September 30, 2015 - House Republicans vs. Cecile Richards

  • 09/30/2015

Congressional Republicans attack Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards, and Larry discusses Donald Trump's tax plan with Robert Reich, Marina Franklin and Mike Yard.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

>> LARRY, LARRY, LARRY!

>> Larry: SUCH A GREAT CROWDWE HAVE TONIGHT.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU, WE HAVETHE BEST CROWDS.

AND IT REALLY IS A MAYAMAZING BECAUSE WE HAVE

NO SMOKING SECTIONS.

(LAUGHTER)AND EVERYBODY IS SMOKING UP

A STORM BEFORE THIS SHOW.

WELL, ALL THE PEOPLE IN THEWHITE TICKET SECTION BUT ALL,

ALL SMOKING UP A STORM.

INSIDE JOKE, BITCHES!

YOU GOT TO COME TO THE SHOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) EVER AT HOME IS LIKE, WHAT

IS HE TALKING ABOUT.

MAN, WE REALLY DO HAVE A BIGSHOW TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW, LET'S GET RIGHT TOIT.

SO PLANNED PARENTHOOD HASBEEN IN THE NEWS A LOT

LATELY.

AND IT CAN BE HARD TO KEEPUP WITH THE BACK STORY.

BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,HERE'S WHAT YOU MAY HAVE

MISSED.

>> PREVIOUSLY ON AMERICA'SFRAUGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH

PLANNED PARENTHOOD, A NEWUNDERCOVER VIDEO WAS

RELEASED THIS MORNING

>> DEFUND PLANNEDPARENTHOOD.

>> BASTARD!>> TO HARVEST IT'S BRAIN.

>> THERE IS NO PROOF IT HADANYTHING TO DO WITH PLANNED

PARENTHOOD, REPUBLICANS ARETHREATENING TO SHUT DOWN THE

GOVERNMENT.

>> Larry: PRETTY MUCH, GLADWE HAD THAT REFRESHER COURSE,

YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY DIDN'TREMEMBER A LOT OF THAT.

SUMMER MAY BE OVER BUT THEGRILLING SEASON IS STILL

GOING STRONG ON CAPITOLHILL.

>> FIREWORKS ON CAPITOL HILLAS LAWMAKERS QUESTIONED AND

CLASHED WITH THATORGANIZATION'S PRESIDENT.

CECILE RICHARDS, THEY

QUESTIONED HER ABOUT FIVEHOURS.

>> FIVE HOURS WHAT IS THERETO SAY.

IS ABORTION LEGAL?

>> YES.

>> OKAY.

>> THANK YOU. WHAT TO DO FORFOUR HOURS AND 59 MINUTES,

SUDOKU, CANDY CRUSH, A HOBBITMOVIE, FIVE HOURS IS A LONG

TIME TO LET THE PRESIDENT OFPLANNED PARENTHOOD SPEAK BUT

NICE THAT THEY GAVE HER SOMUCH TIME TO GET HER POINT

ACROSS.

>> CONGRESSMEN, LET ME TELLYOU --

>> NO, NO, NO.

WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR BIGNARRATIVES.

MY POINT IS -->> EVEN THOUGH WE ARE --

>> WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING INTHOSE COUNTRIES.

WHAT OUR GLOBAL--

>> I HAVE TO KEEP GOING.

GO AHEAD.

>> I'M SORRY.

>> DON'T DO MAMMOGRAMS THEREIS ONE OR TWO PLACES THAT DO

IT.

>> COULD I ANSWER THEQUESTION?

>> NO, YOU CAN'T ANSWER THEQUESTION.

IT'S CALLED A HEARING, NOT ASPEAKING.

JESUS, LET THE WOMAN SPEAKFOR CHRIST'S SAKES.

AT LEAST ALLOW HER TO USETHE WORDS YOU'RE NOT GOING

TO LISTEN TO.

>> I CAN ASSURE YOU I'M NOTGOING TO BE TOUGH ON YOU BUT

SURELY YOU DON'T EXPECT USTO BE EASIER ON YOU BECAUSE

YOU'RE A WOMAN.

.

>> Larry: AND SURELY YOUDON'T EXPECT ME TO BE EASIER

ON YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE ANASSHOLE.

(APPLAUSE)WHAT KIND OF BULL [BLEEP] IS

THIS.

A NASTY ATTITUDE.

