING EVERYTHING HUMANLY

POSSIBLE TO KEEP HIS HANDS OUT

OF HIS PANTS.

SO JUST TO PISS HER OFF,

EVERY TIME HE TOUCHED HIMSELF,

I GAVE HIM A COOKIE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE I DON'T HATE BLACK

PEOPLE.

I DON'T HATE WHITE PEOPLE.

I JUST HATE STUPID PEOPLE, OKAY?

THOSE PEOPLE I CAN'T STAND.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I'VE BEEN ALL OVER THE WORLD.

WE ALL CAN AGREE.

NO MATTER WHAT COLOR YOU ARE,

EVERY GROUP OF FRIENDS HAS THAT

ONE STUPID FRIEND.

LOOK AROUND YOU.

YOU'LL FIND ONE.

IF YOU CAN'T FIND ONE, IT'S YOU.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I CAN SEE--

SOME PEOPLE--

LOOK AROUND.

SOME PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AROUND

LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE ANY STUPID

FRIENDS."

IT'S YOU, STUPID.

THAT'S WHY YOUR FRIENDS ARE

LAUGHING RIGHT NOW.

LIKE THE ONE STUPID THING

I HATE--

THE ONE STUPID THING

I CANNOT STAND--

EVERY TIME SOMEONE IMITATES

AN ASIAN, THEY MAKE THAT SOUND,

WHOA...

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, SEE YOU'RE LAUGHING

BECAUSE YOU'VE DONE IT, OKAY.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN THE OFFICE,

YOU'RE LIKE, HAVE YOU SEEN

THAT GUY, KEVIN?

KEVIN-- WHOA-- KEVIN.

THAT GUY.

OH, YEAH, HIM.

WE DON'T MAKE THAT SOUND.

NOBODY MAKES THAT SOUND.

BRUCE LEE DID.

I'LL GIVE YOU BRUCE, BUT THAT

WAS IT.

HE WAS THE FIRST, LAST AND ONLY.

YOU GUYS ACT LIKE HE TAUGHT IT

TO ALL OF US.

AND I KNOW EXACTLY HOW EVERY

SINGLE ASIAN IN THE AUDIENCE

FELT WHEN I CAME OUT HERE.

BECAUSE YOU LOOKED AT ME,

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, GOD,

PLEASE BE FUNNY, PLEASE BE

FUNNY."

OH, MY GOD.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

REPRESENT MOFO, REPRESENT.

IF THIS GUY SUCKS, WE ARE

SO OUT OF HERE.

PUT YOUR JACKET ON.

PUT IT ON.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE

THINKING.

COME ON.

AND THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE

FOR ME.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO

BE ROLE MODEL.

BEFORE, IT WAS JUST COMEDY.

NOW I'M DOING IT FOR THE NATION.

I'VE GOT TO--

IT'S POLITICAL.

NOW I DO A PUNCH LINE.

I'M LIKE, YEAH, TAKE THAT,

WHITEY.

HAH!

HEY, GUYS.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

NOT THAT I'M A GENIUS NOW,

BUT I WAS REALLY OUT OF IT,

AND IT WAS PROBLEMATIC.

I WAS ALSO VERY SPACEY

AND OVER-EMOTIONAL AND I WAS

A HANDFUL.

LET'S JUST PUT IT THAT WAY.

AND I WAS A VERY, VERY

ROMANTICALLY AGGRESSIVE.

I MEAN, WHEN I WAS ABOUT

5-6 YEARS OLD, I WOULD CHASE

LITTLE BOYS AROUND THE

PLAYGROUND AND TACKLE THEM

TO THE GROUND AND KISS 'EM,

BUT NOT LIKE, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE

PECK.

LIKE MAKE OUT WITH 'EM,

YOU KNOW?

OKAY, SO NOW ADDING MISERY

TO THE SITUATION IS I HAVE

AN OLDER SISTER.

SHE'S 18 MONTHS OLDER THAN ME,

WHO WAS--

I MEAN, SHE WAS A GENIUS.

I'M NOT EVEN SCREWING AROUND

EITHER.

I MEAN, TRULY, LIKE A GENIUS.

