Documental

  • Season 3, Ep 7
  • 04/14/2016

Adam becomes the subject of a mysterious documentary and hosts stand-up from Chris Thayer, Myke Wright and Dino Archie.

- Two.

Three. Oh, hey.What's up, guys?

- Are you filming?Is it cool if we're in here?

- It's actually very coolthat you're in here.

I'm super-pumped.This director,

he's, like, shootinga documentary on me right now.

It's, like,30 for 30 style, like--

- All thisfor Comedy Central?

- [whispering]I honestly don't know

what it's for.I have no idea!

He says he, like,knows me from my hometown.

It's like a fluff piece,I think.

Just pretend likethey're not even here.

- Perfect, man.We weren't even here

to work out anyway,you know.

We're just hoping to seesome girls with some butts

that would drive us nuts.- Oh, you dirty dogs.

- Look, it's crazy.Look at this!

Look, look, he's nuts.- Oh, break it down!

- He's driven nuts.- Oh-ho-ho. You nasty thing.

- Okay, sorry to interruptwhatever this is.

We need to keep going.

- I'm sorry, guys.Yeah, all right.

I'll--I'll catch upwith you later.

I hope you're driven nuts...- My man.

- By big old butts.

- Yeah, what I want to do--

- I have, like, a little pimpleright there.

If we could Photoshopthat out.

- It's not rolling.- Okay, yeah.

- So what we wantto do is sort of

get your comedic proc--I want to film you

sort of doingwhat you'd normally do

when you're writing comedy.

- My processwhen I write comedy.

[singsong]I'm writing jokes! Comedy--

[dramatic music] - Genius or idiot?

- Okay, Adam, that's a cut.That was really good, man.

- Did you get it?Hey, did you get it?

It was funny 'cause I waswriting under a waterfall.

- This is gonna be easierthan I expected.

[chuckles]- Yeah, I can't hear you

'causeI'm under a waterfall.

[theme music plays]

I'm alive and in my twenties

which is really justan elaborate way of saying

I'm on Tinder, um...

Tinder, you know,this cool dating app

where you can--where peoplewho are just looking

for casual sexcan meet up with people

who are looking for serious,long-term relationships.

I like it.You know, it's--

If you're not familiar,it's this very superficial app

for your phone where you justswipe through pictures

of other real people

with hopes and feelingsand dreams,

and you reject thembased on absolutely nothing.

It feels really good.

It's cool.It's not like a dating website.

You know, there's very littlereading involved.

You're not constantlysecond-guessing yourself like,

"Well, they're not reallymy type, but...

we both love adventure,"you know?

Instead, you're just like,

"Weird hat.See you in hell."

[mimics blowing on pistol]

Yeah. Mm.You know?

You can have a little, like,

tagline about yourselfon there.

Most people don't bother.They just do all pictures.

You know, they're like, "Eitheryou want it or you don't."

You know?

Which is my strategy,but, um...

I saw somebody recently.

Their tagline was,"You can't take me anywhere,

but I'm going places."

[laughing]You know, that's...

oh, that is really, um,

one way to live your life.

I think "I'm going places"is a good attitude to have.

You know, you need thatto motivate you in life

or whatever,but I think it's just

a level of confidencethat I am not familiar with.

You know, I want to meetsomebody who's more like me.

Who's like,"Hi, uh...shit.

"Uh, I'm Chris.

"Uh...I'm sorry?I don't know, I'm gonna go.

"Just--you know.I tried, you know.

I did my best."[chuckles]

Shut up.

My white friends,they always want to know

who can use the N-word.

That's always a big thing.

They're alwaysasking me that.

So I came up with a theory,

and I'm gonna share itwith you guys.

My theoryon using the N-word:

it's not about being black.

It's about being the mostoppressed minority in the room.

All right?Let me explain.

If you're Latino

in a room full of Asians,

you can use the N-word.

You're the most oppressedminority in the room.

If you're Asianin a room full of white people,

you can use the N-word.

You're the most oppressedminority in the room.

If you're white...

and you get abductedby aliens...

And they fly youmillions and millions

of light yearsaway from Earth,

you still can't usethe N-word.

My name's Myke Wright.Peace and love.

You guys are too cool.

'Cause I was walkingon the beach with my girl,

and I gotweird colored eyes.

It's a weird thingfrom my dad.

Anyways,so the sun's in my eyes,

and this dude is--holding hands with my girl--

and this dude's walkingtowards me with his girl.

And he's walking to--and he leans in.

I don't know this guyand he goes,

"Hey, dawg.What color are your eyes?"

Weird question.Caught me off guard.

I just said the truth.I was like, "Uh, hazel."

Which is the softest thingyou could say as a man.

Hazel.It just doesn't sound tough.

Not like I need to be tough,but hazel?

That's fucked.Like, why--

The only way that could beany softer is if I say,

"Oh, it just dependson the way

the sunlight hits them."