Tuesday, February 4, 2014

  • 02/04/2014

Arden Myrin, Nick Thune and Dana Gould celebrate Facebook's birthday, come up with bad Broadway show titles and create texts that parents might send.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S "RAPID REFRESH"!

THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ INWITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FACEBOOK.

HOORAY!

TODAY MARKS 10 YEARS SINCE THEDAY FACEBOOK LAUNCHED, AND ABOUT

THREE YEARS SINCE YOUR MOMDISCOVERED THE ( BLEEP ) YOU DID

IN YOUR LIFE.

FACEBOOK IS NOT YOUR PRIVATEROOM. IT'S PUBLIC AND OTHER

PEOPLE CAN SEE WHAT YOU DO.

>> HOW OLD IS FACEBOOK?

>> 10 YEARS OLD NOW.

>> OFFICIALLY TOO OLD FOR WOODYALLEN?

( APPLAUSE )>> WAIT, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

>> IS IT TOO SOON YI?

>> I'M GOING TO GIVE NICK THUNEPOINTS FOR THAT.

COMEDIANS, PLEASE TELL ME THEBIRTHDAY GREETING YOU WOULD POST

ON FACEBOOK'S WALL.

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY FACEBOOK.

NO, I DON'T WANT TO BUY YOU ASTARBUCKS GIFT CARD.

GO POKE YOURSELF.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> POINTS FOR THAT.

NICK THUNE.

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FACEBOOK,EVEN THOUGH YOU'LL NEVER READ

THIS.

>> WELL DONE, POINTS.

DANA.

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FACEBOOK.

PERHAPS YOU'D BE INTERESTED INTHE 3,472 OTHER RANDOM EVENTS.

>> MOVING ON.

A VERY SOMBER P.S.A. WAS JUSTRELEASED BY BRIGHAM YOUNG

UNIVERSITY TO THE STUDENT BODYDISPLAYING A WOUNDED SOLDIER

GOING UNHELPED BY HIS COMRADESAND IT IMMEDIATELY WENT VIRAL.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE SOMBERVIDEO.

>> THE ENEMY WHISPERS, "DON'TGET INVOLVED.

IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

DON'T TELL.

YOU'LL BE A TATTLE TAL.

>> THIS P.S.A.-- I KNOW, WE'LLGET THERE.

THIS P.S.A. WAS HEEDING AWARNING OF WHAT?

A.- DRINKING CAFFEINE.

B.- MASTURBATINGC.- WEARING SHORTS.

>> MASTURBATING.

>> HELL, YEAH, MASTURBATING!

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE YOU NEED ALITTLE MORE CONTEXT.

LET'S SEE A LITTLE BIT MORE OFTHIS EPIC P.S.A.

>> AND DARKNESS IN HIS EYES.

YOU CAN HELP THE SPIRITUALLYWOUNDED FIND THE SAVIOR.

>> I LOVE YOUR WORK IN THAT,NICK.

IT'S WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.

FOR 100 POINTS, WHAT WOULD YOUGUYS NAME THIS MOVIE?

TIME FOR TONIGHT'S#HASHTAGWARS.

I AM THRILLED AND MILDLY ANNOYEDBY THIS, BECAUSE THIS IS AN IDEA

WE HAD ON THE NERDEST PODCASTWITH DONALD GLOVER, LIKE, THREE

YEARS AGO.

THE "BACK TO THE FUTURE" MUSICALIS IN THE WORKS.

IN OUR VERSION DONALD WAS GOINGTO PLAY GOLDIE WILSON AND THE

WHOLE POINT OF VIEW WAS FROMMAYOR GOLD WILSON.

WHAT WE'RE SURE IS GOING TO BE APRETTY DECENT MUSICAL, LET'S

MAKE UP SOME CRAPPY ONES.

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS BADBROADWAY.

BOOK OF BOARDON, OR JERSEY MEN.

>> ANNIE GET YOUR ( BLEEP ).

>> THAT'S AWFUL.

POINT.

>> ALM THE SMALL THINGS.

A ( BLEEP ) 182 PHYSICAL.

>> POINT.

DANA.

>> AN AMERICAN IN PARIS HILTON--SPRMA LOT.

( APPLAUSE )>> POINT.

>> JEWSIES.

>> POINTS.

>> HOW TO SUCCEED IN MESS MAKINGWITHOUT REALLY TRYING.

>> POINTS.

>> JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNO MUSIC K-HOLE.

>> POINTS.

DANA, YOU HAD ONE.

>> MOMMA MIA FARROW.

( APPLAUSE )>> POINTS.

ART.

>> LITTLE SHOP OF HATE CRIMES.

>> WOULD BE AN AWFUL MUSICAL,YES, POINTS.

>> GLENGARRY, GLENN BECK.

>> THEY'RE NOT LAUGHING BECAUSETHEY HATE GLENN BECK.

"THIS GUY ON THE SUBWAY."

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IS I'MGOING TO READ YOU THE FIRST PART

OF A TWEET WITH "THIS GUY ON THESUBWAY "AND YOUR JOB IS TO

COMPLETE THE TWEET.

HERE WE GO.

GUY ON THE SUBWAY JUST TOLD USHE'S AN ALIEN.

>> I SAID WHY DID YOU TELL MEYOU WERE AN ALIEN.

HE SAID ICE BREAKER.

