CC Presents: Tom Shillue

  • 05/05/2005

Tom Shillue: THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

HOW YOU DOING, GOOD?

[CHEERING]

I LOOK GOOD, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

I FEEL LIKE I LOOK GOOD.

[CAT CALLS]

[LAUGHTER]

I'M GETTING BIGGER.

I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT.

I'M TRYING TO GAIN WEIGHT,

YOU KNOW.

SO I'VE BEEN PUTTING ON SOME

POUNDS.

AND I'M EATING LIKE FIVE MEALS

A DAY.

AND EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO

BED I HAVE A CAN OF THAT CANNED

BEEF STEW.

[LAUGHTER]

SEE I LIKE THIS STUFF.

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S BAD

FOR YOU.

'CAUSE I WAS HAVING SOME THE

OTHER NIGHT AND I SWEAR TO DOG

I HEARD MY DOG SAY, "I CAN'T

BELIEVE YOU EAT THAT CRAP."

[LAUGHTER]

I'M GETTING OLDER.

I CATCH MYSELF DOING THOSE DAD

THINGS.

YOU KNOW GUYS WHEN YOU CATCH

YOURSELF DOING THOSE THINGS

YOUR DAD USED TO DO.

YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS THAT

USED TO EMBARRASS YOU AND THEN

YOU CATCH YOURSELF DOING THE

SAME THING.

I CAUGHT MYSELF DOING THE FOLD

TUCK IN PUBLIC THE OTHER DAY.

[LAUGHTER]

FOLD TUCK.

MY DAD COULD TUCK HIS PANTS IN

ANYWHERE.

BE THE WORST PLACE.

HE'D BE LIKE, "YEAH I'LL HAVE

A BIG MAC AND AH...

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND A LARGE FRY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT DO YOU WANT THERE, TOMMY?"

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE "NOT HUNGRY, DAD.

THANKS.

CANCEL THOSE NUGGETS.

THANKS A LOT."

[LAUGHTER]

I AM LOOKING GOOD.

THIS IS A GOOD AUDIENCE.

THESE GIRLS ARE GETTING

YOUNGER, AREN'T THEY?

EVERYWHERE YOU GO THESE GIRLS

ARE GETTING YOUNGER.

EVERY CHANNEL I TURN ON SOME

GIRL IN LITTLE T-SHIRT DANCING

AROUND.

♪ KA, KA, KA, KA

♪ KA, KA, KA, KA

[LAUGHTER]

THAT WAS A GIRL DANCING IF YOU

DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING

THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE HOT THOUGH THOSE GIRLS.

I WAS AT A NEWSSTAND THE OTHER

DAY WITH MY FRIEND.

THERE WAS A HOT GIRL ON THE

FRONT OF EVERY MAGAZINE.

HOT LITTLE TEENAGE GIRL IN A

LITTLE T-SHIRT.

♪ KA, KA, KA, KA

♪ KA, KA, KA, KA

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.

LOOK AT THAT GIRL."

AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE,

"OH YEAH, MAN.

I WISH I WAS 19 AGAIN."

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID WITH KINDA

THAT EVIL VOICE.

"I WISH I WAS 19 AGAIN."

[LAUGHTER]

THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, WHAT WOULD

YOU DO?

CALL HER?

YOU'D JUST BE A 19-YEAR-OLD

LOSER, THAT'S ALL."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NO DIFFERENCE, RIGHT?

I AM GETTING OLDER.

HERE'S A SIGN OF AGE.

I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING GOLF

ON TV THIS WEEKEND.

THAT'S PRETTY BAD, ISN'T IT?

GOLF IS BORING ENOUGH TO PLAY

NEVER MIND WATCH IT ON TV.

BUT THEN TO MAKE IT EXTRA

BORING THEY ACTUALLY SHOW SLOW

MOTION REPLAYS.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU LEARN BY

WATCHING A GUY PUTT IN SLOW

MOTION?

WATCH HIM HE'S LIKE...

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

GOTTA SLOW THAT DOWN, RIGHT?

I LIKE WATCHING BASKETBALL.

MY FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH ON

TV.

BUT DO WHAT I DO.

WHEN YOU'RE WATCHING THAT

BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY HAVE

ONE OF THOSE SLOW MOTION REPLAYS

DON'T LOOK AT THE PLAYERS,

RIGHT, LOOK IN THE BACKGROUND.

