September 15, 2015 - Fake War on Cops & Religion in America

  • 09/15/2015

Fox News blames violence against police on the Black Lives Matter movement, and Larry talks religion with Salman Rushdie, Chloe Hilliard and Jordan Carlos.

>> Larry: THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THAT IS SO NICE.

I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO OURAUDIENCE AT HOME, LARRY LARRY.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU, EACH ANDEVERY ONE, EACH AND EVERY MEMBER

OF OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE GETS TOSIT IN THIS CHAIR BEFORE THE

SHOW.

[LAUGHTER]IT FIRES THEM UP.

AND THEY CAN'T HELP IT, THEY GOBACK AND GO LARRY, LARRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

STARTS FROM THE BUTT, WORKSITS WAY UP.

TONIGHT IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

TONIGHT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ASTATISTIC THAT'S COME UP.

IT'S VERY WORRISOME. ACCORDINGTO ONE POLL,

58% OF AMERICANS NOW THINKTHERE'S A

WAR ON POLICE.

NOW LOOK I'VE TALKED ABOUT WHATI SAW WERE ABUSES BY THE POLICE

DEPARTMENT ON THIS SHOW.

I'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT THAT.

I HAVE LAW ENFORCEMENT IN MYFAMILY SO THIS IS VERY

CONCERNING TO ME.

BUT THEN I SAW THIS.

>> 2015 IS TO BE ONE OF THELOWEST TOTALS OF OFFICERS GUNNED

DOWN IN THE LINE OF DUTY IN THELAST 25 YEARS.

>> OKAY.

WELL YES.

I GUESS IT TURNS OUT THAT THEREAL TRUTH IS 2015 IS SHAPING TO

BE ONE OF THE SAFEST YEARS FORPOLICE EVER.

AND NOT MANY THIS DYING IN LOWERNUMBERS BUT THEY'RE ALSO BEING

ATTACKED LESS.

WELL WAIT A MINUTE, THAT DOESN'TMAKE SENSE.

SO OVERALL, ATTACK ON POLICE AREWAY DOWN YET THE PERCEPTIONS OF

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OF THEATTACKS ON POLICE ARE WAY UP.

OKAY, YOU MAY BE WONDERING HOWTHAT HAPPENS.

THE ANSWER?

MAGIC.

[LAUGHTER]AND THE MAGICIAN?

FOX NEWS.

[LAUGHTER][APPLAUSE]

AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, I'M AMAGICIAN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THE NIGHTLY SHOW, VERY NICE.

NOW LET'S JUST SAY FORDEMONSTRATION PURPOSES I SHOW

YOU ONE CARD, OKAY.

I COVER IT.

THAT CARD IS WHAT, THE KING OFDIAMONDS, RIGHT.

I JUST LIFT UP MY HAND AND NOWIT LOOKS DIFFERENT.

NOW NORMALLY YOU'D BE A LITTLESUSPICIOUS BUT NOT IF THERE'S

NOTHING TO SEE.

OKAY?

[APPLAUSE]YES.

NOW HE'S GOOD.

OKAY I'M GOING TO BREAK THEMAGICIAN'S CODE I'M GOING TO

SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THAT TRICK.

I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU BUT I'MGOING TO TELL YOU GUYS.

THIS IS IMPORTANT.

I'M MAGIC.

FOX ON THE OTHER HAND DOESN'TUSE MAGIC, THEY JUST USE GOOD

OLD FASHION TRICKERATION.

HOW DOES FOX TURN SOMETHING THATISN'T INTO SOMETHING THAT IS.

YOU LIKE THAT?

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.

OKAY. HERE'S HOW THEY DO IT.FIRST, STATE YOUR [BLEEP]

PREMISE.>> SHERIFF MIKE LOUIS SAYS THE

RECENT ATTACKS HIGHLIGHT A TRENDTHAT LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS

AROUND THE COUNTRY ARE UNDERSIEGE.

