Wednesday, May 13, 2015

  • 05/13/2015

Paul Feig, Jessica Chaffin and Jamie Denbo of "Spy" write phallic tourism slogans for Prince Edward Island, #GenderSwapAMovie and predict how "Mad Men" might end.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, THIS IS RAPID

REFRESH!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WELL, THIS NEW TRAVEL GUIDE HASBEEN ALL OVER THE INTERNET

TODAY.

IT'S FOR CANADA'S BEAUTIFULPRINCE EDWARD ISLAND, A SECLUDED

PARADISE WHERE YOU CAN SIT BACKAND REHACKS WITH A NICE VISIBLE

SWIM TRUNKS BONER.

YEP.

AH.

JUST SITTING BACK AND LETTINGTHE BEACH GIVE HIM A BLOW JOB.

DON'T WORRY, THEY ONLYPRINTED 180,000 COPIES.

THEY'RE METRIC, THOUGH, SOTHAT'S LESS HERE, RIGHT.

>> BUT IF YOU BRUSH UP AGAINSTHIM, THERE'S 250,000 OF THEM.

>> Chris: NOT TO OVER ANALYZEIT, BUT NOW THAT I AM

MESMORIZED BY IT --

>> THERE'S NO WAY TO NOT BE.>> I CAN BARELY SEE THE OCEAN.

>> Chris: THIS IS NOT REALLY --

>> IT IS THE REAL MOBY DICK, IGUESS.

>> Chris: POINTS TO JESSICACHAFFIN.

100 POINTS.

NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO RECALLTHE IMAGE BUT SOCIAL MEDIA HAS

ALREADY OF COURSE TAKEN IT ANDTHAT'S IT.

SO I AM SORRY, TOURISM BOARD NOTAKESIES DICKSIES BACKSIES.

VISIT P.E.I.! IT'S EXCITING,LOL.

COMEDIANS WHAT'S A GOOD TOURISMSLOGAN FOR PRINCE EDWARD

ISLAND BASED ON THIS.

PAUL FEIG.

>> IF YOUR TRIP LASTS MORE THANFOUR HOURS, CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR.

>> Chris: YES, OKAY. POINTS.POINTS.

JAMIE DENBO.

>> PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND, IT'SENGORGE-EOUS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DURING THE PHOTOSHOOT, WAS HELIKE HANG ON A SEC, I HAVE TO

TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING.

>> IT IS ONE OF THOSE SUNDIALS.

>> Chris: IT IS 3:00 O'CLOCK --

>> HONEY, WHAT TIME IS IT? OH,NEVER MIND.

>> Chris: GOOD NEWS, GUYS! THEMUPPETS ARE RETURNING TO PRIME

TIME TELEVISION!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: YAY!!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: KERMIT FLAIL.

THIS IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPENON ABC SINCE STEVE GUTENBERG

WAS ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS."

THE BAD NEWS IS BECAUSE OFNETWORK TELEVISION IT IS JUST A

MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SOME FARTYPANTS EXECUTIVE WITH A SWEATY

HAIRPIECE GIVES A NETWORK NOTETO JUSTIFY HIS JOB, SOMETHING

LIKE, HMM, DOES KERMIT HAVE TOBE A FROG?

DO THEY NEED TO BE MUPPETS?COULD WE JUST CALL THEM PUPPETS?

COMEDIANS WHAT ASK ANOTHER --OBVIOUSLY YOU GUYS DIDN'T WORK

IN TELEVISION.

>> A VERY INSIDE SEGMENT.

>> Chris: IT'S LIKE ANYWHERE BUTHERE AT COMEDY CENTRAL.

THE EXECUTIVES ARE VERY NICE.

I AM TALKING TO YOU, GARYMAN.

COMEIDANS, WHAT IS ANOTHERNETWORK NOTE FOR THE MUPPETS,

PAUL FEIG.

>> CAN YOU STEP INTO OUR OFFICEAND I WILL PUT MY HAND UP YOUR

ASS.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

JESSICA CHAFFIN.

>> DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONGWAY, IT'S JUST A SUGGESTION.

BUT IS PIGGY OPEN TO THE IDEA OFA TRAINER?

>> Chris: POINTS.

THAT IS THE END OF RAPIDREFRESH.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR OUR HASHTAGWARS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: IF THERE IS ONE THINGTHAT MUCH OF NERDDOM CAN AGREE

ON, IT'S THAT "MAD MAX FURYROAD" LOOKS SIIIIIICK.

THAT IS "SICK" WITH SIX Is.

BUT WAIT. I SENSE A DISTURBANCEIN THE FORCE.

APPARENTLY MEN'S RIGHTSACTIVISTS, OR GARBAGE PEOPLE AS

THEY A RE MORE COMMONLY KNOWN,ARE UPSET THAT THE FILM FEATURES

A STRONG FEMALE LEAD IN CHARLIZETHERON.

HEY, PAUL FEIG DIRECTOR OF OF"BRIDESMAID" AND THE UPCOMING

"GHOSTBUSTERS" REBOOT, DO YOUHAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH THIS

PHENOMENON.

>> NO! EVERYONE'S EXCITED ALLTHE TIME.

>> Chris: ALL THE TIME, TELLINGYOU WHAT A GREAT JOB YOU'RE

DOING.

>> EXPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY,THANKS FOR GIRLBUSTERS.

>> Chris: THESE GUYS ARE SOINSECURE.

THEIR MASCULINITY IS THREATENEDBY A FICTIONAL MOVIE CHARACTER.

REAL MEN ARE THREATENED BYWOMEN OR MEN OR MOVIES.

BUT WHO AM I TO JUDGE? I'M JUSTA GUY WITH A GREAT, LOVING

RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOM.

BY THE WAY, GUYS, MOMS ARE AFEMINIST PLOT.

DON'T FALL FOR IT!

COOKIES ARE SHACKLES, HUGS AREPRISON.

IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE.

>> I HOPE THEY ARE AT LEASTFIGHTING FOR WHITE MEN'S RIGHTS.

>> Chris: FINALLY, SOMEONE ISSTICKING UP FOR THE WHITE MAN.

>> EXACTLY, EXACTLY.

AMEN TO THAT.

>> Chris: PERSONALLY I THINKIT IS A GREAT IDEA TO PLAY

AROUND WITH AGENDA NEVER MOVIESAND VERY EXCITED FOR YOUR

"GHOSTBUSTERS" REBOOT, PAULFEIG.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Chris: BECUASE YOU'RE A FUNNYPERSON AND ALL THE PEOPLE

INVOLVED ARE FUNNY, I GUESS IWILL JUDGE IT AFTER I SEE IT

INSTEAD OF BEING A DICK [BLEEP]ABOUT IT BEFOREHAND.

>> THAT'S WHY WE LOVE THIS MAN.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> THAT SOUNDS REALLYREASONABLE.

>> Chris: THAT'S WHY DON'T'SHASHTAG IS #GENDERSWAPAMOVIE.

#GENDERSWAPAMOVIE.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE GUNS OFINDEARMENT.

OR BROTHERHOOD OF THE TRAVELINGKHAKIS.

MR. DOUBTFIRE.

OR PRETTY MAN -- STARRING ERICROBERTS.

I WANT TO PUT 60-SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND BEGIN.

YES, JESSICA.

>> WOLF-ERET.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

>> 12 ANGRY WOMEN WHO ALL GOTSHUTOUT OF THE SAME MOMMY AND

ME CLASS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

JAMIE.

>> CITIZEN KATELYN.

>> Chris: YES, SO GOOD.

PAUL FEIG!

>> BATMAN BEGINS HORMONEREPLACEMENT THERAPY.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

JESSICA.

>> THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS FORNOT TAKING ME BACK, YOU DICK.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

JAMIE.

>> THE GUY WITH THE TOTALLY NOTGAY DRAGON TATTOO.

>> Chris: POINTS. PAUL.