THERE'S ALWAYS SOME COACH BACK

THERE THAT DOESN'T REALIZE

HE'S ON THE AIR, RIGHT?

WATCH HIM HE'S LIKE--

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH--

CURRENT EVENTS.

I JUST GOT MARRIED.

THAT'S COOL, RIGHT?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

VERY COOL.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S NICE.

IT'S SO FUNNY THE DIFFERENT

REACTIONS.

THE WOMEN IN THE AUDIENCE--

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S GREAT.

MY GOD, THAT'S SWEET.

THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S NICE."

THE GUYS' LIKE, "DUDE.

I DON'T KNOW.

THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL FOR A..."

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SINGLE GUYS YOU COULD

LEARN FROM ME 'CAUSE I JUST

WENT THROUGH THAT WHOLE PROCESS,

YOU KNOW?

SO IT'S VERY, IT'S VERY FRESH.

SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE LIKE.

GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE PLANNING A

WEDDING AND BY THAT I MEAN WHEN

SHE'S PLANNING A WEDDING...

[LAUGHTER]

SHE'S GONNA COME TO YOU WITH

QUESTIONS, WITH PROBLEMS.

AND YOU'RE GONNA GIVE HER

THE WRONG ANSWER.

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING

YOU SAY DURING THAT ENGAGEMENT

PERIOD, WRONG.

[LAUGHTER]

SO I ACTUALLY WROTE DOWN SOME

THINGS.

THESE ARE THINGS NOT TO SAY...

[LAUGHTER]

TO SOME TYPICAL QUESTIONS THAT

SHE IS GONNA ASK YOU.

ALL RIGHT?

DON'T SAY THESE THINGS.

IF SHE SAYS, "WHICH CENTERPIECE

SHALL WE USE ON THE TABLES AT

OUR WEDDING RECEPTION?"

DON'T SAY, "I DON'T CARE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

GUYS, THAT'S GONNA SEEM LIKE

THE RIGHT ANSWER...

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND IN YOUR MIND THE WAY GUYS

THINK WE GOT THE MATH ALL

WORKED OUT, RIGHT?

IT'S LIKE, "I DON'T CARE,"

EQUALS "WHATEVER YOU WANT,

HONEY.

I LOVE YOU."

IT'S ALL IN THERE, RIGHT GUYS?

BUT WOMEN ARE CRAZY.

THINGS GO IN HERE THEY GET ALL

SCRAMBLED UP.

TO WOMEN, "I DON'T CARE,"

ACTUALLY EQUALS "I DON'T CARE".

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT SOUNDS CONVOLUTED BUT THAT'S

THE WAY IT WORKS IN THERE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SEE WHAT ELSE HERE.

IF SHE SAYS, "WHICH SONG SHALL

WE DANCE TO FOR OUR FIRST

DANCE?"

THAT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO DO

A FIRST DANCE.

BUT IT'S NOT THE FIRST 'CAUSE

SHE MADE YOU PRACTICE FOR LIKE

EIGHT MONTHS.

[LAUGHTER]

SHE SAYS, "WHICH SONG SHALL

WE DANCE TO?"

DON'T SAY, "HMMM, HOW ABOUT

'CALIFORNIA GIRLS.'"

[LAUGHTER]

THAT SONG MAY RESONATE WITH

YOU GUYS BUT IT'S NOT

APPROPRIATE.

IF SHE SAYS, "WHICH FONT?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHE WILL.

IF SHE SAYS, "WHICH FONT SHALL

WE USE ON OUR INVITATIONS?"

DON'T SAY, "NOT NOW, IT'S

ALCATRAZ WEEK ON THE DISCOVERY

CHANNEL.

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE SHE WILL KICK YOUR ASS.

WOMEN DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.

WE LIKE THAT WE LIKE THAT

ALCATRAZ WEEK, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER]

GUYS LOVE ALCATRAZ WEEK.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

ONE GIRL WAS ASKING LIKE,

"WHAT'S IN YOUR HEAD?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHAT'S GOING ON IN THAT MIND

OF YOURS?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

WHAT'S IN THERE?

WHAT'S UPSTAIRS?"

YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE THINKING?

"ALCATRAZ."

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S ALL THAT'S THERE.

YOU'RE GONNA GET TWO TV'S

THOUGH.

IF YOU'RE MARRIED TWO TV'S,

RIGHT?

YEAH.

'CAUSE SHE ALWAYS WANTS TO

WATCH DR. PHIL.

