May 9, 2016 - Aida Rodriguez

  • 05/09/2016

Donald Trump claims that Hillary Clinton enabled her husband's affairs, and Larry examines racial progress in America with Aida Rodriguez, Mike Yard and Franchesca Ramsey.

Yes!

Thank you very much.Thank you.

So kind. Please have a seat.

-Too kind. Welcome.-(applause & cheering continue)

Thank you very much.

Welcome to The Nightly Show.

You're too kind.

I am Larry Wilmore.

I am Larry Wilmore,and, uh, so, guys,

commencement season is upon us.

And at the historicallyblack University of Howard

this weekend, students heardsome uplifting words

from the nation's president.

He quoted some of history'sfinest academic scholars.

As Larry Wilmore pointed outlast week...

-(laughter)-What?!

(laughter, applause)

All right, Mr. President.

So you're quotingwhat I said last week now.

Oh, wait. No, no. Which part areyou quoting, Mr. President?

As Larry Wilmorepointed out last week,

a lot of folks didn't even think

blacks had the toolsto be a quarterback.

-Whew!-(laughter)

(sighs)

I'm glad he wentwith the quarterback part, man.

I thought he was gonna callthe entire graduating class

at Howard his...

-Well, let's just say I'm gladhe didn't do that. -(laughter)

That wouldn't have been good,man.

All right.

Oh, by the way, guys,okay, this is true.

Take a lookat how my name was listed

in an actual online transcriptof Obama's speech

that our staff foundthis morning. This is true.

-Okay.-(laughter)

"Larry Wal-Mart"?

Seriously?

A brother can't get any respect,even... Ugh.

By the way, incidentally,

Larry Wal-Mart is what I callmyself when I go scootin'.

Just saying.

(laughter)

You guys know I don't make anyof this up, right?

But believe it or not, Obama'sentire speech wasn't about me.

True. No, it's true.

It's hard to believe, I agree.

No, he laid out a caseto the students

of how much race relations haveimproved since he was in school.

In my inaugural address,

I remarkedthat just 60 years earlier,

my father might not have beenserved in a D.C. restaurant.

There were no black CEOsof Fortune 500 companies,

very few black judges.

Very few black judges?

Then who was settlingdog babysitter disputes

on syndicated afternoonlegal shows? Hmm?

-(laughter)-Hmm? Hmm?

I don't know.

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

Uh... (laughs)

But, uh... but truthfully,it was a very inspiring speech.

I mean, your firstblack president speaking

at an historically-blackuniversity.

He even talked aboutsome of the difficulties

in America surroundingblack identity,

and, uh... and gave themthis bit of advice.

Being confidentin your blackness.

Ooh. Man.

Go on all confidentin your blackness, man.

All right, well,how confident are we talking?

On a scale of Raven-Symonéto Nina Simone,

what are we looking at?

-(laughter and groaning)-Um, how much...?

I'm just...I'm just trying to get a...

But I have to say,

but the president's speechwas very moving,

uh, which means it didn't takelong for Fox News to hate it.

This is divisive.

If Mitt Romney had won,

and in the last yearof his presidency went to BYU,

and said, "Be confidentin your whiteness,"

people would say, "Whoa!Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."

(laughter)

Be confident in your whiteness?

Ugh. First of all,that is so stupid.

Why would Mitt Romney steal Fox & Friends' motto?

That doesn't make sense.

-(laughter and groaning)-Why would he do that?

-(applause and cheering)-He would never do that.

Uh...

And...

and why must you make me explainthis to you, Tucker Carlson?

(laughter)

Telling black graduates

to be confidentin their blackness is important

because our nation hashistorically told black people

to be ashamed of it.

White people don't needthat encouragement,

because before Obamawas ever president...

-(applause and cheering)-Right?

America always told them

they can hold positionsof power,

or ride in the front of busses,

or, for a few centuries there,own black people.

-(laughter and groaning)-That takes confidence.

Hmm?

I just don't understandhow Fox News doesn't get

that black people have hada different relationship

with this countrythan white people.

We turn now from Obama'sblackening of college students

to the Unblackeningof the White House.

All right,so Donald Trump's now trying

to get his pollsto rise with the ladies.

Wait. No.That didn't come out right.