NOW OF COURSE, THIS WASN'TREALLY ABOUT LISTENING AT

ALL.

IT WAS ABOUT THE THEATER OFIT.

SPECIFICALLY PUTTING ON AGOOD SHOW FOR AMERICA.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, THISTROUPE OF CONGRESSIONAL

PLAYERS, THEY REALLY LIKE TOHAM IT UP.

>> DO YOU FIT-- DEFEND THESALE OF BABY BODY PARTS?

>> NO.

AND I THINK THAT IS REALLY ATOTAL MISCHARACTERIZATION.

>> Larry: [BLEEP] WHY WOULDANYONE WANT TO SELL BABY

BODY PARTS WHEN LEASING ISSUCH AN ATTRACTIVE OPTION.

RIGHT?

AM I -- AM I WRONG?

COME ON.

BABY BODY PARTS IS ABOUTLOSE HALF OF THEIR VALUE AS

SOON AS YOU DRIVE THEM OUTOF THE CLINIC.

COME ON YOU GUYS.

SHOOT THE MESSENGER.

THAT'S A TOUCHY CROWD.

I LOVE THE WAY THEY'RETREATING HER LIKE SHE'S SOME

VILLAIN, YOU KNOW, JUSTBECAUSE SHE IS DRESSED LIKE

CLAIRE UNDERWOOD, DOESN'TMEAN SHE'S EVIL LIKE CLAIRE

UNDERWOOD.

>> FEWER THAN 1 PERCENT OFOUR HEALTH CENTRES DO ANY,

FACILITATE FETAL TISSUEDONATION FOR THE PATIENT BUT

>> MY TIME HAS RUN OUT.

I JUST WANT TO SAY, SAY THIS,IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THE

APOLOGY YOU OFFERED WAS LIKEWHAT, SOME CRIMINALS DO.

THEY'RE NOT REALLY SORRY FORWHAT THEY'VE DONE.

THEY'RE SORRY THEY GOTCAUGHT.

>> Larry: YES, THE FLOORRECOGNIZES CONGRESSMAN

DUNCAN'S ATTITUDE AS A[BLEEP] ONE.

AND WOULD LIKE HIM TO YIELDTHE REMAINDER OF HIS TIME.

THANK YOU.

>> ALSO, IF IT PLEASES THECHAIR, I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO

SUGGEST THAT CONGRESSMANDUNCAN GO JUMP UP HIS OWN

BUTT HOLE, THANK YOU.

>> BOOM.

DUNCAN WASN'T THE ONLY ONESHOWBOATING.

CHECK OUT REPRESENTATIVEJASON CHAFFETZ OF UTAH.

>> I NEED TO SHOW THIS LASTPART.

THIS ONE I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THAT IS THE REDUCTION IN THEBREAST EXAMS AND THE RED IS

THE INCREASE IN THE ABORTION.

THAT'S WHAT IS GOING ON INYOUR ORGANIZATION.

>> Larry: OKAY, I WANT YOUTO UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY JUST

SHOWED YOU.

THAT CHART MAKES NO SENSE ATALL.

DID YOU SEE, THEY'RECOMPARING THE DECREASE IN

CANCER SCREENINGS TO THEINCREASE IN ABORTIONS AS IF

THEY'RE RELATED.

BUT PLANNED PARENTHOOD DID935,000 CANCER SCREENINGS

COMPARED TO 327,000ABORTIONSMENT BUT ABORTION

IS LIKE WAY HIGHER ON THECHART.

YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE UP HOWCHARTS WORK.

THAT'S NOT A THING.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: RIGHT?

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)GOOD LORD.

OTHERWISE YOU COULD PROVEANYTHING YOU WANT THAT WAY.

LOOK AT THE NUMBERS OFMOVIES IN THE BEST EXOTIC

MARI GOLD HOTEL FRANCHISEAND IT CORRELATES TO THE

LOSS OF ARCTIC SEA ICE.

MY GOD, ACCORDING TO THISCHART, THE DELIGHTFUL

COMEDIES ABOUT THE ELDERLYREMEMBERING HOW TO LOVE

AGAIN ARE KILLING OUR PLANET!I SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL

SAY IT AGAIN, GODDAMN YOUDAME JUDI DENCH.

(LAUGHTER)CAN WE PLEASE, PLEASE,

PLEASE GIVE CECILE RICHARDSA CHANCE TO ANSWER WITHOUT

SOMEONE INTERRUPTING HER.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I WILLNEED TO SEE A LITTLE MORE

SNOTINESS.

