Thursday, March 27, 2014

  • 03/27/2014

Megan Neuringer, Ben Kronberg and Greg Proops come up with #BadBooze, watch sports fans dance on the jumbotron and list unappealing Airbnb listings.

SECONDS.

THIS HAPPENED ON YOUTUBE TODAY.

FORMER CHILD STAR AND ONLY

LIVING COREY, COREY FELDMAN,

OFFICIALLY RELEASED A NEW VIDEO.

(LAUGHTER)

NOT A DIRECT-TO-VIDEO VIDEO,

BUT A NEW MUSIC VIDEO FROM HIS

UPCOMING ALBUM "ANGELIC TO THE

CORE."

THIS IS WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE.

THE VIDEO FEATURES THIS AWKWARD

OPENING "I LOVE LUCY" SKETCH

TO KEEP IT CURRENT.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN COREY BUSTING SOME

MOVES.

THERE'S SOME KIND OF MICHAEL

JACKSON/CRISPIN GLOVER HYBRID,

NOT 100% SURE WHAT'S GOING ON.

WE'RE NOT SENSING ANY IRONY

WHATSOEVER IN THIS VIDEO.

GUYS, COREY FELDMAN

WAS IN "GREMLINS."

REMEMBER WE LOVED HIM IN

"GREMLINS?"

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

REMEMBER?

AND THEN THEY FED HIM AFTER

MIDNIGHT AND THEN THIS HAPPENED.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS SONG IS CALLED "DUH" WHICH

APPARENTLY WE ARE TOLD STANDS

FOR "DONE UNDER HALO," WHICH HAS

A MEANING WE HAVE NOT YET

ARRIVED UPON.

IT'S LOCKED IN COREY'S HEAD.

WON'T YOU TELL US YOUR SECRETS,

COREY FELDMAN?

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN TAKE US TO SEE A BODY

IN THE WOODS.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

GUYS, THIS IS THE NAME OF THE

SONG.

WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO COME UP

WITH A BETTER ACRONYM TITLE FOR

COREY FELDMAN'S MEGA HIT.

MEGAN NEURINGER, GO.

>> YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE

WHOLE SONG AND REALLY HEAR HIS

VOICE, BUT IT'S "ISHCMTBS,"

WHICH MEANS "I SHOULD HAVE

CLEARED MY THROAT BEFORE

SINGING."

(LAUGHING)

>> Chris: YES, ABSOLUTELY, IF

YOU LISTEN TO THE SONG

THAT WILL MAKE MORE SENSE.

BEN KRONBERG.

>> I LIKE THE WORD "DUH,"

BUT I THOUGHT "DOESN'T

UNDERSTAND HALOS."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

IT MAKES MORE SENSE BECAUSE HE

DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HALOS ARE.

>> Chris: HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

HALO OR HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

THE GAME "HALO," WORKS BOTH

WAYS.

GREG PROOPS.

>> I WENT GERMAN ON THIS ONE

AND I SAID "DEAD UN ARRIVEN."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: EXCELLENT START, IT'S

TIME TO BEGIN "@MIDNIGHT."

#HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AS I MENTIONED, THE PHILADELPHIA

BREWERY IS MAKING BEER USING

GOAT BRAINS IN HONOR OF THE

WALKING DEAD, BECAUSE YOU KNOW

WALKING DEAD HAS ALL THE GOAT

BRAINS ON IT.

WITH THAT IN MIND, TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS #BADBOOZE.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE "LOWER

MANHATTANS" OR "SLIPPERY

SUPERFLUOUS NIPPLES" OR

"MILLER VIETNAM DRAFT."

(LAUGHTER)

I'LL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK, AND GO!

MEGAN.

>> HIV-POSITIVE BLOODY MARYS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: THE CROWD IS

SUPPORTING IT.

I WILL GIVE IT POINTS.

BEN.

>> MINT JEW LIPS.

(LAUGHTER)

JEW LIPS.

COME ON.

>> Chris: GREG PROOPS, CAN YOU

PLEASE COMPLETE THE TRIFECTA

OF OFFENSIVENESS?

>> SURE: PABST SMEAR.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: WELL DONE.

A DELICIOUS CHERRY ON TOP

FOR POINTS.

MEGAN NEURINGER.

>> THIS IS GOING TO REALLY

DIVIDE PEOPLE, BUT "SHIRLEY

TEMPLE GRAVE JUICE."

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Chris: HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER!

(LAUGHTER)

BEN.

>> SCHLONG ISLAND ICED TEA.

>> Chris: SCHLONG ISLAND ICED

TEA?

>> SCHLONG ISLAND ICED TEA.

>> Chris: I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS

FOR THAT.

PROOPS.

>> I SEE YOUR SCHLONG ISLAND

ICED TEA AND I'LL SAY

"PENAL COLONIC."

(LAUGHTER)

>> ♪ IF YOU LIKE PENAL

COLONICS... ♪

>> Chris: YOU GOT BOTH WORDS,

EXCELLENT.

>> ♪ YOU BETTER (BLEEP) ON ME

>> ♪ WHEN YOU WOULD OPEN UP

YOUR JEW LIPS

IT'S HIV BLOODY MARY... ♪

>> Chris: ARE YOU NOW SINGING

"ESCAPE (THE PINA COLADA SONG)"

WITH ALL THE SUBMISSIONS

FROM THE GAME?

>> YEAH, THAT WAS THE IDEA.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: THAT IS THE END OF

(CHEERING)

CROWDS ARE SUPER JUMBO FIRED UP

FOR MARCH MADNESS.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A SHORT

CLIP OF A FAN DANCING, AND YOUR

JOB IS TO NAME THAT DANCE.

