Wednesday, March 25, 2015

  • 03/25/2015

Steve Agee, Tom Lennon and #PointsMe comedian Chris Cubas watch the "Entourage" movie trailer, list #FantasyCelebs, translate emoji and write inappropriate acrostic poems.

THIS IS HAPPENING ON @MIDNIGHTRIGHT NOW.

IN JANUARY WE LAUNCHED THE POINTME CHALLENGE, A HALF-BAKED IDEA

OF TURNING INTO ONE OF OUR FANSINTO OUR ONE OF OUR PLAYERS.

WE HAD A SPIDEY SENSE THATOUR VIEWERS WERE FUNNY SO WE

ENLISTED SOCIAL MEDIA TOPROVE OUR THEORY.

IT STARTED A LITTLE DUBIOUS ATFIRST.

>> I'M BRINGING BOOTIE BACK.

SO GO AHEAD AND SELL THATSCRAWNY NERDIST THAT.

>> Chris: SCRAWNY?

HOW DARE YOU, SIR!

FORTUNATELY YOU GUYS STEPPED UPCOMEDY GAME, AND WE RECEIVED

THOUSANDS OF FUNNY TWEETS, VINESAND INSTAGRAMS.

AFTER AN EXHAUSESIVE SEARCHWE FOUND THIS GENTLEMEN, WHO

MADE US CONSISTENTLY LAUGH.

HERE ARE A FEW OF HISSUBMISSIONS.

"SURE THERE IS AN ALL FEMALEGHOSTBUSTERS, BUT I DIDN'T

HEAR ANY ONE COMPLAIN ABOUTTHIS ALL-MALE GOLDEN GIRLS."

AND THEN THIS IS FOR VALENTINE'SDAY, "IT'S SAD HOW MANY CATS

HAVE NO IDEA THEY ARESOMEBODY'S VALENTINES."

(LAUGHTER)

AND THE TRIFECTA OF AWESOME,"GROCERY STORE SUSHI IS THE

HOW ABOUT A HAND JOB OFSUSHI."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HE HASEARNED IS POSITION HERE

MAKING HIS NATIONALTELEVISION DEBUT, HE IS ONE

OF YOU FROM OUR AUDIENCE BUTALL THE WAY FROM AUSTIN,

TEXAS, PLEASE WELCOME CHRISCUBAS.

(APPLAUSE)

WELCOME, WELCOME.

YES.

YOU DID IT.

YOU DID IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

TOM IS OVER THERE STRETCHING,STEVE IS NOT.

SO WE'RE PUTTING SOMEONE ONNATIONAL TELEVISION FOR THE

VERY FIRST TIME, THAT IS CULLEDFROM OUR AUDIENCE. I WOULD

LIKE YOU TO GIVE ME THREEWORDS FOR HOW THIS COULD GO

HORRIBLY WRONG.

STEVE AGEE, GO.

>> IRRITABLE BOWEL, OOPS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, CHRISCUBAS.

>> SUPPORTS BILL COSBY.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: OH, [BLEEP].

ALL RIGHT. THAT COULD GOHORRIBLY WONG THAT I WAY.

GOOD START, BY THE WAY. STARTINGOFF STRONG.

TOM LENNON.

>> GETS PANIC BONER.

>> Chris: IT'S TIME TO START@MIDNIGHT.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

STILL EXCITED ABOUT THISGRAPHIC.

STILL MAKES ME HAPPY.

KIDS COME ON IN, DAD'S GOT ANEW GRAPHIC HE WANTS TO SHOW

YOU.

STOP CRYING.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, I HAVE TOWARN YOU, THERE IS NOT MUCH

TIME.

SOMETHING AWFUL IS COMING --NO, NO, IT'S ALREADY STARTING.

JESUS CHRIST.

THE NEW ENTOURAGE MOVIE,GODDAMNIT.

OH, THAT SONG IS LIKE WHATYOU HEAR IF YOU HUFF AXE

BODY SPRAY FOR A DAY.

DREAM LARGE, LIVE LARGER.

OH [BLEEP], BROS, EPIC BROGOING TO BE THE BRIGGEST

BROS YOU GUYS HAVE EVER BRO,BRO [BLEEP]ING BRO YEAH!

YES, THE FIRST OFFICIALTRAILER OF SEX IN THE CITY

FOR DOUCHEBAGS JUST DROPPEDON YOUTUBE.