>> I'VE NEVER SEEN IT LIKE THIS.

THIS IS SCARY SCARY TIME FOR LAWENFORCEMENT IN THIS COUNTRY IT

TRULY IS.

>> Larry: NOW HE DOESN'T MEANSPOOKY SCARY LIKE THE POLICE ARE

DEALING WITH A LOT OF CREAKYDOORS AND PALE VICTORIAN

CHILDREN HUMMING NURSERY RHYMES.

THEY'RE NOT CREEPED OUT, THEY'RESCARED AND THEY'RE SCARED

BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARING THEM, FOX

OKAY. AND THEN YOU TAKE YOUR[BLEEP] NARRATIVE

TO THE NEXT LEVEL BY TAKING ITTO FOX'S

HIGHEST HONOR, OFFICIAL WARSTATUS.

>> NYPD COMMISSIONERBILL BRATTON PREDICTING DIRE

CONSEQUENCES FROM WHAT HE SEESAS A WAR ON COPS.

>> THERE IS A WAR ON COPS.

WHAT'S FUELING THIS WAR ON COP.

>> THIS IS A WAR ON COPS.

>> WAR ON POLICE.

THE WAR ON POLICE.

>> WAR ON POLICE.

>> ISN'T IT OBVIOUS POLICE HAVEA BIG TARGET ON THEIR

BACK.

>> Larry: FOX IS GOING ALL INON THIS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN FOX THIS EXCITEDSINCE THE INVENTION OF BLONDE

THAT'S VERY EXCITING, VERYEXCITING.

OKAY.

BUT NOW HERE'S THE THING.

THE AUDIENCE IS HOOKED.

IN MAGIC WE CALL THAT THEPRESTIGE -- NO WE DON'T.

THAT MOVIE DIDN'T KNOW [BLEEP]ABOUT MAGIC

GIVING US A FALSE PREMISE, THEYABANDONED BY GIVING IT THEIR

HIGHEST DESIGNATION OF "WAR-ON,"THE NEXT THING IS THEY BRING OUT

AN EXPERT TO SUPPORT IT, AFOX-PERT IF YOU WILL.

ENTER THE SHERIFF FROM EARLIER.

>> I THINK IT'S COMPLETE LACK OFACCOUNTABILITY. YOU CAN GO TO

A HOME AT 2 OR 3 IN THE MORNINGTHE KIDS ARE UP WEEK NIGHTS

SWATCHING SNACKS OUT OF BAGS ONTHE SOFAS WHILE THEIR PARENTS

ARE OUT ON THE STREETS.

>> Larry: PARENTS ON THESTREET.

KIDS UP ALL NIGHT.

SNACK BAGS.

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT HERE.ARE YOU TELLING ME SLACKER

KIDS ARE KILLING COPS? I'M ALITTLE CONFUSED.

COULD YOU CLARIFY YOURCODED LANGUAGE.

>> YOU GOT A CERTAIN SEGMENT OFSOCIETY THAT ARE VERY DEFIANT.

>> Larry: MM-MM.

CERTAIN SEGMENT. OK I'M A LITTLESUSPICIOUS

I TELL YOU I'LL GIVE YOU THEBENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

WHEN YOU SAY A SEGMENT ISRESPONSIBLE FOR THE WAR ON COPS

I'M SURE YOU MEAN THE SOFA BAGIN MURDER TOWN RIGHT.

>> THEY HATE LAW ENFORCEMENT.

THIS BLACK LIVES MATTERMOVEMENT HAS

PERPETUATED THE BALANCE WE SEE

HERE LATELY.

>> Larry: THERE IT IS. IN CASEYOU MISSED

THE TRICK , THEY BLAMED BLACKLIVES ON MATTER FOR THE WAR OF

COPS THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLYEXIST.

[LAUGHTER].

>> Larry: NOW, RIGHT.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD.