>> WHY DO YOU NEED FEDERALDOLLARS, ARE YOU MAKING A

TON OF DOUGH.

>> WE LIKE OTHER MEDICAIDARE REIMBURSED FOR SERVICES

PROVIDED.

WE DON'T JUST GET A BIGCHECK FROM THE FEDERAL

GOVERNMENT.

>> Larry: OH, WAIT, OH, YOUGUYS DON'T TAKE THESE?

I DID ALL MY BUSINESS WITHGIANT CHECKS.

I-- GOD, OKAY, ALL RIGHT>> I NEVER REMEMBER HOW IT

GOES BACK IN.

NOW LOOK, ALL THISGRANDSTANDING AND OVERACTING

ISN'T ABOUT GETTING RID OFPLANNED PARENTHOOD.

IT'S ABOUT GETTING RID OFABORTION.

A LEGAL AND PROTECTED RIGHTACCORDING TO THE SUPREME

COURT OF THE UNITED STATES.

SO-- (APPLAUSE)

LDZ I'LL TELL YOU, SO SHORTOF HIRING ARMED GUARDS TO

STAND OUTSIDE WOMEN'SVAGINAS

FROM THE '70s, APPARENTLYWITH THERE'S NOT MUCH

ANTIABORTION ACTIVISTS CANDO.

BUT AS LONG AS ABORTIONS AREHAPPENING, AND THEY ARE

HAPPENING, DON'T WE WANT TOMAKE SURE WOMEN HAVE A SAFE

PLACE TO HAVE THEM?

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I HAVE TO SAY, THERE ARE ACOUPLE OF STORIES IN THE

NEWS THAT ARE BLOWING MYMIND.

WE'RE INTROUSING A NEWSEGMENT CALLED L DUBS MIND

SPLOSION.

THAT IS RIGHT, L DUBS MINDSPLOSION, AS ALWAYS BROUGHT

ABOUT YOU BY SCOTT'S GRASSSEED, JUST CUZ YOUR MIND'S

'SPLODED DOESN'T MEAN YOUCAN'T HAVE A NICE LAWN.

SO FIRST THING BLOWING MYMIND, DONALD TRUMP'S NEW TAX

PLAN.

NOW I KNOW, THERE ARE LOTSOF LUXURIOUS WORDS AND

NUMBERS IN IT BUT HERE ISTHE BIG TAKE AWAY, ZERO

TAXES FOR SINGLE PEOPLEWITHOUT MAKE LESS THAN 25 K

AND MARRIED COUPLES WHATMAKE LESS THAN 50.

AND HOW WOULD THESE 75MILLION AMERICANS FILE THEIR

TAXES THIS IS TRUE, GUYS,ACCORDING TO TRUMP'S WEB

SITE THEY GET A NEW ONE PAGEFORM FROM THE IRS SAYING, I

WIN.

(LAUGHTER)I WIN?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ONLY DONE ALL TRUMP WOULDSPIN HOUSEHOLDS BELOW THE

POVERTY LINE AS A WIN.

THAT'S RIGHT, THE POOR WIN.

364 DAYS, LOOZAH, APRIL 15th,WINNER,

-- CONGRATULATIONS,EVERYBODY.

AMAZING.

BY THE WAY, WE TOOK A CLOSERLOOK AT TRUMP'S WEB SITE AND

DISCOVERED ANOTHER FORUM YOUMIGHT GET IN THE MAIL F YOU

LIKE TRUMP HAVE TO PAY, YOUGET A ONE-PAGE FORM SAYING

THEY WIN.

THAT'S TRUMP.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, THE BESTPART OF THE PLAN, FOR TRUMP

ANYWAY IS HOW IT WOULDBENEFIT HIM.

>> IT WOULD ELIMINATE THEESTATE TAX WHICH MEANS HIS

CHILDREN WOULD INHERIT MUCH,MUCH, MUCH MORE OF HIS

MONEY.

IT WOULD DRASTICALLY REDUCETHE TAX ON HIS BUSINESS

EMPIRE, AND IT WOULDSERIOUSLY REDUCE HIS OWN

PERSONAL INCOME TAX RATE.

>> Larry: SO DONALD TRUMP'STAX PLAN WOULD MOSTLY

BENEFIT DONALD TRUMP.

I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE IFOBAMA SLASHED TAXES ON MOM

JEANS.