AND THE WHOLE GANG IS THERE,GUYS! YOU GOT YOUR VINCE,

YOU GOT YOUR DRAMA, YOURTURTLES, YOUR UNNAMED BIKINI

BABE 12, EVERYBODY.

AND THAT INCLUDES A CAMEOFROM WHICH RIDICULOUSLY

OUT- OF-PLACE CELEBRITY?

A, PROFESSIONAL FRAISER KELSEYGRAMMAR.

B, 84-YEAR-OLD CASH-HOUND WARRENBUFFETT.

OR C, "OH MY" GEORGE TAKEI.

STEVE AGEE.

>> GEORGE TA-KEI.

>> Chris: IT'S TAKEI, FIRST OFALL.

>> TAKEI.

>> Chris: GUYS, YOU GOT TO DREAMLARGE AND LIVE LARGER, BECAUSE

IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE.

THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL IN THERE.

100 POINTS TO STEVE AGEE.

WELL, IT'S NOT JUST THEM. THEREARE SO MANY MORE.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> THEY SHOULD CALL THAT THEREALLY EXPENDABLES.

>> Chris: YES, THEY SHOULD.

100 POINTS.

WELL, IN THAT TRAILER IT WASCLASSICALLY-TRAINED DEATH

MACHINE LIAM NEESON.

SO COMEDIANS, AS LIAM NEESON,RESPOND TO YOUR AGENT AFTER YOU

ARE OFFERED A PART IN THEENTOURAGE MOVIE.

STEVE AGEE.

>> OKAY, BUT NO BUTT STUFF.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM LENNON.

>> LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY TOME RIGHT NOW.

IF YOU THINK THAT ACADEMYAWARD NOMINEE OSCAR

SCHINDLER IS BEING TO BE INTHE [BLEEP] ENTOURAGE MOVIE...

OH, WAIT, WAIT. THEY GOT THEGIRL FROM THE BLURRED LINES

VIDEO?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> WHAT TIME AND WHERE?

>> DID HE-- DE TURN INTO ALEPRECHAUN.

>> Chris: HE DID.

I HOPE NO ONE TRIES TO STEALLIAM'S LUCKY CHARMS.

>> STRAIGHT UP, RACIST.

>> Chris: STRAIGHT UP RACIST.

AND THE IRISH AREN'T A RACE,IT'S FINE!

THEY'RE WHITE PEOPLE, YOU CANMAKE FUN OF THEM.

>> THANK GOD.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: FUNNY.

ALL RIGHT, TODAY A SHOCKWAVEMADE ITS WAY THROUGH

TWEENERS THAT SENT ONEDIRECTION FANS INTO ONE

DEPRESSION.

THE NEWS BROKE EARLIER, IHOPE ARE YOU SITTING DOWN,

GOOD.

ZAYN MALIK WOULD BE LEAVINGTHE BAND TO FOCUS ON BEING A

NORMAL 5 FOOT 7 INCH TALLLITTLE 22-YEAR-OLD

MILLIONAIRE.

OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

LET'S JUST LEAVE THE LITTLEHELP WITH THE WHISP THAT'S

FALLEN INTO MY EYEBALL.

WHERE'S MY WHISP WRANGLER.

YOU KNOW, KIDS, THIS STUFFHAPPENS.

KEEP YOUR CHINS UP, I'M SUREEVERYTHING IS FINE.

LET'S JUST CHECK IN WITHTWITTER, I'M SURE EVERYTHING

IS OKAY.

WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE, MYDAD CHEATS ON MY MOM AND

ZAYN LEAVES THE BAND.

WHAT NEXT?

(APPLAUSE)

I THINK ONE COULD ONLY DRAWTHE ASSUMPTION THAT YOUR DAD IS

[BLEEP] ZAYN MALIK.

>> MAKES SENSE.

>> Chris: BUT COMEDIANS, YOU SEETHE TWEET: WHAT NEXT!

STEVE AGEE.

>> CHRIS HARDWICKEMBARRASSES HER ON NATIONAL

TELEVISION.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: WHOOPS, I'M SORRY.

OKAY.

CHRIS.

>> KNOCKED UP BY MEMBER OFO-TOWN.