>>HE'S AN ALIEN.

AND THEN STARTED PLAYING THESAX.

#AUTHENTICNYEXPERIENCE."

A GUY ON THE SUBWAY IS RUMMAGINGTHROUGH A BACKPACK FILLED

ENTIRELY WITH-->> BRUCE JENNER AND/OR KIRA

KNIGHT HE ACTION FIGURE.

>> I THINK BRUCE JENNER IS LIKEA MELTED WAX DOG DOLL.

>> HE IS, HE'S SLOWLY MELTING.

>> HE'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,THOUGH.

HE'S A WONDERFUL MATRIARCH OFTHAT FAMILY.

>> IN HIS DEFENSE, HE LOOKSEXACTLY THE WAY HE LOOKED 10

YEARS AGO WHEN UNDERWATER.

THE ANSWER WASCONDOMS AND CHEWY BARS.

GOOD MORNING, A TRAINSOME GUY ON THE SUBWAY WAS

PLAYING THE BONGOS FOR HIS KIDSNAME--

>> HOMELESS BONGO KID JUNIOR,HOMELESS BONGO KID III, AND

KEVIN.

>> POINTS FOR SURE.

THE ANSWER WASPLAYING THE BONGOS FOR HIS KIDS

NAME--SUNSHINE AND HOT COCOA.

>> IT'S GOT TO BE MATTHEWMcCONAUGHEY.

OR HOT COCOA LIKE WHAT I'M GONNA DRINK WHEN YOU

CRADLE ME IN THAT SWEATER, NICK

THUMBNAIL'D IT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )A PICTURE TELLS 1,000 WORDS

UNLESS IT'S A WEIRD MISLEADINGTHUMBNAIL CLIP.

WE WILL SHOW YOU A YOUTUBE CLIPAND AND YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHAT

HAPPENED IN THE VIDEO.

DOES THIS FEATURE A RUNAWAYZAMBONI DRIVER OR A REPORTER

FACE-PLANT?

>> A REPORTER FACE-PLANT.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

WELL DONE.

I'M GOING TO-->> BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO.

>> SHE DIDN'T EVEN PUT HER HANDSDOWN.

>> I GOTTA DISAGREE WITH THAT.

SHE'S OBVIOUSLY DOING THE WORM.

THIS FRIENDLY FACE.

IS IT FROMA BRITISH ART FILM CALLED "YOUR

MAJESTY, MY NIGHTMARE."

OR A CHILDREN'S CEREALCOMMERCIAL.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH THECHILDREN'S CEREAL COMMERCIAL.

LET'S FIND OUT.

>> HONE AND SUGAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> THANKS FOR THE GREAT STORIES

ABOUT POST SUGAR POPS, MOLESTO.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

>> POINT TO DANA GOULD.

>> OH, MY GOD.

NEXT ONE.

THIS DOG SHOW, IS IT INTERRUPTEDBY A FEMALE STREAKER OR A

( BLEEP ) DOG?

>> I WISH IT WERE A ( BLEEP )STREAKER.

UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S ONE OR THEOTHER.

>> OH, MICROSOFT!

STEVE BALLMER.

( LAUGHTER )PLAUS DROPPING BOMBS.

>> I WISH IT WAS A, BUT I'MGOING TO GO WITH B, THE

( BLEEP ) DOG.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> DON'T GO BEHIND YOU, YOU CANLOSE CONTROL.

>> THE DOG OWNER WAS JUST LIKENO!

>> WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!

>> THE SHAME.

TEXT FROM YOUR PARENTS.

IT'S A BAD DAY WHEN YOUR PARENTSLEARN HOW TO TEXT.

MY DAD LEARNED TO TEXT JUSTABOUT A YEAR AGO.

IT WASN'T EVEN THAT THERE WERETYPOS.

HIS GRAMMAR-- I WOULD GET TEXTSLIKE, "ME SORRY, ME DO BETTER."

LIKE WE GAVE A SMART PHONE TO ACHIMP AND JUST LET HIM KIND OF

LIKE-- "ME DO BETTER."

SO PLEASE GIVE ME AS MANY PARENTTEXTS AS YOU CAN.

DANA.

>> HEY, MOM'S DEAD.

J.K. SUP DAWG

>> ARDEN.

>> JUSTIN BIEBER IS LIQUID GOLD.

REAL ONE FROM MY MOM.

>> POINTS!

YOU AND YOUR MOM.

NICK.

>> WHAT WAS THE NAME OF YOURFRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

I THOUGHT I SAW HIS MOM.

BUT IT WASN'T.

>> POINT.

ARDEN.

>> GREAT NEWS!

WE'RE COMING WITH YOU TOCOCHELA.

>> OH, WAY POINTS.

NICK.

>> TWO AND A HALF MEN-- SOFUNNY, HAVE YOU SEEN?

( LAUGHTER )>> POINTS.

POINT.

DANA.

>> HEY, SON, GUESS WHO HAD ABLOOD TEST?

( APPLAUSE ).

>> POINTS!

ARDEN.

>> TURNED YOUR ROOM INTO AIR B&B .

>> CHRIS HARDWICK, SO FUNNY,HAVE YOU MET?

>> I'M IN THE SAME CATEGORY ASTWO AND A HALF MEN?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE IT.

>> THEY ARRESTED FARTHER DONMAN.

Loading...