SHE SAYS, "COME ON AND WATCH

DR. PHIL."

"I HATE DR. PHIL."

YEAH.

I LIKE MY ANIMAL SHOWS.

GUYS LIKE ANIMAL SHOWS, RIGHT?

Male: YEAH.

Tom Shillue: YEAH.

LIKE WATCHING THOSE ANIMALS

RUN ACROSS THE PLAINS.

WHEN I GET HOME LATE AT NIGHT

I LIKE MY ANIMAL SHOWS.

I GET LIKE THREE DIFFERENT

ANIMAL CHANNELS NOW.

MY CABLE SYSTEM'S FANTASTIC.

I GOT HOME THE OTHER NIGHT

2:30 A.M.

THIS IS WHAT'S ON TV?

"SEARCH FOR THE GIANT SQUID."

[LAUGHTER]

"NO MAN HAS EVER SEEN A GIANT

SQUID ALIVE."

I SAID, "DAMN!

I'LL STAY UP FOR THAT."

[LAUGHTER]

I WANNA BE THE FIRST KID ON

MY BLOCK TO SEE THE GIANT SQUID.

SO THE GUY GOES DOWN TO THE

BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN IN HIS

ONE-MAN SUBMERSIBLE SUBMARINE.

WHICH IS KINDA REDUNDANT

BUT THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO HE WAS LIKE...

[SUBMERGING NOISES]

"WE'RE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE

OCEAN.

WE MUST REMAIN VERY QUIET

SO AS NOT TO DISTURB THE GIANT

SQUID."

[LAUGHTER]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE

MESSAGES."

[LAUGHTER]

SO I WAIT.

HE COMES BACK.

"WE'RE STILL AT THE BOTTOM OF

THE OCEAN.

AND HERE IS A SKETCH OF THE

GIANT SQUID.

THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD LOOK LIKE

IF WE SAW HIM.

SO FAR WE HAVE NOT.

NO MAN HAS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER

THESE MESSAGES."

[LAUGHTER]

[BLEEP].

SO I WAIT HE COMES BACK.

"WE'RE STILL AT THE BOTTOM OF

THE OCEAN."

THINK YOU BETTER SHOW ME THAT

DAMN SQUID!

I HAD NEVER WANTED TO SEE A

SQUID SO BADLY IN MY LIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

FINALLY IT'S LIKE 3:25 A.M.

THE GUY IS LIKE, "PULL ME UP."

THEY PULLED THE SUBMERSIBLE UP.

HE GETS ON THE DECK OF THE BOAT.

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, ANOTHER DAY

AND THE SQUID HAS ELUDED US."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

IT'S AN HOUR-LONG SHOW!

THEY NEVER SHOWED THE SQUID!

SH-SH-SH.

I WAS PISSED.

WHO REMEMBERS WILD KINGDOM?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT WAS A COOL ANIMAL SHOW.

THEY CAPTURE ONE ANIMAL

PER EPISODE.

REMEMBER THEY CAPTURED HIM

IN A NET YOU KNOW, AND THEY'D

STUDY 'EM.

THEY'D ALWAYS LET 'EM GO AT

THE END OF THE SHOW.

BUT REMEMBER THEY'D ALWAYS

TAG 'EM FIRST, RIGHT?

THEY SAY, "WE'RE GONNA COME BACK

AND CHECK ON HIM NEXT SEASON."

THEY NEVER CHECKED ON 'EM.

THEY PUT THAT BIG WILD KINGDOM

TAG IT'D BE.

THEY'D BE LIKE, CHIG GHIG!

[LAUGHTER]

HE CAN GO AROUND IN THE WILD,

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

MUTUAL OF OMAHA?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND YOU KNOW THAT ANIMAL WAS

THE LOSER OF HIS PACK, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW THE WILDEBEEST GOES

HOME TO HIS BUDDIES, LIKE,

"HEY GUYS, HA-HA-HA,

WHAT'S UP?"

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE, "DUDE, WHAT HAPPENED TO

YOU?"

"I DON'T KNOW.

I TOOK A NAP."

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE ON WILD KINGDOM, MAN.

GET LOST.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYBODY VISITING NEW YORK YOU

GOTTA GO DOWN TO EAST VILLAGE,

RIGHT?

YEAH, THE EAST VILLAGE DOWN

AVENUE D, AVENUE C.

Female: YEAH.

Tom Shillue: YEAH.

SEE THESE KIDS DOWN THERE.