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

ITS NOW TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

TODAY IS TOLKIEN READINGDAY, A TIME TO CELEBRATE THE

MAN WHO BROUGHT US "THE HOBBIT"AND "LORD OF THE RINGS"

IN HONOR OF THE AUTHOR WHOINVENTED THE FANTASY GENRE,

OUR HASHTAG IS #FantasyCelebs.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE JOSEPHGORDEN-LEVIATHAN.

OR, GEORGE RR MARTIN LAWRENCE.

OR JOHN ELF KENNEDY.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK AND BEGIN.

CHRIS.

>> CONAN THE O'BRIEN.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE AGEE.

>> NICK CROLL.

>> Chris: POINTS -- OH, CROLL WAS ALMOST A GOOD MOVIE.

TOM

>> ANDREW 20-SIDED DICEPLAYS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

STEVE.

>> GROOT KINNEAR.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> EDDIE WIZARD.

>> Chris: POINTS.

YOU KNOW, THE WORD PLAY ON THATIS FUNNY, BUT JUST A WIZARD

NAMED EDDIE WIZARD...

ALL RIGHT, TOM.

>> MAGIC THE GATHERINGJOHNSON.

>> Chris: POINTS.

CHRIS.

>> MARTIN LUTHER KING'SLANDING.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE.

>> INEGO IZALEA, YOU KILLEDMY FATHER, PREPARE TO DIE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM LENNON.

>> IAN McKELAN DEGENERES.

>> Chris: POINTS! PERFECT.

BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAYSWEET EMOJI.

SWEET EMOJI.

THE GREAT THING ABOUT THAT ISTHIS SHOW SOURCED THAT, SO

IT CAN STAY UP THERE NOW.

FOREVER.

>> FOREVER. THAT'S FOREVER.

WIKIPEDIA IS FOREVER.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

EMOJI ARE LITTLE PICTURESTHAT SAY WHAT YOU ARE

THINKING WHEN YOU DON'T HAVETIME TO SAY YOU WHAT ARE

THINKING. THEY ARE LIKESHORTHAND FOR ILLITERACY.

SO COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA SHOW ASENTENCE MADE OF PURE EMOJI, AND

FOR 250 POINTS, I WANT YOU TOTELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.

LET'S GO TO THE EMOJI MACHINE.

CLINK, CLINK.

ALL RIGHT.

YES, CHRIS CUBAS.

>> HANDS UP, DON'T SHOOT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

OH, OH, AMERICA.

TOM.

>> HEY, LOOK, GUYS! I FOUND THESEVERED HANDS OF THAT LITTLE

GIRL.

>> Chris: AND HE IS SO HAPPYABOUT IT.

POINTS.

NEXT ONE! SHUNK, SHUNK.

ALL RIGHT.

CHRIS.

>> I GOT HERPES FROM JERKINGOFF TURTLE FROM ENTURNAGE.

>> Chris: VERY TIMELY.

WHAT WITH THE ENTOURAGE MOVIE,POINTS.

STEVE AGEE.

>> I JUST FISTED A TURTLE TODEATH.

>> Chris: OH, JESUS CHRIST.

I MEANS THAT'S LITERALLYWHAT THAT WOULD MEAN,

POINTS.

TOM LENNON.

>> THIS IS UNFAIR BECAUSETHIS IS ACTUALLY THE LENNON

FAMILY CREST.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: OKAY, WIKIPEDIA, THEREIS THE LENNON --

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL LENNONFAMILY CREST.

AND IT IS SOURCED BY TOMLENNON HIMSELF.

>> IT STANDS FOR FAMILYFIRST, IRELAND FOREVER --

[BLEEP] TURTLES.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

NOW YOU HAVE THE DEFINITION.

NEXT ONE. SHUNK, SHUNK.

YES, STEVE.

>> I JUST SAW MICHAEL PHELPSAND LANCE ARMSTRONG AT RED

LOBSTER.

>> Chris: THEY WERE HAVING ABALL, LANCE ARMSTRONG.

>> HEY.

>> Chris: COME ON, GUYS.

NO, HE'S A DICK NOW! WE DON'TLIKE HIM, IT'S OKAY.

NO I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID THATBEFORE BUT NOW-- [BLEEP] HIM,

RIGHT.

>> [BLEEP] THAT GUY!>> Chris: TOM.

>> STEROIDS MAKE YOUR DICKSHRIMPY.

