Thursday, October 31, 2013

  • 10/31/2013

The guest comedians advise a commenter on whether or not a ghost can get pregnant.

SOMETHING FOR THE PEOPLE

FOLLOWING YOU.

NEW, DROPPED FROM TODAY'S

INTERNET HEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID

REFRESH."

THE FIRST MEDIAN TO BUZZ IN GETS

100 POINTS.

I AM TOLD THE BOSTON RED SOX

CLINCHED THE WORLD SERIES LAST

NIGHT.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM, AND

APPARENTLY YOU DON'T SHARE THAT.

( LAUGHTER )

FANS WERE UNDERSTANDABLY

ENTHUSIASTIC AS SEEN IN THIS

DEADSPIN FOOT ANNUAL OF THEM

FLIPPING OVER A CAR WITH HUMANS

STILL IN IT.

LET'S CELEBRATE!

IT'S A MURDER VICTORY SPREE!

( LAUGHTER )

I LIKE TONG THEY'RE NOT RIDING.

THEY'RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO STOP

DRUNK DRIVING.

>> THIS IS A BIG DEAL FOR THEM.

THIS IS THE FIRST BASEBALL WORLD

SERIES THEY'VE WON.

THEY ALWAYS, OF COURSE, WIN THE

WORMS OF RACISM EVERY YEAR.

THAT'S THEIR BIG THING.

>> BOYS, THE GLOVES ARE OFF

AGAINST BOSTON TONIGHT.

HAUGH LAUGH BOSTON!

YOU CAN ALWAYS GET AWAY SAYING

HORRIBLE THINGS IF YOU'RE

DRESSED AS CARMEN MIRANDA.

I HATE EVERYBODY.

>> HE'S ADORABLE.

>> IN BOSTON IT'S "COMMON"

MIRANDA.

>> THEY'RE FLIPPING OVER THAT

COMMENT RIGHT NOW.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WICKED

AWESOME TWEETS, WHICH ALL ARE

REAL, GOT THE MOST RETWEETS.

RIDING IN THE E.R., I'M FLIPPING

AMBULANCES OVER, WHOO-HOO RED

SOX.

B., TEAR GAS BLOOP.

RED SOX WON, HASH TACK U.N.H.

RED ( BLEEP ) BITCH.

I'VE BEEN QUIET FOR THIS MOMENT.

LET'S GET HAMMERED.

>> I WOULD SAY IT'S C BECAUSE I

FOLLOW BEN AFFLECK ON TWITTER.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS A.

HALLOWEEN IS A TIME FOR

FANTASTIC HORROR FILMS, THE

CLASSIC HORROR FILMS.

YOU CAN SEE A LOT OF ORIGINAL

TRAILERS ONLINE.

WHICH IS AN ACTUAL COMMENT ON

YOUTUBE FOR THE TRAILER OF THE

ORIGINAL "TEXAS CHAINSAW

MASSACRE."

STILL HOLDS UP.

TOTALLY LOOKS GREAT.

BETTER THAN THE REMAKES.

HERE TO READ THE THREE POSSIBLE

ANSWERS IS STAR "THE WALKING

DEAD," NORMAN REEDUS.

IS IT A.

>> THUMBS UP.

IT'S JUSTIN BIEBER.

NEED TO GO INSIDE THAT HOUSE.

>> IS IT B?

>> A LEATHER FACE IS A

( BLEEP ).

COME AT ME WITH THAT CHAIN SAW

BITCH.

>> I LOVE THAT HE'S DOING IT IN

DARRELL.

OR IS IT C?

>> I HEARD THE DIRECTOR WENT

INSANE ON SET AND ATE HIS OWN

DOOKY.

>> IT'S B.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS A.

THUMBS UP, IF JUSTIN BIEBER

NEEDS TO GO INSIDE THAT HOUSE.

>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

>> THAT'S THE NICEST THING

ANYONE HAS WRITTEN ON YOUTUBE.

>> THEY WANT TO KILL JUSTIN

BIEBER WITH A CHAIN SAW.

>> NO, HE WOULD BE TOO

>> IT'S TIME FORTONIGHT'S HARBTAG WARS.

IMENT TO GIVE YOU GUYS A HASHTADZ AND BUZZ IN WITH AS MANY

TWEETS THAT FIT THE HASHTAG.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#REJECTEDCANDY.

EXAMPLES OF THIS MIGHT BESKATTLES.

OR WHATCHA-MA-(BLEEP)-IT.

OR SNOW CRAPS MIGHT BE ANOTHERONE.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK STARTING NOW.

NATASHA.

>> TWO GIRLS, ONE PEANUT BUTTERCUP.

( APPLAUSE )>> HERSHEY'S BREAST MILK

CHOCOLATE.

>> HEATH LEDGER BAR.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT,BUT I'LL ALLOW IT.

POINT.

>> MOASH A.

>> CIRCUS PENIS.

>> THE DIRTIEST AROUND.

NATASHA.

>> ABORTED BABY RUTH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> YES!

STEVE AGEE.

>> POOH.

>> DID YOU REALLY THINK I WASGOING TO GIVE YOU POINTS FOR

SAYING POOH.

>> POPS.

>> REESES MEESES.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S SODISTURBING BUT IT IS.