NOW THAT FOX HAS ESTABLISHEDTHAT THE FAKE WAR ON COPS IS THE

FAULT OF BLACK LIVES MATTER THATNOW IS A REALITY.

WE DON'T QUESTION IT. FOR THEIRNEXT TECHNIQUE, THEY CHERRY PICK

MOMENTS FROM THE BLM MOVEMENT TOHELP FOX PROVE THEIR EXPERTS'

FAKE THEORIIES. LUCKY FOR FOX,BLACK LIVES MATTER, LIKE ANY

MOVEMENT, IS NOT PERFECT

>> CHANCE LIKE THIS FROM THEBLACK LIVES MATTER MARCH THIS

MONTH IN MINNESOTA.

>> Larry: OKAY.

PIGS IN A BLANKET FRYIN' LIKEBACON

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

NUMBER ONE YOU SHOULD NEVERNEVER IMPLY ANY KIND OF VIOLENCE

SHOULD BE DONE TO COPS.

THEIR JOB IS HARD ENOUGH ALREADYAND NUMBER TWO, PLEASE DON'T

DRAG BACON INTO THIS, OKAY.

PLEASE.

[LAUGHTER]BACON DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO

ANYBODY EXCEPT BEING THE MOSTAWESOME THING ON EARTH, ALL

RIGHT.

NOW OBVIOUSLY THIS IS A SMALLISOLATED INCIDENT IN AN

OTHERWISE PEACEFULMOVEMENT. FOX, WHAT WAS YOUR

TAKE AWAY FROM THAT ONE MOMENTTHAT YOU KEEP PLAYING OVER

AND OVER AND OVER.

>> THEIR AGENDA IS IT'S OKAY TOGO AHEAD AND KILL COPS.

PIGS IN A BLANKET FRY LIKE BACONIS THAT UNCLEAR TO YOU.

THOSE ARE THEIR WORDS.

>> Larry: OKAY.

NOW ... I'M NOT A SPOKESPERSONFOR BLACK LIVES MATTER BUT I'M

PRETTY SURE THEIR AGENDA IS JUSTTO GET POLICE TO STOP SHOOTING

UNARMED BLACK PEOPLE.

I MEAN THE FACT THAT WE EVENNEED THAT MOVEMENT IS INSANE.

THE FACT YOU'RE TRYING TOPRESTO-CHANGE IT TO A WAR ON

COPS IS EVEN MORE INSANE. ANDONCE THE MAGIC

TRICK IS DONE AND REALITY SEEMSA LITTLE DIFFERENT.

RIGHT WING POLITICIANS CAN MAKEPOINTS LIKE THIS.

>> THE RHETORIC AND VILIFICATIONOF LAW ENFORCEMENT OF THE POLICE

THAT'S COMING FROM THE TOP,COMING FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES.

>> WHAT I CAN TELL YOU THIS ISAN EXAMPLE OF THE LAWLESSNESS

OF THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.

>> COULD YOU ELABORATE ON HOWPRESIDENT OBAMA HAS PLAYED A

ROLE IN THE MURDER OF POLICEOFFICERS?

>> I THINK IT'S ABSENCE OFLEADERSHIP.

>> Larry: OBAMA?

YOU'RE REALLY BLAMING THIS ONOBAMA?

GET THE [BLEEP] REALLY?

I MEAN.

[CROWD CHEERING]I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I MEAN I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS,AS SOMEONE WHO LOVES THE ART OF

ILLUSION, I DESPISE FOX'S AGENDABUT I SO ADMIRE THEIR CRAFT

IT'S REALLY GOOD. AND LOOK ATJAKE TAPPER'S SAD FACE.

HE KNOWS THIS BLEEP ISN'T REAL.

I KNOW WHAT THAT MUSIC MEANS.

IT'S TIME FOR MY FAVORITE GAMESHOW.