>> Chris: YEAH?

>> AND BREADED.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.

NEXT ONE, SHUNK, SHUNK.

YES.

CHRIS.

>> OH NO, I WOKE UP NEXT TOHALF A HOOKER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

I LAUGHED AT THAT SO HARDMY CONTACT ALMOST WENT BACK

INTO MY EYE SOCKET.

THOMAS LENNON.

>> CHERYL. HIDE MY MOUNTAINS OFCOKE IN YOUR HAIR.

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS -- SHUNK, SHUNK.

DIVERSIFICATION, A LITTLEDIVERSE EMOJI.

STEVE -- PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

>> WELCOME TO GRINDERINTERNATIONAL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

CHRIS.

>> THESE GUYS CAN'T GET INTOO.U. EITHER.

>> Chris: OH, [BLEEP]. POINTS.

TOM.

>> THIS ACTUALLY STANDS FOR,I'VE BEEN SELECTED FOR

ADDITIONAL SCREENING? WHAT,WHY?

>> Chris: POINTS, POINTS.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I SHOWEDYOU AN INAPPROPRIATE

ACROSTIC POEM ENCOURAGECOURAGING CHILDREN TO SQUIRT

AT THE LIBRARY AND I ASKED YOUTO COME UP WITH ANOTHER

DOOZY WITH THE FOR THEKIDS.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU DID.

TOM LENNON, LET'S START WITHYOU.

>> THIS ONE IS SHART IN DAMOUTH.

WHICH STANDS FOR, STARTHELPING ASSISTING READING

TEACHERS IN NEW DELIGHTFULAPPLICABLE MANNERS IN USEFUL

TOTAL HELPFULNESS.

>> Chris: THAT IS AMAZING.

BY THE WAY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOUCOULD PLAN A SHART.

I THOUGHT THOSE WERESPONTANEOUS OCCURRENCES.

>> YOU CAN, LOOK IT UP.

>> CAN THAT BE MY WIKIPEDIAENTRY.

ALSO CAN SOMEONE MAKE ME AWIKIPEDIA PAGE, I DON'T HAVE

ONE.

>> Chris: YES, YOU'LL GET ONENOW.

CHRIS CUBBAS, WHAT IS YOURS.

>> MINE IS GIVE EXTRA DAY,IT NEVER MAKES YOUR VICTORY

A NEGATIVE OR GET IN MY VAN.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT. GOOD.

FANTASTIC.

STEVE AGEE.

>> TIT. IT'S TIT!

>> Chris: NOW THAT I SEE T ICAN'T IMAGINE WOULD YOU COME UP

WITH ANYTHING ELSE.

AS WE JUMP TO OUR NEXT GAME,OTHER CITY SLOGAN.

OTHER CITY SLOGANS.

TONIGHT'S HONORARY GUESTHAILED FROM AUSTIN, TEXAS,

WHOSE UNOFFICIAL CITY MOTTOIS KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD.

IT WOULD BE GREAT IF OTHERCITIES HAD SIMILARLY COOL

SLOGANS SO GIVE ME AS MANYNEW CITY SLOGANS AS YOU CAN

IN 60 SECONDS, AND BEGIN.

TOM.

>> KEEP MIAMI ON VALTREX.

>> Chris: POINTS.

CHRIS.

>> DETROIT, [BLEEP], DUCKMOTHER [BLEEP].

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM.

>> KEEP YOUR LAWRENCE, KANSASOUT OF MY UTERUS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE AGEE.

DALLAS: KENNEDY-FREE SINCE '63.

>> Chris: POINTS.

CHRIS CUBAS.

>> BOSTON: AH, GO [BLEEP]YOURSELF.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM.

>> KEEP QUEBEC FULL OFDELIGHTFUL MARIONETTES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

STEVE AGEE.

>> MAUI: WE'RE ACTUALLY ANISLAND.

>> Chris: POINTS.

CHRIS CUBAS.

>> SAN ANTONIO: Y'ALL HEARDTHAT NEW KID ROCK RECORD?

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

STEVE AGEE.

>> STOCKTON, I ONCE [BLEEP]A GIRL THERE.

>> Chris: IS THAT JUST SOMETHINGYOU ARE SAYING?

YEAH, POINTS.

CHRIS CUBAS.

>> ORLANDO: WHERE METH MEETSMICKEY MOUSE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.