FIRST UP, WE HAVE AN IMPROMPTU

DANCE-OFF BETWEEN THIS YOUNG

PISTONS FAN AND AN USHER.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

HOW DID IT END?

I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS.

MEGAN NEURINGER.

>> THAT TIME WE BRIEFLY FORGOT

THAT WE LIVED IN DETROIT.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: DAMN!

POINTS!

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN YOU PLAY BON JOVI ON THE

EAST COAST, YOU KNOW IT'S GOING

TO BE A WINNER, SO CHECK THIS

KID OUT.

>> ♪ WE GOTTA HOLD ON

TO WHAT WE GOT... ♪

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: MEGAN NEURINGER.

>> THE "LIVING ON A PRAYER

THAT I WILL ONE DAY HAVE SEX."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: WELL, IF YOU LOOK

REALLY CLOSELY HE'S ABOUT TO

(BLEEP) THAT POLE RIGHT THERE.

>> THAT'S NOT CONSENSUAL.

>> Chris: IT'S NOT CONSENSUAL.

>> IT DOESN'T COUNT!

>> OH MY GOD!

>> Chris: NEXT ONE: HOW ABOUT A

LITTLE BELLY DANCE ACTION, GUYS?

HERE'S A LITTLE BELLY DANCE.

(LAUGHING)

>> Chris: PROOPS.

>> THE UN(BLEEP)ABLE WHITE

GUY?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: YEAH, I'LL GIVE YOU

POINTS BUT I BEG TO DIFFER.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF PLACES

TO STICK IT IN THERE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT IS THE END

OF JUMBOTRON DANCE-OFF.

I KNOW, I'M SAD TO SEE IT GO.

MAN, THIS SHOW NEEDS

A JUMBOTRON DANCE-OFF SO PEOPLE

IN THE AUDIENCE CAN BE LIKE...

(CHEERING)

"#HASHTAGWARS!"

(APPLAUSE)

I THINK I JUST THREW

MY DICK OUT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> YOU SHOULD RECYCLE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: 100 POINTS!

(APPLAUSE)

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

IS THERE A VERY SMALL DOCTOR

IN THE HOUSE?

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE NAMES

OF TWO EVENTS AND YOU HAVE TO

GUESS WHICH ONE IS THE ACTUAL

EVENT WE FOUND ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

THE FIRST ONE:

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

ONE OF THESE IS REAL.

PROOPSY?

>> I'M GOING TO SAY "OI GAY,

EXCLAMATION POINT."

>> Chris: NO, THE CORRECT ANSWER

IS "JEWLICIOUS FESTIVAL X."

>> WHAT HAPPENS?

>> Chris: IF YOU'RE WONDERING

WHAT THE JEWLICIOUS FESTIVAL IS,

IT'S SOMETHING THAT USES

WAY TOO MANY HASHTAGS.

>> I MUST HAVE FORGOT TO BLOW

OUT MY MENORAH BECAUSE WHEN I

WOKE UP, I WAS COVERED IN

BEATCHES.

(LAUGHING)

>> WHAT CIRCUM-SIZE IS THAT

FONT?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: 100 POINTS TO GREG

AND 100 POINTS TO BEN.

WELL, ON THAT NOTE,

THE NEXT ONE IS EITHER:

(LAUGHTER)

BEN KRONBERG.

>> THAT ONE?

>> Chris: YOU THINK IT'S THE

TANTRIC MASTURBATION ONE?

LET'S FIND OUT.

HOW TO GIVE A WORLD-CLASS BJ!

>> YUCK, YUCK.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: JUST SPEAKING

ON BEHALF OF GUYS, LADIES, THIS

DOES NOT EQUAL "WORLD CLASS."

>> WHAT IS THAT?

>> HOW DO THEY KNOW IT'S

"WORLD CLASS" AND NOT JUST LIKE,

YOU KNOW, "ARGENTINA GOOD?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: POINTS.

"CRASH AT MY PLACE."

(APPLAUSE)

THANKS TO AIRBNB, YOU CAN TURN

ANY APARTMENT INTO AN ILLEGAL

HOTEL ROOM.

DON'T BELIEVE ME?

HERE'S A REAL LISTING.

"BDSM B&B HOMESTAY DUNGEON."

>> WHOA!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: THAT'S MAYBE NOT

A ROOM YOU WANT TO SEE

UNDER A BLACK LIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> OR THAT'S ALL YOU WANT

TO SEE IT UNDER.

A CONNOISSEUR.

>> Chris: I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME

AIRBNB LISTINGS THAT NO SANE

PERSON WOULD RESPOND TO.

I'LL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK, AND GO.

MEGAN.

>> FRESH SHEETS AND (BLEEP)S.

>> Chris: POINTS!

BEN.

>> D AND D B AND B.

>> Chris: B AND D...

OH, D AND D, B AND B!

>> DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS BED AND

BREAKFAST!

>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS.

PROOPSY.

>> NOT A HOSTEL, JUST FULL

OF RANDOM SCANDINAVIANS.

>> Chris: POINTS!

MEGAN.

>> THIS BED WILL CRIPPLE YOU.

>> Chris: POINTS.

GREG PROOPS.

>> CRACK HOUSE ADJACENT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS FOR GREG

PROOPS.

BEN KRONBERG.

>> PRIVATE ROOM WITH TV THAT

ONLY HAS STATIC AND NEVER SHUTS

OFF.

NO SMOKING.

>> Chris: YEAH, POINTS.

MEGAN.

>> IT'S NOT A HALFWAY HOUSE.

IT'S A HALFWAY HOME.

>> Chris: POINTS.

PROOPS.

>> FORMER PALACE OF THE KING OF

THE PIG PEOPLE.

>> Chris: POINTS!

AND THAT IS THE... POINTS, YES.

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