LIKE YOU KNOW, THEY TRIED

TO SKIP HER AND SHE WAS REALLY

GOOD IN SCIENCE AND SHE WON

THE ART AWARD.

SO ONCE A WEEK, MY MOTHER WOULD

TAKE US TO THE LIBRARY.

MY SISTER'S 8 AND I'M 6.

MY MOTHER WOULD TAKE US TO THE

LIBRARY AND MY SISTER WOULD GET

TO THE CHECK OUT AND SHE'D HAVE

"FROM OUR HOUSE TO BOW HOUSE",

GERMAN ARCHITECTURE.

CHAOIST POETRY AND "THE SUN ALSO

SETS".

AND I'D BE, AND THEN I'D GET,

WITH MY LITTLE STACK OF BOOKS

WOULD BE LIKE "JOKE, JOKES

AND MORE JOKE", "PUNS, PUNS

AND MORE PUNS".

"MORE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES THAN YOU

CAN SHAKE A STICK AT".

SO ANYWAY, MY SISTER AND I

SHARED A ROOM AND AROUND THIS

TIME, WE WERE DRIFTING OFF

TO SLEEP ONE NIGHT AND MY SISTER

SITS BOLT UP IN HER BED AND SHE

GOES, "OH, MY GOSH.

I JUST THOUGHT OF A WAY THAT

YOU COULD FEED AND CLOTHE ALL

THE STARVING CHILDREN IN THE

WORLD."

[LAUGHTER]

AND THERE WAS THIS SORT OF

STONEY SILENCE BETWEEN THE TWO

OF US.

AND THEN FROM MY CORNER OF THE

ROOM, KNOCK-KNOCK.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO AWESOME.

THANKS A LOT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GUYS?

MY NAME IS ELIOT CHANG.

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU

ONE PROMISE RIGHT NOW.

YOU SHOW ME LOVE AND YOU SHOW ME

ENERGY.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE SAME

THING.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A KICKASS

TIME.

SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU.

EVERYONE, SAY YEAH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALRIGHT.

I AM A DIEHARD NEW YORKER AND I

BELIEVE WE ARE THE TOUGHEST CITY

IN THE WORLD.

I BELIEVE THAT.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU

SOMETHING.

YOU GO TO L.A.

IN L.A, PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT

ROAD RAGE.

THAT'S NOTHING.

IN NEW YORK CITY, WE HAVE

SIDEWALK RAGE, OKAY?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, TOP THAT L.A.

YOU CAN'T WALK SLOWER THAN 25

MILES PER HOUR IN NEW YORK CITY.

OKAY?

GO TO TIMES SQUARE DURING

RUSH HOUR.

OKAY?

I DARE YOU TO STOP AND LOOK AT

A CLOUD.

[LAUGHTER]

THERE'S A FIVE-PERSON PILE UP

BEHIND YOU.

HEY, COME ON!

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S GOING ON?!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

COME ON, I'VE GOT TO GET TO THE

CURB.

LET'S GO!

SOMEONE HAD BETTER BE DEAD WHEN

I GET UP THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I KNOW HOW TOUGH NEW YORK

IS, BECAUSE WHEN I WAS

17 YEARS OLD, I MOVED TO HARLEM.

OKAY?

AND THERE WAS A LOT OF BLACK

GANGS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD AT THE

TIME.

I WASN'T A BLACK GANG MEMBER.

[LAUGHTER]

I DIDN'T BLEND IN RIGHT AWAY.

WHEN I WALK AROUND HARLEM,

EVERYONE THINKS I'M LOST.

[LAUGHTER]

TAXIS PULL UP TO ME LIKE...

[TIRES SCREECHING]

GET IN!

GET IN.

COME ON.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'LL PAY.

LET'S GO.

COME ON!

YOU'RE WASTING TIME.

MY BLACK FRIENDS COMPLAIN.

THEY CAN'T CATCH CABS.

I CAN'T GET RID OF THEM.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING

STALKED BY THE YELLOW CAB

COMPANY?

WHEN I WALK HOME,

THEY FOLLOW ME DOWN THE BLOCK.

[LAUGHTER]

IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SAY, HEY, MAN, I LIVE HERE.

YOU WILL MOVE.

SEE I GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE,

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