RIGHT?

I MEAN, THAT ONLY BENEFITSOBAMA.

LET'S BE HONEST ABOUT THAT.

AND HE ALSO SAID HIS PLANWOULD ADD NOTHING TO THE

DEFICIT IT ACTUALLY ADDS 12TRILLION DOLLARS, AND THAT

IT WOULD FORCE HIM TO PAYMORE TAXES.

HE'S LYING TO AMERICANS ANDYET HE'S STILL LEADING IN

THE POLLS T MAKES MY MIND'SPLODE.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

NEXT UP, IN L DUBS MINDSPLOSION, JUST WHEN YOU

THOUGHT KENTUCKY COUNTYCLERK AND STYLE ICON KIM DAVIS

WAS GONE, SHE'S BAAACK.

AND CLEARLY SHE HAS MADE AHIGH PROFILE BESTIE.

>> THERE IS WORD THISMORNING THAT DURING POPE

FRANCIS U.S. TRIP HE METSECRETLY WITH KIM DAVIS.

SHE IS THE CONTROVERSIALCOUNTY CLERK IN KENTUCKY WHO

WAS JAILED FOR REFUSING TOISSUE MARRIAGE LICENCES TO

SAME-SEX COUPLES.

>> Larry: I KNOW WHAT YOUARE THINKING, GET THE

[BLEEP] OUT OF HERE, LARRY.

THERE IS NO WAY SHE MET WITHTHE POPE.

WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE POPEHAS CONFIRMED THAT FRANCIS

SAT DOWN WITH KIM DAVIS ANDHER HUSBAND JOE IN A SECRET

MEETING AT THE VATICANEMBASSY.

>> I PUT MY HAND OUT AND HEGRABBED IT.

AND I-- I HUGGED HIM.

AND HE HUGGED ME.

AND HE SAID THANK YOU FORYOUR COURAGE.

>> Larry: NO, POPE, NO!

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THECOOL POPE.

THIS IS THE WORST CRUSHINGOF SOMEONE I THOUGHT WAS

COOL SINCE JOHNNY DEPP GAVEUS MORDECHAI.

HORRIBLE.

NOW LOOK, A LOT OF PEOPLETHOUGHT THAT THIS POPE WAS

GIVING SIGNALS THAT HE NOTONLY CARES ABOUT THINGS LIKE

CLIMATE CHANGE OR WOMEN'SISSUES BUT GAY ISSUES AS

WELL.

HE SAID, WHO AM I TO JUDGE.

THIS IS THE GUY WHO WAS GOING TO FINALLY BRING THE

CATHOLIC CHURCH FROM THEMIDDLE AGES INTO THE FUTURE.

BUT BY MEETING WITH KIMDAVIS, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT

FUTURE SEEMS TO BE ONLY1975.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL,NIGHTLY SHOW CONTRIBUTOR

MIKE YARD.

(APPLAUSE)YOU CAN LISTEN TO OUR WEEKLY

PODCAST FRIENDS LIKE US,VERY FUNNY COMEDIANE, MARINA

FRANKLIN IS BACK AND HE'S APROFESSOR OF PUBLIC POLICY

AT UC BERKELEY, FORMER U.S.

SECRETARY AN A NEW BOOK,SAVING CAPITALISM, ROBERT

REICH.

AND FOR EVERYONE AT HOME,PLEASE JOIN OUR CONVERSATION

NOW ON TWITTER@NIGHTLY SHOWUSING THE #TONIGHTLY.

EARLIER THIS WEEK AND IN THESHOW WE MENTIONED DONALD

TRUMP REVEALED HIS TAX PLANTO CUT TAXES ACROSS THE

BOARD.

AND I WANT TO ASK YOU, ISTHE TRUMP TAX PLAN WHACK OR-- DO

YOU THINK IT COULD BE HISWHK WAY TO THE WHITE HOUSE,

AN PLEASE USE WHACK IN YOURANSWER.

>> OKAY, THE TAX PLAN IS THESINGLE DUMBEST PLAN I'VE

EVER SEEN.

(APPLAUSE)I WANT TO BE CLEAR, I WANT

TO BE FAIR, I WANT TO BEFAIR AND REALLY, I'M BIASED

ABOUT IT.

BUT THIS IS BEYOND VOODOOECONOMICS.

THIS IS DOO-DOO ECONOMICS>> Larry: MAN, THAT'S A

STINKY PLAN.