HOW SAD IS JAKE TAPPER? WELL,

IT LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS THROWHIMSELF IN FRONT OF THE BUS

WITH ALL THE [BLEEP] HEHAS TO LISTEN TO. AS A SPECIAL

TREAT, EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCEGETS THEIR OWN JAR OF JAKE

TAPPER'S TEARS. LOOK UNDER YOURSEAT EVERYBODY.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU GET ONE, EVERYBODY GETS ONE.

THERE YOU GO.

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES FOXNEWS REPEATS IT.

[LAUGHTER]NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES FOX

NEWS REPEATS THE WORDS WAR ONCOPS, REMEMBER IT'S NOT A THING.

IT'S AN ILLUSION.

IT'S A MISDIRECTION INTENDED TOWEAKEN THE GROWING CIVIL RIGHTS

MOVEMENT.

LET ME JUST SAY AS A BLACK MANCOMING FROM A LAW ENFORCEMENT

FAMILY WHO IS ALSO A MAGICIANI COVER ALL THE BASES HERE

I VERY MUCH WANT COPS TO STAYSAFE AND

YOU KNOW ALIVE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL NIGHTLYSHOW CONTRIBUTOR VERY FUNNY MAN,

JORDAN CARLOS.

ALSO VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN, HAPPYTO HAVE HER BACK,

CHLOE HILLIARD.

AND HIS NEW NOVEL IS CALLED TWOYEARS, EIGHT MONTHS AND 28

NIGHTS SOMEONE WE WANTED ON THESHOW FOR A LONG

TIME IS AUTHOR SALMAN RUSHDIE.

WE TALKED ABOUT KIM DAVIS WENTBACK TO WORK BUT SHE WILL STILL

NOT AUTHORIZE GAY MARRIAGESLICENSES.

SHE SAYS IT WILL BE ISSUED BY AFEDERAL COURT ORDER.

MR. RUSHDIE, AS SOMEONE WHO HASDEALT WITH RELIGIOUS EXTREMISM.

YES, YOU.

I HEARD THAT YOU DEALT WITH -->> I ADMIT IT.

>> Larry: ARE HER RELIGIOUSLIBERTIES BEING ATTACKED.

>> OH MY.

FIRST OF ALL I HAVE TO SAY HER15 MINUTES ARE UP.

[CROWD CHEERING]LOOK.

THERE'S THIS LITTLE THING INAMERICA CALLED THE FIRST

AMENDMENT AND THE FIRSTAMENDMENT IS EQUAL -- THE FIRST

AMENDMENT DEFENDS RELIGIOUSFREEDOM.

THE SECOND HALF OF THE FIRSTAMENDMENT DEFENDS FREE

EXPRESSION.

THEY'RE IN THE SAME AMENDMENT.

WHAT IT DOESN'T MEAN THOUGH IFYOU DO HAVE RELIGIOUS FEELINGS

NOBODY ELSE CAN CRITICIZE THEM.

IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT.

YOU'RE NOT BEING OPPRESSED WHENSOMEBODY SAYS YOU'RE A DICK.

>> WE DON'T HAVE A CRITICISMAMENDMENT

TO THE CONSTITUTION RIGHT NOW.

THAT MEANS THE GOVERNMENT CAN'TTHROW YOU IN JAIL FOR

WORSHIPPING AS YOU WISH.

>> THE CONSTITUTION IS ONLY LIKEWHAT FOUR PAGES LONG.

WHY DOES NO ONE READ IT?

SHORTER THAN THE BIBLE.

>> I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVERELIGIOUS FREEDOM.

YOU CAN PRAY TO ANY GODS YOUWANT AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY

THAT YOU'RE CRAZY.

>> YES.

YOU CAN BELIEVE IT.

IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THE MOONIS MADE OF CHEESE, GO AHEAD

>> ARE YOU TELLING ME IT'S NOT.