-Um... I'm sorry.-(laughter)

Uh, he's-he's pollinga little soft with the women...

-No. Um... I'm sorry.-(laughter)

Donald Trump'supside-down with women...

-Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.-(laughter)

Now I can't get thatout of my head!

Aah! Aah!

Okay, Donald Trump is tryingto make the case

that he is the lady's man,not Hillary Clinton.

She's married to a manwho hurt many women.

In the history of politics,in the history politics,

Hillary Clinton's husbandabused women

more than any manthat we know of.

-Oh, my God.-(audience groaning & murmuring)

In the history of politics?

Not even U.S. history,

but Clinton's the worstin all world history?

Worse than Genghis Khan?

Hell, Idi Amin ate people.

(laughter and groaning)

And ISIS is technicallyin politics.

I hear they're not greaton women's issues, but, look...

But first of all, that's Bill.

You can't blame Hillary for herhusband's mistakes, can you?

And Hillary was an enabler.

-(groaning)-MAN: What?

If by "enabler," you mean"victim," then I think we agree.

And who is Donald Trumpto be lecturing anyone

on the treatment of women?

I mean, between Rosie O'Donnelland Megyn Kelly,

I wouldn't exactly sayhe's woke on feminism.

Well, here to explain himself,please welcome Donald Trump.

(applause and cheering)

Your viewers thank youfor having me, Larry.

(laughter)

By the way, happy Mother's Dayto all of the mothers out there,

except the unbelievably mean,nasty enabler ones.

Okay, see, see,that's what I'm...

That's... that iscompletely uncalled for.

So, listen, why are you blamingHillary Clinton

for what her husband did?

Larry, this electionis a clear choice

between someonewho treats women with class

-(laughter)-and those nasty...

horrible Clintons.

I mean, they're really nasty.I mean, they're terrible people.

I said that even backwhen I gave them lots of money.

-I mean, I gave them a lotof money. -Okay. All right.

Okay, how can you say that?

I don't know how that'scoming out of your mouth.

Look, you'reon your third marriage,

and in your book, you evenbragged about infidelities.

Because when your mistresses areas unbelievably hot as mine...

(laughter, groaning, shouting)

And they really are hot.

I mean, unbelievable.I mean...

You don't keep that to yourself.I'm not selfish.

This is whatI'm talking about! See?

I-I don't know how you can sayyou're better at treating women

than Hillary when you sayhorrible things like this.

-Excuse me, excuse me.-What? What?

I treat my wives horribly.

Okay? There's a difference.

(laughter, shouting, groaning)

But when they're not my wives,I treat them like queens.

I mean, every yearfor Christmas--

and I do mean Christmas,not holidays--

-What...-my mistresses and exes

get a box of Trump steaks...

-(laughter)-and a beautiful off-brand

flat-screen TV.

They're spoiled,they're spoiled.

I'm sure they appreciate it.

Look, but let's get backto Hillary.

How is she an enabler?

Isn't she the victimof her husband's infidelity?

I'll tell you whothe real victims are here--

Bill's mistresses.

I mean, do they get steaks?I don't think so.

-Okay?-(laughter)

And I could have gotten hima bulk discount.

Believe me,I'm very good at business.

-Okay?-Okay. This is insane.

Nobody wants a bulk discounton your steaks, all right?

And how can bringing all this upbe a good election strategy?

You've said horrible things

about every womanyou've come across. Everyone.

Not true, Larry.My daughter, Ivanka, okay?

(loud groaning, shouting)

I mean, it's likeGod created an angel,

an angel to have sex with.

-I mean, beautiful, beautiful.-Oh, that's... -(jeering)

Of course, we all knowI can't have sex with her,

obviously, because, you know,I'm running for president.

(laughter)

Okay, that iscompletely disgusting.

Donald Trump, everybody.We'll be right back.

(cheering, applause)

Welcome back.Thank you very much.

All right, guys,alarming medical news,

and, uh, no, theystill don't know what's going on

with my Halle Berry-shaped rash.

-(laughter)-They still don't know.

Uh... but it's, uh,it's growing on me.

Literally. Um...

but this medical newsis just as shocking.

Officials say almosta third of all antibiotics

prescribed in the U.S.are not necessary.