>> A HEAVY THING.

>> Larry: NOW HE WANTS TOEXEMPT A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM

PAYING TAXES.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

>> I THINK THESE GUYS THINKWE'VE NEVER BEEN TO A MATH

CLASS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEHELL-- LOWER MY TAX BRACKET

FROM 40% TO 15% AND THEDEFICIT WILL MELT AWAY.

REALLY?

TAKE AWAY MONEY, AND THENTHE DEFICIT WILL-- THIS

MAKES NO SENSE.

>> MAYBE THAT'S WHY THEYKEEP CUTTING EDUCATION

BECAUSE THEY KEEP CATCHINGTHEM ON THE MATH.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

>> NOT ALL OF US CATCH IT.

LIKE I JUST RECENTLY REALLYSTARTED CARING ABOUT TAXES.

CUZ I JUST STARTED MAKINGMONEY.

I MEAN BEFORE THIS, I WASJUST THINKING ABOUT THE

SALES TAX AND THAT'S ABOUTIT, YOU KNOW.

>> Larry: SHOULDANYBODY-- DO YOU THINK

CHURCHES SHOULD BE NONEXEMPT,SHOULD THEY TAKE AWAY THEIR

NONEXEMPT STATUS ORRELIGIOUS INSTITUTIONS HAVE

TO PAY TAXES.

>> EVERYBODY OUGHT TO PAYTAXES TO SOME EXTENT.

AND RELIGIONS, YOU KNOW, NOTFOR PROFITS, YOU KNOW, ONCE

YOU START DOWN THAT ROAD,YOU, THERE IS NO END TO IT

WHO CAN AND CAN'T.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE ATAX SYSTEM, YOU HAVE A TAX

SYSTEM.

BUT YOU KNOW, WHAT HAPPENSIS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE

POLITICIANS, PARTICULARLYBACKED BY WEALTHY PEOPLE,

AKA, TRUMP, YOU ARE GET ATAX SYSTEM THAT IS BASICALLY

FILLED WITH LOOPHOLES FORWEALTHY PEOPLE.

>> RIGHT.

>> AND IT'S TIME WE STOPPED.

>> I WONDER WHY WE ALWAYSHAVE TO --

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

I KNOW SOME NATIVE AMERICANSDON'T HAVE TO PAY SOME

TAXES.

IS THERE A WAY WE CAN GETTHE NATIVE AMERICAN SWEET

DEAL FOR BROTHERS, DO YOUTHINK?

>> THEY DONE HAVE TO PAYTAXES BECAUSE WE TOOK THEIR

LAND.

>> WELL, THEY TOOK US.

SO I THINK -->>

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> I THINK SINCE THEY TOOK

US, BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD NOTHAVE TO PAY TAXES FOR AT

LEAST 200 YEARS, AT LEAST.

>> I LIKE THAT PART.

>> REPARATION.

>> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GIVEME 40 ACRES AND A MULE,

GIVE ME NO TAXES AND WE CALLIT EVEN.

>> I THINK THAT ACTUALLYPEOPLE WHO DO GOOD SERVICES,

FOR ME.

>> Larry: SERVICES FOR YOU.

>> SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO PAYPAY TAXES.

>> Larry: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BYTHAT.

>> THE YOUNG LADY WHO CUT MYHAIR.

SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PAYTAXES.

>> YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.

>> YOU WITH LIKE TO BE IN APOSITION WHERE YOU CAN SAY

YOU PAY NO TAXES AND YOU PAYTAXES AND YOU PAY LESS

TAXES.

>> NO TAXES.

YOU MISSED THAT PART.

NONE FOR AT LEAST 200 YEARS.

>> I GOT IT.

>> BECAUSE I'M BLACK.

>> DO YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOU'REBLACK.

>> I THINK I'M PROVING ITRIGHT NOW.

>> Larry: WELL, YOU DON'THAVE TO PROVE IT.

BUT -->> PRETTY MUCH.

>> WE'RE GOING TO SEE MORERACIAL DOLENZAL, MORE

INCOGNEGROS.

>> WE JUST PUT A BEAT ON ANDSEE HOW THEY MOVE, THEN WE

KNOW, SORRY, WHITE PEOPLE.

>> Larry: IS THE TAX-- AREWE MAD AT RICH PEOPLE

BECAUSE THEY HAVE A LOT OFMONEY?