>> MENOPAUSAL MAX AND BEYONDTHUNDER FLOW.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

♪ WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HERO!

JAMIE.

>> PATTON... LEATHER PUMPS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

PAUL.

>> AVENGERS, BUT BLACK WIDOW HASA DECENT SIZE PART.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.EXCELLENT.

WELL DONE.

WELL DONE.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY ON MY WAY TOSTEAL YOUR GIRL.

ON MY WAY TO STEAL YOUR GIRL.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: HUH? HUH? OH. OH.

SO NICE.

>> OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

>> Chris: HANDS DOWN ONE OF THEBEST MEMES ON THE INTERNET IS

"ON MY WAY TO STEAL YOUR GIRL"PEOPLE POSTING RANDOM PICS

AND THEN WITH BALLER CONFIDENCEHASHTAGGING IT ON MY WAY TO

STEAL YOUR GIRL, LIKE THISPINEAPPLE PLAYA.

ON MY WAY TO STEAL YOUR GIRL!

AND IF THAT FAILS ON MY WAYTO IMPREGNATE THIS FRUIT.

SO COMEDIANS, WE'RE GOING TOSHOW YOU SOME PICS WE FOUND

SEARCHING ON MY WAY TO STEALYOUR GIRL AND FOR 250 POINTS,

YOU GIVE US AN ALTERNATIVE THINGTHAT THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO DO.

FIRST ONE, FIRST ONE, THIS CAKEBOSS.

WHERE'S HE OFF TO, JESSICA.

>> ON MY WAY TO GIVE YO' GIRLTYPE 2 DIABETES.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

NEXT ONE, THIS MACK ONMACKERELS.

ON MY WAY TO --

PAUL FEIG.

>> ON MY WAY TO TOTALLY RUINBATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN.

>> Chris: YES.

WELL DONE.

THE GAUNTLET IS LAID.

YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TAKING SUCH AABUSE! THEY'RE JUST SPINNING--

>> I AM GOING ALL OVER MY FELLOWDIRECTORS.

>> Chris: I LOVED IT EARLIERWHEN HE HAD A BONER IN THE

LOUNGE CHAIR.

>> IT'S MOVED TO HIS CALFAPPARENTLY.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, ON MY WAY TOSTEAL YOUR GIRL.

YES, JESSICA.

>> ON MY WAY TO MAKE A ROOM FULLOF VAGINAS FEEL DRYER THAN

THEY EVER HAVE BEEN.

>> Chris: POINTS.

NEXT ONE, THIS TOP GUNNER, THISTOP GUNNER -- ON MY WAY TO STEAL

YOUR GIRL.

JAMIE.

>> ON MY WAY TO MY DIVORCEPROCEEDINGS.

>> Chris: PAUL.

>> ON MY WAY TO A SUPERDISHONORABLE DISCHARGE.

>> Chris: YES.

>> ON THIS LADY'S LEG.

>> Chris: YES.

THERE YOU GO, POINTS, POINTS.

>> AY-OH!

>> Chris: I LIKE THAT THE BOWSTARTED BEFORE YOU FINSIHED

THE JOKE.

>> YOU GOTT TAKE IS WHERE YOUCAN GET IT.

>> Chris: LAST ONE, LAST ONE.

ON MY WAAAYYY TO SALE YOUR GIRL.

JESSICA.

>> ON MY WAY TO BECOMINGMEATBALLS AT IKEA.

>> Chris: YES.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME, HITOR QUIT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: THE INTERNET HAS MADEIT DIFFICULT FOR MUSICIANS TO

MAKE A LIVING. THAT'S WHY SOMANY DINOSAURS OF ROCK ARE STILL

OUT THERE PLAYING COUNTY FAIRSTO A PAY FOR THEIR HEART

MEDICATION AND BONER PILLS.

BUT LIVE PERFORMANCES AREFRAUGHT WITH PERIL.

