@midnight
Season 1

Thursday, October 31, 2013

  • Season 1, Ep 0108
  • 10/31/2013

The guest comedians advise a commenter on whether or not a ghost can get pregnant.

NOW DROPPED FROM TODAY'SINTERNET HEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID

REFRESH."

THE FIRST MEDIAN TO BUZZ IN GETS100 POINTS.

I AM TOLD THE BOSTON RED SOXCLINCHED THE WORLD SERIES LAST

NIGHT.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM, ANDAPPARENTLY YOU DON'T SHARE THAT.

( LAUGHTER )FANS WERE UNDERSTANDABLY

ENTHUSIASTIC AS SEEN IN THISDEADSPIN FOOT ANNUAL OF THEM

FLIPPING OVER A CAR WITH HUMANSSTILL IN IT.

LET'S CELEBRATE!

IT'S A MURDER VICTORY SPREE!

( LAUGHTER )I LIKE TONG THEY'RE NOT RIDING.

THEY'RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO STOPDRUNK DRIVING.

>> THIS IS A BIG DEAL FOR THEM.

THIS IS THE FIRST BASEBALL WORLDSERIES THEY'VE WON.

THEY ALWAYS, OF COURSE, WIN THEWORMS OF RACISM EVERY YEAR.

THAT'S THEIR BIG THING.

>> BOYS, THE GLOVES ARE OFFAGAINST BOSTON TONIGHT.

HAUGH LAUGH BOSTON!

YOU CAN ALWAYS GET AWAY SAYINGHORRIBLE THINGS IF YOU'RE

DRESSED AS CARMEN MIRANDA.

I HATE EVERYBODY.

>> HE'S ADORABLE.

>> IN BOSTON IT'S "COMMON"MIRANDA.

>> THEY'RE FLIPPING OVER THATCOMMENT RIGHT NOW.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WICKEDAWESOME TWEETS, WHICH ALL ARE

REAL, GOT THE MOST RETWEETS.

RIDING IN THE E.R., I'M FLIPPINGAMBULANCES OVER, WHOO-HOO RED

SOX.

B., TEAR GAS BLOOP.

RED SOX WON, HASH TACK U.N.H.

RED ( BLEEP ) BITCH.

I'VE BEEN QUIET FOR THIS MOMENT.

LET'S GET HAMMERED.

>> I WOULD SAY IT'S C BECAUSE IFOLLOW BEN AFFLECK ON TWITTER.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS A.

HALLOWEEN IS A TIME FORFANTASTIC HORROR FILMS, THE

CLASSIC HORROR FILMS.

YOU CAN SEE A LOT OF ORIGINALTRAILERS ONLINE.

WHICH IS AN ACTUAL COMMENT ONYOUTUBE FOR THE TRAILER OF THE

ORIGINAL "TEXAS CHAINSAWMASSACRE."

STILL HOLDS UP.

TOTALLY LOOKS GREAT.

BETTER THAN THE REMAKES.

HERE TO READ THE THREE POSSIBLEANSWERS IS STAR "THE WALKING

DEAD," NORMAN REEDUS.

IS IT A.

>> THUMBS UP.

IT'S JUSTIN BIEBER.

NEED TO GO INSIDE THAT HOUSE.

>> IS IT B?

>> A LEATHER FACE IS A( BLEEP ).

COME AT ME WITH THAT CHAIN SAWBITCH.

>> I LOVE THAT HE'S DOING IT INDARRELL.

OR IS IT C?

>> I HEARD THE DIRECTOR WENTINSANE ON SET AND ATE HIS OWN

DOOKY.

>> IT'S B.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS A.

THUMBS UP, IF JUSTIN BIEBERNEEDS TO GO INSIDE THAT HOUSE.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

>> THAT'S THE NICEST THINGANYONE HAS WRITTEN ON YOUTUBE.

>> THEY WANT TO KILL JUSTINBIEBER WITH A CHAIN SAW.

>> NO, HE WOULD BE TOOMESMERIZED BY JUSTIN BIEBER 53

TIGHT ASS.

>> IT'S TIME FORTONIGHT'S HARBTAG WARS.

IMENT TO GIVE YOU GUYS A HASHTADZ AND BUZZ IN WITH AS MANY

TWEETS THAT FIT THE HASHTAG.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#REJECTEDCANDY.

EXAMPLES OF THIS MIGHT BESKATTLES.

OR WHATCHA-MA-(BLEEP)-IT.

OR SNOW CRAPS MIGHT BE ANOTHERONE.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK STARTING NOW.

NATASHA.

>> TWO GIRLS, ONE PEANUT BUTTERCUP.

( APPLAUSE )>> HERSHEY'S BREAST MILK

CHOCOLATE.

>> HEATH LEDGER BAR.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT,BUT I'LL ALLOW IT.

POINT.

>> MOASH A.

>> CIRCUS PENIS.

>> THE DIRTIEST AROUND.

NATASHA.

>> ABORTED BABY RUTH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> YES!

STEVE AGEE.

>> POOH.

>> DID YOU REALLY THINK I WASGOING TO GIVE YOU POINTS FOR

SAYING POOH.

>> POPS.

>> REESES MEESES.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S SODISTURBING BUT IT IS.