THEY GOT THOSE STUDS RIGHT

THROUGH THEIR FACE.

[CHU-CHU]

THEY GOT 'EM EVERYWHERE.

RIGHT THROUGH THEIR NOSE--

TA-TUNG

THROUGH THEIR TONGUE--

TA-TUNG TA-TUNG,

TA-TUNG, TA-TUNG, TA-TUNG!

[LAUGHTER]

I'M DOWN THERE LIKE "WHO'S

TAGGING THESE KIDS ANYWAY?"

[LAUGHTER]

I THINK IT MIGHT BE

WILD KINGDOM.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THINK ABOUT IT.

THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.

THAT'S ALL PART OF SOME KINDA

WEIRD WILD KINGDOM PROJECT.

THE GUYS' GONNA COME BACK IN

20 YEARS AND DO A SPECIAL BE

LIKE, "WE'RE LIVE HERE IN THE

EAST VILLAGE WITH WILD KINGDOM.

ALL THE SPECIMENS WE TAGGED

STILL DON'T HAVE JOBS.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT

NEW YORK THE MULTICULTURAL

ATMOSPHERE, AM I RIGHT?

MANY CULTURES BLENDING AS ONE.

BUT YOU GOTTA BE

EXTRACULTURALLY SENSITIVE

IF YOU'RE A REALLY WHITE GUY

LIKE ME, RIGHT?

YOU GOTTA HAVE THAT EXTRA

LEVEL OF CULTURAL SENSITIVITY.

I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

I GO IN MY FAVORITE CHINESE

RESTAURANT, CHICKEN AND

BROCCOLI, $4.04.

I LOVE IT, $4.04 THE LUNCH

SPECIAL, FANTASTIC.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW YOU GO IN

THERE IN THE CHINESE RESTAURANT

AND THOSE GUYS THEY'RE COOKING

WITH THE WOKS.

THEY'RE TALKING, THEY'RE

SCREAMING, THEY'RE YELLING,

THEY'RE DELIVER AND YOU START

TALKING LIKE THEM?

[LAUGHTER]

YOU DON'T MEAN TO.

YOU KNOW I GO IN THERE LIKE,

"CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI."

"CHICKEN BROCCOLI, CHICKEN

BROCCOLI, CHICKEN BROCCOLI!

YOU WANT EXTRA SAUCES?"

[ACCENT] "NO SAUCES.

OH SORRY.

[LAUGHTER]

[NO ACCENT] NO SAUCES."

SO I GO IN THERE THE OTHER DAY

AND I'M THINKING, "DON'T TALK

LIKE THE CHINESE GUY.

DON'T DO IT."

I'M REHEARSING.

I'M LIKE, "CHICKEN AND

BROCCOLI, NO SAUCES."

I GOT THE $4 AND THE

FOUR PENNIES ALL READY TO GO.

SO I DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING

EXTRA, YOU KNOW.

SO I GO IN AND I'M LIKE,

"CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI."

"CHICKEN BROCCOLI, CHICKEN

BROCCOLI, CHICKEN BROCCOLI!

YOU WANT EXTRA SAUCES?"

"NO SAUCES."

[LAUGHTER]

"4.05."

[LAUGHTER]

"DID YOU KNOW IT WAS 4.04."

"AHWAYS 4.05."

[LAUGHTER]

"I THINK IT'S ALWAYS 4.0--"

"AHWAYS 4.05."

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU KNOW I COME IN EVERY DAY

CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI GUY,

HA, HA, HA, HA,

NO SAUCE."

"AHWAYS 4.05."

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE, [ACCENT] "NEVER 4.05."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"AHWAYS 4.04.

NEVER 4.05!

ONLY 4.04!"

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

Tom Shillue: HERE'S SOMETHING.

THIS IS TRUE STUFF.

I GET A LOT OF MY NEWS OFF

THE INTERNET.

OKAY?

THIS WAS A STUDY.

I SAW THIS THE OTHER DAY ON

THE INTERNET.

IT'S CALLED, "WRONG SIDE

SURGERY: CAUSES AND EFFECTS."

"WRONG SIDE SURGERY: CAUSES

AND EFFECTS."

NOW IF YOU'RE LIKE ME YOU'RE

THINKING, "THAT CAN'T BE WHAT

IT SOUNDS LIKE."

IT IS.

IT'S WHEN THE DOCTOR OPERATES

ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BODY

BY MISTAKE.

"SORRY."

