You Would Bang Her?

  • Season 2, Ep 1
  • 04/01/2014

A focus group of guys weighs in on the show, God helps Amy through a herpes scare, and a new secretary struggles to keep people from barging into her boss's office.

Okay everyone,thanks for participating

in this focus group.

I'm going to be asking you somequestions about the show

"Inside Amy Schumer",everyone understand?

Okay. So first question,what do you think about

the balance between thesketches and the stand-up?


Yeah, I thought hertits were great.

Like, really good tits.

But her facewas just okay.

Just so-so face, man.

(man)So-so face, okay.

How about the balance betweenthe stand-up and the sketches?

Dave, you hada thought.Yeah.

Um, she looked betterin the stand-up, for sure,

but then there was just way,way hotter chicks in the skits.

So it was really hardfor me to say...

And also, I like the skitsbetter when you saw sideboob,

kind of, but notthe close-ups of face.

Like, way less face,but more sideboob.

That's whatI would say.(man)Okay.

Is this something you guyscould see yourselves DVRing?

I would probably bang her,if that's what you mean?

Seriously, dude?


You wouldn't bang her?I don't know.

Is it crazy thatI would bang her?

Dude, yes, you would.

Like, if no one hadto find out ever.

Like, you justbang her--If nobody finds out?

Just bang, dude.Then I'm banging her.

I would, yeah.

Okay, so everyone wouldbang her if nobody knew.

(man)If nobody knew.I'd like to bang her.

(man)Like to bang her.

(man)Great, this isawesome, guys.

Yeah, I got a questionabout the writing process.

Okay, sure, go ahead.Are the writers hot?

If I could interject, I likedthe routines where she was on

the street talking to people andI appreciated how it had a sort

of feminist bend ona male-skewing network.

Okay, great.

But I must say, I wouldenjoy the routines more

if she had likea 10% better dumper?

Thank you.Yes.

Downstairs better?(man)Yeah.

Okay, everyone agreeswith that, right?(man)Yes, absolutely.

It's just gotta bea better turtle part, man.

Okay, last question.

On a scale of one to 10, howfunny was "Inside Amy Schumer?"

You can write your answers onthe cards in front of you.

One to 10, guys.

Everyone ready?

Okay, everyoneshow your cards.

Okay, so... okay, great.

Um, I'm going to give yourinput to the network and uh,

here's your payment.

Beef sticks andenergy drinks.


Couple of 'em saidthey would bang me?


(man)Bridget Everett is just threepoints away from winning

her fourth Grand Slam.

(man)Remarkably, she has not allowedSchumerenka a single game in

this match and yet,I can't take my eyes off

of Schumerenka's uniquestyle on the court.

Ah!(man)I agree, Patrick.

Schumerenka hasa charisma on the court

that just pullsyou in.

Unh! (man) Out.

I think one reason whySchumerenka's having such

a difficult time in thismatch is the distraction

factor ofEverett's grunting.

(Patrick)Oh, God, it's disgusting,they should really ban it.




(man) Out.

(man)Heaving and sweatinglike a Clydesdale,

Everett makes the shot.

Let's take a look atthe instant replay.


(Patrick)So amazing.

I think the most incredible partof Schumerenka's game is how she

manages to be so thin and yet,still have such large breasts.

(man)Absolutely, it's justsuch a turn-on

to see tennis played withthis level of integrity.

Amy's friends and familyobviously agree.

Schumerenka's sponsoris Herpsky premium vodka.

(Patrick)As usual, Everett's friendand old math teacher

is there tocheer her on.

Got her a nice seat in her VIPbox, sponsored by ground beef.

(man)Is what she's doingtechnically cheering her on?

It looks like she's justeating snacks from home.

Schumerenka seems to be tryingto take a moment to refocus.

(Patrick)This is one of those key momentswhere she definitely needs to

take her timeand not rush.

Yeah, don't rush that.(man)Whoo.

(Patrick)Bridget doesn't seem to like thedelay in the game and as usual,

she has to try to control herinfamous attitude problem.

It's unattractive and alsoshe's (bleep) blocking.




(man)No good, it's over.

Yes! Yes!

Well, Everett wins theEast Coast International

for the fourth timein straight sets.

Hope she's happy.

Let's go courtside forthe awards ceremony.

Bridget, you won.

Here's your cup anda million dollars.

Thanks, Katrina.

Really fought hardout there--Amy, you lost.

But you were so gorgeousthroughout the entire match

that it's almostlike you won.

Does that make sense?What's your secret?


I love this country.


Amy, I'm being toldthe crowd has chipped in.

You will now be walkingaway with $2 million!


I love you...thank you!

Oh, thank you,my country!

Oh thank you America!


I won, I won.

Amy! Amy! Amy!

America! America!

These are for you,take them.

I don't needthem anymore.

I love you, America.

Take them.

(Patrick)Amy Schumerenka,a true champion.

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