Jason Mantzoukas & Natasha Leggero

  • Season 1, Ep 8
  • 04/09/2013

A chef kills and cooks his spouse, Anthony talks women's golf, and Jason Mantzoukas and Natasha Leggero do Latino voices.

AW, SNAP.

LOUISVILLE BASKETBALL PLAYERKEVIN WARE

SNAPPED HIS SHINBONEDURING A GAME LAST WEEK,

WHICH MEANS HE ACTUALLY MIGHTGET HIS COMMUNICATIONS DEGREE.

[laughter]

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

SHAIN GANDEE, ONE OF THE STARSOF THE MTV SHOW BUCKWILD,

WAS FOUND DEAD THIS WEEKIN WEST VIRGINIA.

GANDEE APPARENTLY DIEDAFTER LEAVING A BAR

WITH HIS UNCLE AT 3:00 A.M.TO GO FOUR-WHEELING IN THE WOODS

OR, AS IT'S KNOWNIN WEST VIRGINIA,

NATURAL CAUSES.

[laughter]

MY, WHAT BIG EYES YOU HAVE.

AT AN AIRPORT RECENTLY,ACTRESS AMANDA SEYFRIED

WAS MISTAKEN FOR LINDSAY LOHAN.

BUT AMANDA'S NICE.

SHE PATIENTLY EXPLAINEDTO THE PERSON,

"NO, HONEY,YOU'RE LINDSAY LOHAN."

[laughter and applause]

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP.

TWO 13-YEAR-OLD STUDENTSIN VIRGINIA

ARE FACING FELONY CHARGES

AFTER THEY TRIED TO SLOWLYPOISON THEIR MATH TEACHER

BY PUTTING HAND SANITIZERIN HER COFFEE.

[audience oohing]

SO LET THAT BE A LESSON TO YOU.

YOU CAN POISON PEOPLE

BY ADDING HAND SANITIZERTO THEIR COFFEE.

[laughter and applause]

YEAH.

- LET'S GET RIGHT INTO IT

WITH THE "BEST WORST THINGOF THE WEEK."

OF ALL THE AWFUL NEWS STORIES,THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE.

IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT,

DON'T MURDER YOUR WIFEIN THE KITCHEN.

A CALIFORNIA CHEFJUST GOT THE MAXIMUM SENTENCE

FOR KILLING HIS SPOUSE

AND THEN COOKING HER BODYFOR FOUR DAYS.

- [laughing]

- OH, NO, LOOK AT HIM.- YEAH.

- AY-YI-YI.

- OOPS.

- BUT WHAT, LIKE,

I FEEL LIKE EVERYBODYIS GLOSSING OVER

IS THAT WHEN HE FOUND OUT

THAT THEY WERE SUSPECTING HIMOF DOING IT,

HE THREW HIMSELF OFF A CLIFFAND LIVED.

- [laughing] AND LIVED.

- BETWEEN THAT AND STRAIGHT UPSLOW ROASTING HIS WIFE,

THIS DUDE HAS DONE TWO THINGSON MY BUCKET LIST.

- [laughs]

- IT'S IMPORTANTFOR LADIES TO KNOW

THAT THE LOOK A GUY GIVES YOUWHEN HE'S ABOUT TO [bleep] YOU,

IT'S THE SAME LOOKAS WHEN HE'S ABOUT TO EAT YOU.

[laughter]

- POSITIVE.

- I JUST THINK IT'S DUMB

TO BOIL A BODY FOR FOUR DAYS

'CAUSE THEN THERE'SNO NUTRIENTS LEFT.

- I HOPE HE DOESN'T TURN HERINTO THOSE SMALL PLATES.

I JUST HATE WHEN CHEFS DO THAT.

- AND I WOULD THINK,LIKE, BY DAY THREE,

HE WAS, LIKE, SO TEMPTEDTO TAKE THE LID

OFF THE CROCK-POT TO SEE...

- THIS IS A HORRIBLE STORY.

HE BOUND HER UP WITH DUCT TAPEFOR, LIKE, FOR A FULL DAY

BEFORE HE KILLED HER, RIGHT,BEFORE HE COOKED HER.

AND AT THAT--WHEN I WAS READING THAT,

I WAS LIKE,"THIS IS KIND OF SEXY."

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

AT THIS POINT, JASON,

I FEEL LIKE YOUMUST HAVE BEEN IN THE ROOM

WHEN HE KILLED HER.

[laughter and applause]

AND NOW IT'S TIME

TO THROW OUT THE BABYWITH THE BATHWATER.

IT'S "DEFENDING YOUR TWEET."

[cheers and applause]

YOU TWEETED IT.

NOW I'M GONNA READ ITAND ASK YOU TO DEFEND IT

IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.

TASHA.- YEAH.

- ON FEBRUARY 3RD,YOU TWEETED THE FOLLOWING:

[laughter]

NATASHA, DEFEND YOUR TWEET.

- OKAY, EVERYONE WAS,LIKE, TWEETING SPORTS STUFF,

SO IN MY MIND,I THOUGHT THAT WAS, LIKE,

WHAT PEOPLE SAY TO SPORTS.

- OKAY.- POUND IT?

OH, MAN, DID YOU SEE THATSPORTS GAME THE OTHER NIGHT?

POUND IT.

- NO, LIKE--LIKE POUND THE BALL,

YOU KNOW, LIKE, POUND IT.

- YEAH, LIKE, "POUND THE BALL,"LIKE THAT OLD SAYING.

- I'M CURIOUS WHAT SPORTTHAT IS.

- THAT WAS A GOOD DEFENSE,NATASHA.

YOU REALLY POUNDED IT.

[laughter]

NOW, JASON.- YEAH.

- ON MARCH 22ND, YOU TWEETED:

- YEP, YEP.

- JASON.- YEAH.

- THAT SEEMS LIKE SPAM.

DEFEND YOUR TWEET.

- NO, I KNOW IT DOES,

BUT, DUDE, I MADE $103.76FROM FILLING OUT SURVEYS,

AND I WANT PEOPLETO KNOW ABOUT IT.

THIS IS A GREAT THING.

FOLLOW THAT LINK.

TRUST IT, GUYS.

THIS IS FLAWLESS.

I'M PRETTY HILARIOUSON TWITTER.

I WILL BE HONEST.- OH, GOOD.

- EVEN THOUGH THAT PICTURE

LOOKS LIKE A HOMELESS VERSIONOF ME.

- YEAH,IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

- OOH, BUDDY.

- BUT THANK YOU GUYS BOTHFOR BEING HERE TONIGHT.

CATCH NATASHA LIVEAPRIL 11TH THROUGH 13TH

AT COMEDY WORKS IN DENVER,

AND CHECK OUT JASON'S PODCAST,"HOW DID THIS GET MADE?"

AVAILABLE ON ITUNES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACKWITH MORE SHOW.

[cheers and applause]

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