A new report from the CDC warnsunnecessary antibiotics

are leading to the riseof drug-resistant super bugs.

Ugh. Drug-resistant super bugs?

Ew! And they don't meanthe giant cockroaches

in my apartmentwho are addicted to meth.

(laughter)

They're talkingabout common diseases

that grow immune to antibiotics

due to doctorsoverprescribing them.

All right, I think we needto go straight to the source

to find out what's going on.

So time to look into our Nightly Show microscope, everybody.

And please welcome an antibiotic

and an antibiotic-resistantstrain.

(laughter, applause, whooping)

There we go.

Okay. So, Resistant Strain,

why are you so resistantto antibiotics?

I mean, me and Antibiotic used to be cool,

-Mm.-but then we grew apart.

Okay, but you used to beso effective together.

I mean, you could cure anything.

Yeah, girl!We got chemistry.

(laughter)

Literally!

Look, it's not personal.

I'm just havinga bad reaction to him.

Really? Uh...

uh, what happened?

Okay, at first,he was only prescribed for me.

-Right. -Now he'smessing around with everybody!

-Oh.-(laughter)

Bronchitis,

ear infections, STDs.

-Just nasty!-Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!

I'm out here helping people.I don't judge.

-(laughter)-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

You should.

But you know what?That's cool.

'Cause guess what,guess what, guess what.

Now I'm dating Azithromycin.

You messin' with Z-Pak?!

-Yep.-You messin' with Z-Pak?!

Yep.

Yep. And he's gotquite the Z-Pak. Ow!

-(laughter, applause)-Okay, guys...

guys...

guys, this-thisreally isn't helping.

You really...you have to work together.

How can I when every timethat trick Chlamydia calls,

-he goes running?-Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!

I'm an antibiotic, baby.

That's what I do.

There are other antibiotics.

Let Doxycycline take careof Chlamydia.

Uh, you know, Resistant Strainmakes a good point.

Why can't Doxycyclinecure Chlamydia?

-Thank you.-Because...

Doxy don't workwith Chlamydia no more.

-Really?-He and Chlamydia are through!

That's 'cause you guysare all overprescribed,

out there running in the streetsall the time

-with every damn body!-Okay, okay, okay.

But, Resistant Strain,if you're resistant,

then people can't get better.

Yeah, baby.

(laughter)

Stop resisting me.I'm just doing my job.

Your job? Then why are youmessing around with viruses!

Antibioticsdon't even cure viruses!

(stammering):But th... but th...

the patients, all right?

They all want me. They all belike, "Amoxicillin, I need you!"

All right, all right.

All right, calm down,guys, calm down.

Uh, I don't wantto take sides here,

but, Antibiotic,it does sound like... (laughs)

-Yeah.-What?

But it is...it's ridiculous, Larry.

I'm sorry.It's just funny to me.

But it does sound likeyou should be more picky

-with your drug interactions.-Why?

(laughter)

Everybody wants me.

-(laughter)-I'm a wonder drug.

-You gonna wonder why you alone!-Okay, stop it, you guys.

It's-it's not about you anymore!

People need you!They're getting sick!

Yeah. Come on, girl.

Can we at least be friendswith health benefits?

(laughter)

Well?

-Mmm? Mmm?-WILMORE: Mm?

Yeah. I mean,

-maybe you're right.-(chuckling): Oh, yeah. Oh...

-I can't resist you.-Uh-huh.

(laughter)

Actually, that's the problem!I can't!

You made me into a super bug!I don't want to be a super bug!

Now everybody's gonna die!

Okay, all right,I guess there's no hope.

Antibiotic and Resistant Strain,everybody!

-We'll be right back!-It's your fault!

(cheering, applause)

(whoops) Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.

(cheering, applause)

And Nightly Show contributorFranchesca Ramsey.

(cheering, applause)

And you can see her inthe short film Billy, out now.

And starting tomorrow night,May 10, she'll be appearing

at The Stand comedy clubright here in New York

through Sunday, May 15.Comedian-actress Aida Rodriguez.

-(cheering, applause)-Rodriguez.

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter-- @NightlyShowusing the hashtag #Tonightly.