HOPEFULLY, YOU'RE ENJOYING APOST-ALCOHOL CANDY-INDUCED COMA

AS WE TAKE YOU INTO THE FIRSTLIVE CHALLENGE AND OUR SLIGHTLY

POST-HALLOWEEN EPISODE.

WE INTRODUCE YOU TO THE MOSTHORRIFYING CREATURE HUMANITY HAS

IMAGINED, SPEAK, OF COURSE, THEABOMINATION KNOWN AS PIERRE, NEW

ORLEANS PELICAN.

"HEY, LET ME JUST FISH AROUND INYOUR UNDERPANTS FOR A MINUTE."

( LAUGHTER )COMEDIANS, WHAT WERE THIS

MONSTER'S FIRST WORDS.

LET'S START WITH YOU, STEVEAGEE?

>> HEY, YOU EVER SEEN A PELICAN( BLEEP )?

>> WOULD IT BE WEIRD THEY HAVE?

NATASHA.

>> IT'S ME, ANDY DICK.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> MOSHE?

>> I'LL DO IT IN THE VOICE--I'LL NEVER FORGIVE BIG BIRD FOR

SMOKING CRACK WHILE SHE WASPREGNANT WITH ME.

>> IT'S TIME TO PLAY YAHOOANSWERS, PARANORMAL EDITION.

YAHOO ANSWERS IS A GREAT WAY TOGET COMPLETELY INCORRECT

INFORMATION FROM ALL KINDS OFRANDOM PEOPLE.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELLTHEY DO ON YAHOO.

I'M GOING TO READ A REALQUESTION ABOUT THE PARANORMAL,

AND IF YOUR ANSWER IS BETTERTHAN OUR FAVORITE YAHOO ANSWER

YOU GET 250 POINTS.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

I CAN GET A GHOST PREGNANT?

MOSHE?

>> YES, BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO GETTHE FETUS GHOST BUSTED.

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

>> LET'S SEE WHAT THE ACTUALANSWER WAS.

THIS IS ACTUALLY MORE COMMONTHAN YOU THINK.

THEY'RE JUST RARELY SEEN AS THEYARE INVISIBLE.

THIS GUY KNOWS A LOT ABOUT SEXFOR A VIRGIN.

>> ALL RIGHT, GOOD COMEBACK.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THATMOSHE KASHER.

HERE'S THE NEXT ONE-- A REALHAUPTED FLASH POSSESSED DOLL ON

E-BAY.

DO YOU THINK BUYING THIS ONE AGOOD IDEA?

>> IT DEPENDS.

ARE YOU BUYING IT FOR DECORATIONOR SEX?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> I LIKE YOUR ODDS SO FAR.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE REAL ANSWERIS.

THE REAL ANSWER IS, "IF YOU WANTIT, BUY IT."

A TERRIBLE ANSWER.

POINTS TO STEVE AGEE!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NEXT ONE-- HOW DO I TELL MY MOM

SHE'S POSSESSED WITHOUT HURTINGHER FEELINGS?

MOSHE.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO USE"EYE" STATEMENTS INSTEAD OF

"YOU" STATEMENTS.

FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN YOU PROJECTILEVOMIT AND ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF

WITH A CRUCIFIX, I FEEL I'MLOVED.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> LET'S SEE.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE ACTUAL ANSWERWAS.

HIRE A PRIEST TO COME IN ANDPERFORM AN EXORICISM.

HOWEVER, DO NOT LET HER KNOWBEFOREHAND BECAUSE THER

POSSESSED SPIRIT MAY RUN WITHTHE BOBODIY.

MOSHE KASHER, I DO BELIEVE YOUGOT POINTS FOR THAT.

LAST ONE, CAN A GHOST PET A CAT?

( LAUGHTER )YES, STEVE AGEE?

>> GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF, LOSER.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> I DON'T CARE WHAT THE REALANSWER IS.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU POINTS FORTHAT.

IT'S TIME FOR AMAZON WISH LIST.

WE'RE GOING TO NAME A CELEBRITYWHO DOESN'T HAVE ONE YET.

FOR EACH FUNNY ITEM YOU COME UPWITH WILL BE FOR 250 POINTS.

THE WISH LIST IS FOR PIERRE,HEY, EVERYBODY.

YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO NAME THEITEMS ON PIERRE'S AMAZON WISH

LIST.

STARTING NOW?

>> A COPY OF THE BOOK "THEPELICAN BRIEF.

OF.

>> "K.F.C. RESTRAINING ORDER."

( APPLAUSE ), OF.

>> POINTS!

STEVE.

>> SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLYEFFECTIVE PEOPLE FOR KINDLE.

>> I'VE GOT A BETTER ONE.

SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVEPELICANS.

>> NO.

THE CROWD WAS AGAINST YOU ONTHAT ONE.

NO POINTS.

>> EXTRA FORTIFIED LEVEE WALLS.

>>UN WHAT, THAT IS REASONABLE.

POINTSD.

TICKETS TO THE GATHERING OF THEJUG LOWS.

>> POINTS!

>> MOSHE?

>> BIRD ( BLEEP ).

I WANT THAT, TOO.

>> DO I GET POINT?

>> YES!

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