>> I'M TELLING YOU IF YOU THINKSO YOU'RE A FOOL.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> WHEN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUTWORKING IN A PLACE OF BUSINESS

REALLY BECAUSE WE ALL PRAISE THEALMIGHTY DOLLAR AND I DON'T

REMEMBER GOD TAKING VISAS.

>> WELL I'M A LITTLE SUSPICIOUSABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

IF THIS WAS A MUSLIM PERSON ANDSHE SAYS ACCORDING TO SHARIA

LAW, SHE'S BELIEVING IN THE SAMETHING, WOULD SHE BE GETTING

THE SAME KIND OF SUPPORT?

>> ACCORDING TO SHARIA LAW SHEWOULD BE MARRIED TO HER FIRST

HUSBAND AND NOT ALLOWED TO WORK.

[CROWD CHEERING]>> I LOVE YOUR HYPOTHETICAL BUT

THAT WOULD NECESSITATE THEPEOPLE OF KENTUCKY ELECTING A

MUSLIM TO PUBLIC OFFICE

>> COME ON, IT WOULD BE LIKE ANOBAMA SECRET MUSLIM.

>> RIGHT.

>> OBAMA SECRET MUST LUMP.

>> I THINK WE CAN SAFELY BLAMEOBAMA.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> I GREW UP IN A VERYRELIGIOUS -- PENTECOSTAL,

SPEAKING IN TONGUES, FALLINGDOWN.

>> DID YOU SEE THAT.

>> OF COURSE, PEOPLE FALLINGOUT, VERY OLYMPIC SERVICE

>> VERY ENTERTAINING.

>> YES, VERY ENTERTAINING. IT'SHARD AS A KID

WATCHING PEOPLESPEAKING IN TONGUES.

TO ME IF JESUS CAN HANG OUT WITHMARY MAGDALENE WHO IS GIVING

BIBLICAN BLOW JOBS WHO AM I TOJUDGE.

>> WAS THIS THE GNOSTIC GOSPEL.

>> SHE WAS A JEZEBEL, LET'S NOTFORGET.

>> ONE BIG DISCOVERY COMING TOAMERICA FROM ENGLAND WAS

THERE RELIGION WAS A NEGATIVETHING

WHEN TONY BLAIR WAS PRIMEMINISTER HE WAS VERY RELIGIOUS.

HIS SPIN DOCTORS WORKED REALLYHARD FOR TEN YEARS TO PERSUADE

EVERYBODY HE WASN'T.

>> RIGHT.

>> BECAUSE IF HE WAS RELIGIOUSHE WOULD HAVE LOST ELECTIONS.

YOU KNOW.

AND HIS CHIEF SPIN DOCTOR SAIDWE DON'T DO RELIGIONS HERE.

SO THEN YOU COME HERE.

>> YOU SEE MIKE HUCKABEE DANCINGWITH KIM DAVIS

>> THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL BUT ISRELIGION BECOMING OUTDATED?

>WHEN IT STARTS EXPOSING THESETYPES OF BELIEFS, GAY PEOPLE

AREN'T DEVILS GOING TO HELL.STOP IT.

BUT RELIGION WOULD HAVE YOUBELIEVE THE WORST

>> I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE THATRELIGION IS OUTDATED.

FOR ME IT WAS OUTDATED SEVERALTHOUSAND YEARS AGO.

>> YOU'RE AN ATHEIST, RIGHT.

[APPLAUSE]>> PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE NEW

TESTAMENT IS A LOT OF CRAZYSTUFF THAN THE OLD TESTMENTED

AND WE NEED TO UPDATE IT NOW SOPEOPLE CAN HAVE GAY MARRIAGE AND

MEN CAN KEEP THEIR FORESKIN ANDNOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

>> MORE SPEAKING IN TONGUES ANDDOING THAT.

>> WE UPDATE OUR PHONES LIKEEVERY COUPLE MONTHS.