COMEDIANS I AM GOING TO SHOW YOUTHE FIRST PART OF A VIDEO OF AN

AMATEUR BAND PERFORMING LIVE ANDFOR 250 POINTS I WANT YOU TO

TELL ME IF SOMEONE IN THE BANDGETS PHYSICALLY HIT OR QUITS.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE -- THESEHARDLY ROCKERS.

>> OH.

>> Chris: SPINAL TAP'S NEWFUSION JAZZ BAND.

>> OH FINALLY THEY'RE DOINGJAZZ.

>> Chris: HIT OR QUIT?

PAUL.

>> OH, BOY. OH, GOD.

YOU HAVE TO QUIT THAT BAND.

>> Chris: QUIT? ALL RIGHT. LET'SSEE

YOU CAN ONLY GO ON THAT KIND OFA JOB FOR SO LONG.

>> OH!

>> IT WAS JUST --

>> Chris: I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND!

YOU WOULD THINK THE OTHER GUYWOULD GO -- WOULD DEFEND HIS

FRIEND, BUT (BLEEP) IT, IFEVERYONE'S GOING TO HIT HIM.

>> IT WAS SO UNPROVOKED.

>> IT WAS SO PROVOKED.

>> Chris: WE DON'T KNOW WHATTHEY WERE PLAYING.

IT WAS MUSICALLY PROVOKED.

NEXT ONE.

DENBO IS ATTACKING THE BUZZER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, YES.

>> I MEAN THAT MAN CAN'T QUIT.

THAT'S ALL HE HAS.

HE GETS HIT... PROBABLY BY THATBABY.

>> Chris: LET'S SEE.

LET'S SEE.

>> OH, MY.>> NO ME GUSTA.

>> Chris: WHY DID THAT GUY HITDOUG BENSON WITH A CHAIR?

POOR DOUG.

>> DOUG LOVES SILENCE.

>> Chris: IT'S TIME FORSPOILER COOPER DRAPER PRICE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: WELL, THE MAD MENCOMEDY HOUR FINALE AIRS THIS

SUNDAY NIGHT, AND THE INTERNETIS LOUSY WITH CRAZY FAN THEORIES

ON HOW THE SERIES WILL END,INCLUDING MY PERSONAL

PREDICTION, DON DRAPER INVENTSTHE PHRASE "WHERE'S THE BEEF"

AND THEN WALKS INTO THE OCEAN.

IN ADVANCE OF THIS MOMENTOUS OFTV OCCASION I WANT YOU TO COME

UP WITH AS MANY BONKERSPREDICTIONS FOR THE FINALE AS

POSSIBLE IN 60-SECONDS, BEGIN.

PAUL.

>> DON AND ROGER JUST GET OVERIT AND (BLEEP) ALREADY.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

JESSICA.

>> DON WAKES UP IN A DUMPSTER,IT WAS ALL DREAM.

>> Chris: OKAY, POINTS.

DENBO.

>> ROGER LIVES FOR LIKE ANOTHER45 YEARS AND THEN MOVES TO

ALBUQUERQUE AND OVERDOSES ORBLUE METH.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

PAUL FEIG.

>> A DANCE OFF, CHRIS! A DANCEOFF.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS. IT HAS TO BE!

PAUL!

>> DON UNZIPS HIS FACE.

IT WAS WALTER WHITE THE ENTIRETIME!

>> Chris: YES! POINTS.

DENBO.

>> HARRY CRAINE PHOTOSHOPS HISDICK INTO A FUTRE AD FOR PRINCE

EDWARD ISLAND.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

FEIG.

>> IT'S BEEN REVEALED THAT DONDRAPE FILLS THE LIQUOR BOTTLES

WITH HIS OWN URINE.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS! THAT'LLSHOW 'EM.

CHAFFIN.

>> PETE CAMPBELLE REVEALS THATHE LIKES A FINGER IN HIS ASS

DURING SEX.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

I THINK WE KNEW THAT ALL ALONG.

PAUL.

>> PETE UNLEASHES ZOMBIE VIRUS,PROVING THIS SHOW IS A PREQUEL

TO "THE WALKING DEAD".

>> Chris: YES.

I BELIEVE IT.

POINTS.