All right, so, this pastSaturday-- we talked about it

earlier-- Obama was thecommencement, uh, speaker

at Howard University.As everyone knows,

Howard is a historically,uh, black college.

And in his speech Obama said...

America is, by almost everymeasure, better than it was

when I graduated from college.And stay with me, now.

Race relations are better

since I graduated.

-(Yard laughs) -See, Obama knewsome people would question that.

-He goes, "Stay with me, now."-YARD: Exactly.

So... so, he kind ofposed that as a question

that there might besome thoughts about.

So, my question is haverelat... have race relations

gotten better or worsesince 1983, in your estimation?

-I...-For Obama. -Exactly.

-Uh, 'cause he's president? -ForObama. Yeah, he's president.

-It got really good for him.-Mm-hmm. Overall?

Overall, it's beengreat for Obama.

He's the firstblack president, yeah.

'Cause I-I know Obama wastalking about Obama.

-YARD: My sentiments exactly.-But what about

the rest of us, Obama?

I think it's gotten easierto talk about the issues,

especially becauseof social media.

Like, in 1983all you had was, like,

a very special episodeof 227. You know? Like...

Now we can actuallytalk about...

Or it was probably Diff'rent Strokes, but I agree.

-Right, right. -You know?Those were the places

that we talked about racialissues, but now you can get on

Twitter and you can kind ofconfront these things head-on.

Yeah. I mean, I'm with you.I... It depends on

who you're talking to.Some people might say

that it's better, you know?My man Boo Bop will tell you no,

it's not. Depending onwho you're talking to.

Trayvon Martin will say,"Nah, we need work."

You know what I mean? Depends onwho you're talking to,

that's it. Becausewe're still marching, aren't we?

-Yeah.-Mm-hmm. In what way

do you think it's gotten worse?

I don't know that it's gottenworse. I just think that

it's still the same. I mean,you know, listen, we still

got to have a Black Lives Mattermovement in America.

That's still necessary, to saystop "shooting black people".

-(cheering, applause)-That's necessary, still.

So... I-I'll play optimiston this one.

I'll tell you howI think it's gotten better.

When my grandmother came herefrom Puerto Rico in the '50s

she came right into the middleof the Civil Rights Movement.

And if somebodydid something to her

she would have to tolerate itand just keep going.

Now, somebody does something tome, I can beat that ass, right?

So, I-I thinkit's gotten better.

-Yeah.-I think it's gotten better.

Right. For... The ability tobeat that ass has gotten better.

-YARD: Oh, yeah.-Yes. -Yeah.

-YARD: To beat that asswith different repercussions.

Obama president,Aida beating that ass...

Well, we have two things...Uh, yeah, I think...

I think that the media, uh,holds people more accountable

now than they used to.And I think that's because

we see things more now.The... You almost have to.

I don't know,I think social media

-holds people more accountable.-Yes. -Yes. -Social media, yes.

Not the media. The media neverdoes their (bleep) job.

I'm sorry.

-(cheering, applause)-Now...

So, do you...Like, I think, like, uh,

when you look at Fergusonand a lot of the things

that have happenedthe past couple years, to me,

that exposes what's been thereand people haven't seen

-more than things getting worse.-I think it's also...

-Would you agree with that?-I think... Well, I think that

it's exposed to things thatwe already knew, and it's

-exposed it to people who maybedidn't... -That some people

-already knew. -YARD:That black people already knew.

Black people knew, but therewere lots of white people

who had never seenthat sort of stuff before.

-But I will say...-WILMORE: They're like, "What?!"

They'd be so shocked--"Oh, my God!"

I'm like, "That (bleep)just happened last Tuesday."

-It happens every week.Where have you been? -But I...

But I will say, on the positiveside, I do think that

those movements have mobilizeda lot of people and made them

-feel like their voicesmean something. -Right.

I mean, as we even look atFerguson, they have their first,

uh, black police chief nowand I think that a lot of that

is people being inspiredto actually get out there

and make their voicesheard, so...

-I think Black Lives Matterdid it. -(cheering, applause)

-Yeah, give it to 'em.-YARD: Yeah, definitely.

Do... What do you think Obamameant when he said

"be confidentin your blackness"?

What do you thinkhe meant by that?

-Oh, God. -He meantit's not going anywhere,

so embrace that (bleep).