IS THAT WHY-- IS THAT WHATIT IS?

SERIOUSLY.

IS THERE-- IS IT ABOUTPLAYER HATING THE RICH.

WE WANT THEM TO PAY MORETAXES OR IS IT REALLY ABOUT

FAIR SHARE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUTTHAT.

>> LET'S BE CLEAR.

>> Larry: I DON'T EVEN KNOWWHAT FAIR SHARE MEANS.

>> ALL WE KNOW IS THE RICHARE RICHER TODAY.

THEY'RE TAKING HOME A LARGERPERCENTAGE OF THE TOTAL

INCOME AND WEALTH THAN EVERBEFORE.

IT USED TO BE THE GILDED AGEIN THE 1880s.

EVERYBODY ELSE IS BASICALLYGOING NOWHERE.

WE HAVE MORE POVERTY THAN WEHAVE HAD IN A VERY LONG

TIME.

AND YET WE TO PAY FORSCHOOLS AND MEDICARE, AND

DEFENSE WHO IS GOING TO PAYIF THE RICH DON'T PAY, THAT

MEANS EVERYBODY ELSE PAYSEVEN MORE.

LET'S BE CLEAR.

>> Larry: YEAH, MIKE,YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY MORE

[BLEEP].

>> IT'S NEVER EQUAL.

I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE ITWAS EQUAL.

AND YOU KNOW, WHEN I, LIKEHAVE MONEY, AND I FEEL GOOD

ABOUT MYSELF, WHEN I HAVE AJOB, ACTUALLY THE CRIME RATE

INSIDE OF ME-- IS LOW.

>> RIGHT.

>> IT'S ACTUALLY LOW.

>> Larry: IF YOU HAVE MOREMONEY, IT REDUCES THE CRIME

RATE.

>> YEAH, INSIDE OF ME.

BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING, IF I DON'T HAVE A

JOB, I'M NOT A HAPPY PERSON.

I'M GOING TO ROB SOMEBODY.

I MEAN-- I'M NOT A VIOLENTPERSON.

BUT I WILL ROB SOMEBODY IF IDON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

>> Larry: OKAY.

THE OTHER BIG STORY THISWEEK I WANT TO TALK ABOUT,

THIS IS SURPRISING THAT THEPOPE MET WITH KIM DAVIS.

>> WHY ARE PEOPLE SURPRISED,WE KNOW WHAT THE CATHOLIC

CHURCH IS ABOUT. THIS IS EXACTLYWHO THE POPE IS.

>> I THINK THAT THERE IS ABIG PART OF STORY THEY

MISSED.

HE MET WITH HER BECAUSE SHEASKED TO CONFESS THAT SHE

HAD SINNED BY COMPLETELYMISAPPLYING HER PUBLIC

DUTIES AND NOT UNDERSTANDINGWHAT HER PUBLIC DUTY WAS.

>> Larry: REALLY?

I THINK YOU JUST MADE THATUP.

>> I JUST MADE THAT UP.

[BLEEP](LAUGHTER)

>> Larry: YOU KNOW WHAT,>> YOU HAD ME FOR ONE

SECRETARY, BECAUSE I'MTHINKING WHO [BLEEP]

YOU GUYS ARE GULLIBLE.

>> I'M SITTING HERE GOINGNONE OF THESE JOKES ARE

GOING TO WORK NOW.

>> Larry: BUT I DON'T KNOW,IT SEEMS LIKE THE POPE IS

SAYING WHO AM I TO JUDGEABOUT THE GAY ISSUE.

I THINK HE SAID CIVIL UNIONSMIGHT BE OK. IS HE JUST

[ BLEEP ] WITH THE GAY PEOPLE?IS HE PULLING A POPE AND SWITCH?

I THINK HE GOT ADDICTED TOTHE ROARS OF THE CROWD SO HE

KEPT FEEDING THEM GOOD STUFF."GAY MARRIAGE IS FINE"

OOH, YOU LIKE THAT?>> HIS TRIP WAS SO SMOOTH BUT

THIS WOMAN, SEEING HER WASLIKE THE PIMPLE ON THE TRIP.

>> IT WAS A PIMPLE ON THEBACK.

TRIP.

>> BUT IN ALL FAIRNESS, AS ISAID, HE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T

BELONG TO ANY ONE POLITICALGROUP.

HIS JOB IS THE POPE. POPE'SGOTTA POPE

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

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