[LAUGHTER]

AND YOU THINK, "HOW OFTEN

COULD THAT HAPPEN?

LIKE TWO OR THREE TIMES IN

HISTORY?"

HAPPENED 146 CASES, 146 CASES

LAST YEAR OF WRONG SIDE SURGERY.

I GOT THE FACTS RIGHT HERE.

FORTY-ONE PERCENT WERE IN

THE FIELD OF ORTHOPEDICS.

I'M NOT DOCTOR BUT I THINK

THAT MEANS WRONG ARM OR WRONG

LEG.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT GOT ME THINKING.

I GOT A BAD KNEE.

IF I HAVE TO GO IN FOR AN

OPERATION I'M GONNA GET A

MAGIC MARKET.

I'M GONNA WRITE A NOTE ON THE

OTHER LEG.

I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "DEAR

DOCTOR, THIS IS THE WRONG LEG.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CONSERVATIVE NOW.

I'M GETTING CONSERVATIVE.

I SIT AT HOME.

I THINK THERE'S TOO MUCH SEX

ON TV.

THERE'S SEX IN COMMERCIALS NOW.

COMMERCIALS USED TO BE

WHOLESOME.

NOW YOU GOT THAT WOMAN WASHING

HER HAIR--

[MOANING]

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T NEED THAT IN MY SHAMPOO.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THERE'S A COMMERCIAL ON TV.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN

THIS.

THERE'S A WOMAN SHE'S PUTTING UP

WALLPAPER.

HER HUSBAND COMES HOME SHE SAYS,

"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS

COLOR?

HE SAYS, "I THINK IT'S UGLY."

SHE GOES, "I THINK YOU'RE UGLY."

[LAUGHTER]

I SAID WHAT THE HELL'S THAT FOR?

AND THEN THE VOICEOVER COMES IN.

IT'S THIS SEXY, FEMALE

VOICEOVER.

SHE COMES IN WITH A DEEP,

SEXY VOICE.

SHE SAYS, "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL

TO PHILADELPHIA."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S AN AD FOR PHILADELPHIA.

AND IT SHOW'S THE COUPLE.

THEY'RE IN LOVE AT THE END OF

THE COMMERCIAL.

AND THE WOMAN COMES IN WITH THAT

SEXY VOICE AGAIN.

SHE'S SAYS "PHILADELPHIA.

FIND A MORE PERFECT UNION."

[LAUGHTER]

DID YOU CATCH THAT?

THAT'S A PHRASE FROM THE

CONSTITUTION.

CONSTITUTION SIGNED IN

PHILADELPHIA.

THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE

CONSTITUTION SEXY?

THAT'S WRONG.

THEN THERE'S ANOTHER AD FOR

PHILADELPHIA, SAME THING.

THE COUPLE'S IN LOVE AT THE END.

WOMAN COMES IN WITH THAT SEXY

VOICE AT THE END OF THE

COMMERCIAL.

SHE SAYS, "PHILADELPHIA.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."

ANOTHER PHRASE FROM THE

CONSTITUTION.

WHAT IF THEY KEEP THIS CAMPAIGN

UP?

THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH

THE CONSTITUTION LINE BY LINE.

SO I WENT THROUGH THE

CONSTITUTION LINE BY LINE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I FOUND PHRASES THAT COULD

DOUBLE AS PHILADELPHIA'S SLOGAN.

"PHILADELPHIA.

CALL TOGETHER LEGISLATIVE BODIES

AT PLACES UNUSUAL."

[LAUGHTER]

"PHILADELPHIA.

DO ALL OTHER ACTS AND THINGS

THAT INDEPENDENT STATES MAY DO."

[LAUGHTER]

"PHILADELPHIA.

ABSOLVING THE MANLY FIRMNESS OF

HIS INVASIONS ON THE RIGHTS

OF THE PEOPLE!"

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]

ACTUALLY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT

THAT MEANS.

BUT I JUST HAD TO READ THAT

'CAUSE I WANNA KNOW WHAT

FOUNDING FATHER WROTE "MANLY

FIRMNESS OF HIS INVASIONS."

THAT WAS THE FRISKY FOUNDING

FATHER, RIGHT?

[CHEER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS SHOULD BE THE SLOGAN FOR

PHILADELPHIA.

"PHILADELPHIA.

BECAUSE ALL MEN ARE ENDOWED BY

THEIR CREATOR."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU WERE GREAT.

THANKS A LOT, FOLKS.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

COMEDY CENTRAL.

Captioned By

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