(cheering and applause)

-Everywhere you go,you're gonna be reminded, -Yeah.

-so hold onto it.-Yeah. -I'm hoping

that it's gonna be the titleof his, like, tell-all memoir.

-Uh-huh. -Like, "I hadto keep my blackness hidden

for seven years. Last year,I just, like, let it all out."

-Yeah.-I mean... That's what I'm h...

I'm hoping that white peopleare gonna need a decoder ring

to read that book. Like,it's gonna just really be, like,

-super black and just for us.-Yeah. Do you think he was...

"Super black."It's gonna start, like, "Word!"

I know. Right.Do you think he was talking

about self-esteem,like the issues of identity?

-That type of thing?-I-I think all of the above.

And, um... And I...and I always... You know, I have

to clarify on the showevery time, 'cause people ask me

-why am I weighing inon this subject. -Sure.

I'm Puerto Rican.I'm a diaspora Negro.

-I say that every time I comehere. -I love that term.

-It's true, 'cause you... Yeah.-Because it's true.

And unfortunately, a lotof people don't-don't see that.

-But it's so true. -I'mat the intersection of blackness

-and Latino culture in-inmy Puerto Rican-ness. -Yes.

But I think... So many peoplehave looked to Obama to say it.

So many people have been waitingfor him to say,

"It's okay to be black."There's been such great penalty

for him to say things like that.When he did...

talked about Trayvon Martin,there was such great penalty.

Finally he just said,"(bleep) it. Yo!

-"Check it out!-Yeah.

-I love me! Love yourself!"-Right.

I think... I think, also,he was speaking to the fact...

And a lot of people...People get bent out of shape

-about that. Like,white folks are like, -They do.

"W-Well, you're being divisivewhen you say that."

-Why-why do you think they saythat? -I think because

they don't understand what itmeans. They think it's some kind

of call to arms or something,to embrace your blackness.

Like, "Oh, (bleep).They're getting ready to start

-the race war." No. All it means-Yeah.

is embrace the fact thatyou have a unique experience

-in America that you can pullstrength from. -Sure.

We've had to strugglefrom day one in this country,

-and we're still here.And we're still fighting. -Yeah.

So embrace that.And stand on the shoulders

of those people that fought.And-and push the ball

-further up the hill. That's allhe's saying. -And Obama...

-Yeah. And he is a... Yeah.-(cheering and applause)

And to me, when I... when I readObama and I look at him,

he's a very, uh, uh,

"don't blame things" t-typeof person, too.

So I think a lot of...a lot of what he's saying is,

"Don't use anythingas an excuse, too.

Embrace your blackness,use it as a tool."

-A positive...-For marginalized people to say,

"I'm going to love myselfin spite of a world that says

I shouldn't love myself," yes,that is a revolutionary act.

-Absolutely. -Right. Yes.-(cheering and applause)

I like how they take Obamasaying that as a... as a...

-as dividing the country.Like... -Yes. -Yeah.

-Like, this is where it started,with Obama saying that. -Right.

Like, have you beento a Trump rally? Have you seen

a Klan meeting? I mean,I know that's redundant.

But have you... You know whatI mean? This country is divided.

-It is divided.-It's been divided. -Yeah.

All right. We'll be right backright after this.

-I'm gonna draw up my own...-(cheering and applause)

YARD: If you live in the New York City area or are planning

to visit, grab free tickets to The Nightly Show.

-(cheering and applause)-All right!

Thanks to my panelists,Mike Yard, Franchesca Ramsey,

and Aida Rodriguez. Andspecial thanks to Bob DiBuono

-as Donald Trump for being here.Uh... -(cheering and applause)

Yeah. Now, we're almost outof time. But before we go,

I'm gonna keep it 100.

Keep It 100. All right,tonight's question

is from an audience membernamed Jeremy.

All right, let's take a look.

Hey, Larry. If you could bringPrince and MJ back from the dead

but it meant that you hadto vote for Donald Trump

in the general election,would you do it? Keep it 100.

Um, those guys hada really good run.

(laughing):Hell no.

Sorry. I can still listento their music!

I am not letting Trump inby any means necessary.

Thanks for watching!Good Nightly, everyone!

Yeah! See? Challenge me!