HOPEFULLY, YOU'RE ENJOYING A

POST-ALCOHOL CANDY-INDUCED COMA

AS WE TAKE YOU INTO THE FIRST

LIVE CHALLENGE AND OUR SLIGHTLY

POST-HALLOWEEN EPISODE.

WE INTRODUCE YOU TO THE MOST

HORRIFYING CREATURE HUMANITY HAS

IMAGINED, SPEAK, OF COURSE, THE

ABOMINATION KNOWN AS PIERRE, NEW

ORLEANS PELICAN.

"HEY, LET ME JUST FISH AROUND IN

YOUR UNDERPANTS FOR A MINUTE."

( LAUGHTER )

COMEDIANS, WHAT WERE THIS

MONSTER'S FIRST WORDS.

LET'S START WITH YOU, STEVE

AGEE?

>> HEY, YOU EVER SEEN A PELICAN

( BLEEP )?

>> WOULD IT BE WEIRD THEY HAVE?

NATASHA.

>> IT'S ME, ANDY DICK.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

>> MOSHE?

>> I'LL DO IT IN THE VOICE--

I'LL NEVER FORGIVE BIG BIRD FOR

>> IT'S TIME TO PLAY YAHOO

ANSWERS, PARANORMAL EDITION.

YAHOO ANSWERS IS A GREAT WAY TO

GET COMPLETELY INCORRECT

INFORMATION FROM ALL KINDS OF

RANDOM PEOPLE.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL

THEY DO ON YAHOO.

I'M GOING TO READ A REAL

QUESTION ABOUT THE PARANORMAL,

AND IF YOUR ANSWER IS BETTER

THAN OUR FAVORITE YAHOO ANSWER

YOU GET 250 POINTS.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

I CAN GET A GHOST PREGNANT?

MOSHE?

>> YES, BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO GET

THE FETUS GHOST BUSTED.

( APPLAUSE )

( CHEERS )

>> LET'S SEE WHAT THE ACTUAL

ANSWER WAS.

THIS IS ACTUALLY MORE COMMON

THAN YOU THINK.

THEY'RE JUST RARELY SEEN AS THEY

ARE INVISIBLE.

THIS GUY KNOWS A LOT ABOUT SEX

FOR A VIRGIN.

>> ALL RIGHT, GOOD COMEBACK.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT

MOSHE KASHER.

HERE'S THE NEXT ONE-- A REAL

HAUPTED FLASH POSSESSED DOLL ON

E-BAY.

DO YOU THINK BUYING THIS ONE A

GOOD IDEA?

>> IT DEPENDS.

ARE YOU BUYING IT FOR DECORATION

OR SEX?

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE ).

>> I LIKE YOUR ODDS SO FAR.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE REAL ANSWER

IS.

THE REAL ANSWER IS, "IF YOU WANT

IT, BUY IT."

A TERRIBLE ANSWER.

POINTS TO STEVE AGEE!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

NEXT ONE-- HOW DO I TELL MY MOM

SHE'S POSSESSED WITHOUT HURTING

HER FEELINGS?

MOSHE.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO USE

"EYE" STATEMENTS INSTEAD OF

"YOU" STATEMENTS.

FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN YOU PROJECTILE

VOMIT AND ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF

WITH A CRUCIFIX, I FEEL I'M

LOVED.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> LET'S SEE.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE ACTUAL ANSWER

WAS.

HIRE A PRIEST TO COME IN AND

PERFORM AN EXORICISM.

HOWEVER, DO NOT LET HER KNOW

BEFOREHAND BECAUSE THER

POSSESSED SPIRIT MAY RUN WITH

THE BOBODIY.

MOSHE KASHER, I DO BELIEVE YOU

GOT POINTS FOR THAT.

LAST ONE, CAN A GHOST PET A CAT?

( LAUGHTER )

YES, STEVE AGEE?

>> GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF, LOSER.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

>> I DON'T CARE WHAT THE REAL

ANSWER IS.

EQUALIZER YOU GUYS.

THE GAME IS PRETTY CLOSE AT THIS

POINT.

IT'S TIME FOR AMAZON WISH LIST.

WE'RE GOING TO NAME A CELEBRITY

WHO DOESN'T HAVE ONE YET.

FOR EACH FUNNY ITEM YOU COME UP

WITH WILL BE FOR 250 POINTS.

THE WISH LIST IS FOR PIERRE,

HEY, EVERYBODY.

YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO NAME THE

ITEMS ON PIERRE'S AMAZON WISH

LIST.

STARTING NOW?

>> A COPY OF THE BOOK "THE

PELICAN BRIEF.

OF.

>> "K.F.C. RESTRAINING ORDER."

( APPLAUSE )

, OF.

>> POINTS!

STEVE.

>> SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY

EFFECTIVE PEOPLE FOR KINDLE.

>> I'VE GOT A BETTER ONE.

SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE

PELICANS.

>> NO.

THE CROWD WAS AGAINST YOU ON

THAT ONE.

NO POINTS.

>> EXTRA FORTIFIED LEVEE WALLS.

>>UN WHAT, THAT IS REASONABLE.

POINTSD.

TICKETS TO THE GATHERING OF THE

JUG LOWS.

>> POINTS!

>> MOSHE?

>> BIRD ( BLEEP ).

I WANT THAT, TOO.

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