>> DO YOU THINK IT'S FAIR TOCOMPARE THIS TO THE CIVIL RIGHTS

STRUGGLE?

DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR.

>> WITH THIS KIM DAVIS TO THECIVIL RIGHTS STRUGGLE.

>> I WILL SAY IT FOR YOU, HELLNO.

>> I THINK STRUGGLE FOR GAYRIGHTS AND STRUGGLE CIVIL RIGHTS

ARE STRUGGLES FOR HUMAN RIGHTS.THEY SPILL OVER ON EACH OTHER

I KNOW PLENTY OF BLACK PEOPLEWHO ARE GAY AND GAY PEOPLE WHO

ARE BLACK.

>> I LOVE THAT THE BLACKPEOPLE HAPPEN TO BE GAY

AND GAY PEOPLE HAPPEN TO BEBLACK

>> I'M BLACK --[APPLAUSE]

>> THE WORDING.

>> PEOPLE WANT TO MAKE KIM DAVISINTO BEING A MARTYR.

SHE'S NOT AT THE FRONT OF THELINE, IT'S SOME WOMAN WHO

DOESN'T WANT TO SIGN HER NAME.

THE BIBLE SAYS SHE CAN REPENT SOSHE CAN SIGN HER NAME, DO A

HAIL MARY AND HAVE A GOODDAY.

>> WHAT MAKES ME SAD IS SHE'SGOING TO MAKE A FORTUNE.

>> BUT SHE'LL TITHE 10 PERCENTTO THE CHURCH FIRST.

>> THERE'S GOING TO BE A BOOKDEAL, LECTURE TOURS

SHE'S GOING TO BECOME A STAR OFTHE RIGHT

>> WHERE IS SHE GOING TO BE APUNDIT ON? FOX NEWS!

[APPLAUSE]>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE

RIGHT BACK.

>> I'M VERY EXCITED TONIGHT.

IT'S A SEGMENT CALLED KEEP ITUNDER 100.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THATEXPRESSION MEANS IT MEANS KEEP

IT 100% REAL.

>> I'M WITH YOU.

>> Larry: KEEP IT 100% REAL.

IF NOT, I HAVE TO THROW SOMEWEAK TEA AT YOUR ASS.

>> I'LL DO MY BEST.

>> YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.

>> I AM.

>> Larry: ARE PEOPLE WHOBELIEVE IN GOD NOT AS SMART AS

PEOPLE WHO DON'T.

>> IN MY OPINION?

>> Larry: IN YOUR OPINION>> THAT WOULD BE CORRECT.

>> HE KEPT IT 100. GOOD LUCK GETTING OUT OF THE STUDIO PAST

THE RELIGIOUS PROTESTERSOUTSIDE.. THAT'S VERY GOOD.

THAT'S HOW THE GAME'S PLAYED.

COOL.

GOD IS SPEAKING TO YOU DIRECTLY.

HE'S GETTING RID OF EVERYRELIGION EXCEPT ONE.

YOU PICK THE ONE THAT STAYS.

WHICH ONE DO YOU KEEP.

>> WHICHEVER ALLOWS SEX BEFOREMARRIAGE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, JORDAN.

YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LITTLEGIRL.

YOUR DAUGHTER'S JUST TURNED 18.

WE'RE GOING FORWARD IN TIME.

SHE'S PROBABLY IN LOVE WITH THEMORE MUST NOT RELIGION AND HAS

MET A SUPER RELIGIOUS MORMON MANAND GOING TO MARRY HIM AND

BECOME HIS FOURTH WIFE.

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD DAD, ARE YOUGOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN.

>> THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TOLET THAT HAPPEN AT ALL.

NOT AT ALL, NO, NO.

NO WAY.

>> Larry: YOU'LL BREAK -->> I'LL BREAK HER HEART,

I'LL BREAK THAT GUY'S BONES.

>> I GOT TO GIVE HIM 100.

>> NO, NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BERIGHT BACK.